He sat there, holding the controls tighter than anything before. His heart was in his throat, his stomach doing somersaults while his blood pounded in his ears. The cold wind blew against his face, reminding him of the icy death that was soon to come.

"Peggy," he called out, the aircraft shaking violently around him. "This is my choice... Tell her that for me," Steve said, his heart beating so fast and hard against his ribs. He wanted to throw up, the fear rattling through every nerve. Steve knew Peggy would know who he meant and that she would do it for him. "Also," he remembered, "that the spear key is under the plant pot, she'll know what it is when she sees it," Steve told her, remembering what he had set up before he had come out here, just in case… just in case he didn't make it, which now looked like he would.

"I will," Peggy replied, her voice breaking slightly and he knew then that she was crying. Steve pulled his compass out of his pocket and placed it open in front of him. A black and white picture of Maria placed in it, her smile calming him in this moment of fear. He wanted to remember her face, remember how her smile brightened up his day. He wanted to remember every detail of Maria, knowing he was never going to see her again.

"Peggy," Steve called out, waiting for a reply as he stared out the front window. Out to where he would meet his death. It frightened him to his core... However he knew he was doing it for the right reason. He was saving so many people. His life was worth it if it saves so many others, Maria's life.

"I'm here," Peggy replied.

"Thank you, for-" and he was gone.

"Steve?" She called down the radio. "Steve?" She asked again, knowing he wasn't going to reply. "Steve?" She asked one last time, tears running down her face as she did. She bent over slightly, resting her head in her arms as she listened to the static over the radio.

Maria laughed with the bartender as she placed the empty tray on the bar. He took it, smiling with happiness shining in his eyes.

"Maria, you and the group are up in two," Charles the manager reminded her, walking past the bar.

"Ok, I'll be right there," Maria said, turning to look at him. She was the leader of this night's entertainment; she just hoped that the show would run smoothly.

"Maria Wilson-Hill?" Someone asked from behind her. She turned to see two soldiers standing before her. Her heat stopped; dread hitting her like a train.

"What's it to you?" Maria asked going on the defence, a whole bunch of reason as to why these men where here rushing through her mind. One of the main reasons was that they had discovered who she was. Yet something, a small voice in the back of her head screamed his name, Steve.

"We were wondering if we could have a quick word with you?" The other man, blonde, asked her. She nodded before turning around to Charlotte.

"Can you cover me?" Maria asked. Charlotte looked behind Maria to the soldier's before nodding with a polite smile.

"Of course," she replied, looking back at Maria, who just nodded and turned back to the soldiers.

"We can talk in the back," Maria said and led the way. It was the best room for the situation. There was the back down that opened into the alley, easy escape and far enough away from the crowds of the night but not too far. Once inside the blonde soldier shut the door and Maria turned to face them.

"What's this about then?" Maria asked, the tension eating away at her. The soldiers glanced at each other, faces full of guilt, before finally the black haired one spoke up.

"We regret to inform you that Captain Steven Rogers was killed in action last Thursday," he told her. It was now Monday and Maria hadn't been told, moreover the newspapers hadn't found out yet. The words came to her like a punch in the stomach. Actually it was more like a train had hit her right in the heart and lungs, knocking the breath out of her.

"We are sorry for your lost," the blonde then spoke up and Maria took a deep breath, nodding ever so slightly.

"Thank you... I'm sure you can find your way back out," she said, gesturing to the door and they did. The second the door shut Maria broke down, her shoulders hunching as she choked out painful tears. She turned slightly, her hands coming down on one of the boxes behind her to steady herself on her shaking knees.

Her knees felt weak and her heart felt like it had been torn in two. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, and moreover she couldn't believe their words. Yet, they wouldn't lie to her. She tried to take a deep breath but it was shaky and she ended up choking.

She glanced at the door that went back to the bar as laughter and music sounded from it, people trying to forget that the war was still on. She then looked back at the back door.

Her escape.

She moved as quickly as her weakening knees would allow her, her mind not thinking just doing. She got out into the alley, slamming the door shut behind her. She then pressed her back against the cool metal door, taking in a deep breath of fresh air, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She didn't know how, but she managed to get to her apartment even when her vision was blurred with tears.

The second the door was shut, Maria's knees gave way and she landed down on the hard wooden floor. She leaned back against the door, taking in a deep of breath as her lungs would allow her as her heart shattered, piece by piece into a thousand.

She didn't sleep that night, or the night after that, thoughts of Steve plaguing her dreams, which now where turning into nightmares.

This is why she didn't allow herself to be close to anyone. She couldn't go through the heart ache of losing them. It broke her down ever time, more and more each time. She couldn't go through it again, couldn't go through losing someone so close to her. She had loved Steve and now he was gone.

She hated herself for allowing herself to love again, being blinded by that feeling of being needed, of being loved. It always ended in someone getting hurt and this time it was her. She couldn't put her heart through it again, not anymore.

Love was wrong, for her it was anyway.

Right then she decided that she wouldn't allow herself to love ever again.

Wow, it's been a while since i updated and i'm sorry. I want to take this time to say thank you for the reviews and that they mean a lot to me. Tell me what you thought about this chapter.