A/N:

To Destiny001, my first reviewer. Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I'm glad you're enjoying it, and I really hope you continue to do. It is indeed a sad story, because Rush is simply a sad person. There will be softer moments of joy, though. Please enjoy the update(s). P.S. I've been reading End of Silence, and I hope you update soon also :)

Chapter 5

It was dinner time in the Mess. Because the room could only hold about thirty people at once, slightly more if they squished, every meal had to be done in shifts. Everett was usually present for each shift unless something more pressing had his attention. Tonight, the only thing he was worried about was standing against the wall two tables away in the semi-company of Lieutenant Scott and Chloe. A small notebook was open in his hand, but Rush wasn't even looking at it. He was gazing around the room, not settling his eyes on any one thing for more than a second. Doctors Volker and Brody were at the table next to Young with Greer and Doctor Park and some others. The room was alive with electric excitement; everyone was practically giddy with knowing they'd be home soon. In spite of what he knew, Everett allowed some of the joy to seep into him and he found himself feeling less depressed than he was earlier. The atmosphere was contagious.

Becker began passing around the rations. Everett saw Chloe take hers with a polite thanks, but then she made a face when Becker turned his back. "I am craving nachos," she said to Matt with a grin.

Scott raised his metal mug. "To nachos," he toasted, and everyone at the table echoed and clinked.

Camille sidled up next to Everett. She had a small smile, as she usually did, and she looked at him with her head slightly tilted. "Colonel," she greeted him cordially.

He nodded. "Camille."

She looked approvingly at the happy faces surrounding them. "I still can't believe it's actually happening."

"I know. It's like a dream come true." Or a waking nightmare, depending on what you're talking about.

Turning to him again, she asked quietly, "What is this meeting you've called for in the gate room?"

He shook his head. "That will be explained in the gate room."

"I hope it's good news," she said, and he felt his stomach lurch. "It doesn't have anything to do with getting us home, does it?"

He could sense the worry in her voice. He couldn't blame her. Glancing at Rush, who was watching him, he shook his head. "No, everything is still on course for home. This is something…else."

She seemed uneasy, but satisfied that her biggest concern was dismissed. "Okay. Care to explain?"

"No."

She was used to that. She walked away, shrugging.

At the next table, Chloe stretched her arms above her head and fidgeted. "I can't believe that in just over a month from today, we'll actually be back on our own Earth, breathing our own air!"

There were several cheers, followed by a very inappropriate snort from the general direction of Dale Volker, sitting at Chloe's back. Chloe turned to him. He kept his eyes on his crossword puzzle, saying, "I'm not counting on that."

Chloe frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He took a swig from his cup. "I just mean that I wouldn't get your hopes up."

"Why not?"

"Because." He finally turned to look at her. "I mean, this isn't the first time we've been told there was a planet nearby we could dial Earth from."

Silence. Friction.

"Are you saying Nick is lying?" Chloe asked incredulously.

"He's done it before."

Everett flashed his eyes to Rush, who had lowered his notebook. He could see the doctor's eyes narrow and his jaw tighten.

Dale seemed to realize that everyone was listening to him now, and he lowered his voice. "I'm just saying that when our only hope of getting home rests on the shoulders of a man who doesn't want to go, the prospects are pretty grim. Until I actually walk through a Stargate and see Earth on the other side, I'm going to take it with a grain of salt."

His statement was met with some murmurs of agreement from hidden places around the room.

"What is your problem?" Chloe snapped. "Eli looked over the data and confirmed it. The planet is there."

Volker shrugged. "Sure, the planet is there. But who's to say whether we'll make it? We might mysteriously run out of power, or the course might inexplicably change, or the data might suddenly show that the planet isn't what we thought after all. Any number of things might happen."

"Why would he do that?" Chloe challenged.

"Why does he do anything?"

Chloe gaped at him. Even Matthew, at her side, stared at Volker in disbelief. Chloe drew a breath and prepared to speak, but Rush beat her to it.

"You know I can hear you."

Dale, it was clear, did not seem to realize that fact until Rush said it, but he calmly took another drink from his mug and said, "I know."

Rush pushed away from his wall and approached Dale. Young, on instinct, stood from his own seat in preparation to intervene, but Rush kept him back with an outstretched hand. Standing and Volker's side, Rush said, "All right. Talk to me, Mr. Volker. Don't talk about me. Just what are you accusing me of?"

Dale, either intimidated or emboldened, rose to meet him. "I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm just saying that there's a track record here that doesn't demand a lot of trust in you."

To the nods and hums throughout the Mess, Rush crossed his arms. "I don't recall making any decisions recently that cannot be directly credited with getting us within a month of Earth. Perhaps you would like to enlighten me?"

Volker shrugged. "Sure, we've made it this far. But my point is that there's usually a reason you have ulterior motives."

Rush snorted and looked artificially impressed. "Excellent tautology, Mr. Volker, but would you care to ground your argument in actual facts?"

Volker seemed to get braver, and he got in Rush's face. "All right, here's a fact: you were the one who trapped us here in the first place."

Rush half scoffed, half smirked. "Still bitter about that, I see."

Volker huffed. "You did it to satisfy your own curiosity. You always do things for your own ends, and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Whether or not that was true, Everett felt that it was very unfair in this context. Chloe actually growled at him. "How do you know there is another shoe?" she asked.

"Because there always is. When has he ever done anything for someone other than himself?"

When they were silent, Dale raised his eyebrows, and Everett cringed. The idiot was actually asking for an example. Rush said nothing, but Chloe answered, "He saved me from the aliens."

Dale snorted. "Okay."

Chloe screwed up her face. "What do you mean, okay? Okay what?"

Dale raised a hand and seemed to try to correct himself. "No, no, that's not what I meant. Saving you from the aliens was fine, but it didn't cost him anything. Chloe, what your father did was heroic."

"Don't talk about my father."

"Look, all I'm saying is that Rush didn't really sacrifice anything by going back to get you."

Dale Volker, ladies and gentlemen.

The look on Chloe's face was priceless. It was like she had never seen anyone quite as stupid as the brilliant astrophysicist in front of her. She rose, standing very close to Rush. "Are you serious right now? He sacrificed plenty. Destiny was firing on the alien ship while we were still on it. He took the time to find me, and he made sure I was still with him every single step. At any time the ship could have been destroyed, or they could have retreated, and we would have been lost forever! He had enough time to save himself but he couldn't possibly know he had enough time to save me. But he did it anyway."

"But there was no danger to him," Volker said. He addressed Rush now. "The aliens weren't going to kill you. They were going to let you go anyway, otherwise they wouldn't have bothered with the transmitter. You didn't have to worry about getting back to Destiny."

"Is there a point to all this?" Rush shouted. Everett saw Chloe place a hand on his shoulder and noted how Rush did not shake it off.

"My point is that there must have been another reason you saved Chloe, just as there are probably other reasons that you are taking us to that planet." Dale actually looked guilty as he said it.

This had gone far enough. Too far, if he was honest. Everett approached the combatants. "Volker-"

Rush did not back down, silencing Young's protest with a hand. "And so what if there was another reason, Mr. Volker? Does it make my decision wrong? Does it make the outcome unacceptable? Does it cast doubt on my feelings about Chloe or anyone else?"

Volker snorted. "Well, it might, depending on what the other reason was!"

"Why don't you explain then? What other reason would I possibly have?"

Volker threw up his hands. "How should I know? Maybe you knew what the aliens did to her and thought she'd come in handy later on. Maybe you knew how everyone else felt about you and you thought saving her would repair your reputation."

"Yes, because that obviously worked so well," Rush spat. "Let me ask you something. Imagine for a moment that you're on Earth and you're walking down the street. Up ahead you see another person walking down the same street, and all of a sudden, a car hits him from nowhere and speeds away. You're alone. What do you do?"

Volker scoffed. "I'd help them."

"Why?"

Dale looked surprised, and mildly disgusted. "Because it's the right thing to do!"

"Fine," said Rush, "but you must have another reason for doing it because there's no danger to you. The car is long gone. So why bother?"

Volker opened his mouth to reply, then fell silent as he realized what Rush was saying.

Rush nodded. "Yeah." He pushed Dale out of his way and stormed for the exit. Young reached out to take his arm, but he wrenched away. "Tell them," he growled, and he was gone.

Young walked up to Chloe's side and looked at Volker. "Well. I hope you're impressed with yourself."

Dale gave a smile and a laugh, as if he were trying to cover his embarrassment, which only made Everett squint at him. "Colonel, look, I didn't mean to cause a scene."

"Next time keep your mouth shut. Understand?"

"Yeah, fine, but c'mon, that guy is really not-"

"That guy," Everett cut in, quietly, "is not well."

Volker gave a snort. "We have known that."

"Volker," Everett said. He did not smile. He did not laugh. He stared at Dale and said, "He is not well."

Volker seemed to gain a small understanding of what the colonel was trying to imply. His grin faded away. "What...what do you mean, he's not well?"

The others were listening. Everett stepped back to address the whole room, locking his hands behind his back and holding his chin up to appear strong. "Everyone, I need you to listen to me. I was going to address this tonight in the gate room, and I will again for those who aren't here right now." He made a slow sweep with his eyes. Took a breath. "Doctor Rush is very sick." There were gasps, murmurs, and collective looks of confusion. "He has contracted the disease brought here by the alien insect. Don't worry, his condition is not dangerous to us, and this will not affect our plan to get home. But he is getting worse, and to be completely honest with you, he won't get better. He...will not make it back to Earth."

You could have heard a fly sneeze. The room was absolutely silent, and every eye was wide, every mouth fallen open or covered with hands. Volker had gone ghost-white.

Chloe spoke first. "I-I don't understand," she said, and her voice trembled. "We were all given the vaccine."

Everett nodded slowly, thinking of T.J. "Yes, we all were. All but Rush."

Someone whose name Everett did not know made a sputtering sound. "Better him than me."

He watched as Chloe spun around in righteous fury, and it took both Scott and Greer to hold her back. "Shut up!" she shouted.

Even Adam Brody would have none of that talk. He crossed the length of the room, seized the man by the collar, and walked him backwards to the wall, pinning him there. "You want to say that again?"

Everett hurried to intervene. He made a calming gesture to Chloe with his hand while he passed, and he firmly moved Brody away from his captive. "What's your name?" he asked the man.

"Smith," was the answer.

Whether that was true or not, Everett did not care. "All right, Mr. Smith, let me tell you something. The reason Rush didn't get the vaccine was because he learned that there was not enough to go around. Someone else was going to have to go without it. He gave up the one thing that would have saved his life for the good of another person. I can't help noticing that you did not make that same decision." He turned to look at Volker, who had turned slightly green. "And I believe that answers your question."

If the news that Rush was dying came as a shock, the reason why was even more so. Volker gaped at him. Greer let out a long breath. Chloe began to sob softly. Everett faced the room again, and said, "I understand that many of you have mixed feelings about Rush, but now is the time to set those aside and remember that it's because of him that we're going home. Let's show him a little gratitude. Dismissed."

Chloe tore out of the room before he'd finished speaking.

—

She stormed onto the observation deck. Rush was there, standing at the rail with Eli beside him, awash in the waves of FTL light. They didn't notice her.

"Now they know," Rush said softly, and she saw Eli nod.

"Why did you do that?" Chloe demanded, loudly.

Rush turned and had the gall to look confused. "Do what?"

"Give away your vaccine! Why did you do that?"

He sighed in what she assumed was supposed to be irritation. "Chloe, I don't think I need to explain myself to you."

"Yes, you do. Yes, you do!" He tried to walk past her, but she was feeling brave today, and she seized his arm so tight that her knuckles ached. He actually looked surprised. "Tell me."

"Why don't you go ask Mr. Volker?" he snapped. "I just went over this with him."

"Nick!"

"What?!"

She stared at him, pleading.

He heaved a sigh. "I gave it to Lieutenant Johansen," he said, as if that was an explanation.

"Why?"

He closed his eyes, held them, and then opened them again. "She has something to go back to. She can live her life back on Earth."

"She has ALS," Chloe said through a clenched jaw.

"So what? Are you saying that her life is worth less than mine because she hasn't got much left of it?"

"No, of course not-"

"Because let me tell you, her heart is very full. At least she will see her family for a few more years. Maybe with a little luck by then there will be a cure. She could be the one who finds it."

"Or you could!" Chloe argued.

"I am not a medical scientist. I study heavenly bodies, not earthly ones. I leave that to the professionals."

"This is not a joke!"

Rush frowned. "I never said that it was. Look, if I hadn't given her the vaccine, she would have been dead before she got back home and her family would never have seen her again. That's not fair. What are you so angry about, Chloe?"

Chloe let his arm go and leaned heavily on the rail. Rush joined her, Eli on his other side. She could barely breathe. "I don't understand. What about you?"

He kept his eyes forward. "What about me?"

She looked away from the glimmering lights of FTL and at his face. Was he looking pale already? "Isn't there anyone who misses you?"

Rush waved the question away like a gnat. "No, not me. Believe me, when you land and I don't walk off this ship, there won't be many people who'll notice."

She swallowed hard, unable to even consider that, and Eli said, "I'll notice."

Rush looked at him.

"I'll miss you," Eli said. There was no sarcasm. No flippancy. Only raw, anguished sincerity, enough to make Chloe hold her breath to keep from crying.

Now Rush looked away. Tried to speak, and swallowed instead. "I see," he replied, and Chloe was struck by what a strange response that was. Rush would not meet Eli's eyes. "That's…nice." His hands trembled. He forced them into fists. Blinking, he turned from the stars. "I uh...I should get back to work."

"I'll be there soon," Eli told him, and he walked away with a nod and a wave.

When Rush was gone, Chloe looked to her friend. Eli's face displayed all of the fear and sadness she felt inside, and she could tell he was even trying not to cry.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked him quietly.

He smiled, but she knew that it was only to keep himself together. "I just found out today. He asked me not to tell anyone. Actually, he told me not to. He wanted to tell certain people himself, but I guess whatever happened in the Mess upset him too much."

"Volker," Chloe said, and that was enough for Eli. He rolled his eyes and nodded. "I do not like that man."

"He's a good scientist," Eli offered.

"He's obnoxious and cruel," she insisted.

"So is Rush."

She turned her eyes away. "Rush is my hero. I don't care what anyone else says."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Eli preparing to respond, but he must have thought better of it. Instead he nodded, mimicking her pose and leaning against the rail.

"I can't believe this is happening," Chloe said. Her anger had not left; it remained, burning and roiling inside, joined now by an aching, nauseous pain she hadn't felt since her father died. She could feel a tear slowly crawling down her cheek. "I blamed him. I hated him. I wished he was the one who had gone into the shuttle. And now…" Her voice had gone pinched, shaky. Clearing her throat didn't help. "Now I can't imagine going on without him."

At her side, Eli audibly swallowed. A quick glance showed his hands gripping the rail so tightly they threatened to crack it.

Chloe sagged, suddenly feeling very, very tired. "Eli, what am I going to do?"

He did not answer. She only felt his warm, soft arms close around her, and she leaned into him and let herself fall to pieces.