Chapter 6
*Play*
"It's just sad, I guess. I mean, I don't know him that well, but I don't have a problem with the guy."
"I've never met him. I wasn't actually sure who Colonel Young was talking about it."
Eli shook his head with a snort. Some people.
"Man, this sucks. It was bad enough when we thought the rockslide killed him. Now he's dying again? I hate this ship."
"Eli, get that thing out of my face."
"I know we never really got along, but that doesn't mean I wanted something bad to happen to him. He's still a person, you know?"
"I don't know. I'm glad the vaccine worked, because otherwise we'd all be in a lot of trouble. I think it says a lot about him that he gave up his vaccine for someone else. I know a lot of people don't like him, and I used to be one of those people, but after hearing about this, I don't know…"
Eli smiled a little bit at that one.
"I think it's appropriate. It's his fault we're here to start with, it's about time he paid for it. Karma, you know?"
That one made Eli mad. Really freaking mad.
"I really don't have anything to say."
"I don't really know anything about him. I know what I've heard, but I know that he's done a lot to get us here. It's thanks to him that we're going back to Earth, and it makes me really upset that he won't even get to be there for the arrival."
"I just keep thinking…I know Colonel Young said it won't affect our ability to get home, but I just hope he's right."
"I'm just glad this is happening after he found a way to get us back to Earth."
That one did too. Some people were so self-absorbed. He continued flicking through the files, trying to find anything nice someone might have said in the aftermath of Young's announcement. In retrospect this probably wasn't a very good idea, since anyone who felt anything for Rush would probably have been too emotional to talk, and anyone who was willing to talk wouldn't have many nice things to say. He didn't know what he was trying to prove.
He put the remote on his lap and held the kino in his hands. His tired face popped up onto the remote screen, pale and weary-looking after two nights of no sleep. He hoped this wouldn't become a pattern.
*Record*
"He never does anything halfway. He can't. He's a go-big-or-go-home kind of lunatic. I don't know if he feels like he has to make up for something or what, but what he's done now is not fixable. It's not reversible. He's going to die. He chose now to do something good. Something big for someone else, who won't be able to pay him back because he won't be here long enough. It wasn't enough for him to save T.J.'s life. He had to give up his own to do it. Nothing like a little theater, huh? Maybe if he would have stopped piling guilt on top of guilt he wouldn't have felt a need to do something so drastic. But then she would have died instead. I don't know if that's worse or better."
*Save*
His watch told him he was forty minutes late for his shift, and he hadn't even showered yet. He felt slightly sick. Perhaps it was exhaustion catching up, perhaps it was something else. He didn't really feel hungry. He just felt…slow. He couldn't muster the energy to do anything. A small part of his mind wondered why Rush hadn't started yelling at him yet for being late, and the rest of him didn't care.
A quiet knock on his door made him glare. He didn't want company. He didn't want anything. "Come in."
Chloe came in. He felt himself perk up just a little when he saw her, but her face frowned a little when she saw him. "You okay?"
He sighed and put the kino on the console next to him. "Didn't sleep much."
"Me neither. I tried to find you on the bridge but they said you hadn't shown up yet."
Eli smirked. "Is Rush upset?"
She shook her head. "He wasn't there."
He sighed. "He never showed up last night either. I think he's avoiding us."
"Again."
It was true. Rush had gone cold and turned into a recluse for weeks after Eli and Chloe had finally marshaled the courage to tell him they planned to return to Earth with the others. He refused to speak to them, wouldn't even look at them, avoiding them at any cost. Eli knew how much he'd disappointed him, so he had suffered the distance and let Rush come back when he was ready. Although he didn't feel like Rush ever completely came back. He didn't listen to their reasoning, refused to allow them to explain themselves or justify their decision. The simple fact of it was they had forsaken him, and no excuse would change that. Eli feared that the damage could never be undone, especially now.
Chloe leaned against his console. "What are you doing?"
He picked up the kino and fiddled with it. Then he shrugged. "I don't know, exactly. I thought it might be good to get people's reactions to what's going on with Rush, but…"
Chloe sighed audibly. "Eli, I know you're really proud of those kinos, and I'm sure your documentary is going to be amazing, but some things don't need to be immortalized on film."
He nodded. "Yeah, I'm starting to understand that." But he didn't put it down. "What are you doing?"
She shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought you'd want to talk."
"Why?"
"Because I do." She went to the door control and closed the bulkhead. "I hate this. It's so unfair."
"Rush…dying?"
"Yeah. I don't get it. What is he thinking?"
Eli frowned. "What do you mean?"
She shook her head and waved her hands, pacing. "I don't know what I mean. I just don't understand, it doesn't feel real. I feel so…so blindsided."
Eli shrugged. "People don't typically get any warning that someone they love is going to die."
"It's not even that. He didn't even tell me. I thought we were friends, or…something…and he didn't even warn me."
It did not escape Eli's notice that Chloe completely ignored his comment about love. She didn't confirm it, but she didn't deny it. Weird. "What would you have done if he did? Try to talk him out of it?"
She averted her eyes. "I don't know."
"He didn't tell me either. He feels betrayed," Eli pointed out. "By you and me both."
"I know he did, but I didn't know he still does. I thought we'd moved past it."
"I don't think betrayal is something you can really move past. This ship is the most important thing in his life."
She was very quiet for a moment, thoughts turned inward. Then, hollowly, she said, "You're right about that."
"Maybe he just needs more time to adjust to everything."
"I thought he knew he could still talk to me," said Chloe. "And I thought I could talk to him. We're friends."
"I don't think Rush has friends," Eli said without thinking.
She glared at him. "Excuse me, Mathboy, but you weren't the one he rescued from aliens. If that doesn't forge some kind of friendship, I don't know what will."
He raised this hands in guilty surrender. "I know. That was stupid, I'm sorry. I'm not handling this very well myself."
"Obviously."
He sighed again and toyed with the kino. "It's amazing, the reactions of some people. They say the weirdest things." He held up the little ball. "I caught one guy talking about how we should have left Rush in stasis until we got back to Earth, then everyone would have had enough of the vaccine. There's an inspired solution, huh?"
Chloe shook her head and snorted. "Five years and I still haven't gotten the hang of this place."
"Five more weeks and we'll be home," he offered.
"Yeah, because of Rush."
He put the kino down. "Yeah." He looked up at her and saw her gazing to the side, biting her lip and trembling. She looked like she was trying not to cry. "Hey," he said softly, standing. He went to her side and put a hand on her shoulder, knowing he was no good at this. "Chloe…"
She turned and took him in her arms. He laid his face on her shoulder and closed his eyelids against the burning in his own eyes. This was hard. He could feel her shaking. He could feel himself shaking. "I'm so tired," she whimpered. "I don't want to think about it, but I can't stop thinking about it. He means so much to me, you know?"
He did know. It had taken him a lot longer than it took her, but eventually he'd gotten there.
"After the aliens...after we escaped, I wasn't sleeping much," she confided. "Nightmares. I'd get up and walk around, and somehow I always wound up in the mess hall. He was always there, night after night. As soon as he saw me he'd make me tell him about it. Talking it out would help, he said. He'd listen, he'd let me cry. I tried to ask him a few times about his dreams. He would always say they were the same but he wouldn't give me more than that. I knew he needed to talk about it too. He just didn't want to tell me. He didn't want to take away from my pain. I wanted so badly to know what he went through, but he never opened up. But then…" She turned to look at his face. "Remember when...? Oh, you weren't there."
Eli wished he was there. "What?"
Chloe took him by the hand and brought him to his bed. She fell onto it with a sigh and a sniff, and he settled next to her, still holding her hand. "During his surgery to remove the tracker, he woke up."
Eli curled forward with a flinch. "Owwwch."
She nodded and wiped her nose on her wrist. "Yeah. He wasn't totally coherent, but he sat up and he said, 'What are you doing to me?' And right then I knew." She squeezed her eyes shut and curled her free hand into a fist on her lap. "I knew what the aliens had done to him. He was flashing back to when they put the tracker in. I asked him about it later and I made him tell me everything. They...they cut him open while he was awake. He was so scared, and all alone, and he told me that was the worst part. Knowing that no one knew he was there, thinking no one would care if they did, facing it all by himself with no one to make it better. He even...apologized to me for being relieved that I was there for him to find. Right then he just wanted…" She shook her head. "I don't know what."
"A kindred spirit," Eli finished. He took a swipe at a tear working its way down his own face.
"Yeah. And I had to apologize back to him for feeling the same way. And then, knowing what he had gone through gave me the strength to do it myself when I had to go back to those aliens. Knowing he faced it is what gave me courage." She looked at him sadly. "Don't tell Matt that I said that."
He shook his head, feeling honored. "I won't."
"And now..." She didn't finish.
Eli looked to the wall above the console, at the pictures he'd hung there. He didn't have many of Rush. Just a few of him in the background or out of focus off to the side.
"He and I didn't get off to the best start," he admitted. She squeezed his hand. She knew that, of course; she was there. But it felt good to say it aloud. "It took me months to trust him, and years to like him. Whenever I would start to feel like we could really get along, he would go and do something really stupid that made me change my mind again. Like start a mutiny. Or hide that he'd found the bridge. Every time. But…it got better. Right before we went into stasis he told me I'd come a long way, which is, like, the highest compliment I can hope to get from him, and all I could say to him was that he'd been consistent." He tried to laugh, but only choked. "But I was wrong. He's changed probably the most out of all of us."
Chloe sobbed a little and nodded.
Eli had to think very hard about breathing to keep his throat open. These stupid tears wouldn't stop now. "I wish…I don't know what I wish. I just wish things were better."
Chloe curled in to him and burrowed her face in his chest. "It isn't fair."
"Nope."
The kino sat cold on the floor, forgotten.
—
The morning had come far too early for Everett. For the second day in a row he just lay in bed, staring at nothing, but this day he felt wearier than he had since they came out of their three year sleep. The announcement in the gate room had gone better than he had expected. For all seventy some-odd people on the ship, he could tell that Rush had very few friends. Most of the people who cared anything for the man had been in the Mess when Everett spilled, and those who were left over for the second announcement took the news rather well. Too well, in his opinion. Scarcely any seemed affected by the information at all, and even fewer seemed sadder than just what came on the surface. It was more depressing than if the entire room had exploded in tears and wailing.
A knock bounced off his door, and he had a sense of deja vu. "Come in," he called, and this time he made no effort to make himself presentable.
Once again, Eli came through the door. Everett wondered if this was going to become a pattern. "Hey," he said glumly. "Can we talk?"
"About what?" he asked. He did not want to talk, but Eli clearly did, and he wasn't about to send a grieving person away. He pulled himself up into a sitting pose, which was about all the effort he could make at the moment.
"Rush."
Of course. Everett really did not want to talk about Rush. "Okay."
"I feel like no one is taking the situation seriously enough," Eli admitted. He sat on the foot of the bed. "Everyone is just running around like they always did. It's like they don't care."
Everett wanted to tell him that it was likely they didn't. "People die all the time, Eli. The world can't stop every time someone leaves it."
Eli groaned. "Not you too!"
"No, listen. I understand what you're saying. But Rush made a point not to make friends on this ship, so we can't be too surprised if there aren't many tears shed."
Eli's eyes narrowed into an almost glare. "You mean like when Spencer died?"
Everett sighed. "Sort of, yes."
"All right, fine, but Spencer never saved any of our lives. Rush has. Without him we'd be dead two hundred times over. Doesn't anyone realize that?"
"They're probably thinking about how he trapped us all here in the first place."
Eli made a disgusted sound. "You sound like Volker."
"I'm not thinking that," Everett argued. "I said they probably are."
"Well, they need to stop! I think it's affecting Rush too. He's become all quiet and distant and he's avoiding everyone more than usual. He even snapped at Chloe."
"How do you know it's because of them?" Everett was already weary of this conversation. "He's sick, Eli. He's exhausted. Maybe he just doesn't feel like being bothered."
"Maybe not, but I can tell you that the man is convinced no one is going to miss him when he's gone. I said that I am and he was shocked. Like I'd told him I was secretly a woman or something. Which, for the record, I'm not."
He was starting to understand why Rush was always rubbing his head. "So what are you suggesting, that we throw him a going away party?"
Eli's face would have been hilarious if Everett could have mustered the energy to laugh. "No! Holy crap, that's the most horrible thing anyone has ever said. Ever. No, I'm just saying that maybe we could encourage the crew to encourage him. You know, show him a little love."
"Love?" He raised an eyebrow.
Eli shrugged. "Well, if they feel it. I mean, there are lots of different types of love, Colonel. I know I wouldn't want to die thinking everyone hated me. But think about it. This is a serious question. How long do you think it's been since anyone told Nicholas Rush that they loved him?"
After quite a bit of thought, Everett had no answer for that.
"I'm willing to bet probably not since his wife died," Eli said.
Everett sighed once again. Then he nodded. "You're probably right. All right, we'll tell people to be nice to him."
"Thank you."
There was a sound of radio static, then Brody's voice coming over the walkie-talkie. "Colonel Young, this is Brody on the bridge."
Eli reached for the radio. "Brody, this is Eli, I'm with the colonel."
"Give me that," Everett said, and Eli handed it over. "Go ahead, Brody."
"We've got an issue up here."
No issues. He really did not need issues today. "What is it? Big?"
"No, not big, just annoying. The console is still broken and we need it for ship-wide communications."
He shook his head. "So why are you telling me? Call someone who can do something about it."
There was silence. Then: "Well, I was actually going to ask if you had seen Eli…"
He looked to Eli. "Where's your radio?"
Eli stood to his feet with a grimace. "Must have left it in my room. I'll go now."
Into the walkie, Everett said, "We're on our way." Then to Eli: "Wait outside for a minute."
Eli shrugged and did as instructed. Everett climbed into his clothes, then made his way out of his quarters and walked with him to the bridge. No sign of the lead scientist…former lead scientist. He was instantly suspicious about the absence, knowing Rush wouldn't stop working just because Everett told him to.
"Anyone seen Rush?" he asked. The atmosphere here had been so subdued since that meeting. The revelry had all but died. No more mindless chatter. No more stupid jokes. Their euphoria about heading home was underwhelming.
At his broken console - Rush's console - Brody shook his head. "Not yet. I called him before I called you."
"Did he answer?"
"Not yet."
"Has he talked to any of you on the science team yet?"
Brody and Eli shared a look between them. "About what?" Brody asked.
"There's been a change in assignment." He got his radio in his hand. "Rush, this is Young, come in, please." No answer. He looked at Brody, who shrugged. "Rush, this is Young, respond, please."
The radio was silent.
"When's the last time anyone saw him?"
"I saw him leaving the still last night at about 2300," Brody said. "He said he was going for a walk."
Young brought the radio up again. "Scott, this is Young. Do me a favor and check Rush's quarters, see if he's in there."
"Yes, sir."
Young went for the door. "I'm going to go take a look around. If he shows up, call me. We all need to have a talk."
"Sure…" Brody said uncertainly.
Everett left the bridge and began to wander without aim. He radioed T.J. "Have you seen Rush today?"
"No, sir, not today. Why, is something wrong?"
"Not wrong, necessarily. Just trying to find out what he's up to. Let me know if you see him."
He could practically hear her snort at the suggestion. But, "Will do, sir," was all she said.
He headed for the Mess.
"Colonel, this is Scott. Rush isn't in his room."
Hmmm. "Okay. Keep looking."
"Copy."
The Mess was empty. Camille, whom he had almost walked right into, was technically in the hallway on her way out. "Colonel!" she gasped in startled surprise. But she said it with a small smile. "Everything all right?"
"Have you seen Rush?" he asked her.
Camille shook her head. "Not since last night, on the observation deck."
"What time was that?"
"About midnight."
After Brody had seen him in the still. "Thanks, Camille." He hurried off, deflecting her questions of why he wanted to know, and made for the deck.
Rush wasn't there. The deck was empty. He continued searching, first the control interface room and then the hydroponics lab. Every so often he would call for Rush in his radio, but never would receive an answer. Scott also checked in once to inform him that he'd spoken to Becker, and Rush had not been in the Mess all day.
Everett continued on, increasingly annoyed and troubled as the minutes ticked by. Homeworld Command felt Rush could be a threat, and Everett was beginning to wonder if they were on to something. There hadn't been any issues this morning he was aware of, but who knew what a desperate, pissed off, recently-been-fired scientist was capable of?
"Rush, this is Young, I need you to answer me."
"…nswer me," his words echoed from somewhere.
That was new. He stopped in the middle of the corridor he was in, glancing around. Into the radio: "Rush?"
"Rush?"
Aha. At the end of the hallway there was a door, closed. His own voice was coming from behind that. He went to it and struck the control button, and when the bisections separated he recognized it as the hallway where Rush came to think and write on walls.
He found him on the floor by one of the arches.
"Rush!" He raced over, dropping to his knees at the doctor's side. He was unconscious but breathing. That was good. He took his shoulder and shook him with one hand, bringing his radio up with the other, intent on ordering Scott and T.J. to come help, but then he realized he didn't actually know how he'd gotten here. "Rush, can you hear me?"
Rush did not respond. He was out cold. Everett thought of the first time Rush collapsed on this ship and he quickly checked him over, searching for head injuries suffered in the fall. Finding nothing, he slid his hands under his arms, lifting Rush up and locking his fingers around his chest. He dragged him out the door and didn't stop until he reached the infirmary. T.J. leaped from her chair and scrambled over at the sight of him.
"What's happening?" she gasped.
"I don't know. Take his feet. I just found him like this."
T.J. swooped down and took Rush by the ankles, helping the colonel carry him to a bed.
Rush began to stir as they settled him on a cot. "What…what…"
"Scott," said Everett into his walkie-talkie, "you can stop looking now, we found him."
"Copy, sir."
"Rush," T.J. said gently. "It's okay. You're in the infirmary. Something happened. How do you feel?"
He looked at her very strangely. He blinked. "What."
"What? Can you tell us what happened?"
"What."
It wasn't a request. It wasn't even a question. It wasn't anything. Rush raised his right hand halfway to his head, then froze, staring at his left. He frowned, then looked startled. Then he began poking at the fingers.
"Rush?" T.J. tried.
"What."
"What's wrong?"
He nodded. Wet his lips. Shook his head.
T.J. turned to Everett. "Would you excuse us? I need to look him over."
"Sure," he said, though he really didn't like it. "Radio me the second you find something."
"Yes sir."
It would be two more hours before T.J. called him back down to the infirmary. Everett spent that time on the bridge with Brody, Eli, Park, and Volker, explaining that Rush had been relieved of his duty as their team leader. He did not disclose that he had been terminated completely; let them draw their own conclusions. The news was received with very diverse sentiments. Eli was furious, first at SGC for ordering it, then at the colonel for enforcing it. Volker protested a little less loudly while simultaneously acknowledging the appropriateness of it in light of Rush's health. Brody stormed about Rush's dedication to Destiny and his need for work as a therapeutic outlet. Park just got quiet.
"This is so stupid!" Eli said. "They wait until we only have five weeks left to jerk the rug out from under us?"
"Well, they probably wanted to make sure we were close enough that nothing could stop us," Everett replied. He was guessing. He hadn't yet addressed this particular issue with anyone who would know the real answer, but that was high on his list of need-to-dos.
"So who is the new lead?" Eli wanted to know. "Who do we report to? What do we do when there's a problem?"
"Eli, you know this ship as well as he does."
Eli stared. "Well, maybe, but-"
"And you've learned Ancient."
"Yeah, but-"
"And you even admitted that you're smarter than he is."
Eli reddened under the surprised gazes of the rest of the team. "Okay, but…"
Everett shook his head. "Relax, I'm not saying you're going to be the new team lead. I'm just saying the ship is still in capable hands without Rush."
Eli scowled. "But it belongs in Rush's hands. It's practically his ship."
"Well, SGC thinks it's their ship."
His radio finally squawked: "Colonel Young, this is T.J. Please see me in the infirmary."
Everett rose, but Eli seemed determined to keep him there. "Why can't they just let him finish out the trip? What's five weeks to them?"
Volker snorted. "With his salary? Think of the savings."
Eli glared at him.
"You all know as much as I do at this point," Everett told them. Patiently. He would be patient. "When I get more answers, I will disseminate as appropriate."
He made for the door, hurrying on to the infirmary. Rush was gone by the time he got there. T.J. was standing against her desk with a clipboard in her hand.
"What's the word?" Everett asked.
T.J. put the clipboard down and crossed her arms. "He said he was just standing there in the hallway when the blackout hit. He's got numbness, weakness, dysphasia…" At his raised eyebrow she clarified, "Trouble speaking. All signs of interrupted brain function."
Everett let out a breath. "So...what, the parasite is attacking his brain?"
She shook her head. "Not directly. As I suspected, it's causing excessive blood clotting. That's why his emesis was so viscid. I think last night one of the clots must have made its way to his brain."
"So he had a stroke."
She nodded. "A small one. Probably not his first. He may have had a seizure too, but I can't really say. He seems better now, but...this is only going to get worse. At any time he could have another stroke, a big one, a heart attack, an embolism. It could be anything at any time. It's impossible to predict."
He thought of Rush lying in that hallway all night, alone. "What are the warning signs? How do we know when it's going to happen again?"
She shook her head. "This was the warning. There might not be any other indication that it's going to happen, just signs that it's happening."
"So at any moment he could drop dead."
"Yeah."
"He could be walking down the hall."
She nodded. "Yeah."
"He could be eating in the Mess."
"Yeah."
"He could be sleeping."
She hesitated and swallowed. "Yeah."
Everett sighed and rubbed his face. "What can we do?"
She sat on the bed. "I gave him some blood thinners. But I don't have much, and I don't know how effective it will be. I didn't get this far with the others."
"Blood thinners?" He thought of Senator Armstrong. "Didn't you say he's bleeding internally?"
She blew out a breath and nodded. "Yeah, but I don't know why. I can't find the source. He's clotting so much that he really shouldn't be bleeding from anywhere. But if I don't give him the anticoagulants, he'll die of a stroke. If I do, he may bleed to death. I don't know what to do."
He didn't like this helpless feeling coming over him. "So we just…let him die?" He wasn't used to situations where there was no way out. There was always a way out.
He waited for her answer. If there was something they could do, she, the eternal optimist who could find water at the bottom of a dry well, would see it. But her nod, though barely visible, was final.
It was not the answer he was hoping for. It was obviously not the answer she wanted to give. He knew what she was thinking, because he was thinking it too: This could have been me. This could have been her. He squashed that thought. "Keep it up."
"Yes, sir." She looked to the side, then back at his eyes. "So…Rush said you told him he wasn't allowed to work on the ship anymore."
"I didn't say that. The brass said that."
"He said you agreed."
"No, I actually don't agree. But I'm required to enforce their orders."
She crossed her arms. "Colonel, you have to know what this is doing to him. This ship is his life. They're taking away the thing that means the most to him."
Everett sighed. "So you're saying that I should disregard my superiors and just let him run amok?"
"I don't know what I'm saying," she admitted. "I just know what I'm seeing. He's not doing well as it is. The ship is basically all he has left. Without his work to turn to, where do you think he'll go?"
She was looking at him as if he should know, the answer was so obvious. But honestly… "I have no idea."
She sighed. "Nowhere but in. He doesn't feel like he can talk to any of us, so he'll just spend his time alone. He'll withdraw."
"That was sort of what Eli said. He's isolating himself."
"What else do you expect? He wasn't sociable before, and even though he has some people on board he gets along with now, I'm not sure he'd really seek them out if he needed help. But he needs to. He needs a support circle, whether or not he acknowledges that. Just some people who can be there with him and for him when he needs them." She paused ominously. "And he will need them."
Everett pondered all of those words, nodding. "All right. I'll get to work on it."
She smiled very slightly.
"Good work, Lieutenant. Keep me posted."
"Yes, sir."
He went and found Scott, James, Greer, and every other serviceperson he came across to inform them that Doctor Rush was not to be left alone for longer than a few minutes for any reason, except in certain obvious situations. (James was happy for the limitation.) He told the same thing to Eli, Chloe, Camille, T.J., Brody, and, hesitatingly, Volker. If anyone saw Rush by himself, they were ordered to keep him company in case he fell ill again. There were protests, of course, particularly from Mr. Volker. Rush would not appreciate the company, and there were a few people who wouldn't know how to talk to him if their lives depended on it. Everett didn't care. They didn't have to talk, they just had to be present.
That task complete, he went hunting again for the man in question, finding him on the observation deck watching the dazzling stars shoot on by. He looked a little tired, but a little more like himself than he had earlier. Everett came up to his side and tilted against the rail.
"I assume you told them," Rush spoke up.
The science team. Everett nodded. "I thought it would be better for them to hear it from me."
Rush got that look he always got when he felt he had been undercut, but he must have lacked the energy to argue. He pushed by Everett, but paused when the colonel put a hand on his arm.
"You all right?" Everett asked, letting his concern show.
Rush sighed and crossed his arms. "Lieutenant Johansen can tell you all about it."
"She did."
Rush nodded and said nothing.
That was all Everett was going to get. He knew it. He changed tactics. "So, what didn't you tell me about your visit to Earth?" He asked it casually, making a point to study the FTL lights. He knew Rush would respond better if he didn't feel like he was being directly confronted, so he kept his focus elsewhere. As hoped, Rush came back to the rail and rested his arms on it.
"What did Telford say?"
"Not a lot. Something about justice, consequences, and not firing you sooner."
Rush snorted. "Then you pretty much have it all."
Everett turned to look at him. "Not really. Come on, Rush. Give me something I can work with."
Rush closed his eyes, settling his forehead in his hand. "It's not just me," he said. "They're replacing the entire crew once you reach Earth with the original team that was supposed to go."
Everett found that that news did not come as a surprise. He shrugged. "Okay. So what?"
"Well, who was supposed to be in command?"
"Telford."
"Exactly. Back on Icarus he tried to get me removed from the team. And who do you think he wanted in my place?"
Everett considered it. Honestly, he didn't know, but he had a guess. "Don't tell me: McKay?"
"Aha," Rush said, turning to him. "But the IOA has a plan of their own. McKay and Williams both are in a position to take my place on the new team. Telford wanted McKay, but Strom wants Williams. So they've compromised and appointed both as co-leads."
Everett tried to make sense of all that. "So…what were they trying to accomplish by calling you down on the stones?"
Rush gripped the rail and stretched his arms. "They wanted my compliance. It's a sweep job." He leaned again on the bar. "They made me an offer. If I agreed to let them 'prove', through their calculations, that I was at fault, they would spare me the litigation and allow me to retire quietly."
Everett involuntarily curled his hands into fists. "But you'd still be off the project."
"Oh, absolutely. Neither the IOA nor SGC wants me within twenty lightyears of any of their projects. They were hoping I would take the blame for this one. They'd make a big production of it all, serve some justice, grant the families a little closure. The whole problem would just…" He waved a hand toward the nothingness of space. "Go away."
The colonel waited, but Rush did not continue. "But…?" he prompted, knowing there was one. He knew this little tale was not half done.
Rush scoffed, a low, guttural sound. "They made it personal." He looked again at Everett, and the colonel could see the indignation in the shadows on his face. "They didn't only try to make me look guilty, they tried to make me look stupid. As if I wouldn't know you can't divide by zero."
He was starting to understand now. Trying to make Rush look like an idiot was the quickest way to make him show you just how smart he was. "So, I'm assuming you didn't take it well?"
"Ha," Rush said humorlessly. "No. No, I didn't. I agreed to their ridiculous little coverup only because they said they would only let me view the calculation if I did. I never intended to let them truly get away with it. And especially not after that. I challenged Williams in front of everyone, including the families they had brought in to witness my 'admission of guilt'."
"That's why the families were there?"
Rush nodded. "The President was too."
"What?!"
A shrug. "Setup."
Everett sighed. "Ambush."
"Indeed."
"So, what were the consequences of not agreeing to their charade?"
Rush finally drew away from the rail and crossed his arms. Everett could feel this conversation ending, could feel Rush closing himself off. Gazing out the great glass windows, Rush said, "Nothing that matters now anyway."
Because he wasn't going home. Everett took a moment to gather himself, staring down at his feet, then straightening and turning fully to face the other man. "I really am sorry."
"What for?"
He knew that Rush knew exactly what for. Rush just wanted him to say it again. "I'm sorry that you feel like you can't trust me anymore."
Rush looked away.
"I really thought there would be another chance," Everett explained. "I thought in a few years, when things were better settled and the information had been processed, maybe we could try again. I didn't anticipate that they would fire you. If I had known…"
Rush waved a hand. "Forget it, Colonel. Apologies don't change anything. You made your decision, and we both have to live with it."
Not for much longer. "What were you doing in that hallway last night?"
Rush glanced around the room. Everywhere but at Everett. "Nothing," he said finally. "Actually nothing."
"You know I would let you keep working if I could."
Rush snorted.
Everett fiddled with his radio. "Although, honestly, I am a busy man. I can't know what you're up to all the time." He watched Rush's face scrunch in suspicion. It was almost enough to make him smile. "It would be pretty hard for me to put a stop to something I don't know about."
Understanding smoothed Rush's features, and the man was visibly fighting a smile. "I don't know what you're talking about, Colonel," he said coolly, and left the deck with a bit of purpose.
Everett pretended not to know where he was going, and what he would do when he got there. He left the deck and went to the communications lab, dreading having to deliver the news of all this tumult but knowing that it was time Homeworld Command was brought into the loop. He once again found himself wondering if Telford ever did anything besides sit in the room and stare at the stones.
Today, Telford looked tired. "Everett," he greeted him dully.
"David," Everett said with the same enthusiasm. A beat passed. "I came to bring some news."
"A promise of your full and unconditional cooperation, I hope."
"Ha," Everett said.
"I thought as much. Well, that's just as well, because we have news of our own."
"You go first."
Telford forsook his rigid military stance and leaned heavily against the desk. "It's not good news, Everett. I tried to warn you."
It couldn't possibly be as bad as the news Everett had, but he waved David to continue.
"First, you. General O'Neill is not happy with your attitude."
Everett snorted. "At this point I couldn't care less how he feels about my attitude."
"Well, in about five weeks you're going to care."
"We'll see about that. If they want to fire me, they can fire me. It would be highly appropriate."
Telford shook his head. "Man, I don't get you. You didn't even want the job in the first place, then you latch on with both hands and all your teeth, and now you're prepared to just throw it all away. Make your mind up, will you?"
Everett rubbed his face again. He was going to start losing skin at this rate. "My mind is made up. I have reasons for what I'm doing, if they care to ask for them."
"What reasons?"
"We'll get to that. What next?"
Telford rubbed his forehead. "Next, Rush. They insisted on seeing him again."
"I've already given my answer on that."
"I know. And that's what I told them. So since they weren't able to finish what they needed to do before the connection was lost, they've decided to form a committee and wait until he's back on Earth."
Everett frowned doubtfully. "A committee?"
Telford nodded. "To gather the facts and make the final decision at that time."
"A jury, you mean." There. He said it. "They're putting him on trial."
"An inquest," Telford said. "In-house. They're trying to keep it low profile for now."
Everett snorted. "Right. And who is leading this investigation? Strom, no doubt?"
"Smart as ever, you."
Everett didn't know a lot about inquests, but he remembered his own evidentiary hearing on the ship. A shoddy slap-job of justice. "And who are they getting to sit on this 'committee'?"
"That's classified."
"Ha!"
"Listen, a lot of crap went wrong up there, Everett. People died. Someone has got to answer for it. And since Rush is the one who started the whole thing, everyone's pointing their fingers at him. Particularly Doctor Franklin's family. He'll be the main focus of the investigation."
"Yeah, I hear there was some big to-do with a bunch of the families," Everett ventured, watching with mild satisfaction as Telford twitched.
"I recommend putting some distance between you and him," the other colonel said after a moment of pause. "I understand you want to help him, but you need to stay out of this."
"I can't do that, David."
Telford leaned forward on the table. "Everett, listen to me. The more involved you are, the more suspicious this will seem. For both of you. They'll think you're hiding something."
"Yeah, well, that's a risk I'm going to have to take. I can't leave him to deal with this alone."
"Everett-"
"Anyway, there's a really big problem with their plan. Rush isn't coming back to Earth."
Telford frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Everett sighed. "He's sick, David. He's actually dying. T.J. says he won't make it back home."
Telford's face was a mishmash of surprise, horror, confusion, and - sickeningly - relief. Everett squinted at him. "Is that what happened yesterday?"
Everett nodded. Has it only been one day? "We didn't find out until later, after we broke the connection and got him to tell us. He has the disease I was telling you about."
Telford shook his head. "I'll report it. There might be something they can do."
"I doubt it," Everett said. "It's an alien infection. A parasite that's causing blood clots all over the place. The only thing we had to fight it is gone, and there isn't any more for four years behind us."
Telford leaned back again. "Then maybe they'll find a way to bring the inquest to Destiny before he kicks it."
Everett felt very indignant in Rush's behalf. "Don't you dare suggest that to them," he snapped. "The man is dying. An interrogation is the last thing he needs now."
"I'll just tell them what you've told me."
"Don't let them do it, David. They're out for blood. Rush told me they're trying to manipulate the numbers to make him look guilty, something about dividing by zero."
Telford shifted. "I don't know about that…"
"Cut the crap," Everett snapped, slapping a hand onto the desk. He stood and stepped into Telford's space. "You listen to me. Rush told me all about the ugly little deal they tried to make with him. All right? I know all about Williams, and McKay, and their little plan to make Rush look like the bad guy. I know that the crew of this ship is going to be replaced the second we get back to Earth. Stop lying to me!"
Telford seemed surprised, but recovered quickly. "Fine, since you know, then you realize how serious this is. They're trying to fix the mistake they made by appointing Rush in the first place. He wasn't their first pick, you know. They got stuck with him."
"Yeah, story of his life. The only person who ever wanted him died."
Telford looked like he didn't know how to respond to that. He just shook his head. "Whatever. The point is, those families need closure."
"They need the truth," Everett said. "Don't think I can't see right through this. They want so badly for Rush to take the fall because they simply need someone to blame. If no one's at fault, then that means everyone's at fault, and they can't have that. They want to make Rush the scapegoat. But it looks like he unhinged that little plan, didn't he? How did Mrs. Armstrong take it? How did the Franklins handle the news? Not well, I assume."
Telford was very still, arms crossed, unblinking.
"It's a coverup is what it is," Everett concluded. It was as Rush said. "They just want the problem to go away, and they planned to make Rush go away with it." Then he stepped just a little bit closer, poking Telford in the chest. "And why are you allowing it to happen?"
Telford rose to the intimidation, leaning forward into Everett's face. "I've got orders."
Everett laughed, because the whole affair was so absurd, and he couldn't do what he really wanted to do and punch Telford right in the face. "I've heard that before."
Telford just shrugged, as if that was supposed to be enough.
"I'm not letting this happen," Everett declared. "They can do whatever they want. Sounds like I won't have a job when I get back anyway, so believe me, I have nothing to lose."
"Everett-"
"I'm done here. I have to get back."
Telford just watched him as he sat back in the chair, his face unreadable. "I hope you know what you're doing."
Everett snorted. "I'm probably the only one who knows what they're doing. He's already dealing with his own mortality, David. He doesn't need things to be made worse on top of that."
"I'll see what I can do," said Telford vaguely. "I should let them know about this right away." He left the room.
Everett disconnected, but he did not immediately leave the communications lab. He stayed seated in the chair, mulling over everything he had heard, feeling victorious and defeated at once. All those times they'd almost lost him, Rush always managed to show up on the other side. All those times they'd almost lost Destiny, the Crazy Uncle always came through and kept her in their hands. After five years of battling against hunger, failing life support, aliens, drones, and each other, all in a desperate bid to get home, they were five weeks away from their reward, but it felt like an empty prize. A glass diamond. A crown plated in fool's gold. They were going home, but they were losing Rush and Destiny.
It didn't seem fair.