Irreplaceable

by JarofJoy

The Destiny crew is Earth-bound, but a dying member won't make it home.

11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"I don't even see the point of having an inquest." Everett was fuming. He paced in the communications lab, waving his arms as he spoke. Telford had just arrived and delivered the news that Homeworld Command was insisting on continuing their plan, in spite of T.J.'s advice to let Rush be. Their excuse that she wasn't a psychologist or a "real" medical doctor sat with him all wrong. "They would need someone who knows math as well as he does, or better. Anyone they find is not going to be an impartial party. Everyone has an agenda! Whether they like him or not, anyone smarter than him can manipulate the data to reflect whatever they want it to and no one would ever know. It will never be solved."

"Why are you so upset about this?" Telford asked. He had switched with Scott this time, too paranoid to push his luck with Rush's body. "Why does it bother you so much?"

Everett threw him a look. "Because I care about the people under my command."

Telford stared at him, then sighed. "It's a formality," he said. "They have to do it to say they did."

"But who can they possibly find that will be able to solve that problem?"

"What about Wallace?"

Everett spun to him. "That was my idea. You said it was complicated."

"It is complicated. But you might be able to make it work."

"How?"

Telford shrugged. "I don't know."

"Will they trust him?"

Telford made a twisted face. "Probably not."

Everett shook his head and began pacing again. "This is what I'm talking about. If Eli confirms Rush's theory that it would have been too dangerous, someone on the other side of the line is going to call bias. If any one of their scientists confirms it wouldn't have been too dangerous, someone on this side is going to call corruption."

Telford looked slightly bewildered. "This side? You mean you believe him?"

Everett paused. Had he just said that? He shrugged and waved his hand. "I don't know. I don't know what I believe. I know what I want to believe, and I wish I was smart enough to solve the problem myself, but I'm not. Eli might be, but unless he comes to the conclusion they want, they won't accept it."

"That's why it's complicated."

"Especially if Williams is involved. Isn't five years kind of a long time to hold a grudge?"

Telford shrugged again. "I don't know what to tell you, man. I told you there are a lot of unhappy people."

Everett snorted. "A lot of unhappy people with big guns and way too much time on their hands." He turned to Telford. "Why didn't you tell me sooner that this was going on? Why didn't you tell me that the President was there?"

Telford shook his head. "That part was need-to-know."

"You had to know Rush would tell me."

"We didn't expect him to back out. He signed a confidentiality agreement."

Everett had to laugh at that. "Fat lot of good that did you, huh? I bet it brought a lot of comfort to the Franklins and Mrs. Armstrong after Rush sold you out. Don't you people know better than to hire someone crazier than you?"

Telford just stood there listening grimly. "Yeah," he snapped. "It went over really well. The families are in a riot now, demanding actual answers, and they won't believe anything we tell them anymore, truth or not. He made a colossal mess of things."

"What can you expect when you tried to throw him under the bus first?"

"We also didn't expect him to get sick. If he hadn't agreed, we…" Telford sighed, looking uncomfortable. "They gave the order not to let him return to the ship."

Wait. Wait. What? Everett's thoughts ground to a halt. "They were going to keep him on Earth?"

Telford looked genuinely unhappy. "Yeah."

"They were going to keep him off the ship unless he went along with their rotten little scam?"

Telford, having already answered that, simply stared.

Everett felt sweaty. Anger, frustration, confusion, all were making his blood sizzle. "This has got to be the most underhanded, twisted conspiracy the IOA has ever concocted! No one warned Rush about what he was getting into when he went down there. No one informed me of what I was sending him to. No one prepared him to be kept there for weeks! And why is SGC letting it happen?"

"SGC wants an answer just as much as the IOA," Telford said. "The President, remember? Our hands are tied, Everett. We need to know. The families need to know. It was the only way."

"Someone could have warned him! Or me! Why the secrecy? Why all the cloak and dagger? Why the ambush?"

Telford began rubbing his temples. "Because when you're trying to trap an enemy, you don't warn him in advance."

"So Rush is the enemy now, huh?" Everett said. If it wasn't Matthew's face he was looking at, he'd have slugged Telford then and there. "When did that happen? Need I remind you that he was the one who found this planet we're using to get home?"

"That's hardly a defense," Telford said. "Eli or someone else would have found it if he hadn't."

While that was true, Everett felt it was irrelevant. "Do you need a list of all the things that man has done for this crew while we've been here?"

"Do you need a list of all the things he's crapped up? It's his fault you're here in the first place!"

Everett was getting sick to death of that little detail. "I know that! But it's time we got past it, don't you think? How would you feel if someone kept throwing your mistakes in your face every other day? He does not need to be constantly reminded of what a screwup he is!"

"So what are you saying, then? That everyone has forgiven him, they're over it, you're all friends now?"

"Whether anyone has forgiven him is not up to me to say," Everett said. "But I can tell you that we have reached an understanding that although it is his fault we were stranded here, it's not his fault that we're still stranded here, and it's time we stopped punishing him for it."

Telford raised his hands placatingly. "Look, Everett, I hear you loud and clear. I understand what you're going through, what he's up against, and I understand that you're upset. I see it. But you need to realize that I'm not against you here. I'm just telling you what SGC and the IOA are going to tell you. I'm trying to prepare you for when they come."

"They cannot come," he said through gritted teeth. "I do not want them on this ship."

"I can't stop them. They'll be here in a matter of days, after they get the committee together."

"Why now?" Everett raged, pacing again. "They've known we're on our way back for four months! What is the big urgency all of a sudden?"

"They're in damage control," Telford said. "Somebody blew the cover story."

He spun to him. "What?!"

Telford crossed his arms and leaned against the table. "Word got out about what really happened on Icarus. We don't know who, and we don't know when, but someone talked to someone they weren't supposed to and the whole thing got blown wide open. We only just found out about it a month ago. Needless to say, the families are furious. We're getting hit with a new lawsuit every day."

Everett couldn't even pace anymore. He just stood stupidly, unable to string a complete sentence together. What a disaster. More than that. A walking, talking nightmare. "I don't believe this," he managed to get out.

"They're threatening to pull the funding for the next team," Telford went on. "If something isn't done soon, this will be Destiny's last stop forever."

"Well, that explains why you're trying so hard," Everett snapped, and Telford just scowled at him. He raked a hand through his hair. "Any suspects?" When Telford just looked at him with a raised brow, Everett shook his head. "Uh-uh! No way. He wouldn't do that."

"I know that, and you know that. But good luck convincing them."

"This is ludicrous! He's hardly even used the stones. He hasn't touched them since we got out of stasis. When would he have possibly done it?"

Telford just shook his head. "I have no answer. But that doesn't mean they can't make one up."

"It has to be someone else! Someone in the Lucian Alliance, maybe. They're trying to get Destiny for themselves. If they know a PR disaster would end SGC's involvement with the ninth chevron project, or even just suspend it for awhile, what's to stop them from swooping in and taking the ship?"

Telford shrugged. "Nothing."

"You're right, nothing! What are they thinking?"

"This is what I'm saying, Everett. It's really, really complicated. It's so far beyond complicated."

FUBAR, Everett thought. "So let me get this straight. Some anonymous person blabs about the Alliance attack on Icarus and ruins the whole cover we had going. Word gets around and people find out their family members are trapped on a ship a million lifetimes from home, so they start slapping lawsuits to SGC and the IOA all over the place. And SGC's first thought is to blame Rush?"

"He dialed the ninth chevron," Telford said plainly. "It starts and ends with him."

"So SGC made him a deal that if he admitted responsibility for the whole thing, they would let him go away peacefully and spare him all the legal trouble."

"Essentially, yes."

"And just how would admitting fault protect him from litigation?"

Telford curled the side of his mouth. "Presidential pardon? They didn't really explain that part to me."

"Like the families would accept that."

Telford shrugged.

"David, you have seen and felt what Rush is going through. Why isn't that enough?"

Telford shook his head wearily. "It's not up to me. I've done what I can."

"You need to help me," Everett told him flat-out. "You need to convince them to drop this whole thing."

"I can't," David said. "I've got-"

"Orders?"

Telford stared at him. Everett watched him, almost glaring at him. "How would you even expect me to do that?"

"However you can. I don't care. This is wrong and you know it. Talk to Strom, talk to O'Neill, talk to the freaking President for all I care. Just fix it. You owe us."

Telford coughed. "I don't owe Rush anything."

"Actually yeah, you do. It was because of him that we got you out of the Alliance, remember?"

"Hardly. He just did it to stop me."

"So? It worked, didn't it? And you owe me, too. I saved your life."

"You suffocated me."

"And brought you back. You know why? Because I'm your friend. Now be a friend and help me this time." Then he pushed a little harder. "You're the one who said you were trying to ensure justice. Is this your definition of justice?"

Telford stared silently for a very long time at the floor. Thinking again.

"You're a good man, David," Everett added quietly. "Do the right thing."

Telford said nothing. Then he let out a long breath, and when he looked back up at him, he knew he had him. "All right. Fine. I'll try, okay? But I can't promise anything. And I'm not doing this for Rush."

"I don't care who you're not doing it for. What do we do?"

Telford said, "Let's talk to Wallace. If he can get something done on it before they get here, there might be a better chance of a favorable outcome."

"Or they might just disregard his findings completely."

"Or that."

—

"Me?" Eli said incredulously. "You want me to testify against Doctor Rush?"

"No, no," said Colonel Young, while Telford said nothing. "We just want you to be honest in what you find."

Eli was not convinced. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because you're smarter than he is. You can tell us whether or not he could have safely dialed Earth from Icarus."

Eli really had to think about that. "I don't know, that's a lot of really complicated math. A lot of variables and unknowns. Do you have any idea how complex wormholes are? It's gonna take some time."

"You have seven days."

Eli laughed without a shred of humor. "Seven days! Right, when it took me a month to solve the stupid video game puzzle?!"

"Do what you can," Young said. "For Rush."

Mention of his mentor sent Eli quiet again. He rubbed his palm over his eyes and sighed. "What will happen if the answer is not in his favor?"

"That will be decided at the inquest."

"His reputation is the only thing that's really on the line here," said Telford. He proceeded, cautiously, "Since he won't actually make it back to Earth, he doesn't have to worry about any real repercussions. It's just his name."

"And his assets, pending the result of possible lawsuits from the Franklins and the Armstrongs," added Colonel Young.

Eli shook his head. This was too much. All he could think to say was, "Chloe wouldn't sue him."

"That doesn't matter. People demand that someone be held responsible in cases like this. We're just trying to figure out if Rush really is responsible."

"Why isn't anyone suing you?" Eli turned to Telford bitterly. "If not for your intel, the Lucians never would have attacked Icarus in the first place." Telford glanced to Young, speechless. Eli felt a twisted satisfaction at the look of complete astonishment on Scott's face. "I'll do it," he finally agreed. "But I'm only doing this for Rush."

Young got a strange little smile, the meaning of which eluded him. "That's all we ask," the colonel said, and he took Telford by the arm and led him away.

—

What is this place?

Nick stopped walking. He was in a part of the ship he didn't recognize. A long corridor, curving around corners at both ends, and he was walking into it from an intersecting hallway. Had he been here before? He couldn't recall. He looked to the left, and then to the right, unable to decide which way he should go. Maybe he should turn around…but when he did, he realized he couldn't remember where he was coming from either. His heart thudded strangely, and he stood immobile for a moment while he tried to gain his bearings. What had he just done? What had he planned on doing next? Why couldn't he remember?

"Rush?"

The voice startled him and he turned to see a kind-faced blonde woman coming his way. She looked concerned. He felt himself relax; he knew her face. "Lieutenant Johansen."

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Fine, fine." His automatic response. He knew she wasn't convinced, especially when he kept looking around. "Um," he said, turning to her again. "I appear to be lost."

Her face gained a look of worry before she smiled. "Okay. Well, you're in the corridor between the mess hall and the infirmary."

He frowned. He had no idea what he would be doing there.

"Do you know where you were trying to go?"

He looked all the way to the right and then all the way to the left, then back at her. He shook his head. "No."

She kept the smile, but her eyes didn't lie. She was scared. That scared him. His heart pounded again and he could feel his breathing quicken. "Hey," she said softly, stepping up to his side. "It's okay. Don't panic. Why are you alone? Who was with you?"

He thought very hard, searching his mind for an answer. "I…I dunno. I remember sitting in the infirmary with Chloe."

She nodded patiently. "That was over an hour ago. Who was with you after that?"

He pondered again. It made his head hurt. "A woman. Dark hair. Oh," he realized suddenly. "Lieutenant James."

The lieutenant smiled again and brought a radio up to her mouth. "Vanessa, where are you?"

"T.J.? I'm on my way to you right now." She sounded out of breath.

"I've got Rush here."

Silence. Then: "Oh, thank you! I'm almost there."

Johansen smiled again at him. "She'll be here in a second. What happened?"

He shrugged. He didn't know.

Lieutenant James came running down the hallway at that moment, stopping and breathing hard at his side, her dark hair falling over her shoulder. "Doctor Rush," she said, panting. "Please don't do that again!"

"What did I do?" he genuinely wanted to know.

James looked at Johansen. "I swear, I left him outside the bathroom for two minutes, and when I came back he was gone. I've been looking for him for fifteen minutes. I was panicking!"

Johansen just nodded. "Well, here he is, safe and sound. He just got a little bit…" She glanced at him. "…Confused." Looking back at James, she asked, "Why didn't you radio him?"

"He lost his radio," James said.

He nodded. He hadn't seen his radio in days. It wasn't supposed to matter because apparently he was supposed to be followed everywhere he went and everyone who followed him was supposed to have one. He wasn't supposed to wander off.

Johansen, for her part, seemed unconcerned. "Well, it's all good now. I leave him in your capable hands."

James looked relieved, giving a gentle look to Nick. For some reason, the look made him slightly angry. They were treating him like a child. Or like a dementia patient. He was neither; he was a scientist, and he did not need to be babysat. But when he thought about stalking off by himself, it brought a fresh wave of anxiety. Maybe some company wasn't a terrible idea.

"So," James said. "Where do you want to go?"

Bless her, he didn't know. He shrugged. James looked at where they were, and he noticed that Johansen hadn't left. She was just watching them silently. Watching him.

"Well, if you're hungry we can go eat, if you're tired we can go sleep, if you have work to do…"

He thought about all those things. Finally he gave up. "I don't know."

"Okay," said James patiently. She began walking. "Let's go this way and see what we find."

He followed, glancing over his shoulder once more at the kind blonde woman who had found him. She looked like she was trying to hide how scared she was behind a fake plastic smile. He preferred her real smile. It was less frightening.

—

Eli had been rendered completely unable to focus after the colonels left the control room. He gave up on whatever it was he was trying to do - he couldn't even remember what he was working on, let alone concentrate on it - and decided maybe some food would help. It was out of hours for ration distribution, but Becker was always prepared for stragglers and people who lost track of time. Eli took his bowl and plunked down at a table, scowling inwardly when Telford appeared out of nowhere and pounced into the seat next to him like a cat on a kill. He had his own bowl, but he wasn't eating out of it. Just a prop, Eli thought. He was surprised Telford wanted to be anywhere within twenty feet of him after his attitude, but maybe this was a testament to the man's discipline. He obviously wasn't going anywhere. And neither was Eli. He wanted food.

"Hey," Telford said softly. And not unkindly.

Eli shoved a spoonful into his mouth. "Hey."

"I saw your mom yesterday."

Eli's gut twisted so tight that he thought he might throw up. Telford really knew how to get someone's attention, didn't he? He turned his head. "How is she?"

Telford paused, seeming to be choosing his words. "She's hanging in there."

That comfort allowed Eli to get his food down. He'd been hysterically afraid that his mom wouldn't be there when he got back. Every day was a trial.

"She misses you."

"I miss her too."

"It must make you pretty mad, being stuck all the way out here, away from her for so long," Telford mused.

Eli snorted. He thought it was pretty obvious that he was mad.

"You know, nobody would blame you for feeling a little resentment toward Rush for trapping you guys in this place."

Eli shot him a look. "I know what you're doing. You want me to turn on Rush so that I'll make him look bad at the inquest."

Telford sighed. "Would you believe me if I told you that's not what I'm doing?"

No. "Then what are you doing?"

"I'm only trying to get you to be honest. If you can't be honest with yourself, then you can't be honest with the rest of us. All that matters is the truth."

Eli stared at him. "I already said I would do it."

"I know. I just want to make sure."

He frowned. "You never liked Rush."

"Neither did you."

He scowled.

Telford sighed. "Look, you're right. The man has been a pain in the neck since the start of the Icarus project, but things tend to get put into perspective when you find out someone is dying. He's still human. And besides, I owe someone a favor." He got up and left the table before Eli could reply.

Eli sulked gloomily, stirring his bowl without seeing it. He wanted his mother. He missed her laugh, her hugs, her schnitzel. He wanted to hug her and see her smile and tell her he loved her. Five weeks seemed like such a long time all of a sudden.

Just then Vanessa James was walking up with Rush at her side. "Shift change," she said, and left her charge at the table. Rush sat beside Eli with a bowl of rations.

"Hey," Eli greeted him. He noticed a small plastic container on the tray by Rush's bowl. "What's that?"

Rush picked up his spoon. "Pain relievers. Apparently I can't tell the difference between feeling tired and feeling hungry anymore."

Whatever that meant. Eli frowned but said nothing, just watching as Rush slowly took a bite. His hand trembled. He looked extra tired today, and he kept rubbing his shoulder. Eli wanted to ask what was going on in his head. Telford's visit had muddled him. He didn't want to participate in this inquest, even in the background. He didn't want to put Rush or his reputation in danger. He didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to go home and sleep. None of this was fair.

"Eli," Rush said, and Eli realized he was staring. He shook himself.

"Sorry. My mind wandered off."

Rush didn't answer.

Eli wanted to ask if he was okay, but simultaneously he knew that would be absurd. "I wish this wasn't happening," he finally confessed instead.

Rush turned to look at him. "What wasn't?"

Eli swallowed, hard. "This. You. I wish…I so wish you were going to…" Crap, not the tears again. He had to stop to compose himself. This was hard.

Rush sighed and nodded. "I know."

"I keep thinking," Eli said. "I keep trying to find someone to blame. I keep trying to figure out what we could have done differently. Who we can hold responsible." He laughed, a nervous habit of his whenever he felt himself getting too serious. It didn't help.

Rush shrugged. "Well, this wouldn't be happening if someone hadn't stolen Lieutenant Johansen's dose of the vaccine." He tapped his spoon absently against the rim of his bowl. "Or if Lieutenant James hadn't insisted on staying five extra minutes on that planet. Or if you had taken more of the vials of the alien venom into the stasis pod." He threw a soft glance Eli's way, and despite his suspicion that it was to assuage his guilt, Eli still felt guilty. "Or…" Rush paused to take a long breath. "If I hadn't dialed the ninth chevron in the first place. If the Lucian Alliance hadn't attacked Icarus Base. If Telford hadn't allowed himself to be brainwashed." He shook his head. "You can put blame wherever you want, nothing changes."

Eli stabbed his spoon into his rations. It stood up like a barren flagpole. "They're trying to blame you, you know. For stranding us here on Destiny."

Rush nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"They asked me to try to solve that little problem one way or the other."

"I'm sure. I saw you talking to Telford."

"I'm going to try to prove them wrong."

Rush shook his head and pushed his bowl away. "I appreciate the thought, Eli, but…I wish you wouldn't. Science is about going where the evidence leads, even if it's not where you want or what you thought. You won't be doing anybody any favors with bias. Just follow the evidence."

Eli studied his friend. The sage advice of great men. "All right. I will."

They were quiet then, and Eli refocused on his meal, until a choking, watery sound caught his attention and he turned to see Rush puking over the side of the bench.

"Oh, whoa!" By instinct Eli put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, you okay?"

Dumb question, and Rush only curled forward, clutching his stomach, groaning softly.

Eli grabbed his radio from his belt. "T.J., this is Eli. Uh…Rush just got sick again."

"What does it look like?"

Um, ew. "What?"

There was a pause. "Where are you?"

"The mess hall."

"On my way."

He put the radio on the table and suddenly didn't know what to do. Rush was breathing hard with his eyes tightly shut, holding his head. "Rush…"

Rush turned his head away and curled tighter, but managed to stay in control. He set his forehead on the tabletop with a very soft whimper.

Eli did not like quiet. He didn't do well with quiet. Plus he was anxious, and being anxious only made the quiet seem so much quieter. "You okay?"

Rush extended a hand toward him but kept his face away. "Eli, for the love of all things, please stop talking."

He wrung his hands instead.

When T.J. got there she seemed pleased that Rush had vomited food this time instead of blood. Whatever that meant, it might have been good. She crouched at his side and held a hand to his forehead.

"Fever," she diagnosed. "Rush? Can you look at me?"

Rush shook his head and kept his eyes shut.

"You know," said Eli, "you gotta stop getting sick in here. People have a hard enough time keeping this stuff down as it is."

As if to defy him, Rush bent over and threw up again.

"Eli," T.J. scolded him, standing. "We need to take him to the infirmary. Come on, Rush."

She took him by one arm while Eli took the other, and they made their way. Colonels Young and Telford were already there waiting, probably having heard over the radio.

"What happened?" asked Young.

"He got sick again," T.J. said as Eli helped Rush sit on the bed, where he hunched over. "Biohazard in the mess hall."

"I'll get someone on it," Young muttered absently. Eli was watching Telford, who was just standing there silently, staring at Rush and shaking his head.

Rush leaned over and vomited again. Blood this time. He curled forward, hugging himself, and let out a groan.

"Rush?" T.J. said.

He took a breath and started to shake. "What's happening?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Why does it hurt?"

"Rush," T.J. said, and Eli could see the worry written all over her face.

He lifted his head. There was something wrong with his eyes. He looked round at them all but didn't appear to see them. "Where am I?"

Eli felt a tremor. "What?"

Rush turned and stared at him. He looked frightened, then blinked. "Eli."

Relief hit him like a wave. "Yeah, yeah, Eli. Are you okay?"

"Eli, what's happening?"

Eli wasn't trained for this. He felt a swell of panic in his belly but he tried to keep himself steady for Rush's sake. He knew he was failing. "Y-you're on Destiny."

"Destiny?"

"The ship…"

"Huh?"

T.J. leaned down and put a hand on his shoulder. "Rush."

Rush closed his eyes and hunched forward again. "Lieutenant, help me, make it stop…"

"Where are your painkillers?" she asked.

Rush looked at her. "What?"

"What painkillers?" Eli asked.

"A couple of hours ago I gave him a bottle of pain relievers-"

"Oh!" Eli said, remembering. "He left it in the Mess."

"That's okay, I have some more here." While T.J. began rummaging through some shelves, Eli peeked at Colonel Telford again. Scott had a more expressive face than Telford did, and Eli thought he looked pretty freaked out. Young had begun to pace. "Here we go," said T.J. softly. She crouched in front of Rush and uncapped the medicine, allowing him to administer it to himself. It felt like an hour before his rigid muscles loosened and he was able to release the grip he had on himself. Finally, he laid back on the bed.

"Hey," T.J. said, standing and facing the three men. "Why don't you guys give us a little privacy?"

They filed out silently. Eli was so wrapped up in his own mind that he wouldn't have noticed how Telford stumbled into the wall, except that he was suddenly looking at Young and saying, "Colonel?"

Young frowned. "Matthew?"

—

"Sir," Scott said as they went along, "they want to see Rush right away."

"Absolutely not," Everett said. "If they want to talk, they can come here and do it."

"Sir, there is some really funky stuff going on down there. They were talking about investigations and juries…" He lowered his voice, even though Eli was the only one around. "The President was there."

"I know." Oh, did he know.

"What the heck is happening?"

"What did they tell you?" That might be easier.

"Well," Scott said, "not much, but I got the impression that they're not too happy with Rush."

"No, they're not."

"They said they'd give him a second chance, whatever that means. It sounds like they don't believe he's even sick. They think he's just avoiding them."

Everett snorted. "Well, while I'm sure Rush would give his left arm to occupy a genuinely healthy body again, I'm not sure any of their people could tolerate what he's going through."

"That's what I said."

Everett stopped and stared at him. Scott kept going for one step before turning back and returning the gaze with slightly raised eyebrows. "You didn't."

"I did," Matthew said. "Bright shiny new reprimand in my file now."

"Matthew…"

"It's okay, sir. It has to be done. They can't keep jerking people around like this."

Everett sighed. "That may be true, but I would rather you not get involved in this mess. We're going home. We don't need a bunch of legal trouble when we get there."

"I understand, sir, but I couldn't in good conscience let them think Rush is just pulling one over on them."

"And I can't exactly let my subordinate show me up in a contest of guts. Let's go."

They changed course, heading for the communications lab. Eli split off from them and continued in the direction of the mess hall. While they walked, Scott kept fidgeting like there was something he wanted to say. Or ask.

"What's up, Lieutenant?"

"Sir?"

"You're jittery. What's going on?"

Scott scratched his head. "Oh, nothing. Just…I don't like any of this. What happened to Rush just now?"

Everett sighed. "He got sick again. Which reminds me, I've gotta get someone on that." He pulled his radio from his belt and called up Varro.

"Yes, Colonel?"

"I need you to do something for me, Varro. There's a biohazard in the mess hall."

"I heard, Colonel. It looks like Eli is already on it."

Everett paused. Eli? "He's taking care of it?"

"Yes, sir."

Everett sighed. One in two million, that kid. "All right, thanks." Radio replaced, he kept going, a little slower than before.

"He's really going to miss him," Scott said softly. "They make weird friends, but you can tell. Eli looks up to him."

"Yeah," Everett said. "And in his own weird way, Rush tries to encourage him. I'd have liked to see them working together on something a little less…high profile. It would be fascinating."

Scott snorted and smiled. "Yeah, no kiddin'."

They reached the communications lab. Everett sat and looked up at Scott. "Keep tabs on whoever comes through. I want to know exactly what they do and what they say. Use a kino if you have to."

"Yes, sir."

Everett placed his stone on the plate and took a deep breath like he expected to come out under water on the other side.

He didn't. He came through in the body of Doctor Williams. Carl Strom and Telford were standing over him.

"Doctor Rush?" asked Strom.

Let the game begin.

—

After Tamara examined Rush and concluded that he had suffered another attack, the exact nature of which still eluded her, she determined that he was stable for the moment and let him decide if he wanted to stay or go. She opened up her inventory files and began a review, wishing they had encountered a civilization with actual hospitals. She was in sore need of pretty much everything. Varro came and went, dropping by a load of freshly cleaned and dried bandages, earning a profound smile of gratitude. She'd almost - almost - forgotten Rush was there when he spoke again, his soft voice cutting through the quiet.

"Lieutenant, I wonder if you might be able to help me."

She closed the file and turned to him, answering almost too eagerly, "Of course. Anything."

He reached up and rubbed the back of his shoulder. "I have this ache back here. I don't have the proper angle. I was hoping you could…"

"Oh, sure, sure." She came around and stood behind him, placed her hands on his shoulders, and gently began kneading the muscles with her thumbs. He dropped his head forward with a sigh. "You're too tense," she said lamely, and she regretted it at once. Of course he's tense, you idiot! He's dying!

But Rush just chuckled. "My wife used to say the same thing. I was married once. Did I ever tell you that?"

She couldn't think of any context in which he would ever have told her that, but she did recall him wearing a wedding band in the past. She glanced at his left hand, but he no longer wore the ring. She wondered what had happened to it. "I thought as much," she said. "What was her name?"

He said it softly with such love: "Gloria."

"That's pretty."

"She was beautiful."

Tamara knew enough that asking about his wife's departure would be a mistake. She went a different way, and without even thinking she asked, "Any kids?"

He was quiet for a few moments. She kept rubbing, trying to think of a different question, but then he said, "Almost."

Her hands stilled, long enough for him to notice. He turned up to look at her. She could think of nothing to say, unwilling to question that answer, but unable to think of another subject.

"Miscarriage," he said softly, finally. "A side effect of her treatment. She never wanted to try again after that."

Tamara almost staggered, thinking of her own baby. She felt sick all over again with shock, emptiness, the agony, her arms aching for her child. She understood Gloria's pain and she knew it was a hurt that never really went away. Suddenly, she was afraid she would cry. "Oh, Doctor Rush, I'm so sorry."

He shrugged, but she felt his muscles tighten again under her fingers. "It was a long time ago."

Even so. She had never known this about him, that he had carried this pain inside for as long as they'd known each other. She wished he'd told her sooner. They were quiet for awhile. Tamara moved up and down both sides of his neck, then came around to the front to work his shoulders.

"Rush," she said softly as she worked. He did not answer, except with his eyes, which told her he was listening. She ran her hands over the muscles in his arm and bit her lip. "I owe you an apology."

He frowned. "What for?"

Her eyes flicked involuntarily to the area on his chest where the scar would be, above his heart. "I neglected you. After we removed the alien transmitter, I didn't take as much care of you as I should have. I let you go back to work too soon."

He quirked a brow. "You released me from the infirmary."

"I know," she said uncertainly. "But you weren't really ready. I should have kept you for a couple more days."

Now he frowned. "All right…" he said skeptically.

"But I just…" She closed her eyes. "I didn't want to deal with you."

She felt him bristle again. "Lieutenant-"

"No, let me say it." She took a breath to regain control. "I was selfish. I was only thinking of how upset I was about the mutiny, and I was thinking about my baby, and I was thinking about the colonel, and I wasn't thinking about you. I ignored you and neglected you, and then I went and stayed for a month on that alien planet. It shouldn't have happened. I should have made sure you were all right."

"I was all right," he assured her, but she couldn't tell if he meant it.

She frowned at him. "No, you weren't. Brody and Park told me how you looked when you went back to work. Even Colonel Young said you looked awful. But you insisted on working and I didn't want to argue with you."

He shrugged. "It's what I do."

"And this is what I do. That's what I'm saying. I should have cared for you, my patient, before anything else. But I didn't. And I'm sorry."

She was trying not to cry, she really was, but it was too much to deal with all at once. Rush was frowning at her, squinting, as though trying to discern if she still would have been so weepy if he weren't dying. The thought made her feel worse. She sat beside him on the bed, holding one wrist to her eye to stem the tears, while he sat silently. Finally, he sighed.

"Tamara, you have a right, an obligation, to look after your own health and the health of your child. But would it make you feel better if I said I forgave you?"

She nodded and actually managed a small laugh, choosing to ignore the flitter of delight that he had used her first name. Calling attention to it would just embarrass him. "Yeah, it would, actually."

Rush did not smile. He just nodded a little and kept his eyes low. Whispering, he said, "Then I forgive you."

She had never felt an urge to hug this man until now. Without even asking she just turned and swathed him in both her arms, pulling him in close. It didn't surprise her that he did not hug her back. It did surprise her that he placed a hesitant hand on her back and made soothing "shhh" sounds.

This was ridiculous. She was supposed to be trying to comfort him, to give him courage, and here he was comforting her. This was not going the way she'd planned. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and she drew herself away. "I had to tell you."

He nodded. Nothing more.

"Let's talk about something else, hmm?" she suggested.

He looked weary. "Actually, Lieutenant, if it's all the same I think I'd rather try to get some sleep. I'm quite tired just now."

She nodded and stood. "Of course. Just let me know whenever you need some medicinals, or even if you just want someone to talk to."

He gave a very small smile as he leaned back, probably just to indulge her, and tried to make himself comfortable on the bed. She laid a blanket over him and went to her work desk and opened her inventory file, scanning the counts for the blood thinners and painkillers. Looking at him above the pages, watching him lie there with his eyes closed and his hands folded on his stomach, she sat in her chair and silently cried.

—

"Your lieutenant was given very specific instructions to send Doctor Rush back."

Everett was completely fed up with this process. He had pretended to be Rush for the first few minutes of this visit, but one look at the equation they were pushing on him showed him how far out of his depth he was. He gave up the charade, and they did not take the news well. "With all due respect, General, I have advised against that again and again. Doctor Rush is very sick."

"So you say," said Strom.

"You shut up-"

"Colonel," O'Neill brought him back. "We need to see that for ourselves."

Everett snorted. "Well, if I'm right, Williams is about to see that. It would be very dangerous to send someone else into Rush's body. He could die at any moment."

"We still need-"

"Sir!" Everett bit out, and O'Neill fell into a surprised silence. "I've watched the man vomit blood and suffer a stroke. Believe me - he is very, very sick."

"Told you," Telford quipped.

"Your lieutenant was given a direct order," O'Neill said. He didn't sound angry, exactly. Frustrated, more like. Tired. "We've already reprimanded him once."

"So I heard. For the record, I agree with him wholeheartedly. Reprimand away."

O'Neill shook his head. "This is serious, Colonel."

"I understand that, sir. But so is Rush's condition. Having anyone swap with him is dangerous and reckless. I'm sure Mr. Williams is learning that as we speak. And while we're on this subject, I think bringing the inquest to Destiny is a very bad idea."

"So we heard," Strom gibed, looking at Telford, who frowned.

"And yet you insist on doing it."

Strom just shrugged. "It has to be done."

"Does it? Why can't it wait until we're home?"

"You said Rush wasn't coming home."

"He isn't. So why bother doing it at all?"

"Look," Strom said, folding his hands on the table and leaning forward like a seedy salesman, "we're being quite generous to him. We always have. We've given him many chances, and he will even have the opportunity to speak for himself at the inquest. I think it's more than fair."

"I don't care what you think," Everett said before he could stop himself. "It's still pointless."

General O'Neill, unbothered by Everett's behavior, just looked at Strom and shrugged. "There it is. Not sure what else you need to know."

"I'd like Doctor Williams's opinion," Strom said stiffly.

Everett didn't care two bits for Williams's opinion, either. "May I go?"

O'Neill waved his permission. Everett wished there was a way to sever the stone's connection in a more effectual way, but he had to settle for just turning off the machine. He found himself outside Destiny's infirmary with T.J., who was staring at him with the most horrified expression.

"T.J.," he said, to let her know it was him again. She gasped.

"Colonel?"

"Yes. What was happening?"

She looked so angry. Tears were rimming her reddened eyes, but he couldn't tell if they were tears of fury or of sadness. She had one fist clenched around a pencil, and he had a vision of her stabbing it into his eye. He looked over her shoulder and could see Rush on one of the beds, leaning back, staring at the ceiling.

"T.J., what did Williams say?"

She cleared her anger from her throat. "He came to make sure Rush was sick," she said in disgust. "Like we all just made the whole thing up." She crossed her arms. "At first he was angry that he wasn't switched with Rush, so Matt brought him here to show what he'd be dealing with. You should have seen his face. Priceless."

She said it with such sorrow that it made his heart lurch. "Where is Scott?"

She jerked her head to the infirmary. Only then did Everett notice the young man sitting hunched in a chair at Rush's side, looking at him. Everett waved him out. T.J. took her hint to excuse herself and returned inside to her patient, and Matt came out to the hallway and leaned back against the wall.

"Lieutenant," Everett said. "What happened?"

Scott sighed. "Not much, sir."

"What did Williams say? Why is T.J. so upset?"

Scott looked toward the open infirmary door, a faraway look in his eyes. "He pretty much demanded to talk to Rush. T.J. refused him entry. He literally shoved her away." Everett's blood pressure piqued, and Matt must have noticed, because he raised his hands pacifically in the air. "Don't worry, we got that on a kino. But he didn't get too far because Rush chose that point to get sick again." The young man sighed. "T.J. thinks he's going to need a transfusion if this keeps up."

"Blood again?"

Scott nodded. "Yeah. It was pretty bad. Williams practically ran out of the room, and T.J. chased him."

Everett snorted. "I just hope he gives a faithful report to the rest of the IOA and the SGC." He doubted he would.

Scott snorted. "Yeah, right."

Everett sighed. There was nothing else to do. "Well, they are still insisting on bringing the inquest here. They'll be here in a week."

Scott released a breath and shook his head. "No compassion, huh?"

"Yeah." He looked back into the sick bay. "Dismissed, Lieutenant."

Scott went away, and Everett lingered out in the hall, staring into the infirmary. T.J. sat at Rush's bedside, just watching him. Rush wasn't sleeping. Wasn't even trying. He was just staring up at the ceiling. But somehow, Everett knew he was seeing something far gone and far away, perhaps the past he would never have again, or the future that would never be.