Chapter 18

It was the radio that did it. T.J.'s distraught voice hacked his dreams apart and physically yanked him back to the real world, and suddenly he was on his feet, ready for action, and his first conscious thought was, And this is why I didn't join the military. His second thought was, Where's Rush?

Rush's bed was empty. T.J. wasn't there either. Eli tried to catch up with what was happening, listening to the radio chatter while simultaneously trying to think through a blossoming hangover. Either Rush had gotten up on his own and wandered off, forcing T.J. to go hunt him down, or she had gone with him. Which meant Rush had woken up, and she hadn't told him. His temper flared, quickly squashed when the walkie-talkie said something that made his mind freeze.

"He just went into cardiac arrest!" T.J.'s voice crackled.

Suddenly Chloe was up too.

"Where are you?" Colonel Young answered back.

"Heading back to the infirmary from the observation deck."

"I'm on my way."

"What's happening?" Chloe demanded, running over. Her eyes were wide and panicked. Eli threw his hands in the air.

"I have no idea! He was there when I fell asleep and now he's gone!"

"Is he alive?" That was Varro.

"What?" Chloe cried. "Is that Rush? Are they talking about Rush?"

"I don't know!" But of course it was Rush. It had to be.

"He's breathing," T.J. answered. "I got his heart beating again, but he's unresponsive!"

"We're coming."

Chloe dropped into the chair, rocking and sobbing. Eli was at a loss. He felt like smashing someone's face in or putting a hole through the wall, but he also wanted to just curl up in a corner and cry like a little kid. He settled for pacing. Ten steps up, ten steps back, running his hands through his hair. What was taking so long? He went to Chloe and stood behind her, wrapping her in his arms. She held fast to him and kept crying.

When T.J., Young, and Varro arrived, pushing Rush on the kino sled, Eli hauled Chloe's chair back from the bed to give them space. Rush was pale, floppy, and unconscious.

"What's happening?" Eli shouted.

"His heart stopped," T.J. said, in medic-mode. Young and Varro transferred Rush to the bed while Eli just stared at her.

"What? Why?"

"I don't know, Eli. Heart attack, maybe. It can cause cardiac arrest."

"You said he had a day!"

"I said maybe!"

Chloe stood abruptly from the chair. "Why didn't you tell me he was awake?!" she shouted furiously.

T.J. didn't answer. She flicked a syringe of something before injecting it into the I.V., then began carefully tugging off Rush's shirt.

"T.J.!"

"Chloe, I do not have time to argue with you right now! I'm trying to help him!" She slapped some leads onto Rush's skin, then leaned over him and began gently tapping his face. "Hey, Rush, wake up. Hey."

He didn't answer. And then he did. He moved his head, then his arm. Eli thought he would faint. "Tamara, what…"

"It's okay, you're okay," she told him. "Something happened but you're okay. I need you to talk to me. Rush? Hey, stay awake."

Rush seemed delirious, fighting to sit up, staring at his right arm in confusion. "Can't move," he said. His left hand was flat against his head. He grit his teeth and let out a groan, louder and louder.

"Rush?" T.J. said. "Talk to me! What's wrong?"

"What's happening?" Chloe cried.

Eli gripped his hair in both hands. It couldn't end like this. Not like this, not for him. "We have to do something. Something, anything."

"I don't know what's happening," T.J. said, "but I need you both to leave now."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Chloe, but I really need to focus on him right now! Please go! I'll call you when you can come back."

Chloe was a mess, sinking down to the cold, unforgiving infirmary floor, clinging to Rush's hand and weeping. Eli stooped down and picked her up, bodily dragging her out the door even though all he wanted was to sit down there right beside her. He could hear T.J. frantically trying to get Rush to talk, and then there was silence as the bulkhead slammed closed after them.

They waited for ages. Eli kept pacing outside the door. He wished the bulkhead wasn't soundproof; he'd give anything for some idea of what was happening in there. He really, really wanted to wake up. That was all. He just wanted to know that this was all a nightmare and Rush was fine and everyone was fine and they were going home and everything was fine. Was that too much to ask for?

Chloe had closed in on herself, back against the wall, knees drawn up to her chest. She hadn't stopped crying for a minute. He wanted to soothe her, but he had nothing to offer. He hadn't enough comfort to even give himself. After an eternity he just sat at her side, their shoulders touching, the wall behind him cold through his shirt. She turned to him, and he put his arm around her.

"What if he dies in there?" she asked between sobs. "I have something to tell him! What if I missed my chance?"

His tightened throat allowed no answer. He made some kind of smothered sound but couldn't manage any actual words. T.J. should have woken him up. This was so unfair. He was prepared to be violently angry if Rush died in there before he had a chance to say goodbye.

A staticky sound made them both leap. Eli yanked his walkie from his belt as warbled voices came hiccuping through. Something about compressions and right now. Someone must have been leaning on their radio.

"Get the bag!" T.J.'s voice commanded.

The bag. That meant Rush had stopped breathing.

"This can't be happening," Chloe said. Her head was in her hands, and she was just shaking.

Eli desperately wanted to shut his radio off, but he also needed to know what was going on in that room. Anything was better than sitting out here in wretched suspense. If something developed, he wanted to know about it.

But the radio did not speak again. It was silent and unsympathetic, and he felt an irrational urge to smash it against the wall.

Don't die yet. Please don't die yet. I'm not ready.

He felt so cold. At some point Matt showed up and sat on Chloe's other side without a word. Eavesdropping on the radio, or sixth sense? It didn't matter. Eli rested his arms on his knees, shivering without knowing why, unable to stop even when Chloe put her arms around him.

The anticipation was never-ending. His heart beat the seconds away and every minute seemed longer than the last. Eventually he became convinced that nothing would ever happen again. Time had stopped. He would sit here on this floor forever, and that door would never open again, and he would never see another person again, and he would never know what happened to Rush, and Rush would never actually die, and that was okay. He leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes and prepared to settle in for infinity.

But infinity was shorter than he ever could have hoped, and that door did open, and T.J. gave him a look he would never forget.