Dean felt naked without a blade or a gun. He walked halfway to town before he even realized that Sam still had his wallet. Damn it.
Suddenly he had an idea. Sherriff Jody Mills lived pretty close. She always welcomed the boys in for a beer. And there was no shortage of weapons in her house...
He was at her door in under ten minutes. As expected, she greeted him with a smile and invited him in for a drink.
"Dean! Good to see you. Where's Sam? Hardly ever see you two apart."
"He's back at Bobby's place, hittin' the books. We got a demon problem."
"Again?" Jody sighed. "Seems like that's all there is these days."
She handed him a beer, and he grinned. He popped the top and started chugging it like a man dying of thirst.
The sheriff raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"
"Mhmm." He made a vague noise of affirmation, not bothering to take his lips from the bottle.
"Alright then... Why don't you take your jacket off? It's like 80 degrees in here."
He wiped his mouth, having downed the entire bottle in under a minute. "Nah, I'm fine." He said breathlessly.
"I can see you sweating from here."
"I said I was fine." He countered defensively.
She backed off. "O-kay..."
"Can I use your bathroom?"
Dean left Jody in the living room and wandered down the hall. But instead of going into the bathroom, he turned to the right and locked himself in her armory. Guns and knives lined the walls.
Thank God.
He took off his jacket, ripped the bandages from his wrists, and chose his blade. It was a beautiful dagger. Perfect size and weight. It felt so good to know that he was in control again...
He started cutting. He didn't care that Jody was in the other room. He didn't care that Cas was probably watching. He didn't care if he died. All that mattered was the blood. The beautiful crimson blood that was flowing from his veins. Bleeding out his sins...
He fell into a steady rhythm. cut. cut. cut.
His hands were shaking. cut. cut. cut.
"Dean!" He heard the angel's voice, but it seemed a million miles away.
He was on the floor now. How did that happen?
"Dean, hold on."
Everything was a red haze...
"Cas, let me die..." He whispered before fading into the darkness.