I've had to get up early to wait for a delivery so I thought I might as well make myself useful and update :)
Rita couldn't tell you what, but something changed between her and Dylan after she'd collapsed, they still barely spoke and hardly spent any time in each other's presence unless they absolutely had to, but she still felt like something had changed. She'd see him watching her as she worked, offering to help if she was struggling with a patient, and, on the days where she was rushed off her feet, she'd find herself walking into her office, desperate for five minutes to herself, only to find Dylan would have left her dinner on her desk to be sure she ate something.
She'd kept him up to date like she'd told herself she would, she left notes in his locker after her antenatal appointments, letting him know how their daughter was developing and she'd given him a copy of her 20 week scan, a note on the back confirming once again that the baby was, most definitely, a girl.
Dylan had taken the notes home, placed them safely in the drawer by his bed with the first scan picture he'd been given. The more recent one lived on his bedside table. He spent hours gazing at it, wishing he had the strength to step up, wishing things were different but they weren't, and no matter how much he wanted to be the baby's father, he knew it was better for everyone concerned if he was just a doctor at the hospital where the baby's mother worked. Little did Dylan know, the whole department was soon to find out exactly why he didn't want to be a father.
It started off as a normal day in the ED, two people brought in by the paramedics, the older male had been driving when he'd lost consciousness and hit a tree, injuring himself and the younger woman he'd had in the passenger seat. Rita had walked over to meet the paramedics, taking the female patient with Zoe, Dylan and Charlie taking the male but Dylan took one look at the man and froze, "I erm, Zoe, you need to switch patients, I can't...I can't treat this man."
Zoe frowned, "why not?"
"He erm, he's my father."
"Right, okay" Zoe had tried to hide her shock as she swapped patients, leaving Rita to reel off the woman's information to Dylan. They took the woman into the smaller of the two resus rooms, separating her from the male, something that made Dylan's anxiety about the situation decrease rapidly. He and Rita remained professional as they treated the woman's injuries which, luckily, turned out to be mostly superficial cuts and bruises.
It was down to Dylan however, to inform the woman that her blood tests had shown she was pregnant, a baby that would be his own half-sibling. He'd delivered the news before going out for some fresh air, trying to get his head around everything that had happened today leaving Rita to deal with the patient.
"How far along are you?" she asked the nurse.
Rita's hand instantly went to her stomach, "23 weeks" she smiled softly before returning to the task she was doing before her baby was mentioned.
"Do you know what you're having?"
"A girl" Rita nodded as she checked the woman's blood pressure.
"Nice" she said softly, falling silent for a while before asking, "what about the dad, is he...is he around?"
"It's complicated" Rita said simply, "he's around but he's not really...involved. I think he's starting to come round to the idea so I guess I'll just have to wait and see."
"But if he doesn't...you'll still raise her, on your own?"
"Yeah" Rita nodded, "I'm not expecting it to be easy but…" she trailed off as she heard yelling in reception, "just excuse me for a minute."
She made her way into reception to find Dylan's father screaming at his son, the pair had bumped into each other as Dylan returned to the department after getting some fresh air "...is it any wonder I left, look at you, you're nothing more than a stupid waste of space, you can't even look me in the eye can you? How did you even qualify as a doctor? You're a mess, you disgust me, what sort of man are you if…"
"That is enough" Rita bellowed, louder than anyone had ever heard her before, "now Mr Carroll, you either get back to your bed, or if you've been discharged you get out of this hospital."
"I am not…"
"Either you walk out of that door on your own two feet or I get security to drag you out, it's your choice, I don't care what your relationship is, you do not speak to staff members like that."
"What the hell is going on here?" Connie stalked over, hands on hips, wanting to know what all the fuss was about.
"Mr Carroll here was just leaving." Rita told Connie firmly, "but he might need security to show him the way to the door.
Connie looked over at a security guard who was stood nearby, not impressed that he'd let the pregnant nurse deal with the situation instead of stopping it himself, "Well?" Connie raised one eyebrow, "you heard her, get him out of my department." She waited until the security guard had dragged Dylan's father from reception before turning to Rita, "are you okay?"
Rita nodded, "I erm, I should probably check Dylan's alright… that's his father" she explained. Dylan had shown no emotion, he'd simply stood silently, his head bowed as his father had screamed at him before sneaking away once Connie had arrived.
Connie nodded, "tell Dylan to take as long as he needs to get himself together" she said, letting Rita go in search of him before demanding to know why the rest of the staff had just stood back and let Rita deal with Dylan's father.
It didn't take long for Rita to find Dylan, sat on the sofa in the staffroom, his head held in his hands. "Well there you are" he whispered as he noticed Rita sit beside him, "now you know why I can't be a father to your child. That is exactly how I'll turn out and I won't do that to her, I'm not going to put her through that."
"Dylan" Rita said softly, reaching out to take his hand, "you're not like him, you're not any of the things he told you you were. He hasn't been there, how would he know the sort of man you are? You're a good doctor, you've diagnosed patients Connie's struggled to diagnose, you're kind, caring, you're passionate about the things you believe in and I think our daughter would be lucky to have you in her life. And I don't want you to be her father..."
"You, you don't?" Dylan asked as he felt his heart sink, Rita had already realised the baby was better off without him.
"I don't want you to be her father, you already are her father, I want you to be her dad, her daddy. I want you to read her bedtime stories and check for monsters under her bed. I want her to be able to come to you when she wants to learn to ride her bike. I want to watch her playing in the park with Dervla when she's older." Rita gently placed Dylan's hand on her swollen stomach so he could feel the baby squirming under her skin, "she's only here because you're her father, and I think she would be a very lucky little girl if you'd allow yourself to be her daddy."
"I don't know if I can" Dylan said honestly.
Rita nodded, "Well you've got plenty of time to think about it, I don't want to be harsh but I'd like to know either way before she's born. You don't have to be at the birth or anything but if you do want to be her daddy you need to be there from the beginning. My parents weren't great either" she confessed, "and I want her to have better, I want her to have the stable upbringing I never had. I'll never push you out of her life but if you want to be her Daddy then that's what you need to be but if you don't..." Rita shrugged, "I won't force you to see her, I won't hound you for money. It's your choice Dylan, and I don't know if my opinion means anything to you but I think, if you let yourself be a part of her life, you might just be surprised at how good you are at being a Dad."
Dylan nodded, "I'll think about it."
"Thank you" Rita smiled, "I'm going to get back to work, but if you need anything… Connie said to take as long as you need."
Dylan nodded again as Rita stood to leave, "thank you."
Dylan was left alone with his own thoughts for a while before he heard the staffroom door click open and someone sit down beside him, "I saw what happened in reception" Lofty said softly, "I erm, I just wondered if you were alright?"
"Rita's baby" Dylan said quietly, "it's mine."
"Yeah" Lofty nodded, "I'd heard some gossip but…" he shrugged, "it's between you and Rita."
"She wants me to be involved but I can't" Dylan never knew why he found himself so able to trust Lofty, he'd never really trusted anyone but Lofty, he seemed able to break down all the walls Dylan had ever built.
"Can't or won't?" he asked softly.
"That man was my father. I can't risk exposing Rita's baby to that. If I turn out to be like him… that's not going to be fair on the baby, I know how awful it was to grow up with him. She'd be better off with Rita than having to put up with a father like me, like him."
"Dylan" Lofty said softly, "he's the reason you won't be like that, you know what it's like to have a father like him so you'll do everything you can to be the opposite, you know what it's like for him to make you feel the way he makes you feel so you'll go out of your way to make sure you never make your daughter feel like that. I think you'd make a good father."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean you and Rita, you're sort of opposites personality wise so you'll be a good team, there'll be things that Rita's better at than you and there'll be things you do better than Rita. I get that you must be scared, but you can only do your best. I'm sure Rita would agree with me. As long as you're trying to be a good dad and the little one's happy then that's all that really matters."
"What if she's crazy like me?"
"You're not crazy" Lofty replied quickly as he tried to think how he could word his response and not upset Dylan, "mental health problems are common, you know that as well as I do" he said calmly, "and if your daughter does struggle with OCD, or anxiety or any sort of mental health disorder, don't you think you'd be the perfect person to help her through it? I mean anyone can tell her it'll be okay but you've been there, you'll be able to share your experiences with her, you'll be able to talk about how far you've come, your experience will only help her."
"So you think I should do it? Be involved."
"Yeah" Lofty nodded, "look at it this way, if you're there, if you're her Dad and then something happens and it doesn't work out, at least you know you've tried. Imagine how you'd feel, working here, seeing that little girl grow up knowing you could have been a part of it. I think you should talk to Rita, she'll understand why you're worried, you need to talk it through with her and see what she says, it's new for both of you, she's probably just as scared about messing up as you are."
Dylan nodded, "I'll speak to her."
"Good" Lofty nodded as he stood up, gently squeezing Dylan's shoulder, knowing he wouldn't want a hug, "congratulations" he smiled before leaving Dylan alone with his thoughts.