Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Stephenie Meyer owns anything and everything relating to Twilight. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended and in order to keep it that way, No reproduction, copying, reposting, downloading, or any kind of redistribution of this story is allowed. This is to cover my arse as much as yours! And finally, the Original characters, plot, names, nicknames, songs, poems—anything I created from my very own brain—are all the property of the author of this fanfic, My-Bella. Unauthorized use of the material is plagiarism so please be kind and don't steal my creations.
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Chapter 7 – To Be or Not To Be
Saturday, May 31st
Masen snorted at the sight of his mom leading Irina around the couch in some kind of twirling dance. What made it even funnier to him was he knew she wasn't drunk. He could see in the brightness of her eyes and hear in the quality of her laugh that she was high on life and nothing more. That would make their impending conversation both easier and harder. Easier because she would be able to understand what he was saying and harder for that exact same reason.
"Masen, you look more scrumptious every single time I see you," Tanya greeted as she hugged him and kissed his cheek.
"Thank you, Tanya. You look great as always."
"If Esme wasn't your mother," she warned, just like she did every time they saw each other.
He only nodded, just like he always did. Some things were better left without comment.
"Don't be nice to him." Kate was pouting from her prone position on the couch; a half filled glass of what he guessed was sangria rested on her chest. "He's taking our Esme away for the summer."
"Hey, she was mine before she was ever yours," he said as he winked at her, knowing it would make her laugh. This too was a tradition, though this one was annual and not every single time he saw Kate.
Esme twirled her way over to him and wrapped both of her arms around one of his. "Do I have the best kid or what? He could be doing anything right now and he comes here to hang out with his mom."
"As much as he adores you, Esme, I'm pretty sure he came for the sangria first and you second," Irina replied with a laugh.
Esme's lips were curled into a smirk when she looked up at him. "That true, Kid? You come for the sangria?"
"I came because you called and asked me for a ride home since your cohorts are too tired to drive."
"Oh, fine. Just spoil the mystery and surprise for everyone," Kate called out from behind her now nearly empty glass.
"Mom, we should go before Kate gets surly and starts throwing things at me like last year," he warned.
Kate suddenly picked up a remote control and he stepped back, wanting room to duck if she threw it. "You better bring her back safe and sound," she demanded.
"Ladies, thank you for another lovely evening but I need to get my kid out of here before he gets pelted with objects," Esme said as she hugged Tanya and then Irina goodbye. "I'll give you girls a call as soon as we get back at the end of August."
"For it was in your smile I knew happiness and in your absence I knew sorrow!" Kate bellowed, swinging the remote around.
"Make sure you give her a couple aspirin and a lot of water before she calls it a night," Esme said once she was standing on the porch with only Tanya and Masen.
"We'll take good care of her and her hangover," Tanya promised.
After another hug and some whispered words he didn't catch, his mom was finally ready to leave her friends. Of course, the first thing she did was ask him how the aquarium visit had gone with Bella.
"It didn't go the way I'd expected. And before you start in, I've already fixed things."
"I know that tone, Edward. And I know it means this is going to be a long ride home so get started," she said, shifting in her seat to face him.
"When we first got to the aquarium, everything was fine. We started off at the reef exhibit and talked about our favorite invertebrates. Bella is really amazing at sharing what she knows in a way that keeps you interested. You were right about that and I'll be able to learn a lot from her."
"But?"
"The but is coming, just not yet." He took a deep breath before continuing, telling himself he needed the oxygen when all he was really doing was prolonging the inevitable—his mother was going to be disappointed in him. Though this time, he wondered if hers would come close to matching his own.
"So then we went to the hammerhead exhibit and I could see she was nervous," he continued. "She wouldn't look through the window and she kept twisting that too-big watch she wears everywhere. So I started telling her some of the interesting things marine biologists have discovered about them and she started to loosen up. She even started asking questions and was watching the sharks move around.
"We went to the interactive display next and I got to listen to everything she knows about humpback whales. Which is a lot by the way. She seemed perfectly fine. So I took her to the tunnel. I could see right away she wasn't really comfortable but I thought it would pass the way it had with the hammerheads. And for a while, it seemed like I was right.
"But then one of the tiger sharks got too close to a diver and she completely flipped out." He ran a hand through his hair and stole a quick glance at his mother. She had the perfect poker face on right now, waiting to hear the rest of the story because she always knew when there was more.
"And then I flipped out," he admitted. "I was mad at me and mad at her and my adrenaline was pumping because she nearly screamed and started a panic. I just … I handled it all wrong. And I told her that and I apologized for it."
"Pull over." It wasn't said loudly or with any malice but it still made Masen flinch.
He turned into the first parking lot he came across and turned the car off but kept his hands on the steering wheel, using the grip to ready himself for what was coming. The tongue-lashing was going to be bad enough but seeing how much he'd disappointed her was going to be even worse.
"I want you to look at me, Edward. I want to know I have your full attention."
He shifted around the best he could in the small car and lifted his eyes to meet hers. The poker face was all gone and the disappointment was already showing.
"What were the three things I told you to do at the aquarium?" Esme asked.
"Take my time, think before I speak, and proceed with caution."
"Did you do any of those things?"
"At the time I thought I was."
"And now?"
"I only managed the first and not for the whole time. I should have stopped after the hammerhead exhibit. I thought it was just a general fear she'd developed from movies and books. I pushed her without knowing where the line was for her and it ended up hurting her."
Esme's lips moved but no sound came out and he knew she was counting to ten to calm herself. He rarely ever upset her so much but man when he did, he went all the way.
She finished her counting and asked, "Where is she? How is she?"
"We talked and like I said, I apologized to her. I think she'll stay. I told her I want her to stay. I'll find out in the morning what she decides."
"Where is she?"
"When I left the house, she was asleep in her bed with Lizzy curled up next to her. We were in there talking—well, I was talking—and she drifted off."
Esme reached out and cupped his stubble covered cheek. "You know I love you. You know I only ever want the best for you. And you know that I won't always like your behavior, just like you won't always like mine.
"With that said, I am extremely disappointed in your behavior with Bella. But I am also immensely proud that you saw your error and attempted to fix it. Just don't be so foolish as to think everything between you two is fixed because you apologized. She trusted you to take her to that aquarium and make it a good experience. You broke that trust, Edward."
"I know that. She said she doesn't know where her line is because she's never pushed herself before but she really wants to now. I promised we'd go slow, start with her just watching videos of us in the water. And then if she feels comfortable at some point, move her up to being on deck with us.
"Mom, I know I screwed up today but I also know I can help her. I can show her that sharks aren't monsters waiting to bite unsuspecting humans. I can show her they can be beautiful and that they're a necessary species."
She smiled and then pulled him into a hug, holding him tightly for a while before saying anything. "I have faith in you, Edward. If you say you can do this, then I believe you."
"I'm sorry. I never want to disappoint you."
"I know that, Kid." She kissed his cheek and then let him go. "We all lose our way sometimes and need help getting back on track. You seem like you've figured out how to do that on your own but if you're wrong, come to me. Don't hesitate or think you have to do it all on your own."
He chanced a smile, hoping it would get that pensive look off her face. "You know you're my go-to gal for advice, Mom."
Esme did smile, but it was short-lived. She grabbed his hand and locked her eyes on his gray ones. "Edward, she means something to you. Don't ruin that."
He only nodded since he couldn't deny what she was saying or attempt to explain it. There was something about Bella that held his attention each time he was near her. He had no idea what it was, only that he wasn't ready for it to go away yet. He was fully prepared to make any promise she needed to hear to get her to stay. But that was for tomorrow. For tonight, he needed to get his mom home and get his dog out of Bella's room.
His mom was right behind him as he climbed the stairs, as if she was making sure he didn't screw up anymore tonight. "I'm just going to grab Lizzy and go to my room."
Esme snorted. "From the looks of it, I think Lizzy is happy right where she is."
The puppy was curled up in Bella's arms with her head tucked up under Bella's chin. Masen couldn't help letting out a snort of his own at the sight.
As loudly as he dared, he called for his dog. "Lizzy. Come on, girl. Time for bed."
Bella was the only one who stirred and it caused Esme to push Masen out of the doorway. It was so unexpected that he tripped over his own bare feet and would have landed on his ass if he hadn't slapped a hand against the wall to help regain his balance.
Esme shushed him and waved a hand at him.
He scowled at her. "You pushed me."
"I don't want you waking Bella."
"So I won't," he said, wondering why that wasn't already self-evident to his mother. "I'll just grab Lizzy and go."
"You saw the way they're sleeping. There's no way you're getting Lizzy out of Bella's arms without waking her. Just leave her where she is and go downstairs."
"Fine," he relented, breathing heavily out of his nose.
Esme laughed softly while patting his cheek. "It's cute how much you care."
He grinned while scratching the bridge of his nose. "She's my puppy. I'm supposed to care."
Esme's smiled widened. "I wasn't talking about Lizzy." She patted his cheek once more before leaving him standing all alone in the hall with his mouth gaping open and his mind whirling.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
"Guppy!" Whit greeted with a huge smile as he held her hand and helped her aboard Galeos. "Great to see you on this fine Saturday morning."
Bella laughed more at the wink that followed his words than at what he'd said. "You sound surprised to see me."
"Nah. I knew you'd stay." He leaned in close and whispered the next part into her ear, "Masen wants it as much as you do."
"Whit, some help would be amazing right about now," Esme called out.
Whit flashed Bella an apologetic smile and then rushed over to help Esme get her bags and herself aboard. Bella glanced around nervously, knowing Edward was already here and that she would have to talk to him this morning. She wasn't sure how to tell him where that imaginary line was without telling him everything, just like she knew she wasn't ready to tell her story.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Esme's voice as she picked up on her conversation with Whit. "… best sangria I've ever tasted. And so smooth I didn't even realize I was drunk until Kate pulled out the camera and started taking pictures of my striptease with Tanya."
He groaned and Bella wasn't sure he was completely pretending. "Esme, you know you're killing me here, right?"
She laughed and patted his cheek. "I can always count on you for an ego boost, Whit. One of the many reasons I love you."
They headed inside and when Bella finished laughing she went to follow after them. She was stopped just outside of the doorway by the sound of her name and quickly realized she was being talked about and not to.
"Why are you asking?" Masen asked in response to Lee's question.
"You said you two talked about the aquarium thing so I figured she would have been here bright and early with you, not coming hours later with Esme."
"We did talk about it. We sorted most of it out last night and we'll get the rest settled this morning after the team meeting."
"Masen, are you sure you want her here?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean exactly what I asked. Are you sure you want her here? Because it seems like you're trying to scare her off. If you are, I don't mind helping at all. Just let me know which way to go with this."
"While I appreciate the offer, it's not necessary. I've got things with Bella under control and they're going to stay that way. She's staying."
"If you're sure."
"Positive."
"Totally sure?"
"Lee." His tone sounded like a warning one but Bella wasn't completely sure.
"What are you two bitching about now?" Whit asked.
As soon as she heard his voice, she stepped into the room as if she hadn't heard a thing. She even greeted them all with a big smile and a chipper "morning". Lee might not want her here but Edward did; she was positive he'd meant everything he'd said last night.
"Lee, come help me with something," Whit said, pulling her out of the room and toward the front of the boat.
Masen stood up and took the bag Bella was holding. "I'm glad you decided to stay."
"Me too."
"We need to talk this morning. I was thinking after the team meeting but we can do it before if you'd prefer."
"No, after will be fine."
His face completely transformed, going from professionally serious to impish with just the lifting of his lips into a smile. "Let's get your bag put away and then you can sit in on your first MMR team meeting."
She followed him below deck to the sleeping quarters but while he went on to put her bag away, she was stopped in the hall by a Gopher and a dog. One was crushing her in a hug and the other was licking her ankle.
"Gopher, let Bella breathe," Esme ordered from somewhere behind him.
"But she's just so cute! I'm gonna love her and pet her and call her 'Guppy'."
"Gopher. Now." Edward's command had him not only letting go, but also stepping away and lifting his hands up in surrender. Bella had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at Edward acting so protective. It was really kind of sweet and it made her wonder if he was worried she might still leave. He seemed to honestly care about her staying and that made her feel hopeful they wouldn't have any more trouble getting along.
"I'm just standing here," Gopher said, grinning and shifting his gaze between Edward and Esme.
It was eerily quiet for a moment and then Esme giggled. "Yep. Going to be another interesting summer on the boat. Come on, Gopher. I'll help you set up for our first meeting." She scooped up Lizzy with one arm and then looped the other around Gopher's, leading him toward the stairs.
"I made mini breakfast quiche and they should be ready to come out of the oven any second now."
"You wouldn't happen to be in the market for a taste-tester, would you?" she asked him just as they disappeared out of Bella's sight.
She had been laughing at their banter but then Edward curled his fingers around hers, shocking her into silence. Standing so close to him, she could see that the blue of his eyes matched the shirt he was wearing today.
"Did he crush you?" he asked.
She smiled and shrugged. "I'll live."
"Good. Lee would get pissed at me if I turned him into chum."
"But MMR doesn't chum the water," she pointed out, just barely keeping herself from laughing.
"I'd make an exception with him."
She laughed at how seriously he'd said that, not believing for a second that he really felt that way about Gopher. "You wouldn't."
Edward stepped closer to her, forcing her to crane her head back to see him properly. His eyes were hidden behind his lashes since his focus was centered on her lips; the thought of him kissing her made her heart jump up into her throat and attempt to run away from her. While her heart might want to run and hide, the rest of her had no plans on moving anytime soon. In fact, her body warmed at just the thought of having his lips moving over hers while his stubble lightly scratched her skin. She saw a quick flash of blue and then his head was lowering toward hers in what felt like slow-motion.
But then he abruptly jerked away at the yelling of his name. "Get your ass up here and start this meeting," Lee demanded. "Gopher is holding the quiche hostage until then and I'm starving."
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning his gaze and a smile on Bella. "Ready, Guppy?"
She gave a playful groan. "Am I really going to be called that all summer?"
Instead of answering, he just smirked and tugged on her hand to get her to follow him up the stairs.
Lee and Esme were sitting together on one side of the long table while Whit was lounging on the other and Gopher was standing nearby with a tray held up over his head.
"Finally!" Lee called out as soon as she saw Edward.
"Guppy, I saved you a seat," Whit said as he slid down the bench to make room for her.
For a second, it felt like Edward wasn't going to let go of her hand and she tried not to smile at how good that made her feel. But then he did let go and she sat down next to Whit who immediately winked at her, leaving her wondering once again if he was some kind of mind-reader. It almost felt like he knew more about what was going on between her and Edward than she did. Actually, that was exactly what it felt like.
Gopher sat down, boxing Lee and Esme in on their side of the table. The poor guy barely had time to get his hands out of the way before Esme, Lee, and Whit were diving into the tray of quiche and filling up the plates in front of them. Bella waited for the flurry of hands to disperse before reaching out and taking a few for herself.
"Don't touch this one," Gopher ordered, setting a plate aside at the edge of the table. "Not unless you want Mase up your ass for stealing his breakfast."
"Thanks, Gopher," Edward said, chuckling under his breath. "Now to start our first meeting … Since Bella is new, I'm going to go over the rules of the boat."
"Good idea," Whit replied. "Start with the one about clothing being optional."
"What?" Bella squeaked, her head jerking left to right as she tried to look at both Edward and Whit at the same time.
"Whit, stop man," Edward commanded. Of course, the demand lost a lot of its power from the smile on his face.
He turned away to grab a clipboard from the arm of the nearby chair and when he turned back she could see that he had slipped completely into his role as head of MMR. His playful smile was gone and his entire being gave off a vibe of commanding power. His voice was smooth while his tone was authoritative, leaving no room for any doubt that he meant his words completely.
"The first rule is the biggest rule. No horseplay on deck. Doesn't matter what time of day or what we're doing, there is no playing around on deck. The potential of falling into the water and being harmed is too great.
"No alcohol will be consumed while we are on the water. If we are docked and not going out the next day, then go right ahead. Otherwise, stay dry.
"Bathroom time is limited to ten minutes each in the morning. If you need more time, then get up before everyone else and make sure you're out before the first allotted time rolls around. We'll assign times later and as always, Esme gets to pick her own."
"My bonus for being his loving mother," Esme called out.
"My way of not having to hear you complain," Edward replied.
"Watch it, Kid. You're never too big for me to put over my knee," she warned with a huge smile.
"Me first," Whit joked, winking at her and making everyone laugh.
"Focus, please," Edward said, tapping the edge of his clipboard against the edge of the table. "I know you guys know all this stuff but Guppy doesn't."
"Sorry, Kid. I promise to behave," Esme said. She waited until Edward dropped his eyes to his clipboard and then she showed her crossed fingers to them, getting a round of snorts in response.
"Assignments," Edward announced. "You must be on time, you must know your assignment, and you must perform it quickly, efficiently, and safely. If you have any questions or issues with it, let me know immediately. Everything we do is a team effort and if one part of the team is falling behind, then it could cause the entire task to fail. It's better to admit you're struggling so we can fix one area than to keep it to yourself and cause the entire day to be a failure.
"Below deck assignments first. We are all going to be responsible for writing blog entries. At the start of each week, I'll pick one of you to write for MMR. I'll be doing this first week myself. Lee, it's on the desk for you to proof and post. Please try to get it up sometime today."
She gave him a little salute and then he continued on. "Now for individual assignments … Whit, you're on navigation and steering. Lee, you're in charge of updating the website and helping me with paperwork. Gopher, kitchen and cleaning.
"Guppy, since you're the fresh meat aboard, you'll be working with Gopher this week. You'll shadow him in all of his below deck assignments and give him whatever help he needs. Gopher, don't take advantage."
Lee snorted. "Are you sure that won't be too scary for her?"
Bella forced herself to smile and respond. "I've been spit on by a killer whale. I'm sure there's nothing inside this boat that's grosser than that."
No one said anything at first. Edward stood nearby scratching the bridge of his nose, Gopher stared down at his hands, Esme looked out the window beside her, and Whit and Lee both stared at Bella. She looked ready to spit nails and he looked like he wanted to worship Bella.
Lee's apprehension toward Bella was something she could understand; she remembered all too well how long it had taken her to warm up to Leah and trust that she wasn't playing games with Jacob. The difference however was that Bella had dated Jacob and wasn't just his close friend. Or maybe there wasn't a difference after all. Maybe before Gopher there had been Edward. It was obvious from the slide show the other night that the two shared a love for photography and most definitely an interest in marine life. Still, the two just didn't seem compatible to Bella at all. Maybe after she got to know them better, she'd ask one of them about it.
"So," Edward practically yelled, clearly trying to force the attention back to him. "We'll see how things go this week and base next week's assignments off that.
"Now on to the above deck duties. We're going to be doing a lot of scouting this first week to help us develop our plans for obtaining our research data. Lee, you'll be switching between video duty and spotter with Whit. Gopher, you're on decoy duty and on-deck support. I've got the still camera. Any questions?"
Edward waited for a moment and when no one spoke up, he asked, "Does anyone have anything they think should be added right now?"
Bella wasn't surprised at all for Lee to be the one to speak up or for her words to have a double-meaning. "Watch your step. It can be slippery aboard our boat."
"Very well done, Edward. Now sit down and eat and then we can embark on our summer journey," Esme directed. It impressed Bella how she so subtly injected her authority, letting the others lead until and unless she felt the need to step in.
As the quiche disappeared, so did the group. Whit was the first to go, standing up on the seat and then jumping over the back of it. No one seemed to notice his departure and she figured that meant they expected it. She followed him with her eyes as he made his way down the hall toward the front of the boat.
Edward's voice startled her since she hadn't thought anyone was paying attention to her either. "He's going to check the weather report one more time before we go."
"He just knows to do that without you asking?"
"Yep. Does it every time we leave. A lot of what we do is second nature to us so we aren't always going to remember to clue you in. You'll have to speak up and ask."
Gopher and Lee made their exit just then so Bella took Edward's advice. "Where are they going?"
"To clean up the kitchen. She always helps him the first day."
"And where will you and Esme go when you're done? Where will I go?"
"Esme will probably go to her room and go back to bed since the sun's just starting to come up. You are coming with me to the front of the boat so we can talk about your line while I steer Galeos out to sea."
"I thought Whit did that."
"I like to start and end our journeys myself."
"You really like being the boss, huh?"
"I don't see it as being the boss. I'm being responsible by being in charge. I'm watching out for them in everything I do. MMR is important to me and so is the research we do but nothing comes before their health and safety."
While Bella thought about how Esme had called Edward the protector, Whit walked up and relayed the weather report to Edward. They were both smiling over the fact that they would be leaving under clear skies and low winds.
Edward shoved his last quiche into his mouth and jumped up from the table. "You wanna pull up anchor or double-check the ropes Gopher was supposed to pull up?" he asked Whit.
Whit had a huge smile on his face as he rubbed his hands together. "Anchor."
"Get to it, man," Edward replied, grinning and smacking his friend's upper arm once before scooting past him and heading out the door.
Whit practically ran off in the opposite direction, leaving Esme and Bella alone at the table. Esme set her chin in her palm and with her gray eyes sparkling she let out a slow "so".
"So," Bella repeated, mirroring the woman's smile.
"I am so happy you stayed, Bella."
"He told you?" She couldn't believe Edward would willingly admit he'd been wrong—ever—not even to his mom.
"There is very little he doesn't tell me." Esme scooted over until she was lined up with Bella and then leaned across the table toward her. "This next part is just between you and me. It's rare that he feels he has failed at something and it's even rarer that he really lets it affect him. Last night, it was affecting him in a major way. And this was after he'd already apologized to you."
Bella didn't know how to respond to that at all. She had been so sure Esme was going to say Edward had talked to her before he'd come looking to apologize. Knowing it was after and that he had still been upset about the incident … It made her feel even happier that she'd decided to trust him and stay.
"I'm glad sharing that with you has you smiling. He would hate to know I told you but I felt it was important for you to know he does own up to his mistakes and works to correct them. I wish I could promise you there won't be any further friction between the two of you but I think we all know we're embarking into new territory in a number of ways."
The door opened and Edward came inside clapping his hands and yelling "let's go, let's go", waking Lizzy from her slumber on the sofa and sending her running across the cushions to stand on the arm and bark at him. He scooped her up and managed to cradle her against his chest and fall onto the sofa with her at the same time. He brought his hands up and scratched behind both her ears while talking to her as if she were a baby. "Is my girl ready to go? You ready to take a trip on the boat? I know what you're ready for. You want to surf those waves in Africa. You're gonna help me beat Lee and make her crown me king of surfing. Yes you are."
Bella and Esme looked at each other and then fell across the table together, laughing so hard at his behavior that both of them had tears leaking from the corners of their eyes. Bella thought maybe it was wrong to be laughing so hard but the more she looked at Esme, the harder she laughed.
"Best evah," Bella managed to gasp between laughs, quoting one of Alice's favorite sayings.
"Can you believe that softie actually swims with sharks?" Esme asked, jerking her thumb toward the area of the couch. Her question sent both of them off into fresh peals of laughter and had fresh, fat tears rolling down their bright red cheeks.
The sound of Edward clearing his throat had both of them looking up at him and struggling to calm down. With all their snorts and giggles, it was very clear how miserably they were failing.
"Can I help you with something, Kid?" Esme asked, smiling up at him.
"For starters, how about you remember I'm a product of your upbringing?"
She laughed and reached up, which had him leaning down so she could pat his cheek softly. "And I did a damn good job, if I do say so myself. And I do."
"Mom, seriously. A little bit of professionalism in front of the intern would go a long way."
Esme's smile widened as she crooked her finger and got Edward to lean down further, putting his face right in front of hers. "So would some with the intern."
Bella was no longer grinning and enjoying Edward being teased; in fact, she felt incredibly awkward watching this personal moment pass between a mother and her son.
The only sign that Edward had heard his mother was the quick nod of his head before he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Take Lizzy down below with you?" he asked, offering the puppy to her.
"Come on, Lizzy," Esme said as she stood and took the dog into her arms. "Let's go down and get out of the way so Edward can steer us to adventure and Africa."
As soon as she was gone, Edward sighed and started scratching at the bridge of his nose. Seeing him looking uncomfortable and vulnerable and nervous—all the things he constantly made Bella feel—had her giggling despite her head telling her mouth it was a bad idea.
Edward dropped his hand to his side and seemed to slump in defeat. "She's a mom first and a coworker second so she doesn't always have a filter."
"I'm not laughing because of what she said to you." One look at his lifted eyebrows had her amending her statement. "Okay, I am. But that's not the only reason. It's just nice, you know. Seeing a mom and a son and the bond you two have. There's no mistaking how much you love each other."
He seemed to like what she'd said because his lips curled in a smile—then again, he was only smiling on one side so maybe it was a freaky sort of grimace.
No sooner than she'd thought of him grimacing, Bella found herself doing it for absolute sure from the question he asked. "What about you? What's your relationship with your parents like?"
Bella immediately attempted to deflect and get him to forget his question. "So I'm going to talk to you about my line?"
His blue eyes narrowed slightly as he stared at her but then he relaxed them and offered his hand to her. "You talk while I drive."
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
The gentle motion of the boat cutting through the water had Masen feeling so relaxed that his mind was almost quiet enough for him to fall asleep. With his feet propped up next to the steering wheel and his chair leaned back, he even started to nod off. He probably would have enjoyed a nice refreshing nap if Whit hadn't come into the room at that moment.
"How'd things go with Bella this morning?" Whit asked, setting a glass of tea next to Masen's feet.
He sat up and stretched his arms over his head before answering. "Pretty good. I think I learned more from watching her expressions than from listening to her words."
Whit settled into the chair beside him and after taking a sip from his own glass, he asked, "What do you think you learned?"
"She was either involved in an attack or someone close to her was."
Whit's head shot up. "Shit, Mase."
"I know." His gray eyes moved from the liquid in his glass to the faint surgical scars on Whit's calf where it had been almost completely rebuilt except for one small indented area about the size of a child's fist.
"Her reaction to talking about them is just so damn visceral that I can't think of any other reason for it," he continued. "We looked through the MMR scrapbook and she was fine with pictures of sharks just swimming but every single time she saw a picture where the mouth was open and the teeth were showing, she shivered and started playing with her watch."
"She's gonna rub her wrist raw doing that."
"Probably," Masen agreed, turning his right hand over and looking down at the small scar across his wrist and the reason he'd stopped wearing watches outside of diving.
"I hated when you did that shit in front of me. So goddamn annoying."
He laughed and rolled his eyes at Whit. "Yeah, well I hated seeing you get bit and having to rescue your ass."
"Like hell you did," Whit said as he pushed against him. "I saved myself. You were too busy pissing your pants while I used the string from my board shorts to tie off my leg."
"All these years later and your memory is still faulty from all the blood loss."
They both smiled at the other and then snorted. It was easy to joke about it now, a little over five years later. The day had started out like so many others for them, up with the sun with surfboards in their hands, adrenaline pumping through them, and an easy camaraderie between them. Riding the waves to start their day had always seemed to help them find college and jobs easier to deal with so they surfed as much as they could, usually with Lee right there beside them. On that particular morning she'd been up late the night before working on a paper and had bowed out in favor of sleeping in.
The waves had been perfect that morning and they'd sat on their boards with their legs dangling in the warm water, waiting for their turn and talking about how they were happy to have graduated and not have to deal with papers and tests again. Whit had been suggesting ways to celebrate their freedom when his board had suddenly flipped over and he'd disappeared beneath the surface. Masen laughed at first, figuring Whit had just adjusted himself the wrong way and flipped himself off. But then Whit's head had broken the surface, filling the air with a scream Masen would never forget. He had never heard so much pain in one voice before and he had immediately jumped in after Whit. The water had been murky and it had taken a second for him to see the cause of Whit's pain—a large shark had Whit's leg in its mouth and was shaking him.
Masen couldn't claim to have been consciously thinking at that point; he certainly didn't remember having any clear thoughts or plans on how to save his best friend. He's just acted. He'd seen the shark open its mouth, probably to get a better grip on Whit, and he'd surged forward and knocked his friend out of the way of the shark. It must have been spooked by him doing that because it had twisted its body around and swam off. Masen hadn't trusted for a second that it would stay gone so he'd kicked as hard and as fast as he could and pulled Whit up to the surface. They had both been coughing out water and choking on the fresh air while Masen had tugged his board over and then he'd pretty much thrown Whit on top of it. The rope connecting Whit to his own board was still attached to his ankle and Masen worked to unbuckle it, push the board toward the beach, not drown, and not get bit all at once.
By the time Masen had made it to the beach, Whit had somehow managed to pull the cord out of his shorts and he talked Masen through tying it in the right spot to stop the bleeding. Some of the surfers had noticed what had happened and they'd rushed over to help, wrapping beach towels around Whit's mutilated leg to help staunch the bleeding while sirens blared in the distance.
The randomness of the day and which of them had been bit had gnawed at Masen at all hours of the day and night. He'd wanted so badly to understand, to put the day into context. He'd wanted to know what had made the shark come around that particular morning and to know what Whit had been doing differently from him to be the one who was attacked.
Nearly a week after the attack, Masen had woken up feeling like he knew what he was supposed to do with his life—use his engineering aptitude and his photography prowess to figure sharks out so that people could be as safe as possible in the water. He'd brought the idea up to Whit that same day while visiting him in the hospital. Whit had been all for it and had even been the one to come up with the name Masen Marine Research. Together they'd convinced Lee to join them and then Esme had volunteered. The absolute minute Whit had been okayed to be in the water again, they'd booked a trip to San Francisco and within a week they were receiving their first training at the Farallon Islands. Five months and one boat later, they had set sail as MMR and made their first research expedition to Australia.
Whit's voice brought Masen's focus back to the present. "You know if that's the case, she's pretty damn brave to be here with us right now. You and me, we were both lucky that we just rolled with it and accepted it and focused on how damn lucky I was to be alive. And we had something to focus on together because you came up with the idea for MMR. Without it, we could both have ended up with that deeply rooted and intense fear. There are a lot of survivors of attacks, and friends of survivors, who share her fear."
"Do you think maybe that's what she's doing now? Trying to focus on work to distract herself from her fear and eventually move past it?"
"Could be. To want to work with marine life at all after a trauma like that and the fear level it's built up inside of her … Mase, she's a hell of a woman."
He nodded in agreement. "She deserves to succeed at this internship and to get past her fears. I want to help her with that. I know I can help her with that."
"I'm not disagreeing with you, but I do have to ask … Why? Why are you sticking your neck and MMR's neck out like this? If this goes bad, it's going to go seriously fucking awful."
Masen set his glass of tea down and swiveled his chair to face Whit. "The gain we're going to get when I help her outweighs the potential for disaster. Taking someone with her level of fear and turning her into an advocate for sharks will be a huge benefit to all of us. She'll have her career, I'll have solid proof this internship works, and MMR will get great publicity. We'll probably even get some kind of cross-promotion deal with the Atlanta Aquarium through her working there. That's going to put MMR's name in the right mouths and give us actual clout in the scientific community. Can you imagine what that's going to do for our efforts to get conservation laws passed?"
"I can imagine it," Whit replied with a nod. He lifted his head completely and looked directly at Masen. "But I'm more interested in what I'm seeing right now."
"Which is?"
"This is personal for you."
Masen sighed and shoved his hands into his hair. "Everything with MMR is personal on some level, Whit. You know that."
"I also know the concern you have for Bella is personal. And I'm pretty damn sure it scares the shit out of you. Probably almost as much as sharks scare her."
His only response was to let out another heavy sigh.
"You know that word you used earlier … visceral … that's your reaction to her whether you want it to be or not."
He slightly conceded to what Whit was saying. "Even if that was true, now is really not the time to deal with it. She needs a focused professional to help her. And she needs her own head clear too. She's got to trust that everything I'm saying to her and asking of her has the purest intent to help her."
"You know you can't just come right out and ask her to tell you about it. That would be like some stranger asking about my leg. I'd tell them to go fuck themselves, that it was none of their damn business. And sure, I'd feel bad later for being rude about it, but I'd still feel right that it wasn't their business. That kind of life experience, it's extremely personal."
"That's why I only asked her to give me an idea of where the line is between what she can handle and what she can't. I was thinking once we hit the South Pacific we drop anchor for a few days and do some tagging. You and Lee can video me tagging a couple sharks and then I can sit with Bella while she watches the footage. I can gauge her reaction to the video and then show her all of the data we collect and how it can help both people and sharks."
"Sounds like a solid plan, Mase." While he was busy nodding in agreement with Whit's response, Whit was already giving him something else to think about. "Probably wouldn't be a bad idea for me to sit her down and tell her my own story."
"I don't think so. At least not yet. If you tell her right now, she's just going to dig her heels in deeper on the idea that sharks are monsters." While his answer sounded great and very professional, it wasn't his only reason; he didn't want to chance Whit and Bella bonding anymore than they already had before he had a chance to make absolute sure she had forgiven him for the aquarium debacle.
"Guess it's best to let her get past your extreme fuck-up at the ocean center first."
Masen rolled his eyes. "Gee thanks, Whit."
"To quote Esme … Just callin' it like I see it, Kid."
"Don't call me 'Kid', you douche."
"Don't call me a douche, you fuck-up."
"You're both a couple of dicks," Lee announced, popping up between them and resting her arms on their shoulders. "There. Argument all settled. Now I can have your attention for an important matter that requires immediate action."
"What would that be? Helping you toss Gopher overboard?" Masen asked, giving her what she referred to as his cocky smile.
She flicked him in the forehead for his comment. "We need to get the bathroom lottery done."
"How does that need immediate action?" Whit asked. "Timeslots don't start until five tomorrow morning and it's barely ten on this morning."
She shrugged her slender shoulders. "Because I said so."
"Masen, handle up on your girl," Whit joked, pushing Lee against him.
He laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist to keep her from stumbling and falling. "She's gonna kick your ass if you keep saying shit like that, Whit."
"Nah. She loves me too much. Just watch," he said as he jumped to his feet. He stood in front of her and turned his head, tapping his cheek with one finger. "Give us kisses."
Lee grinned as she leaned in toward him and then she quickly grabbed his arms and turned her body to press her knee against an area no man wants a knee anywhere near. "Next time, I won't just pretend," she whispered in his ear. And then she planted a loud kiss on his cheek and pulled her knee away.
"I'm going get the hat and paper slips ready for the lottery," she called out as she left the room.
"If Lee was a shark, she'd be a damn bull shark. Queen of shock and awe, that one right there," Whit said, keeping his eyes on the hall in case she came back.
"You don't exactly help yourself out with the constant teasing."
"It doesn't have a damn thing to do with teasing because you do it more than me. It's because I'm not her favorite."
Masen suddenly found himself thinking about his theory on Whit's mystery girl. "Hey, did you see your dream girl last night?"
"Yep. Still haven't seen her entire face yet, just the eyes."
"What was last night's dream about?"
Whit sighed and then plopped down into his seat. "I kind of wish I wouldn't have dreamed about her last night because it sucked. She was crying this time and as much as I wanted to comfort her, I couldn't get to her."
"That does suck," Masen agreed while his stomach twisted in that weird way again. He'd hoped Whit would say something to convince him it wasn't Bella starring in his dreams but the exact opposite had occurred. After everything that had happened yesterday it wouldn't surprise him at all to find out Bella had cried.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
Masen yawned while scrubbing a hand through his freshly showered hair and padding down the short hall to the room he was sharing with Whit. The light coming from under Bella's door caught his eye and he decided it would be a good idea to check in with her and see how she'd enjoyed her first day on the boat.
He did knock but he didn't exactly wait for an answer before opening the door. He had been ready to ask how she felt her first day had gone but he found himself snorting instead.
The light was on but Bella was definitely out. She was tucked so far under her covers that all he could see was a sliver of forehead and then a mess of brown hair. He crossed the room planning to turn the lamp out, but thought better of it once he was standing there looking down at her. This was the third time he'd found her sleeping with a light on, leading him to think it was being done on purpose.
His hand seemed to be working completely on its own as it settled on her arm hidden under the blanket. He had learned a lot about her today, including her desire to be treated like everyone else. She would hate to hear him say this directly to her but since she was sleeping he didn't see the harm in it. "I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. I promise I'll make it better."
He left her room, careful to shut the door quietly behind him. He debated on whether he wanted to go up and check on Gopher, having allowed him to take the night shift at the wheel for the first time. The boat was on autopilot and there really shouldn't be any issues but then again it was Gopher at the helm.
With a shrug, he decided to trust Lee's confidence in the man. He opened the door to the room he was sharing with Whit and climbed into his bed.
Whit was wide awake with his laptop in front of him. "Gopher all settled in at the helm?"
"Yeah."
"How bad do you wanna go up there and take over?"
Masen snorted. "I promised Lee I'd give him more responsibility this trip."
Whit finally looked up from his computer, giving him a knowing grin. "That bad, huh?"
"No, not really," he answered, folding his pillow and slipping it under his neck and head. "I know Lee is up there with him. She'll kick his ass if he screws with this boat in any way."
"He won't screw up, Mase. He's as invested in MMR as the rest of us." Whit closed his laptop and set it on the floor beside his bed. He reached up for the lamp above him but paused. "On or off? I'll leave it on if you're not going to sleep."
"Off. I actually feel tired."
A loud click later the room went dark and Masen relaxed into the bed and closed his eyes while pulling in a deep breath he let out slowly. He did that a few more times and was almost asleep when Whit's voice cut through the quiet.
"Mase, I'm curious about something. You said earlier that Bella needs you to be professional. I was just curious why you can't do both. Why can't you care and be professional? Don't you think knowing you care would make her trust you quicker and easier?"
"Why would that make anything easier?" he blurted out.
The sound of Whit moving around in his bed caused Masen to turn his head and open his eyes. He could just make out his friend's profile in the light coming through the small window above his bed. "Think about how well we all work as a team," Whit started. "We all have emotional ties to each other, we all consider each other family, and yet that has never interfered with our work. We trust what you say because we know you would never put us in danger. Don't you think Bella deserves to know that too?"
"Yes, but it's different with her. She needs to know it from a professional stand point."
"How is that going to convince her that your choices are for her best interest and not MMR's?"
Masen tried altering the conversation instead of answering his friend's question. "I think Bella might sleep with the lights on. Like she's afraid of the dark."
"Why would you think that?"
"Her light was on and I was going to ask her how her first day was but she was asleep."
"One time doesn't make it a thing, Mase."
"Third time, actually."
"Dude!" Whit sat up and clicked the light back on, making Masen wince and clench his eyes shut. "Mase, this is only the fourth night she's been around."
He sighed as he opened his eyes and forced himself up into a sitting position. "So?"
"So you've walked in on her sleeping three times in four nights."
"It's not like I planned it. The first time was to apologize for the bar thing, the second was to grab Lizzy out of her room, and then just now."
"See this is what I'm talking about. You care and that makes you notice things the rest of us might miss. You need to tell her."
"I need her to trust me."
Whit didn't say anything for what felt like a long time to Masen; they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, he sat up straighter and nodded his head. "Alright, Mase. I get it. You want her to know you mean it and aren't just saying it to smooth over your past fuck-ups with her."
His extremely accurate guess had Masen's jaw dropping and Whit's laughter spilling into the air. "What? You think I've spent the last thirteen years as your best friend and haven't learned how to read you?"
Masen growled as he slammed his back into the mattress and shoved his pillow over his face. "Shut the fuck up, bro."
"You know I'm right, Mase. And you know you need to tell her."
Masen grumbled into his pillow about annoying friends and meddling and also threw in a few grunts for the hell of it.
He heard the light click off again and then he heard a few last words from his best friend. "Why don't you sleep on it tonight? I'm sure it'll give you some sweet dreams."
A/N: Don't forget to check out Masen's blog entry over at . EA did an excellent job channeling our shark expert!