Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Stephenie Meyer owns anything and everything relating to Twilight. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended and in order to keep it that way, No reproduction, copying, reposting, downloading, or any kind of redistribution of this story is allowed. This is to cover my arse as much as yours! And finally, the Original characters, plot, names, nicknames, songs, poems—anything I created from my very own brain—are all the property of the author of this fanfic, My-Bella. Unauthorized use of the material is plagiarism so please be kind and don't steal my creations.
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Chapter 14 – The Egg McMuffin and the Blind Inconsistent
Thursday, June 12th
"What in the green eggs and ham are you doing?"
Bella cracked a smile at Gopher's question but didn't open her eyes or move from her spot in the middle of the bedroom. "I'm enjoying land."
He burst into laughter and she was pretty sure the thump she heard was his hand smacking the wall to hold him up. She didn't care how silly she looked; she was too happy to be on stable ground after spending almost two weeks straight on a boat.
"You do realize we're only going to be in the house tonight, right? In the morning, it's back on the boat and the real work starts."
She held tightly to her smile while singing her reply, "I don't care. I have land."
He snorted loudly. "Go on and enjoy your land then. You have about fifteen minutes before the crew is back with the last of our gear from the supply ship."
That got Bella to open her eyes. "I meant to ask earlier, why doesn't the ship stay here?"
"Too expensive to dock it for a whole summer. At least this rental house has that exercise room downstairs to store most of it. Last time we went out, we couldn't find a house big enough for us and our gear, and had to rent a storage unit. It was a major pain to have to drive there to get the gear, drive to the boat to use it, and then drive it back at the end of the day."
"Be honest now, Gopher," Esme said as she slipped in beside him. "The biggest pain of all was getting Edward to give up the keys to his precious Bronco."
Gopher snorted. "That ass really tried to make me pack the gear into a rented two door compact car."
"Edward making something complicated? Sounds nothing like him," Bella quipped with a roll of her eyes. She had been trying her best to avoid him outside of work the past few days, not yet ready or willing to deal with him on a personal level after their conversation at the helm. The problem was that the closer they got to Africa, the more time he spent preparing her for her role as a deckhand assistant.
"Now, now, Guppy. He doesn't make things complicated," Gopher replied with a big grin. "He just makes you do them his way. There's a difference."
Esme giggled at Gopher's comment while playfully slapping his arm. "Get back to work before you get us all in trouble."
"Yeah, guess we better," he said with a nod. "Bella, if you're done enjoying your land I could use your help unpacking the kitchen. I want to make sure Esme has everything she needs since she'll pretty much be here by herself the next few days."
"No, I don't mind at all." In fact, some mindless unpacking sounded perfect right about now. Every time she stopped moving, she started to think about Edward and their conversation at the helm, and that train of thought always left her frustrated. It wasn't that she didn't see his point about the image of MMR; she could understand that and even agree with it to a point.
No, her problem with Edward was that his words didn't match his actions. He said he didn't want to be anything more than friends, but he gave her these looks like he was trying to touch her with just his eyes. He'd done it again just this morning when he'd been sitting alone at the table waiting for her and Gopher to finish making breakfast. And he had a really bad habit of grabbing her hand and holding it anytime they were alone, like last night when he was supposed to be explaining the tiger shark data to her. When she'd asked him about it, he'd said she'd looked upset and he was only trying to be a good friend and comfort her.
Comfort like hell, Bella thought as she frowned at the set of plastic bowls in her hands. He was being wishy-washy and she was pretty sure that on some level he knew it. It was why she had taunted him as she'd left the helm that night. Sure, he'd said they could only be friends and that it was best for their careers. But he'd also had his front pressed solidly against her back and his large, warm hands covering hers, trapping her between him and the steering wheel. She'd felt his breath against her cheek and could smell the fruity scent of the peach tea they'd all had with dinner. His voice had been that low, rough timber that scratched her insides the way his stubble did to her palms; so much pleasure with just a tiny hint of pain to prove it was all real. To prove this man who looked at her as if devouring her was his sole intent was a real person and not a figment of a hormone-induced fantasy. A fantasy he said they couldn't have, yet reignited with every green-eyed stare.
Bella shivered, her body temperature having risen well above the temp in the house just from thinking about him. It wasn't fair that she seemed so tortured while he walked around as if he wasn't the least bit bothered. His behavior was why she'd put away her dresses in favor of bikini tops and shorts that hugged her curves in a way that was natural and didn't make her look starved for attention. Because she wasn't. She just wanted to make him feel a little of the frustration and tension he made her feel. Like with how he'd had her pinned against the boat's wheel that night—there was no way he could honestly say that had been an entirely innocent encounter but she knew if she asked, he'd say that it had been. She just didn't know why he was trying so hard to push her away. If he didn't want her, all he had to do was say it. And show it. But he kept saying one thing and showing another and it was not totally a-okay.
And as frustrating as his behavior was, it was barely a blip on the radar compared to her own behavior. She had never been attracted to the "bad" boy before, the one who couldn't make up his mind what he wanted. She had always been annoyed by that type of personality. But with Edward, it was like the more confused he seemed, the more she wanted to be with him. Every look and touch he gave her increased her hope that he would change his mind. Out of the two of them, she was starting to worry she was more confused than he was!
At least things would be better the next few days. With the actual research finally happening, Edward was sure to be far too involved with that to notice her, much less spend time confusing her.
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"This is bullshit," Masen said with a sigh, tossing his cards face down on the table.
"You're just sore 'cause you're losing." Gopher had good reason to be smirking—he'd won four of the five hands they'd played so far.
"No, I'm pissed because it should be impossible for you to win so many hands," Masen replied. "Last time we played, you could barely tell when to raise and when to fold."
Gopher's smile widened as he turned his attention to Lee sitting beside him. "That was before my baby bought me a book on poker for Christmas."
Whit barked out a laugh. "Of course she's behind this!"
"This is ridiculous," Masen said as he pressed his palms into the side of the table and pushed himself away from it. "I'm going to bed."
"Oh come on," Lee pleaded. "At least finish this last hand before you go off and sulk over your loss."
"I don't sulk over losses. I sit and wonder how the hell you fell for him," he answered, pointing an accusing finger at Gopher.
Gopher puffed out his chest and ran a hand back and forth across his cropped hair. "Short hair don't care!"
That made them all laugh. "What the hell?" Whit asked, the first to recover.
The big man shrugged as he kept his eyes on Masen's face. "Just means that it doesn't matter. Say what you will but at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact that she did pick me."
Masen sighed, knowing this was long overdue yet still not really wanting to do it. "I'm only saying this once so make sure you're listening … I'm glad she has you. Now shut the fuck up and finish the game. We've gotta be up and out of here by five in the morning."
"Aye, aye, Captain!" Lee said, giggling and saluting him.
He leaned down to kiss her cheek and she wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug and a whispered "thank you" that he didn't see any reason to acknowledge. It would just lead to more talking and he was talked out for the day with all the shit Whit had thrown at him.
Looking around the rental home for his puppy, his best friend's words replayed in his mind …
You're wasting your time and hers by acting this way. And the worst part is that on some level you know it. It's why you can't give me one true, logical reason why you can't commit to getting closer to her.
You better damn well believe that when my dream girl is standing in front of me, nothing is going to stop me from getting hold of her and not letting go. Whatever changes I have to make, done. Whatever sacrifices are required, done. Because no matter what I give up, I know I'm gaining more than I can even comprehend. I'm ready for more from this life, bro. When are you gonna be ready?
He was wondering the same thing when he finally found his puppy in the last place he expected—sound asleep in Bella's arms. He stood in the doorway, one hand on the frame and the other resting on the doorknob, just taking in the picture perfect view and wishing he had his camera with him to capture it.
She's avoiding you. And we both know you've noticed it. I don't want to think I'm best friends with a total moron but the more you let her get away, the more idiotic you look.
"Did you want your puppy back?" Even thick and gravely with sleep, Bella's voice brought a smile to his face. So did the sight of her looking so completely content in the soft glow of the lamplight, curled up on her side with both arms around Lizzy.
"I'd hate to break up the cuddle-fest you two have going on. Besides, you need your sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a big day for you."
She nodded while letting out a huge yawn. "On deck all day. Observe during and report on over dinner."
He shifted in the doorway, wishing for a reason to stay and knowing he had no right. "Night, Guppy." He didn't wait for a response; he just closed the door with a soft click and headed off to see if Esme was still up.
He found her propped up in her bed with one of her romance books in her hands and the familiarity of the sight relieved a little of the unease he'd been feeling. He climbed in beside her and shared her pillow with her. She didn't take her eyes from her book but she did reach out a hand and patted his cheek.
"I lost at poker tonight."
Her eyes brightened with her smile. "I heard. I also heard your kind words to Gopher."
He didn't respond, knowing she was going to add to that statement.
"Overdue words, in my humble opinion."
He smiled at being right. "Yeah, well, baby steps, Mom."
She closed her book and tossed it to the end of the bed before turning on her side to face him. "You're too old for baby steps, Kid. If you keep it up, life is going to pass you right by and you'll be all alone, wondering what the hell happened."
He grinned, sure that she was exaggerating to make some point. "Why? You planning on going somewhere I don't know about?"
"Of course not, sweetheart," she said as she pressed her hand to his cheek. "I just meant that you need more out of life. You need someone to share all those small and big moments with, someone to remind you of the better times when you're in the middle of the rough ones. Whether Bella is that woman or not, I can't say because only you can do that. What I can tell you is that if you aren't open to having more, then you'll never know either."
"You make it sound like I'm all alone when I'm not. I've got you, Whit, Lee, and Gopher. Not to mention Lizzy."
"An aunt, three friends who are also crew members, and a dog do not make a family."
His face reddened with his frustration but he managed to control his temper and his tone, knowing she didn't mean it the way he was taking it. "They make mine."
"I didn't mean that in a derogatory way, Edward. I'm just trying to encourage you to want more out of life. I promised to make sure you had everything, and having someone to love is a very big part of that."
He ignored her words completely. "And anyway, you're not my aunt. You're my mom. You have been since I was eleven and you always will be."
"Calling me 'mom' doesn't erase her death, Edward."
"I know. But at least it makes it easier to be without her."
"I'm so sorry you got stuck with me, Kid."
He smiled and dragged her into a hug that made her laugh. "I'm not stuck. I'm lucky."
"Me too."
He could tell by the silence between them that she wasn't quite done with the subject of his mother yet and though he dreaded it, he knew she needed it, maybe even more than him.
"I was thinking a nice dinner on the sixteenth for her birthday and a cake on the twentieth for yours. Unless you think it's going to be awkward for you with Bella here. If so, we can do something in private, just you and me."
"I don't know. Let me think about it."
"Any special requests for a gift this year?"
He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah, keep loving me and putting up with me."
"That's an easy promise to make, Kid." She playfully smacked his chest. "Now get out. I need to get some sleep so I'm not a total zombie while I'm seeing you all off tomorrow."
He would have argued for her to sleep in if he'd thought he had a chance in hell of winning, but he knew he didn't. He gave her a tight hug while saying, "See you in the morning, Mom."
"Love you, Kid."
He kissed her cheek and then got out of her bed, only stopping at the door long enough to say he loved her too. Once he'd closed her door, he wasn't exactly sure what to do with himself. He didn't feel tired and even if he had, there was too much on his mind for him to sleep. He couldn't get things together for tomorrow because that had already been done. And from the quiet of the house, the others had gone to bed while he was talking with Esme.
He spotted the trunk that held all the things Esme brought along as entertainment for them and decided to search it. He ignored the iPod and the laptop, not in the mood for anything with sound. He also passed on the numerous decks of cards, always having preferred games that required more than one person. He was nearly ready to give up on the trunk when he spied an object that brought an instant smile to his face. He pulled it out, amazed and thankful that Esme had thought to bring a copy, though he preferred the hardback in his room. But for tonight, a paperback would do just fine.
He settled into the couch with his feet on one arm and his head on the other, just as excited to read the story as he had been when he'd gotten his first copy at eight years old. No matter how many times he read it, or how old he got, there was just something about the story of Jim and Captain Silver that never failed to captivate him. So while everyone else in the house slept, Masen lost himself in the world of Treasure Island, a land of dirty pirates, honest thieves, and a complex concept of loyalty.
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Friday, June 13th
"Don't ask questions and don't give me that look of wonder that I'm speaking to you," Lee stated as she sat down on the sun-warmed deck next to Bella. "Just answer 'yes' or 'no'. Are you okay?"
Bella focused on her hands resting on her knees, not knowing if looking up at Lee was allowed in this sudden and odd conversation. "Yes."
"Be honest."
She took all of half a second to realize the truth must be written on her face for Lee to have come over here to talk to her to begin with. "No."
"What's got you freaked? Ten words or less please."
It took her a minute to sort through the mixed jumble in her head and pick just a few words. "Leaning over with no tie-off and threat of falling in."
Silence followed her words and when she chanced a glance at Lee, she was sure the woman was honestly trying to think up a way to help. Just having Lee wanting to help made her feel less alone and that was enough to help squash some of her anxiety.
"Okay, I want you to really look at Whit right now," Lee said, lifting her chin toward her friend. "Look at his stance and tell me what you see."
Bella did just as she was told. "His feet are spread out."
"Gives him better balance. It also means he's actively aware of his body and location. And if you look, Gopher is positioned just behind Whit and Masen so that if either moves too far forward, he can grab them and haul them back."
"But they're not even wearing shirts. How will he grab them?" Bella clearly heard the whine in her voice but she was in no shape to do anything about it at the moment.
"He'll wedgie the hell out of them if he has to, but he'll keep them safe. Just think of him as a bodyguard. As long as he's right there, Whit and Masen are perfectly safe."
She shook her head, nearly slapping her cheek with the end of her ponytail. "I feel like a complete idiot. They're not even really doing anything yet and I'm getting anxious."
Lee shrugged. "You know what we're here for."
A dark red blush stained Bella's cheeks. "I think I screwed up. I watched some episodes of those shark week shows. I was just trying to be prepared."
"Why am I not surprised?" Lee asked, laughing a little. "Bella, I'm not gonna lie and say that you absolutely won't see those things. But that's not what we're here for. We're here to observe the sharks' behavior around Seal Island, not interfere."
"But they do jump out of the water, right? What's to keep them from jumping and landing on our boat? Okay, well maybe not this boat since it's higher but what about the skiff?"
"Distance. And Masen. He's not going to put us close enough to have something like that happen. He's only going to put us within camera range." She looked toward her friends for a moment and then back at Bella. "I know this is probably going to sound really crazy to you, but why not try looking through the binoculars to see what they're seeing right now? Today's just about scouting so it's not like the sharks are going to be right up at the boat. Maybe seeing them at a distance will make them less scary when you see them up close. And keep in mind that up close for you is still going to be a safe distance away."
Bella looked skeptically at Lee's offered hand. "What if it backfires?"
"Here's a better question … What if it works?"
That was enough of a reason for Bella and she put her hand in Lee's and held on tight as she got to her feet. Lee pushed in between Whit and Masen, pulling Bella right up beside her. The guys offered up their binoculars without a word and then stepped away—except for Gopher. He stayed right there in his protective position just a step behind them.
"Because of the time of day, you're mostly going to see the fins breaking the water, but you might see one or two come up out of the water. Whatever you see, it's far away from us and can't hurt you."
Lee made a point of squeezing the hand she was still holding, reminding Bella that the two were tethered, and then she brought her binoculars up to her eyes without waiting to see what Bella would do. She was leaving the final choice up to her, encouraging but not pushing.
Despite the racing of her heart and the shake in her hands, Bella actually felt some confidence as she lifted up the binoculars to get her first glimpse of their reason for being here. For the longest time, she only saw the quick black lumps that signified the seals cavorting around Seal Island.
But then it happened. A dark gray triangle with one curved side breaking the surface of the water and leaving ripples behind in its wake. As much as it ratcheted up her anxiety level, it also held a strange fascination for her. Was this shark anything like hers? Did it look the same? Act the same? Would it be as relentless once it decided something out there in the water was its prey?
Bella suddenly realized that her curiosity had taken a stronger hold than her fear and she squeezed Lee's hand in thanks. Regardless of the way their first meeting had gone, the entire crew was willing to help her and that was a powerful thing to know.
"Still freaked?" Lee asked quietly, keeping their conversation private and giving Bella another reason to really like her.
"Yeah, but I'm feeling more curious than freaked."
"Progress, Guppy."
Bella smiled, agreeing completely with those words. It was going to feel so great tonight to report on her ability to step up and take a look at a shark without feeling crippled by her fear and anxiety.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
"I get what you're saying about the current but with the sun coming from the other side, we might not have a choice," Masen said to Whit as the two sat across from each other at the table, picking at the last of their lunch.
"All I'm saying is let's test the lens hood under working conditions before we make a big deal out of where the sun is located."
"Then let's jump on the skiff and go get some test shots."
"Wanna bring Gopher along? He's itching to get a closer look."
"No but only because I really want Lee's opinion from a photography standpoint. We can take him out this afternoon."
Whit took a quick look around them and then leaned in across the table. "What did you think of Lee and Guppy?"
Masen had a lot of thoughts about it but very little he actually wanted to share right now. He especially didn't want to share his annoyance that Lee had been the one to help Bella instead of him. "I'm glad to see her taking an active interest in Bella's mentoring."
"It proves your theory, too. She reacts better when we incorporate her changes and don't call attention to them."
"She wants to change. I could see that from the start." He relaxed against the back of his seat and gripped his neck, trying to rub out the tension knot that had formed there. "Originally I was concerned I would push too hard too fast but now it seems like she might be the one to do that. How do I slow her down and make her see we have weeks to work on things?"
Whit grinned. "There's this thing where you open your mouth and words come out. I think it's called talking."
Masen tossed a leftover chip at his head. "If all you're going to do is be a smartass, you can shut up now."
"That was being helpful. If I wanted to be a smartass, I'd mention your inability to look at anything but her when she's in the room."
He ignored the comment. "So I'm thinking we spend tomorrow putting the boat exactly where it needs to be and marking the location.
"Then we'll document everything. Active time periods, increases in numbers, boat traffic, the works," Masen said as he ticked off the items on his fingers.
"Sunday morning we'll do some more watching and in the early afternoon we'll get some initial shots above and below surface. Until I'm comfortable with the area, we're going to be using the shark cage. Since we haven't used it in a while, I think you and I should put it together ourselves since we have the most experience with it.
"We'll take Monday off and then be back for our next three day stint, which is when I want to start using the decoy seals to get a closer look under more controlled circumstances. I want us as far out from Seal Island as we can get while still being in the sharks swimming zone."
"Are we still taking off three days for your birthday?" Whit questioned.
"Definitely the day of and the day after. Esme's really looking forward to it. The third day will just depend on how bad we're all itching to get back on the water."
"What are you talking about so seriously?" Lee asked as she slid in beside Masen.
"Mase's birthday," Whit explained.
"We're still taking off for it right, Mase?" she questioned.
"Yeah and probably the next two days," he agreed with a nod. "I figured you'd want to explore Gordon's Bay and the surrounding areas."
"What are our plans for the sixteenth? Are we doing anything special to recognize the day?"
"I don't know yet, but Esme suggested a nice dinner."
"She does love to see you dressed up," Lee said with a grin. "As if cleaning you up makes you any less of a pain in the ass."
Whit chuckled as he nodded in agreement.
"Thanks. The love from you two," Masen replied sarcastically.
"So how about my brilliant move with Guppy today?" Lee questioned, looking only to Masen for an answer.
Masen smiled as he looped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. "You did good. You didn't make her feel pressured and you didn't make a big deal out of it when she followed your lead."
"Get her curiosity going and her fear takes a backseat," Lee stated.
"Do you get the feeling she's going to be overzealous in getting over her fear?" Whit questioned with a quick glance at Masen.
Lee took a moment to consider it before answering. "I think if left unchecked, she might go overboard. But as long as we're all keeping an eye on her, it'll remain a healthy push for a better life. Still, it might not be a bad idea for you to caution her, Mase. Part of her issue this morning was that she'd watched some of those made-for-TV videos of the sharks out here."
Whit barked out a laugh. "Poor girl must have been ready to piss herself thinking she'd see that today."
"It's not funny," Masen warned, not for a second questioning his quick defense of Bella. "That's the kind of thing that can mess up the progress we're making."
"Relax, Mase," Lee told him. "It didn't mess anything up. It just freaked her out a little. Besides, she was more concerned with you and Whit falling overboard. Tell you what, though, I see now why you're letting her decide when to tell us her story instead of demanding she share it. She's as worried about what we think of her as she is about the sharks being near us."
"It's not so much what we think of her as it is that we'll stop trying to help her," Whit corrected. "She doesn't want us to give up on her."
"Even if you and I gave up on her," Lee said while pointing between herself and Whit. "This one here isn't going to." She was smiling as she pointed at Masen. "He's got a vested interest in the internship."
"That's not the only place his interests lie," Whit teased.
Lee gave Masen a questioning look. "I was wondering about that. I mean, kind of hard not to notice you let her borrow the lucky shirt. And Gopher mentioned you made a big deal out of not washing it."
Masen shook his head. "Loaning her the shirt was nothing and it wasn't like she got it dirty."
"Nothing?" Lee cried, turning to face him fully. "You slapped me the one time I tried to borrow it."
"I didn't slap you," he defended. "It was just the back of your hand. And I barely even made contact. And this is not even what we're supposed to be talking about. Whit and I wanna take the skiff out to try some test shots with the lens hood so we can decide if the sun will be a factor in positioning the boat. I want you to come along and give your photographer's opinion."
Lee turned her attention to Whit. "Did you see that? He totally blew me off."
"You're preaching to the choir, sister."
"How did I not see this before?"
"You were a little busy being territorial."
"I'm not territorial," she said, sitting up straighter. "I'm just … I'm cautious."
Masen climbed up onto the seat of the booth and then jumped over the back of it. "I'm getting on the skiff. Whoever wants to come better get moving. And they also better focus on work."
"Wow," Lee breathed, looking between Masen and Whit. "He's in deep denial."
Whit agreed with a nod. "Welcome to my world."
"Leaving now," Masen called out loudly while leaving out the cabin door. It was absolutely ridiculous that his two best friends wanted to try to make something out of nothing while he was busy trying to work. It was bad enough with just Whit riding him about this Bella stuff and now that it looked like Lee was going to join in … Gonna be a long ass day, Masen thought while grabbing his camera bag.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
"Making notes for your report tonight?" Whit asked as he slid into the seat across from Bella.
She pulled her book to her chest, hiding the entry she had started and so far was unable to finish. "No, it's … So why did you guys go on the skiff?"
"Most people don't realize it, but a big part of successful research is being in the right place at the right time. Over the years, we've found the best way to get Galeos in the right spot is to scout the available areas on the skiff first."
"How do you compensate for the size difference?"
"We line the back deck up with where we liked the skiff best." He pointed at her book. "If it's personal, you can just say that. I've seen you writing in it a couple times so I figured you were either documenting your time onboard or keeping a personal journal."
Bella relaxed her hold on the book and set it down on the table, turning it to show her unfinished entry to Whit.
Sighted: Great White Shark – fin only via binoculars
Where: South Atlantic, Near Seal Island in False Bay, Western Cape of South Africa
Conditions: Sunny day, light winds, mid-morning
Description:
Whit leaned in to get a look at her written words but was interrupted by Gopher setting a glass of lemonade down on the table. "Here you go, Guppy. Enjoy your night off from cooking while I get to order Masen around."
Bella giggled while Whit snorted.
"Oh, hey! It's the super secret book of secrets," Gopher said as he reached out and pulled Bella's journal closer to him.
"Dude! You can't just snag her book," Whit scolded, pushing the book towards Bella. "Manners, bro."
"Sorry, Bella. My curiosity got the best of me," Gopher said, looking and sounding honestly repentant.
"It's okay," she assured him with a smile. "It's not so much secret as just something I've done since I was a little girl," she explained as she moved the book for both men to be able to see it.
Gopher was the first to comment. "That's cool. It's like a written snapshot of what you saw."
"I really like the detail you put into it," Whit told her. "But it's not done."
"I know," she said, feeling her face heat with her blush. "I got stuck."
"Maybe we can help," Gopher offered. "What do you usually put in your description?"
"Usually a brief summary of what the animal looked like, how far above or below the water's surface it was, and if there was more than one. Then I put any questions or feelings about the experience in a side note area."
"But all you saw today was a fin," Whit stated, tapping the page where she'd written the note.
"So then just skip straight to the side note," Gopher suggested. "That's what I would do."
Bella smiled as she shook her head. "No, that would feel like cheating if I just skipped over it."
"The sign of a true researcher," Whit said, sounding proud. "She wants to cross her t's and dot her i's."
"Sorry, Guppy. I'm out of fresh ideas and I need to get started in the kitchen."
"That's okay, Gopher," she told him. "I appreciate your attempt to help."
"Let me know what you guys come up with," he said, giving her shoulder a quick squeeze before leaving them alone.
"It's not really the lack of the body that has me stuck," Bella admitted to Whit. "It's that my reaction isn't making any sense. How can I be curious about it when I'm also afraid of it?"
"Because Masen's plan for you is starting to work. The video, the report, the blog, the talks about what we see and how we gather our data—it's all helping you to start changing the way you think about sharks and you're starting to separate your shark from every other shark in the water."
"I didn't think it would be so subtle. How can he make changes I don't notice when he does everything else so big and brash?"
"Oh that's easy," Whit said with a wide smile. "Because it's what you need. Whatever he's told you—or hasn't told you—he cares for you and wants to help you make the changes you need."
With as confused as Edward seemed about what he wanted in relation to her, she found that hard to believe.
Lee's laughter mixed with Edward's voice had Bella looking toward the kitchen. Lee was pulling things from the refrigerator and Edward was setting them up along the counter while Gopher removed pots and pans from the cabinets.
"I'm sorry things are confusing with him right now. He doesn't like being out of his element," Whit confided.
Bella turned her attention back to him and blurted out a question that had been sitting on the tip of her tongue for days. "What do the changes in his eye color mean?"
He snorted. "Noticed that, huh?"
"Mostly blue and a couple times green. Only once grey so far."
He glanced over at his friend, his smile growing even wider. "As his friend, I should probably tell you to ask him about it. But as his best friend, I've decided it's in his best interest for me to share.
"The grey shows up when he's content and relaxed. The way his mind works makes it hard for him to sit still and do nothing at all. His mind is always busy with one idea or another."
"Is that why he never seems to sleep?"
Whit nodded. "He's been that way ever since I met him."
"So what's blue mean?"
"Blue is what we see most and signifies his excitement or frustration. Missions, surfing, sketching … those are all times we'll see the blue coming out strongest. We'll also see it when things are going wrong or just aren't up to his liking. He's a bit of a perfectionist."
"Is that what we're calling it?" she asked with a laugh. "I just thought that was his sparkling personality."
Whit snorted. "Yeah, so does he."
Bella's smile faltered as she worked up the courage to ask about the color that haunted her dreams. "And green?"
"Ah! The rarest of them all," Whit answered, grinning in the way that made Bella feel like he knew what she was thinking. "He has to be in a single-minded state for anyone to see the green. You see it because you get under his skin and consume his thoughts." He gave her a pointed look that said all the things his voice hadn't.
"Will you tell him I know?" she asked, not wanting to think too much about what she'd learned just yet. It was better to puzzle over it alone in the safety of her room.
Whit made a humming noise and then shook his head. "Nah. It'll be more fun for me if he figures it out on his own."
"Are you sure you're his best friend?" she teased, mirroring his smile.
"Most friends tell each other what they want to hear. I believe the best way to help mine is to tell them the truth, whether they like it or not."
"What's your truth for me?"
He reached over and tapped Bella's journal. "Write what you felt. Don't worry about understanding right now. You've got plenty of time to make sense of it. You only have so long to recall it honestly."
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
"Mase, one more time," Lee challenged, holding an olive pinched between two fingers. Her idea of helping in the kitchen so far had been tossing olives into the air for Masen to catch them in his mouth.
"Come on, you two," Gopher pleaded. "You're going to use up all the olives and ruin my chickpea and olive salad."
"The shit you come up with," Masen said, laughing as he waved off Lee and her olive.
Gopher leaned past Masen and plucked the olive from Lee's hand. "For all your jokes about my food, I haven't seen you pass up a plate yet."
Masen smirked. "I'm a growing boy. I need sustenance."
Gopher looked up from chopping olives, his eyebrows raised. "You are a cheesy bastard, you know that?"
"Don't start you two," Lee warned. "You've been getting along so well the past few days and I'm already spoiled with it. No backsliding."
"We're still getting along," Masen assured her. "It's just our version of it includes the occasional insult. Like when I point out he's a mediocre chef at best."
Gopher leaned to the side and lifted his leg, kicking Masen in the ass with the side of his foot. They both laughed about it while Lee shook her head at the two of them.
"Hey, so what was with that book you and Whit were looking at with Guppy?" Masen asked as he worked to finish chopping the onion for the salad. He figured being busy while asking would mask just how curious he was to find out what was in that book. He'd seen her carrying it around and writing in it whenever she thought she was alone and it had been killing him not to ask about it. Now that the guys had seen it, the door was open for him to find out what was in it.
Gopher shrugged his shoulders. "Stuff."
He rolled his eyes at the response, hating that he was going to have to ask a second time, but Lee ended up doing it for him. "What kind of stuff? Personal stuff? Work stuff?"
"Guppy's stuff. If you want to know, go ask her."
"Fine," she said as she spun herself around on the counter. "Guppy!" she called, jumping down and heading straight for the table where Bella and Whit were sitting.
"The balls on that one," Gopher said, chuckling as he lifted his chin toward Lee.
Masen smiled, enjoying the sight of Lee and Bella sitting together and smiling. "She's one of a kind."
"If you're smart, you mean both of them."
He looked up at the man, wondering what Lee had told him. All he got from Gopher was a shrug. The last person Masen ever expected to look to for advice was the man standing next to him so it was completely baffling to him that he was doing just that.
"You left everything behind to be on this boat with Lee. Do you ever regret it?"
"There are times when things are stressful and I wonder what it would be like if MMR wasn't such a big part of our life. And there are times when I wish I could see more of my family back in the states. But there's never been a single second where it's felt wrong to be with her, to follow her wherever she goes. The inconveniences never outweigh the joy being with her brings me. But maybe that's just because I believe she'd do the same for me if I asked her."
"Would you ever do that? Ask her to leave us? To leave MMR?"
"The only thing I can think of that would ever have me doing something like that is if she paid more attention to MMR than us. But that's not something I worry about. She's never made me feel like a second choice. Not with you or this crew."
Masen thought about Gopher's words all through the rest of the dinner prep and for most of the meal as well. He had never really spent much time actually looking at the relationship between Lee and Gopher, just glad that she was happy. Now he could see how the two complimented each other, becoming better people and better workers by working together and encouraging each other. They managed to mix their careers and relationship and do it in a way that improved both their lives. If they could do it, then shouldn't that be something he could manage?
It wasn't until Lee made the most ridiculous comment he'd ever heard from her that his mind focused on something else. Gopher had been explaining his choice in dinner was based on Lee's desire to have something different that was also fresh with lots of vegetables.
Looking up at Gopher with a huge smile, she said, "I think you're the Egg McMuffin of boyfriends."
Masen and Whit both snorted while Bella started to giggle.
"Baby, you made a food reference for me." Gopher put his arms around Lee and kissed her soundly on the lips. "My girl is the greatest," he said, looking over the top of her head at Masen.
He didn't realize Gopher was looking his way, though. Masen was too busy smirking over how tickled Bella was at Lee and Gopher's behavior. She was still giggling and her cheeks had turned a dark pink color. Of course, he was only amused up until she turned her face and pressed it against Whit's arm. No matter how much he told himself he didn't have a right to be upset about it, he still felt it should be his arm that she was pressed against. Just as it should have been him helping her this morning instead of Lee. And it damn sure should have been him getting to see her book before the others.
He assumed what he was feeling was anger over her attempts to avoid him, never once imagining that he might be feeling jealousy for the first time in his life. The family that loved him and knew him well had seen what he was still blind to; Bella was the first to affect him on a truly deep level. Whether he would ever admit it or not, he was closed off to sharing his life with someone, not wanting to deal with the aftermath that was sure to come when that person was no longer there. In his mind, relationships were a distraction and he didn't want anything to get in the way of his work.
Sure in his belief that he was angry with her avoidance, he found himself charging toward her room later that night, determined to know her reasons for it. He knocked on her door but didn't wait for an answer before entering.
Bella jumped, startled by his entrance, and dropped the thick hardcover book she had been holding. It missed her foot by barely an inch and then tumbled over to smack into Masen's big toe.
He hissed as he leaned over and snatched the hardcover up. "I thought we were friends," he said as he thrust it at her.
Bella still had a startled expression on her face. "We were. I mean, we are."
"Then why haven't you shared with me what you write in that book?" he questioned, pointing at the black journal with the gold crest lying on the end of her bed.
"Because..."
"Look if you changed your mind and don't want to be friends anymore—"
"No, Edward, that's not it. I just..."
"Just what?" he huffed, quickly losing what little patience he'd managed to hold onto after his useless attempts to stop thinking about her.
"I can't, okay!" she yelled, looking almost as angry as he felt. "I can't be alone with you and not feel things for you. I'm not built that way."
"I didn't say you couldn't feel them. I just said we can't act on them."
"You want me to pretend we're just friends when that's not what we are. You felt it when you kissed me. I know you did. And I know it's why you look at me the way you do."
He'd thought he'd been more discreet in watching her and hearing he'd failed at it took some of the steam out of his angry sails. "What way is that?"
"Like you wish we were the only two in the room so you could kiss me again."
He shook his head, now understanding her avoidance. He was making her uncomfortable by saying one thing and showing another and she didn't deserve that. It didn't matter that he was trying his best to control it—it only mattered that it was affecting her. "I shouldn't have come in here."
"Regret seems to be a common theme with how you feel about me."
Once again, she managed to make his emotions fluctuate and he was angry all over again. "Don't do that. Don't decide how I feel."
"Then you do it! Be completely honest with yourself and me and stick to it."
"It sucks, alright!" he yelled, his hand sliding through his hair and then resting against his neck, right over the knot of tension that had been there most of the night.
Seeing her flinch made him force himself to calm down and lower his voice. "Wanting to spend time alone with you and not being able to do that, that's what I regret, Bella. The only thing I could regret more is hurting our careers, our futures. I truly, honestly do not want to hurt you."
She nodded and dropped her head, but it was too late. He'd already seen the tears in her eyes and heard the sniffle she'd tried to cover up with a cough.
"Come here." He pulled her into a tight hug, wishing once again that things weren't complicated. That he could just let himself be with her.
Bella shook her head as she pushed against his chest and freed herself. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to comfort me and act like it's okay. Because it's not. You have to make up your mind and you have to stick by it. Either you want to be with me outside of a working relationship or you don't. I'm a big girl and I can handle whatever you choose. I just can't handle the back and forth. I'm not a yo-yo for you to play with and then put aside."
"I'm sorry you feel that's what I've been doing."
"Stop being sorry, Edward. Start being consistent." She paused as her eyes flicked toward the journal on her bed and then back to his face. "It was easy to show it to Whit and Gopher because when they make a comment or give me a compliment, I know their intentions and how to react. With you, I don't have the slightest clue. So when you're clear on what kind of relationship you want us to have, then you can come back and I'll gladly share with you. Until then, I think it's best if we keep things professional."
There was no mistaking the emotion he was currently feeling—hurt. And it was wrapped up in the sting of self-infliction with a layer of guilt for good measure because he knew he wasn't the only one feeling hurt by this complicated mess.
Had he stopped to ask himself if anything about Bella felt wrong to him, he would have saved them both some heartache. But Masen didn't ask himself that. He was too busy focusing on an acceptable apology rather than on solving the overall problem. As Esme would have told him if he'd consulted her, he couldn't see the forest for the trees.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
A/N:
Just a quick note – we are taking an author liberty with the weather in False Bay. At the time of year the team is there, the weather would actually be cold and the water colder. In order to use the clothing, equipment, and time periods in the water we want for the story's flow, we are changing the weather to make it more tropical and warm.