Thanks for the comments guys! I tried to take your suggestions into consideration. This chapter took a little while to write. I felt that I had to get the motivations for the characters right. There is a lot of setup and and development. I was also struggling with finding a style of writing that works well for me and the story I'm trying to tell.
Shoutout to Taffy and Sweetrolls. My first commenter! Inspiring me to get back into this and actually finish. I was so certain that no one read and no one cared. But you proved me wrong! ILU!
Shoutout to ESP. Gracias for la recision! Sus comentarios son de gran ayuda y tan divertido! (google translated. I can understand spanish but it has been too long for me to confidently write.)
I'll try to update often guys! I won't stick to a schedule, I find that I crumble under pressure of deadlines. But I really want to get this story out. I feel like I'm just bubbling under the surface with ideas. Without further ado!
The mood around their makeshift camp was somber. Oren and Orianna had curled up inside the tent provided by Claire and fallen asleep as soon as Duncan declared themselves far away enough to set up camp. Aedan had started the fire and gathered firewood, but his movements were slow. A numb shock was evident on his face and his eyes kept flickering from confusion to despair. Now he sat in the mud by stack of wood he gathered, staring into the fire. Skyler was glued to his side, trying to offer what comfort she could. Duncan was at the edge of the camp, keeping watch.
Claire had left to fill her water skin. She was the only one who had a pack and equipment. Her belongings were confiscated when she was captured by the Highever guards, but she managed to retrieve them as she escaped her cell. Although she did have some supplies, it wasn't enough for everyone. Her food and water reserves would be depleted after a night or two. They were going to have to resupply or hunt.
Despite not being directly involved, she still felt a strange connection between the events of the night and her own experiences with Howe. She didn't know what she was feeling.
Survivor's guilt? This is the second time that I escaped Howe. Empathy maybe?
Sighing she made her way back to the camp to find Aedan in the same spot, staring at the fire. Looking at him reminded her so much of herself that it hurt. She walked over towards him slowly. Knowing that everything and anything could overwhelm him at this point.
"Aedan?"
The man himself didn't respond, just continued looking into the flames, searching for answers. Claire felt her chest tighten with sympathy.
He's just like me.
"Aedan." Claire reached out to touch his shoulder. A low rumble stopping her. Next to Aedan Skyler looked up at her. It wasn't a dangerous growl. Just a warning.
Claire walked forward so she was between the fire and Aedan. She knelt down to eye level, but Aedan had shifted his gaze to the mud he was sitting in.
"Aedan, you are getting your armor covered in mud."
"FUCK MY ARMOR." Aedan roared suddenly at Claire. "What good is it if it… if…" he trailed off.
The others had startled at his outburst, Duncan turning from his watch, started to stride towards the fire as well, but stopped when Claire waved him off.
"Aedan, I'm so sorry for what happened. I'm sorry it happened to you, I'm sorry it happened at all. I'm sorry that nothing I can say will fix this. But you need to get it together. You need to pull yourself through all this. You need to move forward. There is still something you need to do"
"Easy for you to say." Snarled Aedan. "You haven't lost everyone you've ever cared about! Mother, Father, Gilmore, Nan, all the other people that I grew up with, that I was supposed to protect. They're all gone."
Just like me.
Claire drew back a little. Hurt, resentment, anger, understanding, all flashing in her eyes before her hand slowly touched Aedan's cheek. Lifting his gaze to her own. Holding him steady, she grabbed his other hand in her own and pulled him up from the ground. Reluctantly Aedan allowed her to lift him to his feet.
"Walk with me." she commanded her slight accent making it impossible to refuse..
Claire started walking back to the stream where she filled her water skins. Quietly motioning to Duncan where she was heading. Aedan followed behind her like a lost puppy. Skyler, followed her master, like an actual puppy. Claire was just a step in front of Aedan. He heard her, even though what she said was just a whisper.
"It isn't easy for me to say. I said what I said because it's what needs to be done. After you lose everyone you've ever cared about, all you can do is move forward."
They had reached the stream now and Claire slowly turned to look him in the eyes again. This time it was her turn to look miserable. And for the first time since he met her there was no spark of life in her gaze, only a despair that mirrored his own.
"Arl Howe took everyone from me too."
Claire's eyed changed when she mentioned Howe. Her right gripped into a fist and her left going to grasp the hilt of her sword.
"I'm from Jader. It's the last Orlesian city before the Ferelden border. It's right outside Orzammar. My family, the Calliers, are the main liaison between the dwarves and Orlais. We deal in metals, precious stones, hired masons, and most importantly, deal as representatives for the Chantry's lyrium trade. My family is huge, I have many uncles and aunts who all have their own areas of expertise. One uncle specialized in trading diamonds and stones, another worked out contracts for dwarven architects. My father was a general in the army. He had many ties to the Chantry and the Orlesian government."
Claire paused and moved to the edge of the stream and removed her boots. Dipping her feet into the flow of the stream.
"We had an estate near Lake Celestine, separate from our main family's castle. More like a summer home actually. One day while my entire family was there, we were attacked. No provocation, no mercy, no negotiating, and no taking prisoners. The attacking force rushed past the few guards we had and overwhelmed us. They all wore armor bearing the crest of Amaranthine."
Aedan's brow furrowed and his hands clenched into fists. Rage and hurt, so sharp that it was all he could do to force out one word.
"Howe."
"Yes." nodded Claire. "I don't know what made him send a force to attack us, but it was a bloody massacre. Mom and Dad were captured and hung from the gates. I had two younger siblings. My youngest brother Michael, tried to defend us. Stupid, brave boy. He was only 15. What could he do against trained killers? I tried to stop him, but he ran to engage the enemy. They ran him though without hesitation. I grabbed my sister and ran to our stables, didn't even have time to saddle the horses. We rode bareback and fled the estate. But that was a trap. They had archers waiting on the road for us. Iris, she was only 18, barely a woman, but shot down by murderers. They hit her right in the heart. She had enough strength to ride out of range, then collapsed. I jumped from my horse to check on her, but it was too late."
Claire's voice had sunk to a quiet whisper. Her back was to Aedan, her hair covering her face. Aedan didn't know what to say. He was unsure what could help, how he could make things better when he was drowning in his own grief.
"I.."
"Aedan stop. I didn't tell you about me for my own comfort. Just know that I do know what it's like to lose everyone. And I know it's hard. But don't give up. You still have Orianna and Oren, and your brother is at Ostagar. I can't expect you to just spring back from what happened to you, but there are people counting on you right now. You can still do something about this. You can still do the right thing."
At this Aedan jerked, words hitting a little too close to what his father had said to him.
Find the King, make this right.
Somehow, Aedan felt a little better. Everything still hurt, was still raw. But knowing that he could do something now, that there was a goal to lead towards, made it easier.
Protect Oren and Orianna, find Fergus, find Cailan, make Howe pay.
Aedan looked down at Claire, who was lost in thought, letting the water flow past her ankles. She made it easier too. He wasn't the only one that Howe hurt. He wasn't the only one in the world suffering. He wasn't alone. As horrible as her own situation was, he was glad she was here to help him though this.
"Claire."
Claire looked up from her feet. Meeting Aedan's gaze.
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For everything. And I'm sorry for what happened to your family."
She graced him with sad smile, so small he almost missed it.
"You are welcome I guess."
Aedan moved to sit down next to her. Removing his own boots and soaking his feet in the water. Skyler, ever faithful, moved to his free side and sat down next to him, pressing her body into his, giving her own support.
"I… If it's alright with you, I would like to tell you a little about my family."
At this Claire looked up, her mouth crinkling into a small, but genuine happy smile. Aedan's heart sped up and his chest tightened.
"I'd like that. Perhaps, you would also like to hear about mine?"
"I'd love to. Hmm…. My father used to call me Pup. Well, he still did, at the end. He thought it was funny because I was the younger son."
"Pup? He referred to you as he would a dog?" Claire quirked an eyebrow.
"Hey! We're Ferelden! They are mabari. And they are the kindest, noblest, wisest creatures in all the land. It was a compliment. Take Skyler for example." Aedan rubbed the mentioned canine. "She was a gift from my father. We bonded when I was fifteen. And we've been together for nine years. She's like the little sister I never had."
Skyler had puffed out her chest and was looking proud and content at all the praise that Aedan was laying on. Claire leaned forward to look around Aedan at the hound.
"Your sister is a dog? You do realize what people outside of Ferelden say about you don't you?"
Skyler deflated considerably at these words. She grumbled her discontent and nudged her head into Aedan's lap for more love. She finished it all off by shooting a withering glance at Claire, who had never been treated like that by a dog before, and was taken back.
"She can understand me?"
Aedan gave a low chuckle.
"Of course. Why do you think we love our mabari so much?"
"Hm" Claire returned to watching the water swirl around her. "Michael was that age. He was training to be a duelist like me. We would spar for hours, I was always better of course, but I could tell, he was going to surpass me one day. He loved to learn to fight and was constantly pestering me to teach him more about sword play. He and Iris followed me around like mabari I guess. There was never a moment when we weren't glued to each other's sides."
"Iris was not a duelist, her talents lay in mastering the Great Game. She would debate with me about all issues, practice subtle manipulations, wordplay, and tricks to try to get me to do what she wanted. Of course, I was the one to teach her all that. I had our parents wrapped around my little finger. And I taught her to do the same. Heh. I was a bad influence in that aspect. She was also always begging me to show her how to speak to people and charm the nobles that came to meet mom and dad."
"I loved my siblings and I could tell they looked up to me. I always tried to be the best older sister I could for them."
Aedan listened intently, taking it all in.
"How old are you Claire?"
"Same as you Aedan. I am 24. My name-day was two months ago." Her eyes twinkled with a sad joke. "We are quite the pair aren't we. Both so young, but both having lost so much."
Aedan humored her with a small smile.
"Yeah."
The two of them sat in silence for a little while. They traded stories back and forth about little things their parents and siblings would say or do. Each one telling a little bit of their lives, mourning their loss and sharing memories. Eventually Aedan moved to get up and pull his boots back on.
"Are you coming back Claire?"
"In a little bit Aedan. I want a little more time to remember."
Aedan nodded. Understanding. His own hurts weren't healed, but talking with Claire and sharing helped. He no longer felt like his world was spinning out of control and crushing him at the same time. He started back to the camp before a last thought came up.
"Claire, when did Howe attack your family?"
There was a pause, then a soft sigh. Her response was so full of pain that Aedan almost felt guilty. Their talk was supposed to help, not hurt.
"Two months ago."
Two months…?
Before Aedan could reply Claire spoke again.
"We had all gone to our estate to celebrate my name-day."
Aedan's eyes widened with shock. It was all he could do to not gape at her like a fish. Losing her family on her name-day. Even after all that, she continued to move forward. Aedan found himself looking at the woman with new eyes. She was more than the duelist who sassed and flirted with him when they first met. There were layers underneath that he could only fathom. But there was again, nothing he could say or do to make it hurt less. Gently he came up behind her and hesitatingly wrapped his arms around her. He couldn't do much, but he could offer condolences and comfort, even if it was only a hug.
Claire resisted for a second, but melted into the embrace. It had been so long since she had any contact with someone who cared. Her family hugged and kissed all the time and were very open about showing how much they cared. But with them all gone, she felt like she had been disconnected from her emotions for the past two months. It felt so nice to simply be hugged again that she almost burst into tears.
"Thank you." a simple phrase was all she was capable of right now. Yet somehow Aedan seemed to understand the gratitude that she was unable to verbalize.
"No, thank you Claire." Aedan withdrew and made his way back to the camp.
Skyler walked up to Claire, nudged her head against her hand and gave a low grunt. Laughing lowly, Claire gave Skyler a rub on the head as well.
"And thank you too Skyler. Aedan is very lucky to have a girl like you in his life."
Satisfied, the hound have a chuff and trotted off to catch up to Aedan. After a little longer Claire also made her way back to the fire where Duncan and Aedan waited. They drew lots for the watches, Duncan got the first one, Aedan the second, and Claire the last watch. As the two of them lay down on opposite sides of the fire, Claire looked across the way to lock eyes with Aedan.
Just like me.
Claire was woken from her sleep by Aedan gently shaking her.
"Claire, it's your watch."
Groggy and still half asleep, she nodded and got up. Frowning at the bits of dirt that clung to her clothes and skin. Claire made her way towards the smouldering fire. Throwing another small branch onto the pit to bring the flames back to life, she warmed her hands by the resulting flare while trying to wake up.
Aedan was hovering, staying on her side of the fire, but not going back to sleep. Claire laughed a low chuckle and patted the ground next to her.
"If you aren't going back to sleep Aedan I could use some company. I promise not to bite. Unless you want me to of course." The last bit came with an accompanying smirk.
Aedan smiled at that and sank to the ground next to her.
"Can't sleep Aedan?"
Aedan frowned and rubbed his neck, "No. Not really. Bad dreams."
Claire's smirk faded. "Ah, sorry. The nightmares didn't start for me for a few days."
The two of them sat in uncomfortable silence for a while watching the fire pop and sizzle. Claire eventually excused herself to patrol the perimeter. She walked away from the fire and scanned the area while walking in a large circle around their camp.
When she returned Aedan was still in the same place she left him. Staring into the fire. She walked over to him again and gave him a light nudge.
"Hey. Copper for your thoughts?"
"Just… I don't know."
"Blank? Shock? No thoughts at all, and somehow you don't feel sad, or angry. Just…. nothing."
Aedan looked at Claire with wide eyes.
"Yes… how did?"
"Me too remember? I've got a head start on you, that's all."
"I feel like I should feel. I should feel sad, bawling my tears out or maybe even furious at Howe. But no… I feel nothing. I keep thinking, what's wrong with me?"
Claire sat down next to him and wrapped her arms around her knees.
"Feelings will come back. Don't worry. And I'm gonna tell you something that Uncle Edmond told me. It helped me a lot and I hope it helps you. 'Loss is felt by everyone. Just because the world moves on doesn't mean your hurts don't matter. Your hurt is like many people's hurts. But you deal with it your way.' I wanted to apologize for earlier. I told you that you had to move forward. I said that because it's what I did. But that was insensitive of me. I'm sorry."
Aedan was silent for a while. So long in fact that Claire was becoming uncomfortable again. She was looking for something else to say, but before she could change the topic Aedan spoke again.
"In any case, it was what I needed to hear. There is a task before me, that is something I can do, no matter how I feel at the moment."
Claire hm'ed at that. Smacking her hands on her knees she got up.
"Well then, let us move to more pleasant topics. The sun will be rising soon and we should think about breakfast and further supplies."
Aedan grinned, grateful for a distraction, anything other than what he was thinking about.
"Oh? Will you be cooking for us my lady?"
Claire answered with her own grin, distractions worked both ways.
"Unless you want burn toast and charcoal jerky, you had best do the cooking, I am absolutely useless in the culinary arts. Besides, you still owe me a proper date."
Aedan laughed at that.
"Breakfast in the wilds doesn't seem like a fair compensation Claire."
"Well, I suppose I'll have to take what I can from a man who had our first date in a prison cell."
Aedan raised his hands in defeat, laughing.
"Alright you win."
Aedan moved to start cooking, but both he and Claire looked up when Orianna emerged from the tent she was sharing with Oren. The three of them looked back and forth until Claire took the food from Aedan, softly saying something about how she would prepare the meal while the two of them talked. Skyler, who had been dozing, keeping guard over the tent moved with her to the fire. Orianna dashed over to Aedan and hugged him, crying into his shoulder. He hugged her back, with just as much feeling, but no tears of his own. After a while Orianna stopped crying and pulled back. No words could express the odd combination of comfort, sadness, and hurt that they felt, but they both instinctively knew what the other was feeling. Orianna gave him a small smile speaking in her soft Antivan tinted voice.
"Oren knows that people have died. People that we care about. Aedan, we have to be strong for him. He's just a child."
Aedan nodded.
"The coming weeks will be difficult. Oren's life, all our lives, are going to change. But we are going to get through this together."
Another small smile and a quick hug before the smell of burning cheese started to drift through the camp. Claire was by the fire and starting to panic. Orianna quickly moved to 'assist' her, by taking over the cooking entirely. The two women started talking. Claire asked Orianna how she was, and Orianna thanking Claire for saving them last night. Orianna was clearly hurting too, but Oren and Fergus were alive. She was doing her best to recover.
At this point Duncan had also woken up and made his way over to Aedan. The man clearly had something on his mind, something he wanted to talk to Aedan about.
"Duncan."
"My lord we have something to discuss. I arrived in Highever with the intention of recruiting for the Wardens. I was promised one and I must have one when we arrive in Ostagar."
Whatever Aedan was expecting, it wasn't this.
"So, you intend to collect upon a debt. Now. In this situation."
"The Grey Wardens need volunteers."
"This isn't so much volunteering. You are blackmailing me. If I refuse you won't help us get to Ostagar. Claire and I cannot guarantee Orianna and Oren's safety. Not with Howe's men combing the area for us."
"We must have new recruits my lord. And if you join us. You will renounce all titles, all holdings, all thoughts of vengeance."
Meaning I can't get back at Howe.
Aedan's hand tightened into fists. His expression turning into a scowl. He needed Duncan's help. The man was more experienced than he and he could not take a gamble with Orianna and Oren. And of all times he had to press the issue now. A small rational part of Aedan's mind congratulated Duncan for pressing his advantage and furthering his goal when Aedan couldn't refuse, but the rest of him burned with indignant fury.
"What choice do I have. Help us get to Ostagar safely. You will have your warden Duncan."
"Then we should move on. Wake Oren up, we must eat and leave quickly. There will be hunters in the area looking for us soon."
Duncan moved to inform Claire and Orianna. Leaving Aedean where he was. Fuming and the Warden, at his situation, at everything that happened to leave his life the way it was.
Ahhhhhhhhhh! Sooooo bad! I cringe whenever I read this chapter! Why can't my characters have happy backgrounds! I read somewhere that if you love your characters you will put them though all sorts of trails and beat them to hell. But ehhhhh. I felt bad just writing about Claire and Aedan. To lose your family is a horrible thing.
Regarding Duncan, I love the guy, noble, made his mistake and lives in the service of the people. He leads a life of dedication and service. But it never sat right with me how the Grey Wardens essentially leave their recruits with no option. Join the Wardens or die. Offering is a mercy in itself I suppose. (or is it?)
I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. I hope my writing is improving! Please keep your comments coming. The last few were so helpful in shaping this chapter! I had to rewrite sections of the scene between Aedan and Claire just because I knew you wanted to learn more about them, and I think it turned out better for it.
Arkin: Your comment was so helpful. Thank you! I hope that this chapter fleshes out some detail like you mentioned. There will be much more coming! And I changed the spelling thanks!
Luke M: DEFINETLY. I will 100% upload more than once a year! XD I mentioned before that I hate it when stories are dropped. I want to get this out without another long hiatus. lol sorry about going a year between chapters!
Winona W: Hopefully Aedan gets more chances to flex his romance muscles. Honestly I look forward to writing Claire's companion quest and romance quests. Stick around! It's gonna get good!
Zomgirl47, jameswalter6631, ghostchild606, thanks for the follow faves! ILU!