Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. Stephenie Meyer owns anything and everything relating to Twilight. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended and in order to keep it that way, No reproduction, copying, reposting, downloading, or any kind of redistribution of this story is allowed. This is to cover my arse as much as yours! And finally, the Original characters, plot, names, nicknames, songs, poems—anything I created from my very own brain—are all the property of the author of this fanfic, My-Bella. Unauthorized use of the material is plagiarism so please be kind and don't steal my creations.
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A/N:
EternallyAddicted and I wanted to take a moment to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas with your loved ones. We thought a chapter would be a great gift to you all.
We also wish everyone a Happy New Year. We hope 2013 brings loving moments and fond memories for all!
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Chapter 19 – Diving Deep
Wednesday, June 18th
Masen groaned while stretching his arms and legs, careful not to wake Bella just yet. He'd thought he was done sleeping when he'd come into her room last night but after reading a little of the book on her nightstand he'd drifted back off. He wasn't necessarily bored by her book about an alternate look at The Wizard of Oz—it just wasn't stimulating enough to keep him up. He'd put away the book, slipped both arms around Bella, and let himself fall into a surprisingly deep and restful sleep. He yawned now as he rolled onto his side and then he watched her slumber for a bit before attempting to wake her.
A couple minutes later found him letting out a quiet laugh, unable to hold it back anymore. Bella was proving to be a very hard person to wake this morning. He'd already tried using his name for her, using her actual name, and shaking her shoulder. He'd thought about giving up on waking her nicely and just yelling her name but then he'd decided to try kissing her awake. It wasn't producing his intended result but it was cute as hell to watch her lips curl up into a smile with every soft kiss he gave her.
While this was a fun way to spend his morning, he couldn't put off waking her any longer. He whispered into her ear while rubbing her back. "Kapu, wake up for just a minute."
She groaned and rolled onto her back before slowly opening her pretty brown eyes.
He smiled and leaned in, tenderly pressing his lips to hers. "Morning, kapu."
"Is it really time to get up?" she croaked, her voice rough with sleep.
"For me, yes. I've got breakfast duty this morning and I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. But you can go back to sleep until it's ready. I'll come down and wake you up or I can set your alarm." He didn't need to ask if she'd showered last night since he already knew—the guys had let the ladies have the first showers.
She gave a sleepy smile and patted his chest. "You, if you can."
He was sporting a huge grin when he kissed her forehead. "See you in an hour. Enjoy your sleep, kapu."
She was so tired and drifted off so quickly that she was still smiling as she slept. He couldn't understand how something as small as this moment with her was making him feel exceedingly happy but maybe this was one of those things that didn't have an explanation like Lee was always telling him. Whatever it was, he liked it and wanted more of it.
Unfortunately he couldn't stay here any longer—he had work to do upstairs. He was careful not to wake her as he gave Bella one last kiss on the mouth and then he pulled himself out of her bed. He headed upstairs expecting to find Whit in the kitchen, but found Lee there instead.
"Morning, sleepyhead," she greeted with a kiss to his cheek. "Does it feel weird to have slept for an entire night? You haven't done that in a long time."
"No, it's fine," he answered as he watched her pull out a couple of skillets. "What are you doing up? You're supposed to be sleeping since you had helm duty most of the night. Didn't Whit relieve you at two this morning?"
Lee chuckled. "Of course he did. Not even his snoring could drown out the sound of his alarm. And I did get some sleep, but after a couple hours I just wasn't tired anymore. I figured I'd let Gopher sleep in and have the morning off while I help you make breakfast."
He was grinning, already having a pretty good idea of the answer he was going to get. He grabbed her hip and turned her to face him. "How many cups of coffee have you had so far?"
"Two." She poked her tongue at him before saying, "So it's not a caffeine-induced state like you think. And besides, one cup was at midnight last night when your protégé came to visit me."
Masen faked surprise. "Really? What did Guppy want?"
"She hadn't been on a boat in a storm before so she was feeling sick and unable to fall asleep. I gave her some Dramamine and talked with her until she felt like she could sleep."
"What did you two talk about?"
"Wouldn't you like to know!" Lee replied, laughing and handing him a carton of eggs. "You make the scrambled eggs. I'll handle the bacon and toast. Oh, and do that cinnamon and sugar thing Esme taught you."
"Make you a deal … I'll make the eggs and the bacon if you tell me what you two talked about."
"Yeah, right. Like I'm gonna sell my friend Guppy out for some bacon." Even though she'd said it jokingly, he could tell she meant the friend part and that had him feeling happy and smiling.
"Alright, how about this? If she said anything in relation to yesterday's work on The Submarine, you share it with me."
"I can do that deal," she answered with a nod. "She said she enjoyed yesterday."
Masen huffed, expecting so much more detail from Lee. "That's it? That's all?"
"Yep." Lee slapped the pack of bacon against his chest while giving him a self-satisfied grin.
He narrowed his eyes in annoyance but rather than get her to divulge details, it had her laughing.
When she was done laughing at him, she told him, "So I was thinking about today and I really think you should have Bella work with me a little so she can get some experience with the science and research part of things. And you should really do it too. Angela and Ben are phenomenal and the ideas they have … Mase, you will really like them."
He hadn't planned to say anything but his curiosity won out. "How was working with them? Was it weird being around a married couple working together like that?"
Lee considered it for a moment. "No, not at all. They're both extremely professional when it's time to work. Angela leans more toward the methodical type and Ben is a definite outside-the-box thinker. They complement each other really well. It's only when they're on break that you see they're more to each other. He'll have his hand on her back and she'll be leaning in and speaking so that only he can hear her. It's sweet. And you should definitely spend some time working with them."
"Tomorrow," he promised. "Today I want back in that cradle between shots."
"You just want to feel up more sharks," Lee teased.
"Hell, yeah! Did you ever for a second think we would get to be so close to a Great White?" In his excitement, he nearly bopped her in the nose with the palm of his hand. "This hand was on the dorsal fin of a Great White yesterday, Lee. That's a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing, right there."
Lee rolled her eyes even as she grinned. "You need to get out more, Mase. You're far too excited about having your hand on a shark. You need to get that hand on a flesh and blood woman."
He almost committed a major act of stupidity and immaturity. He nearly told her exactly where his hand had been earlier this morning—resting low on Bella's back and holding her close to him.
But he managed to keep his mouth shut, and to ensure it stayed that way he busied himself with making scrambled eggs and bacon for his crew.
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Bella wore a genuinely happy smile as she viewed the pictures she'd taken of the two crews this morning aboard The Submarine on the camera's small display. She couldn't wait to get the memory card into a laptop to see them properly, especially the one she'd gotten of Whit. They had just locked down the shark Whit had pulled into the cradle and he had his arms thrown up in the air with a huge smile covering his face.
"Guppy." She'd been so focused on what she was doing that she'd completely missed Edward sitting beside her until he'd spoken. He laughed and nudged her knee with his own. "Don't get any ideas. That camera is MMR property."
"I won't." She giggled to herself. "I at least won't act on my ideas."
He grinned and rolled his eyes—and then he put on his serious face. She should have known his sitting beside her like this in front of everyone on the deck of The Submarine would be work related but she had been too busy thinking about this morning and the wonderful way he'd woken her up. Both times.
She shook her head to clear it and then asked, "Am I getting a new assignment?"
"That depends. Bella, I really want you to think about what I'm asking before you answer. Think you can do that for me?"
If he promised to wake her with sweet kisses and warm embraces every morning, she'd do whatever he asked. Well … Almost anything. It would all depend on how much sharks were involved in his request. And from the way he was looking at her, equal parts hopeful and skeptical, she had a feeling his current request definitely involved the toothy beasts.
"I'll give it my best shot," she promised.
He nodded. And then he looked up at the sky and squinted. And then he looked down at his feet which made her look at them and she wondered once again if he hated having to wear his water shoes all day since he typically went barefoot on Galeos. That in turn made her realize he was stalling which made her anxiety kick in because he was never nervous about his work. Ever.
What could make Edward nervous that involves sharks and me?
Oh no! What if he's changed his mind and he doesn't think I should be here anymore?
But yesterday …
Then he must be thinking of asking me to get in the water.
I can't get in the water! It has sharks in it!
The anxiety started to meld into panic and that caused her to blurt things out in the same style and speed as her little sister. "Should I be nervous that you're so nervous? I should, shouldn't I? I should definitely be nervous. Actually, I'm all past nervous and speeding straight along into panic so if you could say—"
His hand felt wonderful against her mouth, mostly because it stopped her panicked rambling. He was looking straight at her, keeping her eyes locked on his blue ones. "Did I cause that? Nod if I did."
She nodded.
He sighed.
She giggled nervously behind his hand.
He cracked a smile as he took his hand away. "Sorry about that. I was trying to think of how to word this without scaring you."
"For future reference, never ever, ever, say to someone that you want to ask them something and then go silent for a long time. It gives their brain time to come up with lots of ideas about what you're going to ask and why."
"Noted," he said with a nod. "Sorry."
She waved his apology off, desperate to find out what he wanted so her mind would stop guessing. "Can you please just ask me?"
"Will you take photos on the cradle?"
Bella smiled and playfully smacked Edward on the knee. "See? That wasn't hard, was it? You had a question and you asked it without hesitation. That's a very important people skill to remem—" Realization of just what he'd asked settled on her and stopped her cold.
Edward covered her lax hand resting on his knee with his much larger one. "Objectively consider my question, Bella. Don't let your fear decide for you. You saw how smoothly things went yesterday and you've seen they're going the same this morning. It's a meticulous and timed process. The cradle would be out of the water and you'd have the entire cradle team surrounding you, including Lee and me. You don't have to get close to the shark if you don't want. You can stand back and use the zoom lens."
"Why?" The question came out garbled and she coughed to clear her throat. "Why would you ask me that?"
He moved his hand to her lower back and started rubbing a wide circle there. "I think it could be good for you. Your fear has built sharks up to be these unstoppable monsters in your head and I think being close to one, seeing that it's just an animal, would be beneficial. You'll be on your turf, out of the water, and the shark will be immobilized. It's likely the most controlled circumstances you'll ever have the opportunity to be in. And probably the safest too.
"But the choice is yours, Bella. I want you to really think about it and answer honestly. There's no right or wrong answer here. There's just the truth. No one is going to think any less of you if you turn this down, especially not me. And if you do agree, you are always free to change your mind at any point if it gets to be too much for you."
She closed her eyes and focused all of her attention on his hand and the circular pattern he was rubbing. She waited until she could feel the muscles in her shoulders relaxing before attempting to consider his request.
Cons … I'll be on that cradle with a shark. A small space with a big predator. Just because something hasn't gone wrong yet doesn't mean it couldn't. But mostly it's a con because sharks cause my anxiety and my anxiety causes trouble, like that day at the ocean center. I don't want to cause trouble in a confined space and I definitely don't want my issues having any kind of impact on MMR.
Pros … I'll be on that cradle with a shark. If that's not a sign of conquering my fear, I don't know what is. Edward and Lee will be there with me. I could take some amazing pictures of something very few people ever see—humans next to a live Great White without being in mortal danger. Just being on that cradle shows how dedicated MMR is to changing shark views and that the internship is working.
I'm excited. I'm actually, honestly excited, she admitted to herself. But I'm more anxious than excited.
Bella opened her eyes and raised them to meet Edward's, confident in her decision. "I admit that it's really tempting. Thinking of the types of photos I could get is exciting. But the excitement just isn't stronger than the anxiety and I can't risk putting anyone in danger by having a bad reaction in a confined space."
He started to lean toward her but suddenly sat up straight. He shook his head and grinned at her, then spoke in a low voice. "I'm proud of you, kapu. So proud I nearly forgot where we are."
She was so thrilled he wasn't upset by her refusal that she wouldn't realize until much later what he meant by his second comment.
"Thank you for being honest, Bella. You told me the truth and not what you thought I wanted to hear. That shows trust between us."
"I do trust you." She smiled and made an attempt at a joke, "At least as my mentor."
"You trust me as more and you know it," he replied, sounding and looking completely confident in his belief. "So since you're not going to come into the cradle, I want you to spend some time working on deck with the science and research team. It'll give you a better understanding of the data we're collecting and why we're doing it."
"Which will help me care more about the sharks, right?" she guessed.
"Right." He was smiling again as he tapped the bill of her borrowed hat, making it fall down just a little. "Now, finish whatever you were doing with the camera and then go check in with Lee. She'll introduce you to the team and she'll make sure you're comfortable with whatever tasks they want to give you."
Bella didn't really think Edward would without telling her, but she had to be sure all the same. "She doesn't … I mean, you didn't tell her?"
He sounded as shocked as he looked. "No, of course not."
"I didn't really think so, I just wanted to make sure."
"Bella, it's your story to tell when you're ready. And when you are, I'm going to be right there beside you."
She smiled in thanks and nodded.
"All Lee knows is that you aren't getting in the cradle." He shrugged in response to Bella's questioning look. "I had a feeling you wouldn't be ready."
She smiled at his use of "feeling" because it brought to mind her talk with Lee last night.
"You might not see it, but you are making progress, Bella. You used 'excited' and 'anxious' in relation to my offer instead of 'afraid' and 'unable'."
"Those are just words, though."
"Not every improvement you make is going to have a visible result," he said as he got to his feet. "And sometimes, changing what we believe is the biggest battle of all."
She nodded, reminded by his words of something similar her uncle had once told her. Something about stubborn, steadfast beliefs being more detrimental to progress than a lack of knowledge.
"I'm going to leave you to your camera enjoyment for now," Edward told her. "Just make sure you get a couple hours in working with Lee."
"I promise."
He smiled and then he was gone, rejoining the group of men standing around and waiting for the fishing team to bring them another shark. They'd gotten five yesterday and two already this morning. Seven sharks seemed like a lot to her but it must not have been if they were still trying to catch more.
Bella waited until they'd gotten word of a shark being caught to head over to Lee. She was introduced to Angela and Ben, the married couple in charge of science and research for the Colossus Crew.
"Bella is our intern this summer," Lee explained. "She's going to work at the Atlanta Aquarium this fall and needed some experience with sharks."
"You picked an amazing species to start with," Ben said, smiling at Bella. "Though, you won't find any Great Whites in your aquarium. It's believed their electroreceptors are too sensitive for captivity and that's why no team has ever successfully kept one."
"What does being in a tank have to do with their receptors?" Bella questioned, finding that she was really curious to know.
"We don't know for sure," Angela answered. "Most of what we know about Great Whites is still just theories."
Ben picked up right up where she stopped. "The theory with captivity is that the electrical pulses from filtration systems, cameras, and other electrical devices get picked up by the shark's electroreceptors. With so many signals coming in at once, the shark suffers sensory overload and can't function."
"If they're so sensitive, why can't they tell the difference between the signals of seals and humans?" Bella questioned, wondering if they would have the answers Edward didn't.
"Again, we can only theorize," Angela said, pausing to push her windblown hair away from her face. Ben reached into a pocket of his cargo shorts and handed her a clip and once she had it secured, she continued with her reply. "But we believe the electrical signals produced by our bodies and those of seals are such a low level hum as to be indistinguishable."
Bella marveled at the seamless way they worked together and wondered if that could ever be her with Edward. But then her frustration over not having a clear-cut answer took over and her irritation was a little too clear in her voice. "So either they don't get enough signal to differentiate or they get too much and basically fail? Great Whites don't seem that great right now."
Ben and Angela exchanged smiles and then Ben said, "Let's see if we can't change your mind on that. We'll watch Angela and Lee collect samples down in the cradle. Then you'll come with me and I'll show you what we do with them."
A half hour later, Bella found herself in what was quite possibly the messiest office she'd ever seen. The one clear spot was directly in front of her where Ben was meticulously labeling the test tubes of samples from the third shark of the day. It had been a female and Lee had been given the honor of naming it—she'd chosen Marie. When asked about it, she'd confided it was actually for Gopher as Marie was the real name of Rogue, one of his favorite female comic book characters.
"So, Bella—Can I call you Bella?" Ben asked, simultaneously spinning his chair to face her and pushing his glasses up on his nose. "Guppy just sounds weird. I feel like there should be one of those tiny desk aquariums in front of me while I tap on the glass and talk to a Beta fish." Ben smiled shyly and shrugged. "Sorry. I ramble when I'm around new people."
"It's fine. And yes, you can call me Bella."
"Great! So, Bella, how is a shark like a golf ball?"
She shrugged. "It's unhealthy for anyone to be hit by either?"
"Good guess. And it is true." He waved his hand in front of her face while saying, "But it's not the answer you are looking for."
Bella only blinked.
Ben shrugged. "Not a Star Wars fan then. Moving on!" He opened one of the desk drawers and pulled out a golf ball, holding it up for her inspection. "A golf ball has a dimpled outside. Do you know why?"
"No, sorry," Bella said with a shake of her head.
"It's because it allows it to fly faster and further. See, a smooth ball clears a path through the air, leaving a low pressure wake behind it that sucks the ball backwards and slows it down," he explained, demonstrating the backwards motion with the ball in his hand.
"The little divots in this golf ball create pockets of turbulence, causing the air to swirl around the ball and creating a much smaller wake. It doesn't pull on the ball so much and that allows it fly faster and farther.
"Now sharks …" he said as he pulled a toy shark out of the same drawer, "Sharks look smooth but when you get close enough to touch them, you realize they're covered with tiny curving spikes called dermal denticles. Imagine a bunch of small, flattened coat hooks, all on top of each other, and all curving towards the back of the shark. These denticles do for sharks what dimples do for golf balls. They let the shark fulfill his need for speed.
"So next time anyone asks you how is a shark like a golf ball, you can say they both are masters of fluid dynamics. Pretty cool, huh?"
"Very cool," Bella agreed with a quick nod. She had the image of a shark covered in coat hooks in her head and was trying very hard not to laugh.
Her attempt became a wasted effort with Ben's next comment. "Also, if you're alone with either, it's not a bad idea to hit it with the golf club first and ask questions later."
Bella put her hand over her mouth to try to help stop her giggles. "Sorry."
"No worries. That's actually exactly what you were supposed to do. Laughter makes the world a better place and our lives a little less stressful. I do my best to get Ange to laugh at least a couple times a day."
"Is it hard to find time to be happy with such serious careers?"
"It's not the careers so much as the hours. But we make time. A relationship is a lot like any other job—you have to prioritize and remain dedicated to be successful at it. Not that I need to tell you. I'm sure you and Masen know all about it."
"What makes you say that?" Bella asked, hoping she was the only one who could hear the nervous shake to her voice. This was exactly the kind of thing Edward had been worried about.
Ben shrugged and smiled. "I've done my fair share of conspiratorial whispering and leaning. And definitely staring at my better half with a goofy smile on my face. Although, Masen hides it pretty well. His smile is just barely this side of goofy. He seems the type to want to be professional in front of others."
Something in her expression had him reaching out to comfort her. "It's not a big deal, Bella. Heck, I probably wouldn't have even noticed if I hadn't gone through a similar stage of keeping things quiet with Angela. I just happened to see you two sitting together this morning and the way he was looking at you … Well, it's how I look at Angela. She's all there is in the world when we're together."
The radio on the end of the desk crackled and then spurted out an odd imitation of Angela's voice. "Ben, the shark coming in is bigger than the others. We're going to need a couple extra hands."
Ben scrambled out of his chair and practically dove for the radio. "Got an estimate on the size?"
"Possibly sixteen feet. Better grab the thick set of needles on your way here."
"Be there in five. Over and out." Ben grinned wide as he set the radio down. "If they're right, this is the biggest one to-date."
"Why is that a big deal?"
Ben answered while rifling through drawers and stacks of supplies. He might be a brilliant thinker but that obviously didn't translate into great organizational skills. "The larger the shark, the longer it's been alive, and the more it has to tell us. And if we manage a male that size, well then who knows what kind of data we could get."
He eventually found what he was looking for and then they headed over to the staging area for the cradle team. He handed his find to Angela and took a pair of gloves from Lee.
Bella craned her neck to see around them, wanting to know if Edward was still with the cradle team or if he'd gone back in the water for more photos. There were more guys standing around than before and it was difficult to pick any one person out of the bustling, talkative group. But then she saw a flash of reddish-brown that she knew could only be coming from Edward's hair.
She moved closer to the railing so that she'd have a good vantage point to take in everything the cradle team would be doing and she spotted the skiff heading toward the boat with the fourth shark of the day. She wondered if Whit and Gopher had exchanged spots yet and which one of them was hauling in the big behemoth. Whichever one it was, the other was sure to be jealous. All during dinner last night they'd argued over who was the better fisherman and why. It had all been playful but she'd also sensed a competitive streak lying just beneath the surface.
The skiff simultaneously came closer and slowed, making it easier for the "fisherman" to guide the hooked shark into the cradle. The man in charge of this particular beast was The Submarine's captain, Brett. He looked harassed and sweaty and Bella couldn't even begin to imagine the strength it took for him to control a massive shark with just a rope.
Just as they had yesterday and earlier today, the crewmen were yelling out instructions left and right and the group on deck had become jittery, ready to move and get down to business. And just like yesterday, Bella told herself this was just like watching a documentary from the safety of her couch back home with its many protective cushions. These were trained individuals in controlled circumstances and there was no reason to worry. They knew what they were doing and she was safe up here on deck, far from the water and the shark they would be pulling out of it.
She focused on the skiff again and saw Brett standing on the edge of it with Whit and another man right behind him, preparing for the jump that made Bella's skin grow cold and her throat tighten every single time she saw it. In the time it would take the cradle to rise up out of the water, the fisherman and the shark would be in the water together, all those teeth right next to the feet of the man.
This particular shark, however, seemed to have plans of its own and it turned at the last second, avoiding the cradle and nearly bumping right into the skiff. Now the air was full of curses only slightly drowned by the skiff's engine being revved.
The boat and the shark circled around and then came in for a second try. Brett jumped, clearing the skiff and the arm of the cradle, and landed on the wooden bottom in water up to his knees—and he was as tall as Gopher.
Brett quickly jumped back from the shark while pulling on the rope to clear the tail. "Up, up, up," he shouted.
The shark thrashed in futility, unable to back away into the water it had just come from. Welcome to Oz, Dorothy, Bella thought as she watched the scene below her.
Brett yelled out his next command, "Tail! Get the tail!"
Edward, Gopher, and another man jumped down into the cradle with thick corded ropes in their hands. Edward reached the tail first and leaned in to grab hold of it just as he had yesterday afternoon. But unlike yesterday, he didn't get his or his rope around the tail.
Bella watched in horror as the shark reared its tail back and then jerked it forward again, sliding right under Edward's arm and slamming into his side with a thunderous, meaty thwack. There was half a second of perfect, stunned silence and then Edward was falling. He disappeared under the swirling water since the cradle had only just started to rise. She would have screamed if her throat hadn't been locked up tight.
The cradle rose higher and the water began pouring off the sides but still she couldn't see Edward. He was going to drown down there and she was absolutely helpless to stop it. For a moment, the only sound she could hear resided in her head, her own teenage voice screaming for her father.
She squeezed her eyes shut and counted to five, praying she was having an anxiety-induced daydream instead of a real life moment. There was no way life or fate or whatever it was called would force her to lose another person she loved to a shark. Shitty timing for that kind of realization without a doubt, but true all the same. She loved Edward.
When she opened her eyes, she found Gopher standing near where Edward had disappeared. He bent over and thrust his arm into the swirling water. When he pulled it back, he had a fistful of Edward's shirt but there was still no sign of Edward's head.
Gopher grunted and pulled and finally hauled Edward up into a standing position. He swayed on his feet but quickly found his balance and grabbed on to Gopher's shoulder to keep it.
She had no idea how long she stood there watching Edward cough and Gopher thump him on the back but it couldn't have been nearly long enough to explain what happened next. The two of them went right back to work as if nothing at all had occurred. Edward grabbed for the tail again, this time getting hold of it, and Gopher tossed a rope around it. They secured the tail with the help of the other guy down there and held it steady while a second group of guys covered the shark's face with a long, dark towel and inserted a water hose into its mouth. Bella helplessly watched it all, wanting to turn away yet needing to see.
"Bella," Lee called, waving her hand right in front of Bella's face. "Guppy, look at me."
Bella blinked and tried to focus her eyes but the world swayed and swirled in front of her. She was having an anxiety attack and she knew from past ones that if she didn't find a way to stop it, she was going to end up fainting on the deck of this boat and that was not something she could allow to happen. She bit down on her lower lip until her body was able to focus on the pain and her eyes focused on Lee.
"There you are," Lee said softly. "I was starting to worry I was going to have to slap you."
"I'm fine. I just … I'm going to the restroom."
"I'll come with you."
Bella barely even heard her over the ringing in her ears. She needed to splash some water on her face and then imagine the gazebo back home with her uncle and her sister. She needed to clear her mind of everything she'd just seen and felt. Edward was fine. She was fine. Everyone and everything was fine. She just needed a moment to convince herself of that.
And at some point, she was going to need to let go of the feelings she had in regards to Edward Masen because there was no future with him. For the same reason there had been no future with Jacob. She couldn't be with someone who spent half their life in the water with those monsters. She couldn't handle the worry and the fear that came with being with a person like that. She just couldn't—no matter how much she wanted to, or even felt she needed to.
That was her feeling and it was highly unlikely for it to change.
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Masen was distracted. He kept trying to still his shaking leg and focus his mind on the information in front of him, but instead of seeing the screen he kept seeing Bella's face from earlier when she'd asked to talk with him. He had no idea what she wanted to talk about, only that she'd given him that damn fake smile he hated so much. It was driving him to distraction and making him frustrated with himself for worrying about it. He had no reason to think so, but he was positive it wasn't good news she wanted to share.
Unable to contain himself any longer, he looked away from his laptop and toward his best friend sitting on the other side of the desk. "Hey, do you have any idea what Bella wants to talk to me about?"
"How should I know?" Whit replied with a shrug, his focus on the stack of papers in front of him.
"I just figured since you and Lee spent the afternoon with her, you might have some idea."
Whit didn't respond in any way.
"Alright, fine," he gruffly said. "I'm worried about her, okay? If this is something really important and I need to be talking to her instead of working, I want to know."
Whit leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms along the sides of it and looking at Masen as if he was the canary and Whit was the cat. "You want my help? Then I want no bullshit or smart ass comments or self-denial, Mase. Just level with me."
For a second, Masen was tempted to fake ignorance just to frustrate Whit the way he'd been getting frustrated for weeks now. But he knew that wouldn't be fair since he was actually asking for help this time.
He moved his laptop to the side so he could face his friend—and the truth he'd been denying until yesterday. "I want her in ways I don't even understand."
Whit grinned and said, "No shit, Captain Obvious. Give me more than that. You owe me more than that."
"I don't owe you shit, you nudger. But I'll tell you because I want your help." He took a breath and a moment to arrange his jumbled thoughts in regards to the woman turning his world upside down. "There's the physical attraction, obviously. But then there are all these little things about her that make me want to spend time with her just as much."
He tried to come up with some way to explain it without sounding like a damn fourteen year old with his first crush. The trouble was that was exactly how she made him feel. He loved the sound of her giggles and the way her eyes lit up when she was happy, becoming more caramel than brown. He enjoyed watching her play with Lizzy and laugh with his family. He really liked that he could relax with her and have his mind clear out enough for sleep. He even liked the way she challenged him, making him dive deep to find the right words to help her with her shark fears. If he was forced to find a single sentence to explain himself, he'd have to say he loved her presence in his life.
And that was exactly what he told his best friend, though not in such specific terms. "My life is different with her in it. There are some really good things about it, and then there are some drawbacks, like her ability to distract me from my work. And yet I still want her around." The words of his mother came to him and where he normally would have silenced himself, he shared them with Whit. "I don't want to let her go."
"Have you done anything to let her know that?" Whit asked.
Masen scratched at the bridge of his nose, feeling self-conscious for reasons he couldn't explain, not even to himself. "I told her yesterday I wanted more than a friendship. That when I'm with her, what I feel for her is louder than any doubts I have about if it's right or wrong."
"About fucking time!" Whit exclaimed, sitting forward and leaning against the desk. "You had me worried you weren't going to pull your head out of your ass."
"Yeah, well …" He looked straight at Whit, knowing his friend would understand the gravity of his next words. "I told her about Elizabeth."
Whit silently and patiently waited for more information.
"I …" He paused, still unsure of why he'd trusted her so much. "I told her about that last day with my mom. I don't know exactly what I was expecting from her but it definitely wasn't what I got. She didn't say all the typical stuff people tend to say, the useless apologizes and the untrue commiserations. They didn't know Beth so they have no idea what I lost. Bella didn't do that. She just … She just listened."
Whit smiled and reached across to grip Masen's wrist. "She gave you what you wanted when you didn't even know what that was. That's a good thing, Mase."
"I know and that's why I told her I want more. I don't really know what more is right now, but I want it."
"I can promise you she's just as confused," Whit replied, taking his hand back and then setting his chin on his folded arms. "She didn't share the how, but she confided in Lee and me that she lost her dad. She also admitted what happened with you today scared the shit out of her and was making her rethink everything. The internship. Her future in Atlanta. You."
Masen licked his suddenly dry lips and grimaced at the sour taste in his mouth. "She said that specifically? About me?"
"Well you're not a total lost cause," Whit said, letting out a sigh of relief. "You focused on your relationship with her first and everything else second."
Masen ran a hand through his hair as if that would somehow rid him of his frustration. "Yeah, well, I know I can convince her to stay for MMR and her career. I'm not so sure about me personally."
"You can do it. As long as you're honest with her and yourself about how much you want her. And make sure she understands you're talking about caring for her in a truly deep way, not just wanting her physically. It's completely clear to everyone around that you two are wildly attracted to each other, but I seriously doubt she has any idea of how much you care for her. She doesn't know you like we do, Mase. You can't just expect her to know that you stopping everything to talk to her is not a normal occurrence and means something more."
He gave his friend a weary look. "She's distracting me and I'm not only allowing it, I want more of it. I'm pretty fucking sure that proves how much I care about her."
His response was followed by the memory his mother's voice—and it was really hers this time. You won't want to let her go. He couldn't say whether or not that meant he was in love with Bella, but it definitely meant he felt more for her than for any other woman he'd allowed into his life. And there weren't many of those. Actually, if he didn't count Lee—and he shouldn't—there was exactly zero. No girls from high school or college. No chance meetings that had turned into more. Just a dozen or so one time encounters over the years.
Whit's voice distracted him from his thoughts. "You're damn lucky Lee and I know you and can see that you do care for Bella. We've already laid the groundwork for you. Lee talked to her about her own fears after my attack and the choice between living our lives and hiding in fear. She asked Bella to think hard about if she was really willing to give you up.
"For my part, I told her that everything anyone ever does is a risk. That any of us can be hurt in any way at any moment. And then I told her my pop's favorite saying about life—No risk, no reward."
Masen grinned. "Poppa Whitlock and his short and sweet life rules. I've always been partial to his 'If you want it, get it and stop talking about it'."
"That's a good one," Whit agreed with a nod. "But I didn't think it would be beneficial to Bella in her state at the time."
Masen sighed, hating all over again that as much as he'd wanted to go up and check on her, his priority in that moment had been the team and the shark—all of their lives had depended on him getting the job done. He had hoped she would understand but it sounded like her fear was stronger than her reasoning right now.
Whit lifted his head and sat up straight. "You're probably gonna wanna kill me for this next bit, but she deserved the truth. I told her there hasn't been a woman in your life and it's a huge step for you to let her in. She had the right to know she isn't the only one taking risks."
He groaned and hung his head. "Great. Now she probably thinks I'm dysfunctional or something."
"Mase, I love you, bro, but you are dysfunctional. Work is easier for you to understand and relate to so you've always buried yourself in it. The reason I've been a 'fucking nudger' as you put it, is because right from the start Bella was pulling you away from work and into your life. You were supposed to be touring the boat for work and yet you ended up at your park sharing your favorite treat. We were working with the tigers and you stopped to help with her anxiety. For fuck's sake, bro, you stole my chocolate to make her chocolate milk. If a woman can get you to do all of that and you still want her, then I'm going to help you make sure you keep her."
Masen lifted his head, his face set with the determination he felt inside. "So tell me how. Tell me what I need to do to convince her to want me just as much."
"You have to be honest. You have to tell her and show her what she means to you."
"Okay, but I don't know. I mean, I know I want her in my life but beyond that … This is out of my scope of knowledge, bro."
"Tell her what you do know and how you feel. Try explaining it to her just the way you did with me. As long as she can see you're being honest with her and yourself, things will work out."
Masen rarely doubted Whit's advice and this was definitely a time when he wanted to trust his best friend. He just wasn't sure if Whit had learned enough about Bella to know for sure that she'd give Masen a chance to convince her.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
Bella sat on her bed with her knees drawn up and her forehead resting on them, her focus on the music coming from her laptop. She was waiting for Edward; she'd asked to talk with him earlier and he'd promised to come after he finished some reports he was working on with Whit.
She clenched her eyes shut, forcing herself to keep her mind clear of anything but the music. She slowly realized the song she'd been listening to had changed and one she couldn't recall having heard before was now playing.
Your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine …
Bella fumbled with the remote in her hand, desperate to change the song so she wouldn't have to hear any more of the too-appropriate lyrics. She normally wasn't so emotional but then again she normally didn't realize she loved someone on the same day she watched them get injured by a shark and nearly drown.
Ooh, I don't love you. But I always will.
No, I don't love you. But I always will.
Her laptop finally blessedly shuffled and began playing a song with really cheerful intro music. Music like that couldn't go with lyrics that would make her think of Edward and the impossible choice she was facing.
I've got this friend.
I don't think you know him.
He's not much for words.
He's hidden his heart away.
Oh, I've got this friend.
A loveless romantic.
All that he really wants
Is someone to want him back.
"Seriously!" she cried, twisting to look at her laptop screen in disbelief. She wondered if Whit had somehow gotten hold of it and programmed it to remind her of their talk earlier. It should have made her feel special that she was the only woman Edward had let into his life, but right now it only served to make deciding what to do harder. She'd gone from only having one possible choice to having two improbable ones.
With a deep sigh she wondered if there was a chance the silly song might have an answer for her. Even though she snorted at such a crazy idea, she still pressed "play" to let the song continue.
Oh, I've got this friend
Holding onto her heart
Like it's a little secret.
Like it's all she's got to give.
It'd be such a shame
If they never meet.
She sounds lovely.
He sounds right out of a dream.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. If the right one came.
If the right one came along.
Was Edward the right one? Even though he worked with sharks and was at risk every second he was in the water with those creatures, was he the right one?
She didn't know.
Her father's voice came to her as clear as if he was sitting beside her. Someday, and much too soon for me, a young man is going to enter your life and turn your world upside down because that's just what young men do.
Edward had definitely turned her world on its head. He was bold and brazen and more confident than anyone she'd ever met. But he was also sweet and gentle and loved his family deeply. He took responsibility for his crew and gave all he had to ensuring their safety. And he had feelings for her. She didn't know what kind and she highly doubted they were anywhere near as strong as hers for him, but he still had them.
But what if she was wrong? What if Edward's feelings were just as strong?
… the way he was looking at you…it's how I look at Angela. She's all there is in the world when we're together. Ben was basically a complete stranger so for him to know there was more to Bella and Edward's relationship from just seeing them together …
Then again, Ben was a stranger. He didn't know Edward. He hadn't seen his hot and cold behavior. But wasn't that in itself a significant sign? Why act two ways if you only felt one? Even more importantly, could Bella be satisfied with going home now and never having the answer to that question or any of her others about Edward?
Lee's words from earlier passed through her mind. Sometimes in life you have to take a big risk to get a big return. It would have been so easy to give up on surfing. I could have sold my board and that would have been the end of it. But when I really thought about what I was giving up … Early mornings with Whit and Masen, the three of us laughing and having a great time, building memories worth cherishing … Bella, I couldn't give that up. It was a daily struggle in those first few weeks to force ourselves into the water but then one morning Whit and Masen were laughing like old times and I was teasing Mase about me being the better surfer and it all just felt right again. I don't know what kind of memories you've made with him so far, but are they really so easy to give up? Is he?
Whit's logic had been profound and undeniably true. Life is a constant risk. You could get hit by a car crossing the street. A dolphin could drag you down and drown you. A ray could pierce your heart with its barb. There are risks every second of every day. No risk, no reward. It's that simple.
He'd also shared the kind of risk Edward was taking … You won't be the only one taking a risk, Bella. Masen is putting everything on the line for you, to have a relationship with you. His work. His life as he's known it. His heart. He's never done this before. Not once. You are the only woman he's made an attempt to let in and I'm sure he's fucked it up more than once already but that's just because he has no idea what he's doing and no experience with caring about someone the way he does for you.
Bella's thoughts turned toward Jacob. She'd spent almost a year as his girlfriend, spending time together and having fun and even talking about the future. He'd seemed so stable with his job at an accounting firm and his suits and his clean, modern apartment. She'd thought he was practically perfect minus a few disgusting boy-behaviors. She'd had no idea at the time of his hobby and his true passion in life. One minute, everything was going smoothly and they were on track to move in together. The next, he was quitting his full-time job to become a part-time motorcycle mechanic so he could surf competitively. She'd known he was originally from Washington but she'd had no idea he'd grown up surfing and she'd never heard him talk about heading to any beach in Florida to do it. Not until she'd gone over to his apartment one afternoon and found the surfboard leaning against the wall next to his television.
She'd begged him not to do it, not to put his life at risk by being on the water, but he'd told her she was worrying for nothing, that what had happened to her father was a freak accident and could never happen to him. Even now she didn't completely understand how they'd managed to salvage their friendship out of the mess they'd made and all the things they'd said to each other out of hurt and fear and anger. She knew she was grateful to have him as a friend, though, even if he made her worry like crazy about him at times.
She wondered if what she'd learned so far about sharks would have made a difference with Jacob. It didn't take her long to decide it wouldn't. The only life she could picture with Jake was the safe one she'd expected before finding out about his love of surfing. There was nothing in his personality or in the way she felt for him that was a strong enough pull to make the risk of losing him on the water an acceptable trade for time spent with him.
The real question she had to ask herself was if what she felt for Edward was strong enough. She loved him. That much she knew without question or hesitation. She cared as much for his safety as his happiness. She enjoyed so much about being with him and was completely willing to put up with the parts of him that frustrated her. She could even accept that his passion in life was sharks and shark conservation. But could she have a happy life with him and not be worried sick every second of every minute he was in the water?
She thought about how she'd felt this morning when she'd woken up to his kisses—it seemed impossible that it had really been just this morning and not a week ago with how long her day felt to her now. Looking up into his green eyes and seeing the carefree smile on his face … There had been no worries or fears or thoughts of anything outside of that moment with him. She'd felt only happiness and something warm deep inside her. She knew now that warmth was her love for him.
But was it enough? Was it so precious and rare that it deserved to be put before every rational thought that screamed for her to ignore her feelings and forget about having more with Edward? She was going to have to dive deep within herself to answer that honestly.
Her bedroom door opened and there he stood, a hopeful smile on his face and a nervous hand mussing his hair.
And she knew.
Just like that.
"~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^~~~^~~~~^"
Masen staggered backwards and fought gravity. The door was still open so he had nothing to lean against to help absorb the impact of Bella slamming into him. He had no idea if this was a good sign or a bad one, only a sense that it meant she'd made a choice. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to assume it was in his favor. He wouldn't know how to handle the let-down if he was wrong.
He let her keep her death grip hold on him and slowly walked her forward until he could close her bedroom door. He could feel her shaking and assumed she was just overwhelmed until he heard her hiccup—she was crying. He'd heard Lee cry and he'd seen Esme do it more than once but the sound had never hurt him the way it was doing right now.
He wrapped his arms around Bella as tight as he dared, trying to comfort her in action and words. "Don't cry, kapu. Whatever's wrong, we can fix it. I want to fix it."
He could only make out a few phrases over the sound of her crying. "So scared … The tail … the sound … hitting you … You were underwater … And Gopher … And then you just …"
"It's alright," he assured her, holding her tighter and resting his head against hers. "I'm alright. That's exactly why they have teams setup to do this kind of work, so that everyone is as safe as possible."
She somehow managed to cry harder.
"Bella, please. I'm alright."
There was only more crying on her end.
"Listen, if you're upset with me that I didn't come up on deck to talk to you about it … Bella, you have to know you were in my thoughts and if there had been anyway to do it, I would have gone to you. But there were lives at stake—all of the team members and the shark. You are a priority for me but so is safety and in that one moment, safety had to come first. I really hope you can understand that because I would hate to know that one scary moment ruined this for us."
A mumbled "this" came out of her.
"Yes, this. This relationship that's part friendship, part work, and something more, something very important to me and I think to you too. I care for you, Bella, so much. And you've made a ton of progress already with overcoming your fear. I won't let you give up on your dreams just because of one small incident. Bella, I … I can't let you give up on me that easily. It's not an option for so many reasons. If I let you just call it quits now and go home, I'd be failing you as your friend, and your mentor, and as … as more."
She lifted her head, revealing sad brown eyes with silent tears falling from the corners. "What's more mean to you?" she asked through trembling lips.
He framed her face with his hands, both to feel her skin against his and to ensure she could see he was being completely honest. "More of your smiles. More of your kisses. Your giggles. Your fighting me on sharks as much as needing me to help. More of the way spending time with you feels, like it's just as important and fulfilling as my work."
Her shaking hands held tightly to his wrists. "But your work is starting to scare me more than the sharks."
"Bella, you know I'm careful. You've seen safety comes first for me every single second. If I hadn't felt one hundred percent certain I was okay to continue down on that cradle, I would never have stayed. I would never put myself or anyone else at risk like that. Part of respecting sharks is knowing they can turn on me at any moment. That's why I check and recheck every single thing before I let myself or anyone else get into the water. I'm not out here seeking thrills, Bella. I'm searching for ways to save the lives of creatures that are vital to our ecosystem, to our own futures."
She had stopped crying but there was still so much fear in her eyes.
"Bella, please. Please let me help you so you won't be afraid like this anymore. I can't stand the thought of you holding it inside and spending your life afraid for everyone you know who gets into the water. You belong on the water as much as I do and I want to help you enjoy it again."
She didn't say anything. She just looked at him, waiting for something from him.
Masen swallowed down the unease he felt, the worry that he was somehow fucking this up even more, and forced himself to follow Whit's instructions to be clear and honest about his feelings. "I care for you. I care if you're happy or you're sad or even annoyed with me. Especially when you're annoyed with me because I like it when you're happy. I like that seeing you happy makes me feel the same.
"I wish I could tell you I know exactly what wanting more with you means but I'm still trying to figure it out myself. One thing I do know for certain is that if you were to leave, I'd miss you. And I'd always wonder what could have happened if you'd stayed."
Her throat must have felt raw from the crying because her voice was hardly more than a gruff whisper. "Do you want me to stay for the internship or for you?"
"Both. But mostly for me."
The silence that followed unnerved him and left him feeling like he hadn't done enough yet, hadn't said the right words yet. He dove deep and found that the truest words he could say to her had been given to him by his mother. "I don't want to let you go, Bella. Please don't make me do that."
She pressed her hands against his neck and drew his lips down to hers, kissing him so softly that he hardly felt it at all. He panicked and assumed this was her idea of a goodbye and he was absolutely ready to beg her to stay, something he'd never done with anyone.
Before he could try begging, she pulled him closer and kissed him hard enough to cause him to groan against her lips.
And he knew.
Just like that.
She would stay and he would do everything he could to make it the best summer of her life. And if he felt this damn strongly about her now, he couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be in love with her, to feel for her what his mother had felt for his father.
He knew one other thing … Bella was no longer his kapu because she felt forbidden. She was his kapu because she was sacred to him, so very special and worth risking changing everything he'd ever known.