Somewhere in 'Murica – Day Before Day After Tomorrow

England woke up with Christopher spooned up behind him, arms wrapped tightly around him and warm breath blowing on his neck. He also had a hangover.

Oh dear, England thought, feeling a little nauseous at the intimacy. This isn't good.

England tried to get out of his hold but failed miserably. He groaned to himself. Damn it. He was trapped.

That sucks, England swore to himself. This sucks!

But nothing happened the previous night, right? Right?! England looked down at his body, sighing in relief when he saw his clothes were still there.

Well, England mused, a bit relieved. At least I'm not naked. This was just a silly mistake.

Yeah, things could be so much worse. So really, England was quite lucky.

But then, Christopher rolled closer to him, such that he was lying on him, squashing England under his weight. His face was so close to Arthur's face, causing him to squeal in embarrassment.

"Ugh!" England cried out. This wasn't going according to keikaku, damn it! Bloody hell!

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Knock Knock!

Who is it? England wondered.

His words reflected his thoughts. "Who is it?"

"It's the United States," and oh boy, America sounded angry. "I have a huge goat. And a gun. Gungoat. Open up the door. Stop having it be closed!"

"Why the hell do you have a goat?!" England yelled, confused. What the hell? Wasn't America supposed to be in Japan? And how the hell did he find our where England was?

"Japan gave it to me as a gift! You know, because I totally helped him with his post-war economic miracle? Anyway, are you opening the door or not?"

England rolled his eyes. That made no sense. Japan's economy had been going stagnant for awhile now, with not as much growth as before. If anything, Japan would gift America for 'protecting' him from China.

He replied, "I would. But I'm currently…uh…stuck at the moment."

"What? Why?" America asked. The goat bleated in the background and England almost burst out in hysterical laughter because of the hilarity of the situation.

"I'm trapped. Christopher's a little heavy." And speaking of Christopher, how deep of a sleeper was he? How hasn't he woken up yet?

"What the hell?" And in the next moment, Alfred kicked the hotel room door down. He dashed towards the hotel bedroom and exploded in anger at what he saw.

"Dude!" Alfred walked towards the bed and pulled Christopher off Arthur, jerking him awake in the process. "How dare you take advantage of my beloved darling!"

And then Alfred punched Christopher in the face, with all his strength, probably breaking all his bones.

"Don't you dare mess with him again!" America then turned to England. "Are you okay, dear?"

England almost fainted. This couldn't be happening. This was all so wrong.

Alfred gathered Arthur into his arms, hugging him close before whispering into his ears. "Should I fuck you in front of him? Show him who you belong to?"

"No!" Arthur shouted in protest and he wanted to rush over to Christopher to make sure he was okay. He knew that Alfred had too much strength for that punch to be anything less than severe. In fact, Christopher was knocked out cold.

"How 'bout I do it anyway?" America said, smiling as he started unbuttoning England's clothes.

"No…" Arthur said, quieter this time, as Alfred starting kissing at his neck. What was happening, exactly? None of what was happening made sense—

At that very moment, England snapped awake.

Author's Note: April's Fools! (With a bunch of history of japan references)