Sollace

Leonardo lay on his bed watching the shadows and patterns of light the candles were making on the ceiling. It was very late, but he could not bring himself to contemplate sleep. Every time he dozed off he saw the same thing, the brutal rape of the girl who had come to mean everything to him.

He had screamed himself, and practically the whole household, awake more times than he could count in the last 3 weeks. He hadn't had a solid 8 hours sleep since Luna opened her eyes.

Daytime didn't bring any relief either. Leo had always been sensitive to the feelings of his brothers. Master Splinter had been training him to hone that skill for years, but now, overnight, that sensitivity had been magnified a thousandfold.

He felt every emotion around him. Donatello's worry about Luna's recovery and the danger she represented for their family. Mikey's blinding happiness to have a new friend. Poor Mikey suffered the most from their enforced isolation, but now Leo could feel that suffering rolling off his brother, replaced with overwhelming joy in a new companion.

He also felt Raphael's intense attraction to the girl, as well as Raph's determination to quash it for Leo's own sake. But perhaps worst of all was Don's pity, as he watched it all play out.

Where had this extra sense come from? Don had postulated that it was triggered by his connection to Luna, or perhaps by his call to the god Helios. Leo just wished it would go away. The only person whose feelings he was interested in was Luna, but from her he received nothing.

Was she still hurting? Was she quietly suffering from the trauma of her attack? He couldn't believe that she wasn't, since the mere memory was enough to bring him screaming awake night after night. The attack had been brutal and humiliating, and Leo wished with all his heart that he could take that painful memory from her.

Since he couldn't really tell how she felt about him, he resorted to ignoring her during the daylight hours. Her unusual acceptance of his family had thrown off his perceptions of the world. But he still couldn't bring himself to hope she could ever want him.

He shouldn't want her. As soon as she met the conditions of her exile, she would go back to the sky and have her choice of gods chasing after her.

Leonardo finally abandoned his bed as a lost cause, and padded silently across the room to his desk. He took out some of the fragile parchment paper he used for writing poetry, wet his brush, thinned his ink, and began composing. Slowly and carefully he painted the kanji symbols in the hopes that putting his emotions on paper might help him understand.

Echos of light, bring me peace.
Cleanse me of these desires.
Dreams and nightmares born of her,
igniting chaotic fires.

Must I ever walk in darkness?
Can she not light my way?
I am undeserving, but would
she even stay?

Captured and no longer free,
I'm bound by soul and heart.
Hers to command, if she has need
and yet she will depart.

When she goes, then I would die.
and for her, I would kill.
Hope is lost, and darkness nie
to lie in ever still.

As Leo re-read the parchment in his hand, tears began to well up in his eyes. How he wished his Master was here to talk this through. Leo was no longer sure of his direction and the chains he felt around his heart were agonizingly tight. He could not talk to his brothers. They were depending on his leadership while their Master was away.

Devastated all over again, Leo threw himself back into bed, and blew out the candle. It took mere moments for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but he realized something was missing. Sol.

Leo had come to depend on the gentle blue glow of his little companion to soothe the ache of self imposed loneliness. Inevitably, Sol came to his room after Luna was asleep and didn't need him to help her see. Sol was his continued connection to her, but tonight he was alone.

Donatello knocked quietly on the door to the infirmary to see if Luna was still awake. It was late, but Don thought she might open up to him more in the quiet hours of the night. In the past few weeks, he had not pressed for further answers regarding her exile. Her quiet statement had been offered with no further elaboration.

But his observations of her and their conversations over those few weeks had convinced him that she was entirely good and more than worthy of their help. He also suspected she was harboring some extremely traumatic emotions, and in the absence of their Master, supposed that he should be the one to try talking them out with her.

Then there was the matter of Leo. Don was sure that the emotional link Leo was experiencing, went both ways. He had noted Luna's longing looks, whenever Leo passed by, and Leo's refusal to spend time with her, was depressing her spirits and stunting her metal healing.

"Please Donatello, come in." Luna said.

She was already dressed and in bed, wearing nothing but a long t-shirt borrowed from April, but she had seen his anxiety growing the last few days, and she was glad that he had finally come to talk to her about it. Instinctively, she knew it was going to be about Leonardo.

Luna found her heart racing these days whenever she glimpsed the head of the clan. Even when he was just crossing in front of her door. But he hadn't come back in to see her, at least, not while she was awake. Sol reported that sometimes he came down at night and spent hours at her side.

Don waffled around at the edge of the room, trying to decide how to approach what surely a delicate subject.

"Is something troubling you, Donatello?" she gently prodded.

She had quickly learned to read the signs of concern on his face. His eyebrow ridges had a tendency to push up together in the center of his forehead, and his mouth flattened out in a severe line. He sighed quietly and came to kneel beside her bed on the floor of the infirmary.

"I know you are recovering well physically," he began, "but I need to ask, how are you feeling day to day?"

Luna blinked. This was not a question she had been expecting. She considered her reply carefully before answering. She did not want him to think her ungrateful for his around the clock assistance.

"Despite your most tender care Donatello, I must admit that the days are hard." She closed her eyes, and terrifying images flashed before her. Her lips thinned in pain. "But I would not burden you, and yours, even further with my thoughts. I have already brought far too many troubles to your clan."

"Luna," Donatello replied gently "You are no longer alone in this exile. Your time with us has been enlightening and the motives for your actions, honorable. We have pledged to help you, and I would help you with this as well, if I can. Have you been sleeping?"

"Yes." she said simply.

Each time she closed her eyes, she expected to be traumatized by the events of her death and redemption, but strangely, she'd been sleeping through the night. This undisturbed rest was speeding her physical healing, and she suspected this was Leonardo's doing. She knew he was still sending her his strength. She could feel it flowing in during the night.

"I believe Leonardo may be responsible." She continued, surprising Don.

"Hmm. That could explain a few things" Don said.

He suddenly wore the very intense look he sometimes got when they were discussing the more metaphysical aspects of gods and science.

"Has he mentioned the empathic abilities he's acquired since you came to be with us?"

Luna shook her head.

"All of you have some pretty powerful latent talents." she said, startling Don again. "They will come out eventually, but I believe that Leonardo's contact with my soul," she paused and a slight blush crossed her face, "may have opened that channel in his mind more quickly. He has not come to discuss it with me, but I can feel it's power."

"I'm afraid he's experiencing some trouble from it." Don sighed. "He locks himself away most of the day. He's not eating, he hasn't slept. He wakes us all in the night screaming." he said

Luna paled and frowned, thinking hard. She consulted briefly, internally, with Sol.

You're supposed to be watching him! Why didn't you tell me? she demanded.

luna is sick. Sol replied. leo is helping.

He's syphoning my nightmares, isn't he? Luna asked.

leo is HELPING. Sol replied more firmly.

Don waited through her silence. He had become used to these silent conversations she held with Sol. Luna eyes narrowed and abruptly she asked,

"Do you think I am ok to move around now?"

Don considered that for a few moments.

"If you were human, you'd have to be off your feet for a few more months." he replied "but you're healing at a phenomenal rate. The bones are pretty far along, so if you need to move around a bit, that would probably be ok. What did you have in mind?" he asked.

"A solution for Leonardo." She said.

When Donatello helped Luna upstairs to Leo's room, Leo was once again being tortured in the grip of a nightmare.

"Nooo" he murmured, writhing in his sleep "Get away from her!"

Don's sigh, as he helped Luna to the bed, made it clear that this was all too typical a state for Leonardo these days. But he didn't try to wake Leo, Don merely settled Luna gently by his side and quietly left.

Luna sat still and regarded him for a few moments. She smiled slightly to see him sleeping "weapons ready." As if had just thrown himself at the bed ready for an all out battle to get some rest. The only concession he had made toward peaceful sleep was removing his katanas.

She reached out carefully and laid one gentle finger in the middle of his forehead. Her focus turned inward, seeking some of her precious pooled power, and after warning to Sol not to interfere, she sent a tendril of thought into his mind.

Instantly she was absorbed by his nightmare, and recognized it as her own. No wonder she was sleeping well and he was not.

Even now he was protecting her. She bowed her head, filled with sorrow, that he experienced that horrendous event. His mind was damaged with pain and guilt. Somehow he had convinced himself he was to blame for the entire incident. Not finding her fast enough. Not saving her, even though he hadn't even known her name at the time.

She withdrew her hand and sank deep within her own consciousness, right down to her core, where the blue, silver, and gold threads were woven in tight. Carefully she made the flow of power on the blue thread one way, keeping her thoughts and emotions from sliding back across the connection.

His sleep quieted immediately. She followed the flow back into his mind, and sought out all the images related to her attack. Carefully she smoothed the sharp edges from them. Making them once removed, less painful, not so personal. Hopefully they would no longer trouble him so.

She created her own gently glowing, moon-light white, thread and wove it in, out and around his thoughts, showing him without words how to shield his mind and protect himself from the emotions of those around him. She took the time to weave in other lessons, ones of attack and defense, that he would unlock as his abilities increased.

She lingered at the edges of his mind, basking in the feeling of his normal serenity flowing back over his consciousness. How she wished her time with him didn't have to end. For the first moments since her exile she had begun to feel that she might make it through. Here, with Leonardo and his clan, she felt safe. Comforted by their presence, surety, and strength.

But Leonardo was only just coming into his gifts. In the past few weeks, she had learned that the brothers truly did not understand the depth of their power. Most of their gifts had yet to be unlocked, and they were already extraordinary.

In a flash of foresight, Luna saw what would happen if other gods discovered these beautiful beings. They would be treated as the 'monsters' of old, twisted and used as toys. Manipulated for gain amongst the powers. Leonardo and his family were far too precious to endanger that way.

She would do the responsible thing, and release Leonardo from her soul bindings. Of course, she would heal more slowly, but he would not absorb any more of her pain. Then he and his brothers would be able to let her go.

Sol protested violently.

stop luna! leo is helping!

But HE is hurting! Luna replied, tears she didn't feel rolling down her face.

Why did doing the right thing feel so bad?

Carefully, so as not to disturb his now peaceful slumber, she reached out again to touch his face. She stroked it gently with the back of her left hand, whole again, thanks to him.

Luna tilted her head and ran her eyes over his face intently, memorizing his features. His high brow bones and strong jaw showed his intelligence and compassion. His soft mouth practically begged for her kiss. One kiss couldn't hurt, could it? Something she could hold on to when all she had left was memories?

She stopped that line of thought abruptly. That would help no one. As a goddess, she'd had and left hundreds of lovers, both immortal and mortal. So why was this so hard?

She had loved none of them, so none of them had hurt to leave.

No. If she stayed Leonardo and his clan would be destroyed, long before they ever became the luminous beings she knew they could be. She withdrew from his mind and slipped back down into her own core. She would free him. She owed him that, at least, for her life. Unbound, he would not mourn her.

She would mourn for them both.

Mentally she reached for the blue thread, took hold, and tugged at it gently. Loosening the tangle that bound him to her.

Leonardo frowned and stirred in his sleep. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. All his instincts were screaming at him to wake up, but he seemed unable to open his eyes. Something very precious was being taken from him. He began to writhe around on the bed, pain making him moan.

"No! Please!" he cried out. "Stay! Don't leave me in the darkness!"

"Luna, NO!" he shouted coming awake with jolt.