August 2000
Okay so I'm just gonna say it. Just so we're clear. So there is no confusion when we do a head count to check who's on the bus home.
I'm in love with the Slayer.
LOVE.
Yeah you heard me right.
I'm in love with her.
That's it. That's all I wanted to say.
Just wanted to clear that up.
Five by…fuck it.
August 2000
Well I'm back on full Slayer duty. Been kinda slack lately 'cause of the whack to my head and the whack to my heart when B held me so close. Got too much to be around her for a while there. Not ready for the Slay-and-Show down at Sunny Memorial with her in those tight pants she wears, babbling on the way she does. I guess you could say I pulled a sicky. Even rang in my excuse to Giles at the Magic Box so I wouldn't have to face her and the rest of the Scoobies. They're concerned for me now, but not in the wiggy 'Faith has gone mental again' way like before. I mean they got genuinely concerned over my health and that was a trip I sure as shit couldn't deal with a week ago. Little Dawnie even made me a get-well card that I found shoved through my door one morning when I woke up. It has this cute chick in black with a stake in her hand on the front of it. I think it's meant to be a drawing of me.
What is it with the Summers' girls' ability to make me smile?
So I could be all dark and brooding Faith, hanging around Sunnydale's answer to the Bates Motel and only going out for a fresh carton of OJ and some Taco's, or I could get five-by-five again and work off some of this excess grrr down at Vamp Central. Plus there's still that pesky demon hanging around and boy do I owe him a world of pain for what happened to me last week. Yeah, time for me to deal I figured so I called round for B earlier this evening to see if she wanted to come out and play. Even brought extra stakes along with me as I was in need of a good workout. And I think I hid my disappointment well when Mrs S came to the door and told me the Slayer had gone out with Army Boy for the night.
I was something like, "Oh sure, that's cool. Whatever, Mrs S. Check you later."
You know, not using words with more than one syllable in them so she thinks that I'm more of a dumb ass than Xander. Gotta give the lady credit though, she asked me how I was doing and offered me some tea. Not that I would have taken her up on it but it was, you know, sweet of her to ask. Wouldn't have expected that much from her a while back, it kinda threw me. Or maybe it was the rage I began to feel inside when she told me B had thought it was far more important to play at cheerleader with her jock boyfriend rather than rid this town of some of the less than friendly things that come out at night. Slayer duty seems to lose its importance when it comes to getting smoochies as Red calls it.
Fine then. I'll go slay on my own I thought and tried not to storm off the Summers' front porch, like some spoilt kid who's just been told they can't have their ball back to play with.
And besides being on my own has always been the deal right? Hell before I came here I was dusting my own clothes down after slaying and never needed anyone to hold my hand at night. What should be so different now? Do me some good I thought as I made my way to the cemetery To get all Lone Ranger on some demon's ass for awhile. Let B have a life. I'll stake enough vamps for the both of us.
Thing is, I remember now why I'd gotten used to having her around when I'm staking out the tombstones, waiting for the next chump to rise. Slayer time is lonely time when you don't actually have an e.t.a on your next vamp's arrival. And after all the me-time I've been clocking lately, a night ahead of me with only the voices I have in my head keeping the conversation going was not a pleasant situation to be in. At least when she was with me I could sneak looks at her and rag on her for never taking a breath in between sentences.
Having her around always silences the dark thoughts I get inside somewhere, and I know it's a raw deal really, 'cause even though she silences those thoughts she brings on a whole heap of other ones. Not quite as dark but just as hopeless. They start with me noticing her ass when she vaults into action and leaves me breathless at the sight. Then they move up a notch when she laughs at one of my jokes when it's gone quiet again, and I turn into Entertaining-Buffy-Faith, catch her act, she's here all week. The worst thoughts of all are when I catch her watching me. When I think I see a look in her eyes that I remember seeing a long time ago in a different face, but a face that held feelings for me all the same. And sometimes I know I catch the same look in her eyes, or is that just me being all hopeful and optimistic like Red, or even like B is most of the time? Oh who the fuck cares anyway? She was out with that bastard and I was kicking the dirt around my feet alone in the cemetery.
Bet Xena never had this trouble.
Just when I'm gonna give up for the night and swing by the Magic Box to pound the walls in the training room to get rid of this buzzing in my muscles I get luck and two vamps rise right before me. Cool, synchronise your watches or what? I smile at them. My "I'm gonna have fun dusting your skanky butts" smile and I walk over to them. I feel the need for some serious wailing here. After all, B hasn't been here to bring me some light to the darkness inside, so I'm all with the Bad Slayer rep I only bring out when I'm on my own.
"Hello boys."
I've surprised them. Guess they didn't expect a welcoming party of one hot chick who looks like she is having the world's worse case of PMS.
"Who are you?" The lanky one, in some lame suit his mom probably had waiting for him for his high school graduation, looked at me as if I were the one with fangs and some wicked creases on my forehead.
"Tell me boys, are you the religious type?"
They both looked at each other. Man vamps look so stupid when they're confused.
"Cause you are about to feel some Faith!"
I kicked out with my right leg and straight away the lanky one went down. The bigger vamp, but not by much, was startled for like a minute and I punched him in the face, his nose exploding on my fist as I did it.
"Eweggh gross!"
I kneed him in the stomach and then brought my leg up to his jaw. CRUNCH! I heard his vamp teeth break off, that's gotta hurt I smirked to myself. He was down and out of it for now and I returned my gaze to the other one. Just in time to see his skanky lanky ass hot-footing it out of there. Man one thing I hate is a cowardly vampire. I dropped down to one knee beside the vamp who's face was looking more like one of those weird mangled portraits I remember seeing once on a school trip to the Museum of Modern Art back in Boston.
"Hey you don't look so good." I punched him in the chest this time, loosening the ribs in there and he wheezed out a big glob of spit and blood from his broken jaw.
"Now do you see what happens when you don't brush your teeth properly?"
Another hard punch across his face and I dislodged an eye. Okay so I think I've freaked myself out now I remember thinking. I'm wailing a little too hard when she would've probably staked this guy and moved on. Thinking of that brought B back into my mind and that rage I felt at her house earlier on when she wasn't there came flooding back. Suddenly the vamp on the floor, blood gushing everywhere but still no closer to being dust, is not a vamp at all but it's Army Boy. And I'm not letting the blows stop. I'm not holding the punches back. I'm thinking of how he holds her, touches her and kisses her. How he gets to have happy B when I get the Slayer-Powered version, who always has some Big Bad on her mind when we go out at night looking for a fight. My hands have started to bruise on the bones that are poking out of this dead guy's flesh and I'm covered in blood. This is going to be a bitch to get out, leather costs so much to get it cleaned. One final outburst when I thought again of how Army Boy called me a whore in the Magic Box and didn't know I was up on the top landing getting a book for Giles, hearing every word he said drip with loathing. And that was it. There wasn't much left to turn to dust of the vampire that had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. I staked him and I watched him go. The ground beneath him was a deep red colour, the dust making swirly patterns a shrink would have a field day asking me what I saw in them.
I got up. I remember wiping the blood off my hands on a nearby tombstone. When I got back here it took me ten minutes to wash that blood off properly.
Yeah definitely on full Slayer Duty I reckon.
Issues Giles? No I don't think I have any issues to deal with.
Everything is...
...Five by five
August 2000
Okay so something weird happened today. And I know that shouldn't come as a big woo-hoo surprise considering I live on a Hellmouth, home to the weird and not-so-wonderful, but what happened today freaked me out as much as any of the weird wiggy shit I've seen as a Slayer.
I'm at the Magic Box. Wanted to tell Giles about patrol last night, though of course omit any actual details of how the slay went down. Giles always gets that concerned look when me and B have wailed a little too...what's that word he used? Vehemently! Yeah that's it, he goes all furrowed brow and starts polishing his glasses, saying "maybe you shouldn't have wailed so vehemently." Well maybe he doesn't say wailed, another long word probably. One that I still have to look up in a goddamn dictionary to find out what the fuck he is talking about. And as I didn't have my pocket dictionary on me today, or even own one in the first place, I gave Giles the NC-12 rating of last night's slay. And then before he could zone in on the bruises on my hand that were only beginning to fade, I asked him about news on the demon front to you know, distract him. And suddenly it's like "Oh Anya needs some help, do excuse me Faith." Ha! So that would be a no then? Giles batting zero for once, psyche! I know I shouldn't be all with the woo-hoo here but fuck it man, if Giles can't come up with the goods every once and awhile there's hope for the rest of us.
I smiled at his obvious discomfort for coming up empty again and swung through to the training room. Even if I did spend the best part of last night kicking the dead shit out of that vamp's ass, my body was still all tingling and my muscles were grrr all over again every time I thought of B out with Army Boy. Best cure I know for that when the sun is up and most of the Big Bad is asleep - Slayer Training. You don't get that cool feeling of bones breaking beneath your fist. Or get to see a vamp turn to dust and get that I don't know, good feeling inside like B says, but it does work off the tension and today I had a lot of tension to work off.
Now I've already said that Slayer Sense is like super sense. It ain't no Superman deal with bionic hearing or whatever, but it's better than your average person you know? So I should have known that whilst I was ragging on the punch bag, I mean really kicking and throwing my weight behind every punch I delivered, I wasn't alone in the training room. I should have had the Slayer Tingle at least. I guess I was zoned out but this time it wasn't some peaceful fluffy Ti-Chi place I was at, but that dark place inside me which dusted that vamp last night wishing it was Army Boy. I finished with a roundhouse kick to the bag and I swear it almost came off from the ceiling when I did. That's when I realised I wasn't alone.
"I think you killed it."
My head snapped around so quickly if I didn't have Slayer Strength I know I'd have a mean case of whiplash round about now. I did get a face full of sweaty tangled hair that stung my eyes for a second when it hit them wide open like. Then that feeling inside started, just like it always does when I see her, and I felt my body heat up, my heart hammering a little in my chest. I told myself it was down to the workout, purely aerobic. Yeah right. She was smiling at me, smirking a little at her own little joke and it just looked so cute. I was helpless to do anything other than stare at her. I tried to come up with something cool to say in return. One of my trademark comebacks that makes her roll her eyes at me, but I was like some schmuck on a first date, all stuttery and shy. Hey I was T-T-Tara again! Oh bloody hell, as Spike would say.
She was just inside the doorway to the room. I don't know how long she'd been standing there. Standing there watching me like I stand and watch her sometimes when she's working up a sweat. Okay so I don't really think B was imagining ways to get me naked on the floor in the shortest time possible, so maybe it wasn't like when I watch her but you know, a slayer can dream.
"Mom said you stopped by last night."
Okay so we're going with something that's gonna get me all riled up again. I managed to look away from her, just in case that green eyed monster was gonna make an appearance when I replied.
"Yeah, nothing special though B. Just Slayer time, you know?"
When I looked back to her I could have sworn I saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes. Like maybe she thought I'd come around for a different reason, a non-slaying reason. Okay, we're getting weird. And there's this tension in the air like there has been lately between me and her. Like we both have stuff to say but neither of us are gonna say it.
"Oh."
Good response there B, that's gonna help de-tense the room. Is that even a word? Fuck it, don't matter anyhow.
Time to act casual Faith. Time to be the usual me and not let on how my heart was pounding at the sight of her. Not let my face break out into the kinda smile that aches your jaw 'cause it just won't go wide enough.
"So did you and Arm...err did you have a nice time last night?" Ooops, that was close. I can't bring myself to say his name any more, can't even write it down in here let alone say it.
She looks at me and she looks as though she's warring with herself to tell me something. Something deep, or important or I don't know, something she probably thinks she shouldn't be saying to Faith, 'cause well I'm just Slayer Faith. Good for the fighting but not for the girl talk. Besides she's got Red for that, right?
Wrong.
"To tell you the truth Faith."
Man I love it when she says my name. Makes me smile.
"I would rather have been with you."
And she smiles when she says it. It's a mixed kinda smile, like she knows she shouldn't be wishing that in the first place. 'Cause like Army Boy is her honey, and honey time is supposed to not be about wishing you were with someone else, but still she was smiling at me. And I'm like on total heat wave alert in my body. Plus my mind has gotten in on the act so it's all zooming around with the thoughts in there again. Made me dizzy when I started to think too much about what she just said, why she said it. It was like a fucking tornado in there. I went and sat down on the bench. I might have pulled off a casual stroll, I-need-to-take-the-weight-off type of walk over there I don't know. I just know when she decided to take this as her invitation to come sit next to me it only made things worse in my head.
"Oh." Now it was my turn to say the world's shortest sentence.
I threw her a half-smile. I didn't know what else to say. Well that's not quite true, what I wanted to do was ask her why she'd just said that? Why were things in the land of Buffy not okay on the honey front? Had she ever thought about swapping sides? Playing for the other team maybe? Say B, want to grab a movie and perhaps dinner sometime?
Okay my thoughts were running away on me again, dinner and a movie, like that would work.
She's feeling the tension too now. I could tell 'cause when I lent down to the floor for my water bottle our arms brushed together and I felt her pull away from me. Like all the times I've had to do the same thing with her, 'cause feeling our bodies touch just gives my skin too much sensory input, and I have to pull away or else I feel like I'm gonna spontaneously combust just by touching her.
And there's two ways I know this none-conversation with B can go. I can break a habit of a lifetime and actually ask her something personal, or I can just sit and stay silent like always and wait for her to break into her speed-talking shit. When maybe one sentence I'll catch in full and only half of what she says will make sense. And I'm just about to go with the latter. I see her out of the corner of my eye gearing her breath up for her opening statement, I know it won't be long before she starts. When some hidden part of me, the part that doesn't worry about saying the wrong thing and freaking her out. The part that is sick of it all being one-sided roller coaster jonesing for the Slayer. The part that actually has a pair on her and isn't afraid of using them, came out with…
…"Yeah, I'd rather you'd been with me too B."
If that ain't the weirdest thing to happen to me since I've been here in Sunnyhell, I don't know what is.
Five by five