Death Battle! Chapter 30: Banjo-Kazooie VS Conker the Squirrel
Harry: Do you guys remember RareWare, you know before Microsoft ruined it? And do you remember the legendary characters created by this once great video game empire?
DAM: Yes I do, they're Banjo-Kazooie
The Doctor: And Conker, the alcoholic squirrel
Harry: He's The Doctor, that over there is DAM and I'm Harry.
DAM: And its our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a, Death Battle!
Harry: In the land of Banjo-Kazooie there are dangers around every corner. However, the most wicked of these villains was Gruntilda Winkybunion.
DAM: And with every villain there's a hero and that's where our combatants today come from.
Banjo pops up onto the screen and knocks on it as Kazooie popped out of her backpack
DAM: What the fu…awudge!?
The Doctor: Its true, these two unlikely friends are the bane of that wicked witch. Shall we take a look at the beginning of their great story.
Harry: One day Tootie, Banjo's little sister was kidnapped by Gruntilda. Determined to rescue his beloved sister Banjo set out with his bested friend in the 'world' Kazooie.
DAM: They would journey though countless different worlds filled with the deadliest creatures one could think of like Seaman, Bigbutts, and even the dreaded Snacker the Shark.
The Doctor: Seaman? Bigbutts? What the fu…awudge!
Harry: Don't you say it, don't you ruin this game for me! Or I'll keep George Lucas-ing you!
DAM: Anywhoo~! Banjo-Kazooie mastered numerous abilities during their adventure. Slashing foes with claw swipe, rushing obstacles with forward roll, preforming anti-air attacks with Rat-a-tap rap or break massive boulders with beak barge or beak buster.
The Doctor: They also learned various jumps and other techniques to help aid in their exploration of worlds. And with Kazooie's birdness they could sustain limited flight determined on the amount of feathers they have available. When flying they could use the all powerful beak bomb strong enough to kill a monster-snowman in one strike.
Harry: We're just getting started too...after defeating Gruntilda burying her beneath a massive rock and saving his sister, Banjo-Kazooie were hailed as heroes by their friends and Miss America wannabees.
DAM: Two years later in 2001, Gruntilda would be rescued from her rocky prison, when her sisters Mingella and Blobbelda destroyed the rock and set her free.
The Doctor: Where were our heroes when this was all happening, they were playing poker with friends Mumbo Jumbo and Bottles. Soon Gruntilda made her way to Banjo-Kazooie's home and destroyed it and everything inside.
Harry: However, thankfully for our friends they escaped in times, unfortunately their sensei Bottles was killed
DAM: Determined...again, to avenge Gruntilda they set out once more into the fray. And entered one of the most impressive journeys of all time, right behind Homeward Bound.
The Doctor: They ventured through the lands moving through countless worlds taking on the bosses of these worlds and winning.
Harry: Despite the lack of Bottles our heroes learned more abilities from his brother Drill Sergeant Jamjars. Their flying prowess increased greatly with the ability to shoot eggs in mid air and they earned a speed boost with their beak bomb at the cost of feathers.
DAM: Kazooie is probably the deadliest player 2 in video game history. The main powers of Banjo are nothing without her. How does he reward her by using her as a weapon of course.
The Doctor: For reals though they really added more abilities to their pockets, like peck, pack whack, wing whack, sack pack, snooze pack and the wonderwing an ability that makes them completely invulnerable.
Harry: However, their greatest of abilities was the Amaze O' Gaze Glasses...which gave them full control of the battlefield. With this power they can activate their greatest weapons. The 'Breegull Blaster~!"
DAM: The Breegull Blaster is unique as Banjo carries Kazooie like a gun and because she's a bird its only logical that she can fire eggs, from her mouth and with this power they can use the Beak Bayonet.
The Doctor: On the topic of eggs in the first game, Kazooie could fire the standard Blue eggs from her mouth or fart them out of her rear end. And could access the giant blue egg. In their later years they could use numerous types of eggs.
Harry: Kazooie is one interesting bird she has fire eggs, grenade eggs, ice eggs, Clockwork Kazooie eggs-remote controlled, golden eggs rapid fire, proximity mine like eggs that virtually disappear in seconds, and battery eggs which we seen in that GameCube game that can electrocute foes.
DAM: They defeated Grundy again and would later fight her again after seven years...in this journey they gained a brand new weapon/ability the 'Magic Wrench'...
The Doctor: Oh no you don't were not even gonna talk about that horrendous game.
Harry: These two have accomplished some impressive feats, like flying planes, cars, and boats with ease. One of the more powerful weapons in their arsenal are the cheats they received from Cheato, which granted near-unlimited red feathers and eggs as well as regenerative 'honey comb' powers.
DAM: These cheats also allow their eggs to home in on enemies, however even though you hate to admit it Harry they have weaknesses, for one they have an over reliance on teamwork, without the other at his/her side they become weaker and not as strong,
The Doctor: Also while they're incredibly durable if they due end up getting hurt they can only heal if given time to switch to only Banjo and sleep. The majority of their abilities are designed for exploration, over actual combat. And their Wonderwing has a 'feather' limit or time limit.
Harry: Still even with these weaknesses Banjo-Kazooie maybe the greatest heroes of Nintendo, even with others like Mario and those in Smash Bros they're still good.
"..and you'll with you'd never messed with the great Gruntilda Winkybunion!"
"Your last name's Winkybunion?" asked Kazooie.
"Erm...no it's not. And if you tell anyone. I'll sue you!"
"Sure thing, Winky."
Banjo and Kazooie:
Series: Banjo-Kazooie/Tooie
Species: Bear (Banjo) Bird (Kazooie)
Height: Approx. 5 Feet (Banjo) Approx. 4 Feet (Kazooie)
Weight: 110 Lbs. (Banjo) 65 Lbs. (Kazooie)
Weapons and Abilities:
Claw Swipe
Forward Roll
Rat-a-tat Rap
Beak Buster
Flap Flip
Beak Barge
Talon Trot
Flight
Beak Bomb
Airborne Egg Firing
Peck
Pack Whack
Wing Whack
Breegull Bash
Amaze O' Gaze Glasses
Bill Drill
Sack Pack
Snooze Pack
Talon Torpedo
Breegull Blaster
Beak Bayonet
Eggs
Blue (Giant Blue)
Fire
Grenade
Ice
Clockwork Kazooie
Golden
Proximity
Battery
Honey Combs, act as life-force
Wonderwing
Cheat-os
Strengths & Feats:
Amaze O' Gaze Classes grant superior accuracy with eggs and guide in flight
Can break boulders with ease in one stroke
Has defeated some of Nintendo's most ridiculous bosses
Defeated Gruntilda Winkybunion thrice...this is impressive because she can not die
Once defeated Donkey Kong and Mario at the same time
Near-Invulnerability with Wonderwing
Survived being stomped on by a massive Dinosaur without Wonderwing
Weaknesses:
Over reliance on teamwork
Can only heal if given time to switch to Banjo...and Sleep?
Majority of abilities are designed for exploration, over actual combat
Wonderwing has a 'feather' limit, or time limit? Not really sure?
Haven't been featured in Smash Bros., despite the fact that they total should
(One Extra: Markiplier didn't know what they were in his 'Stealing the Diamond' video)
Harry: Okay...this guy is crazy just for a warning, Conker the Squirrel's kick start is ridiculously similar to the opening scenes of 'A Clockwork Orange'. Conker claim that he was the King of all of the land.
DAM: That man..or squirrel is more perverted than I am, I mean look at his girlfriend man I wish I was this squirrel.
The Doctor: Anyways, Conker woke up the next morning suffering from a hungover and instantly began. He was determined to get to his girlfriend Berri's house...
DAM(*Sarcastically*): ...I don't even want to know why he wanted to go there!?
Harry: Seriously DAM, can please at least try to be somewhat appropriate
DAM: Fine! But, after this it'll be like Armageddon!
The Doctor: Unfortunately Conker had one problem standing in his way the evil Panther King and his mad-scientist friend, Professor von Kriplespac. He was forced to take arms against numerous foes such as the Weasel Mafia, The Great Mighty Poo, a Xenomorph known as Heinrich and Teditz.
Harry: Who are basically an teddy bear nazis. Conker's main weapon of choice is the frying pan which he can swing so hard it can kill an ordinary enemy in only one single.
DAM: Before we continue I have joke for the Weasel Mafia, (*Clears Throat*), looks like Gordy isn't the only one with weasel problems.
The Doctor: However, the frying pan is far from Conker's only weapon, he carries a large assortment of weapons for every range. With throwing knives, baseball bats, katanas and chainsaws for melee weapons. He also has a wide variety of bombs.
Harry: He's got fragmentation grenades, stun grenades, magnova grenades and napalm grenades.
DAM: Oh How I Love The SMELL of Napalm! If all that wasn't enough Conker has a revolver, pump-action shotgun, Flamethrower, Bazooka, Sniper rifle, a crossbow, Tommy Gun and, dual submachine guns which he fires in akimbo style.
The Doctor: I now know why people love this squirrel so much he's got so many weapons, and, were only just getting started. With TNT Imps he can clear away any obstacle in his path while sacrifices some poor souls' life in the process.
Harry: He also has a gas mask to help get through deadly clouds of death, with confidence pills he can which unlocked his potential to swim, he can also use his own Urine as a weapon though it only works on fire and when battling the notorious Mighty Poo he flushed the competition with large toilet paper rolls.
DAM: Confidence pills? We have one more weapon that needs to be discussed in full, the Big Machine Gun which as its name implies is a 'big machine gun', its kind of like an anti-air craft gun mixed with a gatling gun.
The Doctor: Like his opponents Conker has fought and defeated some of the most ridiculous bosses in video game history.
Harry: However, like all combatants he has weaknesses, for one he's extremely perverted, suffers from constant hangovers thanks to alcoholism and the fact that his toilet paper can harm The Great Mighty Poo.
DAM: And, although Gregg the Grim Reaper states that he and other squirrel's have as many lives as they could need Conker has been permanently killed before in the past.
The Doctor: Flaws and weaknesses aside this is one squirrel you never want to runover in your truck. If you do he might kill you with no remorse.
"Oh...man! It's gonna be a long day..."
Conker:
Series: Conker's Bad Fur Day/Live & Reloaded
Species: Squirrel (1/128 vampire)
Height: Unknown [Small]
Weight: Unknown [Overweight]
Weapons and Abilities:
Frying Pan
Baseball Bat
Katana
Chainsaw
Throwing Knives
Urine
Revolver
Shotgun
Dual Submachine Guns (Akimbo Style)
Sniper Rifle
Tommy Gun
Crossbow
Bazooka
Bombs
Fragmentation Grenades
Stun Grenades
Magnova Grenades
Napalm Grenades
Gas Grenades
Big Machine Gun
TNT Imp
Flamethrower
Gas Mask
Confidence Pills
Toilet Paper
Strengths & Feats:
Has defeated some of Nintendo's most ridiculous bosses
Carries more destructive weapons in his arsenal
Always appears in front of Banjo-Kazooie on any, Top 10 Nintendo 64 Games
Can not officially die, can be resurrected many times over
Changed the kid-friendly look of RareWare forever
Was an actually decent...okay Xbox 360 Game
Luckiest man/squirrel in the world, have you SEEN his girlfriend
Sincerely,
DAM
Weaknesses:
Perverted
Suffers from constant, endless, hilarious hangovers
Alcoholic
Toilet Paper only effects The Great Mighty Poo
Urine is only effective against fire
Harry: All right the combatants are set, its time to end this debate once and for all!
DAM: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE! Furry-style!
Harry: You have got to be kidding me!?
Banjo-Kazooie are seen sitting inside there small house playing a game of poker with their friends Mumbo Jumbo and Bottles. As they played Conker stood atop Spiral Mountain mountain. He took out a bazooka and aimed it down range and fired. The missile flew threw the air before finally striking the house blowing it into a thousand pieces. Conker lowered his bazooka and threw it away unholstering a shotgun. Before he could walk away Banjo-Kazooie came crashing out of the rumble and flew towards him landing on the ground preparing themselves for battle.
Banjo: You'll regret that, you chipmunk.
Conker: Damn it, I'm a squirrel do I look like a chipmunk!?
Kazooie: Yes.
Banjo: Enough talk lets fight!
Conker: Let's do this!
FIGHT!
Conker immediately began shooting at Banjo-Kazooie who activated their wonderwing, Conker continued to fire only to Banjo-Kazooie charge him knock the shotgun from his hands with their claw swipe. Conker fumbled backwards and retaliated with a two handed swing from his frying pan striking Banjo in the chest. Banjo-Kazooie flew backwards using the Flap Flip landing safely on their feet. Conker ran towards them with his Katana held behind his head, Banjo-Kazooie slammed into his chest with a beak barge knocking him the top of the mountain into the river below. Conker splashed into the water and slowly sank to the bottom. Banjo-Kazooie followed swiftly striking him again with a Talon Torpedo. Conker groaned in pain before plucking a pill from his pockets swallowing it whole. He then took out a Tommy Gun firing a flurry of rounds at Banjo-Kazooie and the surface. Before quickly switching to a crossbow sending Banjo flying out of the water and crashing into the side of Spiral Mountain mountain creating a massive grater.
Conker swam as fast as he could to the surface and the second he breathed air Banjo swung his backpack trapping Conker inside.
Inside Banjo's backpack
Conker wandered aimlessly in the darkness before stumbling upon Kazooie
Kazooie: Hi there...
Conker: What the Fu...!
Before he could speak Kazooie attacked striking her opponent multiple times...Conker flew out of the Backpack in a hurrying and gripped his heart out the quick burst of adrenaline before collapsing to the ground with his face landing in a pile of poo
Welcome to Hell...again Conker
Gregg the Grim Reaper: Seriously dude I told you this already, leave this place and go back to what you doing before.
Back in Spiral Mountain
Banjo-Kazooie began to walk away from Conker's corpse but were stopped instantly by a TNT Imp that came running towards them on fire. Banjo-Kazooie braced but couldn't protect themselves from the explosion and were thrown to the ground. They jumped to their feet and looked through the smoke, Conker came running towards them with a baseball bat smacking Banjo across the side of his head. He tossed the bat aside and unholstered his dual submachine guns and began to fire multiple rounds down range striking Banjo-Kazooie in the chest multiple times, until he was forced to reload. As he reloaed Banjo-Kazooie accessed the power of Amaze O' Gaze Classes...firing dozens of blue eggs down range. They are immediately destroyed as Conker reopens fire with his SMGs. The quickly switched eggs and fired a grenade eggs. Blowing up in Conker's face sending him flying backwards and landing on a bridge. Before he could stand up Banjo-Kazooie slammed onto the Conker with a bill drill breaking the bridge in two and piledriving Conker into the shallow water below. Banjo-Kazooie stood up after claw swiping Conker twice and watched as he drew a flamethrower. Conker shot a burst of flames from the flamethrower knocking Banjo-Kazooie backwards and tumbling onto the beach behind them.
Conker jumped to his feet unholstering his slingshot time to back to the classics, he shot a pebble and hit Banjo in the eye.
Banjo: Awwwww! What kind of person hits someone in the eye with a slingshot!?
Conker: Me...
Banjo-Kazooie looked around the battlefield and came across a nest of Golden Eggs, they quickly ran over to it and began to shoot Conker, Conker was forced to retreat under the massive walls of eggs which began kicking up dirt. As he ran away he came across a Teditz inside a Big Machine Gun. He then proceeded to cut the Teditz in half with his katana before mounting the massive gun himself. Banjo-Kazooie saw Conker aiming the Big Machine Gun at them and quickly took to the clouds. Conker began to fire uncontrollably in an attempt to kill his enemies. Banjo-Kazooie maneuvered around most of the bullets and rushed Conker and his Big Machine Gun destroying it with an overpowered beak bomb. Conker was thrown away from the explosion and got to his feet looking back at Banjo-Kazooie before charging them with his Chainsaw held at his side. He swung his chainsaw as Banjo-Kazooie activated their wonderwing. Sparks were sprayed everywhere as Conker screamed in frustration. Before long the Wonderwing began to run out of energy as did Conker's chainsaw, however Banjo-Kazooie ended up being slashed across by the chainsaw as it died.
Exceptionally grumpled Banjo-Kazooie blasted Conker with an Ice Egg freezing him before charging him with a forward roll tackling him to the ground and punching him twice across the face. Conker blindingly thrust a throwing knife in Banjo's direction stabbing him in the stomach. Banjo fumbled backwards, as Conker charged them with a large toilet paper roll and threw at them. The two heroes broke through the massive roll of butt-paper with a beak barge before Banjo-Kazooie attacked Conker with a breegull bash sending him flying backwards crashing into the mountain...again. The entire mountain shook once more as they fired a proximity mine sticking to Conker's chest unable to pry the egg off Conker was thrown backwards as the egg exploded causing the entire mountain to collapse on top of him burying him under a thousands pounds of destroyed Earth.
KO?
"Wow, that wasn't expected!" Banjo said.
Kazooie popped out from her backpack, "We won, are you saying you didn't expect that!?"
"Woman get back in thee backback!"
"NEVAR!" Kazooie flew out of the backpack and began to dive bomb Banjo shouting, "FRRREEEEDOOOMMMM!"
DAM: That can't be good, run Banjo! Run!
Harry: Conker may have carried firearms and had more destructive weapons in his arsenal. It would be the combination of Banjo-Kazooie's teamwork, eggs and abilities that carried them to victory. While both have taken on numerous threats. Banjo-Kazooie's enemies were far more lethal and dangerous than the majority of Conker's villains.
The Doctor: This fight could've lasted for hours maybe even days, with Banjo-Kazooie's regenerative healing factor and near-immortality, against Conker's numerous lives and resurrection abilities. However, if one would to take a closer look they'd notice that Conker is just like Gruntilda as she also couldn't die or if she did she always came back from the grave. So Banjo-Kazooie that experience in their favor and while the majority of their weapons are more suited for exploration with the Amaze O' Gaze Glasses and Kazooie's eggs they could easily outmatch Conker's firearms.
DAM: Conker should've had his mind on more than the Wonderwing
Harry: The Winner is Banjo-Kazooie
The Doctor: Next Time on Death Battle!
An anthropomorphic echidna with white cloves whips his head at a tall obese man as he tried to sneak away shouting, "Hey, get back here you creep!"
Versus...!
A limbless humanoid lays a sleep on a tree branch eating plums when out of nowhere a skull lands in his hand, he looked at the skull confused before screaming uncontrollably
Finally I thought we would never make it to here, the finale everyone wants see actually happen on Death Battle! two of RareWare's most popular heroes. So I have a list of more matches as seen below as well as a quick preview for Season four, that's right its happening I plan on doing this story for a long time. However, near the middle of Summer I'll finally be updating my Deadliest Warrior story. This his Harbingers of NEVEC sighing off saying don't forget to read, review, and favorite. And as always remember to Live Long and Prosper.
Death Battle! Season 3
Knuckles the Echidna VS Rayman
Vegeta VS Mewtwo
Ember McLain VS Marceline
Solomon Grundy VS Ms. Fortune
Sinnoh Starter Pokemon Battle Royale
Skulduggery Pleasant VS John Constantine
Bayonetta VS Dante
Devastator VS Voltron
Electro VS Black Lightning
The Green Hornet & Kato VS Batman & Robin
Aku VS Mephisto
Sephiroth VS Guts
Ermac VS Sinestro
Kirby VS Girantina
Ryu Hayabusa VS Scorpion
Season 4 Debut
Markiplier VS PewDiePie
Roman Torchwick VS Yuki Terumi
Bullet VS Yang Xiao Long
Toph Beifong VS Tara Markov
Chrono VS Shulk
Death Battle! Chapter 30: Banjo-Kazooie VS Conker the Squirrel Epilogue
Gruntilda Winkybunion walks up to the remains of Spiral Mountain mountain using her magic to clear the rubble aside, freeing Conker from his Earthly prison
"Don't give up just yet, I still have other uses for YOU!"