Death Battle! Chapter 33: Deadpool VS Deathstroke Remastered
Five months later, the masked mercenaries are back!
Harry: Marvel and DC have produced thousands of characters from Darkseid to Thanos and Lex Luthor to Iron Man, however, these two masked mercenaries may be the most requested fights ever.
DAM: Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth.
The Doctor: And Deathstroke, the Terminator.
Harry: He's The Doctor, that over there DAM and I'm Harry.
DAM: And its our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a, Death Battle!
Harry: It is said when god made the Earth he first made the heavens, and then the Earth, after that he made man.
DAM: Little did he know about his creations own as time went on and man grew we saw Homer and his epic adventure, Sun Tzu's Art of War and Stan Lee's Deadpool.
Deadpool: That's right they went through all of that just to say my name. Typical.
The Doctor: What the heck?
Harry: Before he was known as Deadpool he was just your ordinary guy with cancer.
Deadpool: Grab your tissues folks goes this is where the sadness starts, hell I'm about to start crying myself.
DAM: His name was Wade Winston Wilson and he was suffering, he was dying, he wanted to be a hero more than anything.
Harry: Wade's life got so bad that he had to leave his girlfriend, to leave her without the fate of loving a man who was doomed to die.
The Doctor: That is until he had the opportunity of the life time, he would be saved from his cancer by Department K the special weapons division of a strange land dubbed Canada.
Deadpool: Oh Canada thank you for saving my life. Oh Canada your woman are so sexay! Oh Canada (*laughter*). Who am I kidding Canada sucks!
DAM: Wow, that was creative, looks like you really thought that one through.
Deadpool: Shut up shortstop!
Harry: Anyway, when we mean save we mean he was put through the Weapon X program and was injected with Wolverine's healing factor. Which makes complete since, I'm not even gonna bother questioning it, not like its real to begin with.
The Doctor: Wade also got Wolverine's superhuman strength and stamina, again we don't know how. And used both to kill his ruthless warden Ajax.
DAM: Having escaped his former prison Wade I mean Deadpool became a lone mercenary, accomplishing a lot of impressive feats.
Deadpool: Like the time I killer the Marvel universe and Wolverine, oh oh oh how bout the time when I-
Harry: Hey Wade can you do me a favor?
Deadpool: It depends on what it is?
Harry: Please stop interrupting me its very distracting.
Deadpool: I see how it is, if you didn't like me why didn't you just say it. (gun loads and is fired)
The Doctor: Oh god did his just kill himself?
Harry: No he did not because of his healing factor he is basically immortal.
DAM: On with his weapons, Deadpool has a lot of weapons at his disposal thanks to his magic satchel. He has swords, pistols, machine guns, grenades, more swords, and many many more.
The Doctor: Deadpool is also somewhat perverted, seriously this guy makes the Bloodhound Gang look like Mother Teresa.
Deadpool: Hey we are only mammals so why shouldn't we get it on like the Discovery Channel.
Harry: WADE!
Deadpool: Okay.
DAM: Please make this stop, my mind is hurting
*Technical Difficulties Please Wait*
Harry: Sorry about that everyone, we needed to reset our minds.
The Doctor: Another weakness he has is he is completely unhinged in his mind and even though he has a healing factor he still has the cancer which is constantly being healed from.
DAM: Still Deadpool is one of the greatest antiheroes in fiction.
Deadpool: Awww that's so sweet. Lets see what Joey is gonna be bringing to this fight.
Deadpool:
Real Name: Wade Winston Wilson
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 210 lbs.
Relationship Status: Single & Ready to Mingle
Weapons and Abilities:
Twin Katanas
Dual Heckler & Koch Mark 23 SOCOM Pistols
Dual FN P90 Submachine Gun
Grenades
Teleportation Belt
Infinity Stone
Carbonadium Sword
Sheep Cannon
Armor: None
Strengths & Feats:
Magic Satchel
Killed the entire Marvel Universe including Wolverine
Forth Wall Awareness
Can not be killed
Skilled Swordsman
Master Martial Artis
Expert Marksman
Weaknesses:
Mental Insanity
Cancer
Can be killed if his head is separated from his body for too long
ADHD
Harry: At the age of sixteen Slade Joseph Wilson enlisted in the U.S. Army and later fought in the Korean War.
DAM: Well if I was that tall when I was sixteen I would probably be confused for a twenty year old.
Deadpool: Oh poor Zach want me to cry or sing Danny Boy.
The Doctor: Harry?
Harry: Its not my fault, its his.
Deadpool: Jk lol lmfao, I'm done now.
DAM: Anyway when he was fighting Korea he was trained by Adeline Kane in all fighting styles, they bonded so well they would later marry. But that was way down the road a bit, not really he be a player.
The Doctor: After his service in the war he volunteered for a experiment that would help him resist enemy truth serums.
Harry: But, it didn't work at all, instead of ruining his life forever the experiment turned Slade into the deadliest mercenary in the world.
DAM: Things to a turn for the worst when his son was kidnapped by a group of rival mercenaries, despite a successful rescue his son lost his ability to speak.
Deadpool: And missed Slade wasn't too happy about that, cause she shot him in the face but don't worry he heals real fast like me. Expect for the fact that he lost his eye forever.
The Doctor: What?
Harry: Its true in-spite of his healing factor he lost his forever. After this Slade roamed the world for jobs and credits.
DAM: He wields one of the coolest swords ever composed of Promethium. He also has wields two pistols, two submachine guns, and a customized AR-15 assault rifle with a mounted scope and grenade launcher.
The Doctor: Even if that's not enough already he has a super bomb which is designed to keep Superman at bay and an energy lance which is practically unbreakable.
Harry: He's fast enough evade Superman, defeated the entire Justice League. He is a master martial artist capable stacking up against Batman and is skilled in all forms of weaponry.
DAM: He can even use 90% of his brain, keep in MIND the average human only uses 10%.
Deadpool: Or 0% if you a guy like Justin Bieber, well actually he can breathe so technically .0000000001%
The Doctor: However he's got some weaknesses, for one he doesn't have a clear track record as he lost to Batman, Damian Wayne, and Lex Luthor. He also short-tempered if he gets angry enough he'll become clumsy and more dangerous to everyone around him including himself.
Harry: Not to mention his healing factor takes a few minutes or even a few hours to actually heal depending on the injury.
DAM: Despite this he is one tough and determined fighter, just try not to piss him off Wade.
Deadpool: I'll try my best.
"Let her go monster, now!"
"Now this is what they call a stand off, not even the pit can bring back mommy if her head js blown off, your play Damian."
Deathstroke:
Real Name: Slade Joseph Wilson
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 225 lbs.
Relationship Status: Divorced
Weapons and Abilities:
Promethium Broadsword
Dual Beretta 92FS Pistols
Dual Heckler & Koch MP5K Submachine Guns
Customized AR-15 with M203 Grenade Launcher
Super Bomb
Energy Lance
Armor: Helmet and Armor laminated with Kevlar and Promethium mesh
Strengths & Feats:
Can use 90% of his brain
Fast enough to evade Superman
Defeated the entire Justice League
Skilled in all forms of weaponry
Skilled Swordsman
Master Martial Artis
Expert Marksman
Weaknesses:
Has been defeated by lesser characters, like Batman and Lex Luthor
Short-tempered
Eyes
Harry: All right the combatants are set its time to end this debate once and for all!
DAM: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE! Remastered!
The battle opens up to Deathstroke setting up a sniper position with his AR-15 peering through his scope spotting Deadpool sitting aimlessly on a couch one hand down his pants the other gripping a pistol. He fired his rifle striking Deadpool in the face knocking him from his seat. Deathstroke lowered his rifle and ran to other position and began to search for Deadpool. Deadpool popped out of nowhere in front of Deathstroke staring down his sniper scope and waving.
Deadpool: Hello..!
Deathstroke: What the..?
Deadpool teleported once more as Deathstroke fired his sniper rifle appearing behind him this time his FN P90s aimed directly for his head. Deathstroke spun around smacking Deadpool in the face with his rifle-butt before kicking him in the chest. Deadpool rolled on his back and eventually landed on his feet.
Deadpool: I'll be honest man, that really hurt.
Deathstroke: You're in for a world of hurt then, because we're justing getting started.
The two entered their own respected fighting positions as the camera zoomed our panning around both combatants.
FIGHT!
Both men immediately began firing their respected weapons Deadpool with his SMGs and Deathstroke with his assault rifle. Deathstroke and Deadpool bullets struck each other in mid–flight. Deadpool ran his magazine dry and tossed his SMGs aside and unsheathing his katanas before disappearing in a flash of light. Deathstroke looked around for his opponent who reappeared behind him slicing down his back knocking him forwards.
Deadpool: Surprise!
Deathstroke turned around to shoot his opponent however he'd teleported again. As Deadpool teleported behind Deathstroke, Deathstroke turned around and fired his M203 grenade launcher striking Deadpool in the stomach. The round penetrated his body and sent him flying backwards crashing off the rooftop and landing on a car. Before the grenade exploded and so did the car he'd previously landed on.
Deadpool: Oh My God! Somebody please help me! I'm very badly hurt! Wait, never mind I'm okay!
Deadpool jumped to his feet his wounds healing in mere seconds. Deathstroke came jumping down from the rooftops grabbing onto a power line flipping around it and leapt off landing in front of Deadpool his Energy lance drawn.
Deathstroke:...Your talkative persona is very annoying.
Deadpool(*unsheathing another pair of swords*): Please I'm only just getting started.
The two charged towards each other, Deadpool jumping in the air and teleporting his swords held behind his head. Before Deadpool could strike his opponent Deathstroke thrust his lance into Deadpool's chest stopping him in midair. Deathstroke flipped Deadpool over his shoulders slamming onto a trash can. Deadpool rushed Deathstroke again shaking off the pain and his head swinging his swords in rapid succession. His opponent effortlessly deflecting each swing and countering with a swipe to Deadpool's temple.
Deadpool: OW!
Deathstroke fired his energy lance striking Deadpool in the groin stunning him for a second forcing him to drop his swords. Deadpool hung his between his knees and popped up with two Colt pistols in his hands. He charged Deathstroke firing a flurry of rounds at his opponent who blocked them by spinning his lance. Deathstroke switched his lance for his Promethium sword and charged his opponent. As he neared him Deathstroke whipped out a pistol and fired two shots at Deadpool. Deadpool took the shots head grunting in pain before continuing his attack firing both of his pistol. Deathstroke spun his sword blocking the bullets and slammed his knee into Deadpool's chest knocking him into a concrete pillar. The pillar weakened and cracked, Deathstroke jumped into the air swinging his Promethium broadsword with both hands. Deadpool rolled out of the way as Deathstroke's blade broke through the pillar with ease.
Deathstroke: Hold still.
Deadpool: NO!
Deadpool jumped onto Deathstroke's shoulders armed with a sai and began to stab his opponent in the chest. Deathstroke shot Deadpool pointblank in the face before grabbing him by his arm throwing him over his shoulder and onto the sidewalk. Deadpool teleported away from Deathstroke and drew his Carbonadium Sword.
Deadpool: So, you heal fast to huh? No matter this'll make quick work of you!
Deathstroke: Why wont you just die!?
Deadpool: I don't know, puberty.
Deathstroke:...
Deadpool and Deathstroke ran towards each other Deadpool shouting, "LEROY JENKINS!" as Deathstroke prepared to swing his sword. The two blades clashed in a fierce back and forth struggle each countering the others strikes. Deadpool gained the upped hand by slashing Deathstroke across the face knocking his helmet of his head. Deathstroke turned towards Deadpool a fresh cut set along his cheek. Deathstroke ran at Deadpool blasting him twice in the chest with his pistol before swinging his sword slashing Deadpool across the chest and amputating his right arm. Deadpool held his sword with one hand and teleported behind Deathstroke slashing down his back. Deathstroke collapsed to a knee growling in pain and looked up at Deadpool as he swung his sword slashing Deathroke across the midsection of his face. Deathstroke fell face first on the ground as Deadpool picked up his arm and reattached to his socket.
Deadpool: Like I said before, this'll make quick work of you.
K.O.!
Deadpool teleports again landing not too far away from Deathstroke's body unsheathing a massive cannon slinging the cannon over his shoulders and firing it destroying what was left of his opponents corpse
DAM: Deathstroke no! Why do I even care?
Harry: Though Deathstroke was the more skilled fighter of the two and had the superior armor to back him up in the final battle. He would ultimately fall Deadpool sure both have healing factors it would be Deathstroke who would loose this fight since he lacked a proper way to kill Deadpool.
The Doctor: Deadpool is nearly impossible to kill for any opponent, no matter how hard Deathstroke tried Deadpool would always come back and keep fighting. While Deadpool had the perfect way to permanently kill Deathstroke the carbonadium sword which ultimately turned the tide of the battle.
DAM: Like that chick from Austin Powers, Deadpool just wouldn't die!
Harry: The Winner is...
Deadpool(*Singingly*): ME...!
The Doctor: Next Time on Death Battle!
Next Time on Death Battle:
Shunned by society...
Demons of the night...
Defenders of humanity...
"Gone! Gone! - the form of man - Rise, the Demon Etrigan!"
Versus...!
"Look, Sammy, I'm not a very good shot," holds up revolver "..but the Samaritan here uses really big bullets."