(September 2000 cont)
Hell. That pretty much sums up my life. Last night was no different. Except for the part when it was.
It's getting lighter outside. The crack in the curtains is shining a faint beam of light on B's face. B's sleepy, bruised face. But I can tell she's already started to heal herself. Guess she has more control over that than I do. Come tomorrow I bet there is hardly a sign of the good fight we fought. And the less good fight that followed it. When all theBig Bads were dusted and speared and stabbed, and she shouldn't have had to face the one bad that was left in town. The one that she didn't even see coming.
I mean, how was she to know that would happen? Pity one of those slayer dreams we have never tipped her off that this was on the horizon. Maybe she could have prevented it herself, and that bruise on her cheek wouldn't be evidence staring back at her in the mirror when she wakes up. Bringing the tears on like I know it will if it doesn't heal by morning.
How's she gonna feel then? I'm starting to doubt that things will be five-by-five between us despite what we shared last night. What I did for her, what I told her. How it made my insides loosen and I finally felt the darkness melt away. When I finally felt this hell I've been living drift into something someone like Red or T-T-Tara would say was heaven. All because I'd finally managed to say the words that I'd choked on a million times before. The words…
…I love you B.
What if she wakes up and bolts? What if it's all too much for her?
Everything that I said, everything he did, everything I gave in retaliation.
Everything.
I could still be living that hell if she runs away from me again.
Well maybe by the time the sun is fully up and she is awake I'll have finished this thing I have to do and she will look at me and smile, and if not…
…at least I know what is expected of me in hell.
Okay on with the recall.
Whereas on our side of that big fortress-like door was all dark and hidden in shadows Form's main lair was definitely how I remembered it. Light, big and nowhere to hide yourself away till the right moment came along. The one thing we had going in our favour was that no one had caught on to the fact that they had guests dropping in on them. So at least we managed to get down the other side. Man did I feel better about not being up so high with Army Boy only a few inches away within easy pushing distance. That was an urge it took a lot to control. Hey accidents happen right? If I had just given in to the bitch one more time and done it. Pushed him over the edge like I saw myself doing when he leaned a little too close for comfort out of that small window me and B had crawled through, how much simpler would my life be?
But things were back to five-by-five again. At least in terms of Slayer Control. Time to do that ancient Chosen One shit and make like the good guy Faith. You down with that? Had to be last night man, finally in a position to face off with that Form Guy I had no choice but to be 'Protector of the Innocent' one more time. So I locked back down again the emotions inside and gave a warning glance to Army Boy. A look which I intended to mean 'get her hurt and I'll kill you.'
Guess he didn't understand what that look meant in the long run.
We're crouched in the only corner of the room that wasn't being bathed in the light of what the demons had going on in there. And don't ask me what it was Giles had discovered they were up to, or what it was that Form Guy was here in our quaint corner of Hell for, 'cause when demons and vamps all get together like this all you have to know is it ain't for a bakeoff. At a rough guess I'd say we were facing a dozen vamps give or take a few, it wasn't like there was time for a roll-call. And at least half a dozen stray demons that I've caught sight of before around these parts. I even thought I saw one of those Slime Demon assholes that had pissed B off so much skulking in the far corner. Well Army Boy can have that one I remember thinking. Seeing the lame jock get covered in demon shit would have been a fun end to my evening for sure.
So we've got a pretty big motherfucking demon party going on in here, and I have to admit it crossed my mind for like a brief second that we weren't going to make it out of here alive. There was just no way the three of us - hey I had to include him, wasn't like he was just gonna sit there on the bench with the water cooler - could get through all of Form's demon protection and live to tell the tale over a beer down at the Bronze.
But it was just a brief second you know?
Then something familiar started happening.
I started to feel it.
That power I know B feels too when the big fight is about to start. The adrenaline starts to kick in and my breathing slows down, already conserving itself for the workout I'm about to give my body. No shakes or fear or wiggy thoughts about not making it out alive. Just that growing feeling of power. The slayer in me wants to come out to play and I start to smile. B looks over to me then and I can see she is feeling the power grow. I see her give me a little nod of her head as if to say 'yeah I feel it too'. And that's another thing that probably pisses Army Boy off. The way me and B are in sync 'cause something beyond weird happened and the world ended up with two slayers. So both of us share the feeling, the power. And just before the last few seconds of calm between us evaporate I get to see that look in B's eyes once again. The look that usually stops me in my tracks but last night it helped to do the exact opposite. The look I hope I get the chance to see again in her eyes.
"Don't get hurt Faith."
I like to think that B needed to do more than just look at me for once and tell me in words what her heart was thinking.
"Same goes for you." I barely managed to whisper it but least I'd got to return her sincerity with some of my own, which let's face it is pretty much a first for me.
She kinda smiles at me, saying with her eyes that she has no intention of getting her ass kicked by these mother fuckers, or even getting a stain on her sweater when it comes down to it. And I like seeing her as all confident and assured slayer. Doesn't make me feel second best like it has in the past. You know, 'cause she is always the one with the cool head on her shoulders. The one who really can believe in herself because she's had years of love and support from people telling her to believe in herself while I've had a whole heap of shit piled on to me, a lot of it my own doing I know. But right then when I saw her focus, when I saw her eyes brighten the way they do when she knows she is gonna win the fight, I don't feel like I'm only fit to crawl out from under a rock. That I don't even deserve to carry the title 'Slayer' when the world has B fighting its corner against the evil everyone is too blind to see around them.
No, when I saw her smile and looked into her eyes, I felt for the first time since I met her that I was her equal in this. I felt like I was a slayer too. Like a proper Chosen One Slayer who wanted to kill the Big Bad demon not because I love a good fight, but because it was the right thing to do. After all this time acting like the renegade black sheep of the Scooby Gang, I finally felt like I deserved to be there with B. And this time I wasn't going to let anything bring me down and make me think otherwise. Not even when Army Boy came out with this...
"...Say Faith there are some mean looking vamps over there. Want some back up so the Slayer can take out the big guy?"
You think that's funny Army Boy? He's smirking at me, crouched alongside B, but not looking at her so misses when her face turns into another scowl I'm glad I'm not on the receiving end of.
"Riley!"
She whispers it so not to draw attention to our little invading party but man you couldn't escape the harshness of her tone.
"Do you really think it's wise to piss off bothslayers who will be saving your ass when one of those vamps gets a little peckish?"
Can anyone say psyche!?
Ha! That shut old cardboard features up. He gave B a stern look of his own, one that said 'oh we're so going to talk about that when this is over,' but B just stared back as good as she got. In the end Army Boy looked away, his ego once again looking like a party balloon after the toughest kid in school stomped on it.
"Right, Faith and I are heading for the 'big guy' whilst you provide both Slayers with backup. Give him some extra stakes." She nodded to me motioning to the bulge in my jacket, and I was about to protest but B began to raise those eyebrows of hers again, and I realised it would be wise not to argue this point with her. I slapped them in his hand, curling a contemptible grin in return for the loathing I saw shooting out of his eyes.
"I think we're gonna need that axe of yours Faith so be ready." B's voice is all focused determined slayer.
"I'm always ready B, you know that." And my voice was the one that makes the Slayer blush sometimes. Even now with the potential of death staring us in the face and reaching out with its cold hard fingers, B's cheeks reddened a little.
There's not much she can say to that, and I was just hoping Army Boy was gonna get all masculine pride on me again but he contented himself with clenching that square jaw of his.
Oh well on with the show then.
B and I gave a simple nod to each other and then we let the Slayer within us completely take over.
WHAM!
I staked a vamp before anyone in there realised they had houseguests. A cloud of dust exploded before me and when it cleared the surprise on all their faces was enough to make me laugh. But the jollies didn't last long as two other vamps, along with some big demon with a wicked lacerated face lunged for me, and I had to pull off a high-kick followed by one of my trademark back flips to get out of their way. It was the demon I caught with my boot as I flipped and he's bending over, wheezing, puss and some black gooey shit pouring from the gashes on his face. I looked around for the two vamps that had accompanied Wheezy, ready with my stake in case they had the advantage on me, but just saw some more bursts of dust and the figure of B appeared when it cleared. A stake in either hand and a smug kind of smile on her face. A double staking is always a difficult thing to pull off and B just stood there as if she'd just aced a math test.
"Nice move." I said to her. She turned to say something to me but I didn't catch it as Wheezy has caught his breath and he's back for round two.
The blows are coming hard and fast now. I don't see so much as feel what's happening around me. I feel where the next punch is coming from and move to block it with my hands. Something is coming from behind me and I duck down and whatever it was gets pulled over my shoulder, a quick snap of my boot across his neck and there's a dead demon on the ground. A sound to my left. A feral snarl that tells me it's a vamp, so I pull my stake from where it's tucked in the back of my pants and while I hit out with my left hand, bringing my knee up for good measure, I plunge that stake in his chest and it's dust-bunny time again. It's all happening so fast yet it's like I'm moving in slow motion. I'm acting out of instinct but it's like every move I make, every defence, every attack is thought out and planned in advance. I guess that's why Giles trains us so hard, and why in the past B has been better at these full-scale demon fights than me – she's been doing it a lot longer.
Only thing is we're nowhere near the Formorii and the Big Bads just keep on coming.
They're fucking everywhere man.
From every angle I seem to be getting lunged at. I get knocked to the ground. Some lucky demon fuck who's gonna wish he didn't do that is standing over me with these claw-like hands, and I feel a kick to my side which winds me even further. I snap my head to the side to see who did that and I realise it wasn't a kick at all, it was Army Boy landing feet first in my side. Beyond him I see one of the super-vamps that had caned me so much awhile back advancing on the stupid prick. And it looks as though Army Boy ain't moving 'cause he took a whack to the head just like I did that time. Now that's what I call ironic, don't you think?
Of course I was gonna have to save him. Man did that suck.
So not only did I have to get rid of Clawhands, who was drooling at the mouth above me, slime bubbling up over gnarly teeth that make vamps look like they've had cosmetic dentistry, I had to off the super-vamp as well, which was not easier said than done and drag cardboard features off to the side some place out of my way. To either wake up and fight another day or lay there and get killed, I really wasn't beating myself up over which option he'd go for if you know what I mean.
Clawhands had been the easy one to kill. When I realised it was Army Boy lying there and what was coming after him - because let's face it to a man-hungry vamp cardboard features is quite the tasty morsel – I did the oldest trick in the book and thank fuck demons are as stupid as they look sometimes.
"Oh shit look over there." I pointed over Clawhands shoulder, my voice all high and amazed. He actually fell for it looking around expecting to see fuck knows what, but giving me the chance to reach for the knife in my boot and stick it right through his midsection.
Nice one Faith!
He looked all confused there for a few seconds seeing my hand retrieve the knife from his middle, watching what passes as blood for him oozing out - thick and gooey like most demons, this one a more browny colour though - then let out some wicked high-pitched scream that I think drew the attention of everyone within a ten-mile radius. I know for like a half-second everything just stopped in that warehouse. The vamps stopped their snarls. B stopped her slayer stuff. The demons all stopped their demony shit. I bet even Form Guy stopped whatever his mojo was doing. But in an instant time was back to ticking again. The noise resumed, I heard B yell 'Oh no you don't, not this sweater!' which made me smile, and I heard the approach of the super-vamp.
Right Faith Act Two would be nice.
I left Clawhands to die his death whatever way his kind died it, and spun around on my back, so my legs swung out and caught the super-vamp in the face just as he was about to throw himself on to Army Boy.
And I have this voice that's whispering in my head. The voice of the Bitch back at the Bronze, and the voice of the slayer that killed that vamp weeks ago in the cemetery imagining it had been Army Boy. It's telling me not to do anything. It's saying how everything would be better, simpler, easier if Army Boy wasn't here. And it wouldn't be like I did it myself, it wouldn't be my wooden stake in his chest that killed him. Fuck he was a soldier dying in battle right? Ain't that what he was trained for?
Oh yeah that voice was busy inside my head and it was beginning to make sense.
While the super-vamp regained his composure, looking around to find who it was that had tripped him up, and I was getting to my feet loosening up ready for the next fight, that voice in there started coming through loud and clear, and I almost listened to it.
Almost gave in to the dark one last time.
Till I realised that she would know what had happened. Even if she wasn't watching out for her honey's ass and was concentrating as she was on the demons that were ganging up on her over the other side of the room from us, she would still know. She might not want to believe it, and maybe she'd even try and justify it in that way she does when uncomfortable shit happens around her that she just can't deal with, and perhaps she'd not really blame me for it, because Army Boy treats me like dirt and there's only so much of that I can take.
But all the same, she'd know I'd done nothing to help save him and where would that leave the two of us?
Yeh, exactly. I wasn't about to let that ruin my chance at a life with her.
Like I said though, getting rid of the super-vamp wasn't as quick and easy as Clawhands had been. We face off against each other, he knows it was me that sent him flying and caused the tear in his face where my boot heel caught him, and he's trying to look all meanass and menacing. Like no one had told him about the slayer before.
He was all...
"...You're gonna pay for that girlie."
And I'm...
"...Yeh, bring it on you Anne Rice reject."
And we're matching each other blow for blow. Like this guy's predecessor he is packing some serious dead-weight, pardon the pun, and I remember what it was like getting whacked last time I was here, feeling hopeless when B needed me. His arms seem longer than humanly possible. Should that be inhumanly possible? Whateverhis arms were long and he stretched out, catching me by the forearms 'cause I thought I had enough space to be out of his reach when I hadn't. We're conducting this little dance of death over Army Boy's prone body. Like it was a battle line that neither of us could cross, and mistake number one on the Slayer Scale, I misjudged the distance and FUCK the super-vamp has me in his grasp.
He hauls me over Army Boy. I remember being impressed for like a second that the vamp could just pick me up like I was a rag-doll. Before he gets his chance to go for my jugular, as I so could see that was what he was aiming for, and also knowing if I tried anything with my legs it would have the desired effect but would probably leave me on my ass too, I closed my eyes and head butted the fucker. Man that's not a move me or the Slayer do too often 'cause it hurts like a mother when you connect with those creases. You have to be careful of the teeth too. Aim it too low and you get puncture wounds on your chin, like the vamp attacking you was blind or stupid and started biting the wrong place. But it was the only move I had to make and I sure as shit made it count.
Super-vamp let go of me immediately and I dropped a couple of feet to the ground. Meanwhile he's flailing backwards gripping his face and I can see more clearly now that I managed to shatter his nose. Cool. But it's made him mad, and let me tell you now a super-vamp mad is worse than Red when she doesn't get her morning mocha.
How long is this gonna go on for, I start to think.
Roundhouse kick, side block, uppercut.
We've been fighting how long now and we're still not done with the entrées?
Right arm block, duck down, jump a low leg sweep, CRACK!
Broke a rib, his not mine.
And where is B through all this? Don't see her anywhere.
Double-block, counterpunch to face, roundhouse his left side, turn back roundhouse the other side. WHACK!
His jaw is on the other side of his face.
Okay this is so over for me now, time to move on to the main course.
And looky here B is thinking the same thing, she's piling them up like it was a winter storm and she has to clear a path to the sidewalk.
Back kick with heel to face vamp goes down.
Another kick to his midsection making sure he stays there.
Reaching for my stake. Finding it. Holding it. Staking it. BAM!
No more super-vamp.
Phew, are we nearly there yet?
I dragged Army Boy as far away from the action as I could given the time scale and given the fact there really was no space to stash him, and I had to be on the look out for any more of those super-vamps. Left him behind some crates I figured was good a place as any. Lent down to him checking if he was dead or not 'cause I knew B would want to know when we hooked up for the big kill. Out like a light. Guess his head is as soft as his dick.
"Sleep tight Army Boy." I slapped his cheek a few times, not hard enough to leave a bruise but it gave me a kick to do it anyway.
Then I made my way over to B.
So the score stands at Slayer Team 1 Demon Gang 0. The one standing for the fact that we got rid of most of the vamps and bad guys in our way without getting killed or seriously hurt. When I get to the other side where B has just finished staking another vamp and is now crouched behind a big support column, I do a quick mental health check of both me and the Slayer. I look her over while she is re-grouping herself. She's tucking stakes in her back pocket and loosening her shoulders just like I've seen her do a thousand times in training. She looks okay and I release a breath of relief I didn't even know I'd taken in. Then B catches me looking at her, or maybe with her sensitive slayer hearing she heard that relief fall from my lips. Either way she has to be able to see the look on my face. Relief that she's okay, pain 'cause we still haven't really said much to each other about the Bronze, about everything really.
And for a moment the warehouse we're in along with all the scum inside there melts away, and it's like that moment back when we danced at the Bronze the other night. The world is just made up of the two of us again. We're it. We're the only ones alive and I have nothing standing in my way this time of telling B the truth about how I feel. Her green eyes are locking with my brown. She's looking a little pensive, her breath is catching in her throat, I can see her neck muscles hitch a little and hear the small gasps. We're close. Close like we were when I held in her my arms before Bitch Faith showed up with a bottle of tequila.
And the world still isn't invading on us.
So why the hell can't I say it? Fuck!
I know it's not exactly the ideal time to go into this discussion but there was nothing stopping me from doing it you know? B even looks as though she wants to hear it. Her eyes locked with mine. I've gone all Senior Prom on her again, and my confident deserving equal slayer I found before looking at her face like I'm looking at her now, is nowhere to be found. I'm back to being dumb old Faith again, second guessing that the Slayer feels anything other than pity for me. Even if she is looking at me with anything but pity in her eyes.
CRASH!
WHAT THE FUCK?
The world was back bringing with it the demons and the Formorri with a vengeance. That crash we just heard was a ball of fire coming from we guessed Form Guy, directed at us or rather the concrete column we were crouched behind. Enough to break me and B from our existence of two and remind us that we had some more killing to do.
"He sounds pissed off." B has an amazing talent for stating the obvious sometimes.
"Wouldn't you be if someone crashed your party and started killing all your guests?" I smiled after I said it, at least I think I'm funny. B just gives me that 'you're not funny' look which makes me smile even more when I see it.
Getting serious again quickly though as another fireball hits the wall behind us and showers us with debris. Time to put an end to this I'm thinking.
"B you take him from the left," I motion behind her to where there are less vamps and a clear dark path to Form Guy. "I'll come from the front and distract him so you get a clean shot."
But B doesn't like that plan.
"No!" Was that a trace of panic in her voice?
"What do you mean no?"
We really don't have the time to discuss this so I'm wondering what the Slayer is thinking, at the same time as trying to protect us both underneath my jacket from the warehouse as it gets blasted around us.
"Well it's just I always get to kill the Big Bad…and I was just thinking how unfair that is for you…not that there is glory and prestige involved here but it gets a bit samey me going back and saying…I came I saw I slayed…so well I was thinking that you take the left and I'll do the decoy thing for once, 'cause you know we should mix it up a bit, every team needs to change their act once and awhile or else you get booed off the stage."
B is doing a Buffy Babble in the middle of flaming balls of fire being shot at us, big sections of roof and wall falling down around us and a big, pissed off super demon wanting us dead. Okay. Just wanted to make it clear what was going on is all.
"Huh?" Good response Faith. That was what my brain was thinking, that and 'what the fuck is she talking about?' but I figured the shorter version of that sentence B would appreciate most.
B takes in another breath and I think she is going to do another babble, which we so don't have time to hear so I get ready to interrupt. But as happens so often with the Slayer and me lately B surprises me with what she actually says.
"The last time you said 'go kill this guy and I'll distract him' you almost ended up dead yourself. I'm not going to let that happen again. I can't lose you Faith."
Oh.
My.
God.
Faith is silent. Faith is wide-eyed. Faith's heart is beating a million times too fast. Faith can't breathe properly. Faith finally knows the right thing to say and do.
"Hey B, you ain't ever gonna lose me."
And right after I say that to her I lean closer, didn't really have to lean that much as we were pretty close anyway, and I press my lips to the soft red lips I've been dreaming about for what has felt like forever.
It's not a hard predatory kiss like I know I've given in the past. I can feel B's lips beneath mine respond to me which only adds to my resolve that neither of us shall be leaving here tonight in a body bag.
It's the sweetest, most gentle kiss I have ever experienced. The type of kiss that you never want to end.
But it does end. I actually pulled away from B first.
Not giving her a chance to say anything or go red with embarrassment eyeing me eyeing her, I slip the axe into her hand and nod again to the darker, clearer path up to Form Guy.
"Go kill."
Was the last thing I said to her before I went full slayer force into the fray again, this time determined not to get hurt and prove myself a liar. And all I could think about as a squared up to the one demon that was left in my way was…
...I kissed the Slayer. And she kissed me back..
A smile you don't usually see when you're fighting demons appeared on my face and I didn't care who saw Big Bad Faith acting all loved up from one kiss.
But I should have cared.
Should have cared who could see me then and who could see me before. When I finally felt the Slayer's lips beneath my own.
Oh yeah, I really should have cared about that…