Chapter 24: A Cooper Christmas

—

Christmas. It's a time for caroling, presents, sharing good company, and thankfulness for what you've been given. It's not Christmas in the real world, sure, but like I said last time - it's blazing hot here, and I wanted to write something a little colder. So sue me.

Speaking of which; don't. Sly Cooper belongs to Sucker Punch. Also, some alcohol in this chapter.

And with that out of the way, let's get going!

—

"Christmas Day, and not a carol to be heard. Il est un enfer d'une tempête de neige là-bas (It's one hell of a blizzard out there). As usual, the Secret Santa program at HQ went off the rails - this time because nobody can get to the building to actually exchange the gifts. C'est la vie."

Looking out into the howling winds, she sighed. "I rarely spend any time at home, so… I don't know anyone in this building. Summary: I am stuck, alone, and talking to myself. Merde."

Turning back to look around her room, the tigress sighed again. "I never really realized what a crummy apartment this is. Three rooms, not counting the bathroom. I could get better room at a hotel, and for the same cost, too." she remarked. Frustrated, she flopped down onto her bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Looks like someone could use a little company."

Alayna's eyes widened, and she shot up, looking around. The source was quickly located - one all-too-familiar thief, leaning against the wall just outside the door to her bedroom.

"What - how did you…?"

"I let myself in. Used the window. I'm light enough to get a good grip on fresh snow, so the climb wasn't too hard."

"You got here through the blizzard in that?" the officer asked, realizing he was still in his usual work clothes.

"Insulated, just in case. The exercise helps keep me warm, too." he grinned, tugging at the collar of his jacket. "Wasn't too long a run either, but then, I'm pretty quick on my feet."

"…Vous imbécile fou."

"I may be crazy, but I'm not an idiot." List protested, looking faux offended. He grinned after a moment. "You didn't shoot on sight, though. That's good."

"I'm unarmed. Command hasn't reissued since my shock pistol was crushed in Macau. Besides, that gun was custom-made - took a huge chunk of my savings to get commissioned. No way could I afford a second one." Alayna admitted, looking depressed. She had grown rather fond of her weapon, but it was beyond any hope of repair.

"Speaking of which. Your present."

A neatly-wrapped box suddenly caught her attention, sitting in a place she could've sworn was empty a moment earlier, and she walked over to it. "This?"

"Yup. It wouldn't have been possible without calling in a favor or two. Rest assured though, everything in that present was procured 100% legally." List replied, looking over at the box.

"Still can't believe you were telling the truth. You know I could legally beat you unconscious and turn you in when the blizzard stops, right?"

"I'm fully aware, but hoping the present convinces you not to."

"You'd better have made it something good, then. Let's see…"

Going to open the parcel, she realized there was a card attached to it - another Cooper card. Rolling her eyes, she quickly plucked it off, reading the writing on the interior.

If you're reading this, you probably haven't shot me. Thanks! I felt really bad about getting your gun destroyed back in Macau, so here's hoping this makes up for that. Merry Christmas!

Curious now, she opened the package. The tigress' eyes widened, staring at the item inside for a moment before gingerly lifting it out of the package.

"Custom-made, balanced to perfection. Nearly indestructible, and comes with a home-brewed Aim Assist feature. Abby and I cobbled together some specs and a base model, but Abby could only get so far. We were able to coerce a firearm enthusiast we recently met into helping us finish it up. Not sure who he got to work on it, but the testing included dropping it out of a plane." List explained, grinning at the stunned look on the officer's face. "In short, it's nearly indestructible, fine-tuned to perfection, and comes with a few extra features. One-of-a-kind, too. Only Abby's got the blueprints, so nobody can replicate it unless they take the original."

"The only way I'm letting go of this gun is if someone pries it out of my cold, dead hands. This is quality, Voleur. I'm genuinely impressed."

The gun in question was a revamped and improved version of her old shock pistol, painted a simple blue and orange. The material was dense enough to make the gun more slender without giving up the impact on hit, and assuming List was telling the truth, it wasn't going to be damaged easily. A small dial on the side, covered by some kind of see-through material - like glass, but not at all fragile - indicated its current setting - Stun. Several other settings were marked on the side of the weapon, but Alayna had already moved on. An Interpol star was proudly displayed on the side of the barrel, bringing a small smile to the tigress' face, but the detail that impressed her the most was the smallest. Despite its (comparatively) small size, the shock pistol had a fully operational HUD embedded into the reflex sight atop the barrel; smart-targeting, vision modifiers (night, infrared, etc), even a charge level and estimated remaining shots.

"Getting the sight working properly was a bit of a pain. Abby included her design for a miniature multi-wave generator when we sent it off to be finished. From the report, it was the only thing that let them finish on time. No high-intensity wavelengths, so it won't cause cancer, either. Bonus." List remarked.

"How considerate. You say it's been field tested?"

"Thoroughly. Again, we're not entirely sure by who, but our friend assured us they were quick and exhaustive. I'm inclined to believe him."

"But you're not sure."

"…No, I suppose not." List replied, looking a little nervous now.

"Then… Well, I'll have to test it myself. Not here, though. And I'm not going outside in that."

Both turned to look at the storm. "Has it… Has it gotten stronger?" the thief asked, looking surprised. "I can't go outside in that. I'd freeze my tail off in seconds."

"So I guess we're stuck here together."

"Guess so."

Slumping against the wall, List let out a sigh. "Small apartment. Seems nice enough, though." he remarked, looking around.

"For the price I'm renting it at? Not even close."

"Come on, it can't be that bad."

Alayna walked over to one of the cabinets, pulled it open, and sifted through it for a moment. Pulling out a document, she handed it to the thief. He looked at it for just a moment, then his eyes widened.

"You could rent a decently sized home with this kind of money. How in the hell…?"

"I just needed a place to stay, and I make enough that it's not too much of a hassle to pay for. I don't really have time to shop around, either."

"Geez. Wish I could help out, but something tells me that offering would be overbearing."

"A little. I appreciate the thought."

The raccoon nodded. "You're a pretty good host. Stellar, compared to how we usually meet. Christmas spirit?"

"Part that. Part the gift. Listen, if we're stuck here together, I have an old recipe for eggnog."

"Eggnog?" List replied, ears perking up. "If you're offering…"

"Help me out with it, and you can have some."

"Deal."

—

"Hand me that brandy."

"Which one?"

"Top left."

List retrieved the requested ingredient, and watched it disappear into the drink. "That's a lot of alcohol going into the eggnog." he observed.

"Je suis Française! We are only getting started, Voleur - think you can handle it?"

"Is that a challenge?"

"I will need the port. And yes."

"Whoo. This is the good stuff, isn't it? Here you go, and you're on. What're the stakes?"

"Yes. I've been saving it for some of this eggnog, actually. The stakes… Alright. Whoever falls over first is the loser, and if I win, then you have to go in for unlawful entry."

"Unlawful entry - that's barely even a crime. I'd be in for a day, max. Are you going soft on me?"

"It would be too easy to put you away for everything on your file over a drinking contest."

"I can respect that. If I win, you have to… Hm…"

"Can't think of anything?"

"No, I guess not."

"Tell you what. Since you're such a wimp, I'll let you make it up afterwards. Considering you won't win anyways, it is not a big risk to take."

"You sure?! You're not the only French person in this room, you know. I may not show it much, but it's true."

"Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself, not me."

"Don't say I didn't warn you. Is the eggnog ready?"

"What do you think? Neither of us outdrinks the other."

"Of course. Here, your glass."

Both took a drinking glass, filled each to the brim with homemade eggnog, and grinned at one another, the fire of competition now burning in their eyes.

"A la victoire!"

—

"This… This is reeeeeally good." remarked the half-coon, a little unsteady on his feet now that he had drunk so much of the alcoholic eggnog. "Where'd you get this?"

"Recette de famille… Vieux (Family recipe… old one)." the tigress replied, her voice wavering somewhat. "I think, I think your glass is empty."

"So's yours. Refill?"

"S'il vous plait…"

"You're wobblin'. You sure?"

"Ne me fréquenter, Voleur (Don't patronize me, thief)."

"Okay, okay. Here."

Both raised their glasses, then downed them in one go, savoring the flavor of the eggnog. List slumped against the wall, before struggling back to his feet. "I don't… I'm not gonna last another round." he muttered, looking over at the woozy tigress.

Suddenly very deliberate, Alayna delicately placed her glass on the counter, then collapsed to the ground. Surprised, it took the thief a moment to realize what had happened.

"Huh. I win?"

"Vous gagnez, vous… Neuneu (You win, you… dork)." came the reply.

"Hah! I did it! I outdrank youuuuuuu…"

Thud.

—

List clutched his head. "I haven't hurt this much since… I don't know when…" he mumbled, as he slowly returned to consciousness. Where was he, anyway? Headache like this, he must've drunk himself upside-down… It would explain the trouble he was having remembering what had happened.

Strange. There was something warm next to him. Finally forcing his eyes open, he looked around.

"Right… Alayna's apartment. We got into a drinking contest, and… I must've passed out."

Looking down, he was very quickly very awake. Curled up against his front was the Inspector, still asleep.

"Okay, so how did this happen?" he wondered, gently moving her away. "I can't remember… Maybe when my head clears. In the meantime…"

He pulled himself to his feet, looking around the room. "Aspirin… Here."

Quickly downing two of the small pills, he watched as Alayna began to stir. His mind cleared quickly, though his head still ached just a bit.

"Whuh…?" murmured the tigress, looking around slowly. The thief smiled as he saw the gears begin to turn in her head, and she shot awake, adrenaline replacing reason.

"Quand es tu arrivé ici (When did you get here)?!"

"Memory a little foggy? Here. You keep a lot of aspirin on hand, Inspector."

"…Oui. Ce qui est arrivé (What happened)?" she asked, taking the offered pill as she struggled to her feet.

"Drinking contest. I won by a hair."

"Oui, oui. I remember now. The stakes were… I do not remember."

"You said I could make something up afterwards should I win."

"Merde."

"Hey, them's the rules. I didn't make 'em. In fact, if memory serves, you did."

"Just because you won doesn't mean you get to rub it in my face."

"True. Unfortunately, I'm still having trouble thinking up a suitable reward for victory."

"Well, take your time. The snow still hasn't quite let up, so I think we are still stuck here." Alayna observed, looking out the window.

"The others must be getting worried by now…"

"They'll live. I still want to ask a few questions."

"Oh? And here I thought our little Q&A back in England was enough for you. Well, shoot." List replied, wondering what was on her mind.

"Barely scratched the surface, really. First off, the cane. When you used it in Macau, you… Well, I'm sure you remember what happened. You were able to bat away blows that destroyed my weapon with your cane. How is that even possible?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. The techniques and materials used to make the Cooper Cane are lost to the ages. All I know for sure is that it's lightweight, sturdy, and extremely good at conducting everything from mystic energy to electricity… Hm. Now that I think about it… I did hear something about its materials a while back."

"Really? And what would that be?"

"Simple. Have you ever heard of Clockwerk?"

"…Le géant hibou métallique mal (The giant evil metal owl)?"

"That's the one. Sure, he was destroyed and rebuilt. But! Apparently, the process that originally replaced his organic body with metal parts? According to the Thievieus Raccoonus, it's somehow related to the process that created the Cooper Cane."

"That's… Not very descriptive."

"The book's really vague about it, but then again, this was way, way back in the first days of the Cooper Clan. It's understandable that they weren't very good about keeping track of that kind of thing. In essence, the steel that the big bad guy is made of is… How do I put this? It's kind of spread out. Somewhat useful than the cane's alloy, but there's more of it. That's why he was defeated the first time; his alloy is vulnerable to some things that the cane isn't."

"Quality versus quantity?"

"Right. That's why the cane has such weird abilities. At least, that's the information I've been able to gather."

"Interesting. You've mentioned the Thievieus Raccoonus a few times, but never really explained what it is."

"It's a journal. It details everything my family has gotten up to - every move created, every heist pulled, every opponent beaten. It's a record of the lives of over six thousand years of master thieves."

"Sounds like quite the page-turner."

"Too bad every story ends the same. All but two; mine, and my father's."

"The same way?"

"…All of my ancestors were murdered by Clockwerk."

Alayna's eyes widened. "…All…?"

"Every. Last. One."

"…Je suis désolé (I'm sorry). Je ne savais pas (I didn't know)."

"It's alright. My dad extracted vengeance already. Clockwerk is gone for good."

"Still, I-"

"Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Anything else you want to ask?"

"…In Macau, when you took your cane from me… Why?"

List grinned. "The Cooper Cane is a family heirloom I'm not exactly eager to give up. But that's not the question you meant to ask, is it?"

"Damn it, Voleur, don't try to mess around with me!"

"Then ask."

The Inspector let out a heavy sigh. "Fine. Why… Why did you kiss me?"

"And here I thought you might not be able to say it! Well, by means of answer - and consider this my reward for winning our contest earlier-"

A question was taken from Alayna as she found herself in another kiss, this one deeper than the last. A moment later, he broke away, leaving the befuddled tigress leaning against the wall. List had moved to the window, and was crouched on the sill, a smile on his face.

"Maybe I just like dangerous women, but you're a special one, Inspector. 'Till we meet again."

With that, he was gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts. Moments later, she regained her voice.

"Maudits, Voleur. Maudits pour votre sincérité." Alayna murmured, looking out into the snow.

—

Holy crap, this took a long freakin' time to write. I offer two excuses; 'Real Life got in the way' and 'I feel like crap because I caught some nasty bug going around'.

Anyways. There's another quick mini-arc I have in mind, then we head for the next heist. Join us next time for Chapter 25: A Recon Job.

KeyFire… I'm gonna go get my meds. See you.