Onwards! Thanks to my *single* reviewer, though I have to say I wish someone was reading this...
Disclaimer: I do not own HxH, if this is a surprise to you then you may need to check the site you're on.
He'd come back.
Of course he had. Not even his own damage could have kept him from the bedside of the blond, especially now. They had taken on shifts, forcing the doctor to get rest in the form of a handful of minutes sleep between watches, promising to wake him if anything happened in the meantime. It also gave him an excuse to avoid the other- he'd take a shift after the dark haired boy, extending Leorio's sleep and effectively avoiding the object of his distaste.
In fairness, he had kept himself away for as long as he felt he could before returning, waiting until the relative dawn of the next day before slinking back into the city's limits. He was surprised at how cold he felt, how detached from the world he was in while making his way toward the so-called hospital. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thanked the sickness that had dictated his parents, knowing full well that this was what they had trained him for: staring down death and danger with hard unfeeling. Today was just another day, and he'd live through it like he had lived through the first twelve years of his life.
He ran into Gon in a random hallway of the medical facility, neither where he expected him nor where he expected him not to be. It was no more than happenstance, but that served him just as well. The older teen had gone to fetch the doctor a cup of something that resembled coffee, but stopped dead in his tracks when he rounded the corner to find the ex-assassin with his back against a wall.
"When we're in there," he spoke with a voice that did not sound like his, but it had caught Gon's attention either way, "with Leorio and Kurapika, we'll get along. We'll act like the strangers we are." Gon looked as if he was about to say something, but the other's eyes narrowed, not looking at anything in particular, and the words died on his tongue. "When we're alone, you are not to speak to me. You are not to touch me. Once Kurapika is either well or dead, you'll see no more of me."
He'd turned on his heel after that, stalking off in the direction he had come, leaving the once friend where he stood. Not bothering to knock once he had found his way back through the maze of useless physicians, Killua entered the blond's room, his eyes falling upon a familiar sight. The doctor was exactly where he had left him the day before, curled up in a messy pile at the Kurta's side, eyes dark and heavy. He'd been crying, the teen was sure of it from the red around his eyes that had not been there before. A part of him hurt to see it, not only because he knew someone as compassionate as Leorio should never be in pain, but also because he had felt more comfortable with his tears when Killua had left. While he had been with Gon.
Killua took his place on the other side of the bed, slumping down into the chair that had held his weight for the past number of days. Leorio's gaze only flicked up to him for a moment, then settled back to watching the other breathe. His aura was quiet: no doubt he had been up all night trying to make sure that Kurapika didn't relapse into another spasmodic episode. Killua couldn't help but stare at the man, how small he seemed, how his whole body rebelled against consciousness. His fingers twitched, knowing that time would be running short.
"Old man." This time his voice did crack, the words lacking the chiding that they usually had. Leorio tilted his head in response, a knowing gesture, but didn't shift his gaze. "We need to talk."
He received no reply, watching as one of Leorio's hands curled around the Kurta's, most likely without his knowledge. He had done that for Gon too, when he had been… Killua pushed the thoughts aside. His throat felt dry.
"If his suffering…" He was shaking, he didn't know when he had started shaking. This was wrong. He was supposed to be stone.
"…becomes too great, I want you to…" There was a stinging at his eyes. He was a cold blooded killer. This agony was not his too feel.
"I want you to let me –" A hand on his shoulder stopped his speech. He looked up to find Leorio there, looking down at him with sad eyes. How he had even gotten there without him noticing was the least of his concerns, the shaking was growing worse with the initiation of touch. He had expected Leorio to scream, to shout at him one of his speeches about pulling through, about strength and the like, but the other only squeezed his shoulder, speaking all too gently, as if to a child.
"There is no suffering too great for Kurapika."
He wasn't sure if it was the doctor's tone, or the implication of his words, or if he had been crying all along, but the sudden awareness of tears on his cheeks was too much for the youngest one. His mouth opened only to close without saying anything, hands stretching out but finding nothing to hold on to. He couldn't remember being this lost since…
"Sit with him." It was a soft command, the doctor pushing gently at his back, toward the bed. "It helps." He did not specify which of them it would aid, though.
Killua stood with great difficulty, suddenly finding it impossible to look toward the patch of gold that stuck up from the top of the other's head. His eyes clenched shut, as if it would stop everything, the image of his friend fallen, the tears that wanted to make a fool of him, but it all remained. There was another light push at his back, and he let himself see again. With a fumbling step forward, he moved to the edge of the bed, sitting down where the other's body didn't reside take him in completely.
It was a wretched sight, the dark stains under gauze that was in need of changing, the way the other was breathing, but only just barely, as if at any moment his life could be snuffed out. The younger by was hyper aware of his fragility, and the mere notion of it pushed him over the edge.
He was sobbing now, eyes heavy with falling tears, his body having given upon trying to stay still. The doctor watched quietly as the boy keeled over, unable to hold himself up in his grief as he wept, the sounds of his anguish filling the small room. Killua let himself fall to his side, curling up against the young blond's shoulder, his entire body seeming to revert to a childlike state in doing so. One of his hands reached out for the Kurta's, pulling it to his chest as he quaked, whispering small, unintelligible pleas to return into his ear.
If anything could have broken Leorio's heart, it was this.
It was a moment, too distracted by his younger friend's anguish, before he noticed the other presence in the doorway. Gon had returned, eyes wide and pained, just in time for the scene in front of them. He didn't bother looking at the doctor, moving quickly, arms outstretched to help, to hold, to do something. He was intercepted immediately, Leorio grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him into the hallway.
"You can't, Gon," was all he said, shaking his head wearily as he made his way back inside. Without meeting the boy's eyes, Leorio closed the door.
Gon just stood there, listening as the sounds inside grew steadier, his heart clenching at each of the rhythmic sobs that pierced it. He pressed his forehead against the old wood of the door, his free hand clenching at his side. The cup in the other had long since gone cold.
It was a few minutes before the noises died down, the energy in the room slowly fading into an even current. Gon's whole body relaxed a little; he hadn't even noticed how tense he had gotten. There was a shuffling, and then the door was being pulled out from under his nose, the teen stumbling as it did. Leorio would have grinned if it had been any other day, but today he only waited, face blank, for the other to move out of his way. Gon was shocked when he stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind him. It was the first time he had left the room since he'd arrived.
The doctor nudged the teen's elbow with his, motioning that they walk w few feet before he sunk down against the wall, leaning back with an exhausted huff. Gon followed suit, his eyes caught between his older friend and the door, unsure which was more pertinent to keep watch over. Leorio didn't seem too concerned, so he settled his gaze on him.
The doctor was looking at him with an expression both familiar and foreign; the face he made when he was about to explain something that he wasn't sure Gon would grasp, or that he knew he shouldn't be saying. It was different, though; this time there was something underneath the wrinkles of his brow. The raven haired teen couldn't tell if it was anger, frustration, or something else entirely. Either way, he kept his mouth shut, knowing that it was time to listen.
"He's asleep." Gon blinked, taking a moment to realize that he meant Killua. He cast his eyes down, unsure of how to feel. "We've got a few minutes. He'll feel it if anything happens."
Leorio fell quiet for a moment, not looking at the boy who refused to meet his eyes anyway. It had been a long time since they had seen each other, the circumstances of that situation hanging unpleasantly in the air. It had been the first time they'd really fought over anything, though it had been less dire. Still, the words from a year ago echoed in their heads, the truth of what each of them had said becoming clearer as they sat together.
It was neither the time, nor the place, but there wasn't much else to do. At least something could be fixed, maybe.
"He feels more than most people, you know." Gon didn't look up at this, focusing on the curve of his shoes. "So does Kurapika. They've got a special connection, but I guess we've always taken that for granted, since it's easy to miss." His voice dropped somewhat and he fumbled for something in his inside pocket, a distraction for his hands. "We've taken him for granted."
A year ago Gon would have stood, would have stated otherwise defiantly and confidently, but he couldn't bring himself to. Even if he believed otherwise, it was clear to him that he had missed at least something. The doctor noted his silence, and took it as permission to continue.
"This isn't easy on any of us, but Killua will suffer more intensely than we will. He'll take longer to heal. So, Gon, if you've ever cared about him the way you've claimed to, you'll let him grieve without you." This time Gon did look up, but it was not in anger. His eyes were dark and watery, hands clutched on the hem of his shorts, a pain so deep that for a moment Leorio wished he hadn't said anything lacing his words as he finally spoke.
"But I just don't want to see Killua hurt!" he cried, tears threatening to spill over. Leorio's face softened for a moment, but his words still held conviction.
"I know, but he's going to hurt either way. Whether you think so or not, you gave up the right to comfort him. It'll only make things worse if you try." He wanted to argue. He wanted to storm off, throw the door between him and his best friend open and collect him in his arms. He wanted to wipe the tears from his eyes as Kurapika woke, because he would wake up, because he had to wake up-
But there was Leorio, so clearly affected by everything, so horribly attached to the Kurta giving him a lesson in leaving Killua be. Even in the haze of confused inadequacy and loss, Gon could recognize that.
He didn't follow when Leorio finally stood, his body rejecting the action with its strained creaking, and made his way back inside. When the door shut behind him, Gon's head fell to his knees, the first of many tears quietly finding their way down his cheeks. He shook, and for the first time in so very long he felt terribly alone.
It began to sink in that it was more than one of his friends he was losing.
Yay for angst! Leave me a nice comment if you like it so far!