I'm so pleased that I finally got to write this chapter; I was really looking forward to the KiruGon confrontation! Heavy angst ahead!

Disclaimer: I do not own HxH. Thank goodness.

When Gon woke up, he found himself alone.

Artificial light was streaming in through the curtains, which had been left open. The room was still fairly dark; even the daytime in the underground felt muted compared to on the surface. He couldn't have been out for more than a few hours; daytime hadn't been far off after that last blow to the head.

Killua.

He shot up in bed, not noticing the blanket that fell into his lap as he did, eyes roaming the room frantically. There was no sign of the other, his smell gone from the air, energy as muted as it always was. Gon's shoulders slumped, realizing that he had squandered his opportunity. He almost missed the note taped to the mirror as he contemplated his next move in seeking out the white haired teen, collecting the jacket that he had somehow managed to maneuver himself out of and making his way to the door.

The lifts were empty, now that it was daytime, just as empty as the streets. He'd only been in the city for a day, but the stark transformation in its appearance in the twelve hours difference was disorienting. It was too long after reaching the surface, where the light was natural and the air was fresh, that he found the building that Killua's rare but recognizable script had directed him to.

The skyscraper was still under construction, tarps flapping in the wind as they hung from windowless walls, poles and pipes lined up on un-nailed floors. Gon felt as if his footsteps were lead, echoing through as he bounded each flight of stairs in front of him. A surge of energy came over him, rushing through his veins. It had been too long since he'd felt this, felt so exhilarated at the thought of what might happen. Each time his foot hit down, it brought him a step closer to his friend. A step closer to making things as they were.

He knew that Killua would be at the top. It wasn't like either of them to do anything halfway.

It had been a calculation, a matter of safety. Thirty eight stories up, the sound of the wind broke through the otherwise silent atmosphere, serving as a near constant reminder of the danger that stepping outside could cause. It wasn't just that building: the entire district was under construction, leaving them even more isolated than they would have been in the midst of the city's sleep. If escape was needed, then Killua would be at the advantage, his ability to scale down much faster than the other's without the advantage of his Nen.

When Gon found him, he stopped in the doorless way, captivated by the sight of him.

Killua was in the center of the room, all possible exits within his line of sight. He stood perfectly still, eyes on his feet. To an outsider, he would have looked relaxed, almost as if he were sleeping standing up, but Gon knew well enough that his muscles were ready for action at the nearest sight of it. He walked forward slowly, as if trying not to startle a wild animal, but needing to close the distance.

"Killua." The white haired boy's fingers twitched before he raised a hand, pointing at the floor in front of him.

"Watch where you step."

If Killua seemed to shine, Gon now knew why. He'd been too preoccupied, too excited at the prospect of seeing the other that he hadn't noticed the obvious. Surrounding Killua were thick chains, arranged in a circle around him, about three feet in radius from his point in the center. Listening closely, Gon could hear the air buzz over the occasional bursts of wind, taking to looking at them with a new interest. Lighter chains jumped out of the circle at two points, wrapping around each of the white haired boy's ankles, giving the illusion of entrapment. Gon swallowed, knowing better, and ground himself to the spot where he stood.

"Guess I don't have to tell you that they're live, then."

Gon stared almost blankly, his mouth suddenly dry. He knew, better than most, how Killua felt about using his electricity against someone he didn't have to: mainly that he wouldn't. The precautionary measure threw him off of his axis, the forced distance an unfamiliar term in their interaction. He inched forward out of instinct, getting as close as he could before the hairs on the back of his neck stood to attention. If he'd been able to use Gyo, he'd have seen just how dangerous the air around him was.

If they were going to do this, it was going to be on Killua's terms.

He almost joked, almost asked what the dramatics were for, but found himself coming up empty, his stomach falling as far as it could in the blink of a second. Killua was still staring down at his feet, the nonresponse to the other's presence absolutely maddening to the older teen. He'd done so much to be there, so much to be able to explain. All he wanted was to fix things. To apologize.

Even if he didn't feel particularly sorry. It was hard to, when he felt justified.

"Killua, you… you don't have to," he stumbled, the first phrases getting mixed as he spoke them, suddenly feeling as if he were on the defensive. "I'm not going to hurt you," he settled on lamely, confused and admittedly hurt as to why Killua had to take it so far.

The white haired teen's eyes lifted at this, for a moment open. Gon almost stepped back with the intensity of the other's look, sharp and hard, but pained like he had never seen him before. It didn't last; in a moment his face was schooled in complacency.

"Do you really believe that, after everything?" His first response was to argue, but another look at his surroundings told him how ridiculous that would have been. Clearly, the other saw him as a threat. He'd just have to prove him wrong.

"Killua, we're friends," he said as gently as he could, trying to provide a soft reminder. "I just want-"

"It doesn't matter what you want." The Zoldyk boy's voice was cool and even, as if were reading from a script at his feet. "This isn't about you anymore. This is me, living without you." He paused, flicking his eyes in the other's direction briefly, looking for reaction. "We're not friends."

Gon's hands immediately clenched at his sides, his face twisting in a mix of anger and sadness.

"Fine, we're not friends. You're more than my friend, Killua, more than Leo-" He was cut off as sparks flew, jumping violently from the stacked chains less than a yard from him. A stray one hit his arm, stinging slightly as it burned a speck into his already dark skin.

"You don't get to say that. You don't get to tell me I'm important. It isn't your right, Gon. You lost that privilege a long time ago." His voice was shaking, but his body was steady, a pillar against the barrage of emotions flying around the room.

"But Killua, I-" He stopped abruptly, silence falling over the two. It was the wrong time, the wrong moment. If he was sure about anything, it was that he'd regret it if they came too soon. "I don't know what to do!" He cried, his voice anguished. It was all he could do to stay standing, not to fall to his knees and just beg the other not to be angry. One of Killua's hands flew to his hair, pulling at it frustratedly as he tried to regain his calm.

"Leave me alone!" He shouted, his voice rising only for him to bite it back. "Stop following me, stop breaking into my hotel rooms. Don't you get that I don't want to see you?"

"I can't do that Killua! You're my best friend; you can't go on without me!"

"Is that what this is about?" He fumed, throwing all of his calm out the glassless window. "You left me, Gon. How could you even say that?" The other was so angry that he took a step forward, forgetting for a moment where he stood. He was forced back immediately, the shock burning his boot. It served as a reminder of how far from each other they really were, only making him angrier. More determined.

"That's not true! You and Alluka-"

"Before that!" He was nearly shouting, his hair standing on point as static crackled around him. "What you said, what you did… If you don't think you abandoned me then I don't know what that was. How could you, Gon?"

The older teen almost missed the sizzling that hit the ground next to the white haired one; if not for the slight smell of blood he wouldn't have noticed that he'd dug his fingernails deep enough into his palm to cause damage.

"You gave me no choice!" He continued. "What was I supposed to do, after that? We needed time apart- not that you wanted to come with me! I guess it wasn't enough."

He'd begun pacing, stuck in his little circle, the chains around his ankles chiming as they made contact with each other. Gon had seen it before, in the wild animals that had been caged by poachers, searching for some way out. This time, though, the caged one had put himself there.

"I moved on, though. I knew that it was worth putting behind us to be together again, you me, Alluka, and Nanika. You three were all I ever wanted." He took a shaky breath, stopping in the center of the circle again and pinning the other with his eyes. "But you. You almost took that away from me. The one thing I asked you to protect, and you almost destroyed it!"

Never before had he seen Killua so angry, so distraught and rabid. More than anything, he wanted to push past the shocks to take the other in his arms, to hold and soothe him until it all just went away. Then there was his pride, nagging at him, telling him that it was his duty to prove the other wrong.

"I was trying to help you, Killua! You weren't fighting, I thought you might die and-" Apparently it was the younger one's goal not to let him finish a sentence, because as fast as lightning he was up against the edge of the circle, pressing his face against an invisible barrier that set the two apart. The blue of his eyes stung like ice blades, cold and sharp and deadly.

"IT WASN'T A FIGHT!"

The outburst seemed to take everything out of him all at once, the boy stepping back to inhale deeply before pacing again. This time was different; Killua was no common animal. He was a panther, trapped behind bars that he chose to stay behind, watching and waiting until the moment they became unnecessary.

"It was an ambush," his voice had gotten lower, terrifying. Gon swallowed hard, resisting the urge to step backward. Suddenly, running away didn't seem like such a bad idea. "You arranged for that, didn't you? You led them to us."

"I just," he stammered, only then seeing where the other was going. "I thought they might catch up to us if we took that one path, that's all."

Killua only stared, eyes wide but blank.

"It's not what you think, Killua!" he pleaded, his awareness heightened by the danger he felt. "They were going to find us, you knew that! I just thought it'd be better to get it over with, to have one more fight just like old times! I knew everything would be alright!"

It was all Killua could do not to step outside the barrier, to wrap his hands around the other's throat and end him. His pupils were completely dilated, irises hidden behind black. For a moment, he resembled his brother.

"How could you know, Gon? How could you do that? It wasn't just you and me; they were after Alluka! You don't even have your Nen; they almost killed my sister!"

"They wouldn't have killed her," he whispered, looking away. "That wasn't the point."

"Then what was the point, Gon? That you made this decision, one that had nothing to do with you, without telling me? That you risked all of our lives on a hunch? It wasn't your choice, Gon! It isn't about you anymore!"

They were both on the verge of something: tears, ripping each other to shreds, something. The shaking had spread to Gon, making him feel like a child again, one who had just taken a blow to the face. Breathing hard, they turned back to each other, ready for another round. As ready as they could be.

"I was just doing what I thought was best. Killua should know that." This time, it was Gon's voice that was hard, lacking the pleas that he had offered before. The white haired teen's energy flared, his whole body shimmering like the conduit that it was.

"Best for who, Gon? Not for me, not for Alluka. I didn't want to fight them. They're my family, as twisted as they are. I could have killed them," he shivered at the thought, knowing full well that his father might already be dead by his hands, "I don't want to kill anyone, let alone my family."

He didn't mention Kalluto. He didn't even think his name. It was too much, knowing that in saving his sister, he had sacrificed his brother. He'd been a child too, back then.

He could only take one of them. He wondered if that meant he'd have to kill the other, eventually.

The older teen bit his lip, seeing how difficult it was for Killua to verbalize what had gone on inside his head. He'd had a plan, he realized, or at least, he'd been making a plan. He'd taken away the time to strategize, by doing what he did, to remove the possibility of armed conflict. Instead, he had left that as the only option.

"I thought it was best for us! For Alluka and Nanika! You said you wouldn't be able to find somewhere safe for them until it was over. I know you wanted Alluka to go to school and to train, but they were always travelling with us and it didn't seem like it would end." He let out a frustrated cry, the emotions that he had been holding back since their first reunion bubbling to the surface. He wanted to hit something, to feel something shatter under his fist. Killua was taken aback by how raw he looked, standing there, half shrouded in shadow and half in the light. Then, he understood.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he heard the words whispered in a deadly tone. Saisho wa gu…

"You're telling me," he started shakily, his voice becoming as deadly as the memory of the other, "that you'd forsaken us because you were jealous of Alluka?"

Gon stopped.

All movement ceased, down to the shaking of his hands. His eyes failed to widen, heart did not speed up. At those words, he forgot how to breathe.

No, he thought frantically, eyes glued on the other while seeing nothing. That isn't right.

He knew that it was. They knew that it was.

Killua watched him like a hawk as his expression changed, going from violent to shocked to terrified in a matter of seconds. He watched as those dark eyes swirled, turned inward. He saw when the other fell to his knees, hunched over, as if he could no longer hold himself up. For the first time in so very long, he looked again like a child.

The younger teen had seen it once before, so he recognized what was happening as it did, knew exactly what went through the other's brain as his words were processed. He could hear each silent plea of No and It's my fault and What have I done? He saw the moment Gon's heart broke, witnessing in his friend what he'd felt while the other's back was turned.

He hadn't looked so distraught since Pitou.

"Gon," he started, his voice cracking roughly, as if it hadn't been used. "Gon, stop it."

The older of the two wasn't listening, searching his own mind of answers, finally finding them. It all made sense now, all of Killua's actions, his refusal to tell him where Alluka was, why Leorio had been so distant. How could he not have seen it before? Killua hated him. Killua was right to hate him.

He'd always been selfish, but before, that selfishness had never been the source of his own pain.

The ground rumbled from dozens of stories beneath them, the trembling heightened by the speed of the wind so high up. Black swirled as Gon's aura took shape, outlined in orange, shaking as his body folded over. Killua watched with horror as tears streamed down the other's cheeks from unblinking eyes, eyes that were dark and unfocused. The child in his view changed, overlapping images with a broken man, frightened and lost and empty.

Then, without warning, Gon was in front of him.

He didn't have time to stop him; he didn't even see the other move. One moment he felt so far away and the next there he was, on the precipice of being burned. Killua stood, frozen to the spot as Gon closed the distance, stepping forward. Stepping over the ring of chains.

The younger boy screamed as Gon's eyes clenched in pain, his tears evaporating as they fell. He wasn't touching the metal but the proximity was enough; every particle in the air within the circle had been electrified. The pain of each crackling jolt was enough to kill a normal man, but Gon didn't let it stop him, taking another step so that both feet were within the ring. Without hesitating, he took another heavy step, his feet barely lifting from the ground, then another, eyes trained on the one in front of him. It was only out of fear that he would hit the metal that Killua didn't push him back, force him into safety. That, and he was covered in chains himself.

He managed to free himself of his own device before Gon collapsed onto him, but only just. The older boy clutched at him with weak hands, speaking, shouting, whispering the other's name over and over like a prayer. Desperately, Killua made an effort to move him, pleading with him the entire time, but it was no use: not while Gon had any will in him. With each push to retreat, Gon only held tighter, burying his face in the other's chest as he shook. As he screamed.

It was only when his awareness began to fade that Killua was able to whisk the other teen into his arms, speeding to the other side of the room away from the charges. He laid the dark haired boy down, panicked as he realized that the hands gripping his shirt had slid away without resistance. Gon's eyes fluttered, the image of Killua's face, covered in tears, saying something he could not hear the only recognizable part of his existence.

It's because I love you so much, Killua.

He lost consciousness before Killua let out a heart wrenching wail, trying desperately to restart his friend's failing heart.

Some notes:

Next chapter should be the LeoPika confrontation, so keep a look out in the coming days. Check me out on Ao3, Tumblr, and Livejournal (same name) in the meantime!

Also, the need for a beta is very real: I'm missing the errors in my read throughs and can use any help I can get!

If you like it, review it. Reviews make me smile, and smiles make me update faster.