What's Real
~Chapter 4~
She wished she were better with keeping her thoughts from flowing out of her control. Since she first started talking to Peeta, her dreams at night were hopeful and reminiscent of her world. She'd find herself waking from blissful scenes from the world in her head, clinging to the warmth of his arms around her as she slowly made her way back to consciousness. And every time they had a new conversation, her feelings for him would conjure so much longing that she would feel an ache spread throughout her body at the slightest thought of him. She was so hopelessly in love with this boy and she found she could do nothing about it.
She'd tried to give up on her feelings, but it didn't seem to work. For a whole day, she'd tried her best to ignore Peeta and found herself feeling so depressed, a school counselor approached her and wanted to talk to her "about her feelings." Of course, she'd refused, saying that she already had a psychiatrist and would talk to him later. And she found herself going right back to where she was the first day she'd gone back to school, watching Peeta to feel even the slightest bit of happiness she knew she clung to while watching him.
God, she sounded like a stalker.
Slowly, however, they started having more conversations, becoming the slightest bit closer each day. And along with Peeta, she'd grown closer to Delly. The two girls shared their Choir class together, bonding over their love of the art and the surprising similarities Katniss found between themselves. Katniss had to admit that she never thought that Delly would be the kind of friend that she wouldn't mind having. The blonde was normally loud about her opinions and interwoven with many social circles. However, the way that Delly acted around Katniss- as if to make the girl comfortable and understand her as much as possible- made Katniss realize she wasn't as different from her as she once thought, though Delly was a little touchy, especially when it came to Katniss. The girl hung off of Katniss like they were the closest of friends since their conceptions, and Katniss didn't know how to feel about that. There were times where Delly would hold Katniss' hand and kiss her on the cheek, but she'd always brush it off as the girl being friendly. Delly tended to do those things when she thought no one was looking, Katniss noticed, but it wasn't a big deal. Delly was just a friendly girl who liked to show her affections for others.
Katniss' hope to become something more to Peeta began to grow, warming her heart at the progress she made with him. Having Delly on her side to give her information about him was a plus as well. But whenever Katniss asked the girl things about Peeta, she'd get a weird look on her face, which worried Katniss slightly. Katniss decided she'd keep the Peeta questions to the minimum, only asking if something seemed really important.
Like one time when Katniss noticed how much Glimmer was hanging off of Peeta.
Katniss was frustrated over the jealousy she felt whenever the popular girl would touch and flirt with him. She didn't understand why Peeta would always just smile at her. Of course the smiles were always polite and their conversations didn't last long. But the actions Glimmer made towards Peeta worried her. She'd spent a whole lunch period with her eyes glued to Peeta's table, watching the interactions between the pair to judge just how close they were. But when Glimmer leaned her head on Peeta's shoulder and all he did was laugh, Katniss couldn't take it anymore. In her jealous rage, she gathered her things and stomped out of the cafeteria, heading towards Cinna's room to calm down before class started.
A few minutes later, she was surprised to see that Delly had followed her, a worried expression on her face as she walked towards her.
Katniss bit her look, her eyes darting to the ground. "What are you doing here?"
Delly sat beside Katniss on the bottom riser, where the class stood to sing. "I saw you leave the cafeteria."
Of course she did. Delly was at the same table as Peeta, sat on the other side of him, so she'd probably noticed how upset Katniss looked. She really needed to pay attention to who's watching her. She could really get herself into trouble with gossip or something worse if she didn't.
"What's wrong?" Delly asked, placing her head on Katniss' shoulder and looking up at her.
Katniss sighed. "I'm just…" How was she supposed to explain this to her? The truth was pretty embarrassing, and even if she knew Delly wouldn't tell anyone, saying it out loud would only make it more true. So how was she supposed to word this?
"Are Peeta and Glimmer together?" Trust herself to get straight to the point.
Delly blinked, a flash of hurt passing through her eyes quickly before it disappeared. Honestly, Katniss thought she'd imagined it; why would that question hurt her? However, as Delly began speaking, she threw the thought into the back of her head.
"No, they're not. But Glimmer definitely has a thing for Peeta."
Oh. "And… does Peeta…?"
Delly shifted, spreading her legs out in front of her as she sighed. "No, he doesn't like her. He's just too nice. I've told him before that if he doesn't like the girl, he should let her down, tell her to stop. But he doesn't want to 'hurt her feelings' or 'make her feel bad' or anything like that. Jeez, he's just gonna get himself in trouble."
Katniss sighed in relief, the tension she didn't even know she held in her shoulders releasing slowly. Suddenly, the thought of him being with someone, having a girlfriend, was very important to Katniss. And not being the one for subtlety, she asked, "so he's not… with… anyone, then?"
Delly closed her eyes and shook her head. "Nope."
Katniss' lips quirked into a small smile. "Okay."
Quickly, Delly turned to her, legs curling into her chest and arms wrapping tightly around them. "So why the interest? You got a crush on him?"
Katniss' face turned deep red, and she stuttered out a quick "it's complicated."
"How?" Delly scrunched her eyebrows. "It's either you like him or you don't."
Oh, if only she knew.
The school bell rang and Katniss made a quick decision. "I'll tell you after school. Walk to the middle school with me?"
Despite the confusion on her face, Delly nodded. Katniss hoped that she'd made the right choice.
Real or not real
As Katniss sat down at lunch around three months since she'd gotten back to real life, Madge finally took it upon herself to ask the questions that Katniss feared would eventually come up in conversation.
"You really like him, don't you?"
Madge's question- which was practically a statement with the way her tone sounded- caused Katniss to choke on her mouthful of food, and she clumsily reached out for her water bottle to wash it down her throat. "What?"
"Peeta," Madge stated, as if that explained her train of thought. At the raise of Katniss' brow, Madge elaborated. "You like Peeta. It's obvious. Has been since you've come back. Why are you acting so differently about him?"
Katniss looked down at her sandwich and scowled. Differently? Katniss didn't have a clue what Madge was talking about. She was acting the way she always did- at least, to her honestrecollection. She had no idea how her behavior was towards Peeta before she'd gotten into that accident, so she couldn't really compare. So, instead of sitting there in dazed confusion, she decided she would ask Madge to fill the holes that were in her head.
"How did I act then? Before?"
Madge bit her lip, her eyes rolling up to look at the ceiling as if she were thinking hard. "Well, you were certainly less interested. Or better at hiding it."
"I was?"
Madge nodded. "And, honestly, I think he did more of the staring than you before… then."
Katniss sat there, perplexed. So she didn't make up how Peeta would stare at her. This fact made her heart soar and she couldn't stop her eyes from flitting towards him to see him- for the first time- watching her with rapt interest.
She quickly looked away, her cheeks heating slightly as she fought to calm her erratic heart. She turned her bowed head towards Madge and questions, "does he still look at me? As much as he did before?"
Katniss looked up and was rewarded with her friend's nod."I guess," Madge began slowly, "he just got better at watching you without you noticing."
"Oh."
The girls sat in silence as the rest of the table filled up with the rest of their friends. The arrival of Gale brought along Thom and Darius, their rambunctiousness quickly making the conversation grow louder and, thankfully, away from the topic of Katniss' feelings for the youngest Mellark. She made it a point to keep from looking towards Peeta's table and invested herself in the gossip that the boys were throwing around- who was sleeping with whom, what the latest movies were, the juicy love triangle between the most popular jocks in school- that she didn't notice what Ry was doing before he made himself known by clearing his throat right behind Katniss' seat.
As she turned, she noticed his brother standing with him, looking at Katniss a bit sheepishly before mouthing a silent 'hello' to her as the rest of the table turned their attention to them.
"Shall we make room for another handsome Mellark?" Ry asked with a flourish wave of his hands. Darius and Thom whooped as the two sat down, Peeta on one side of Katniss and Ry on the other.
Katniss tried not to look stiff as she continued to eat her food, giving all of her attention to her sandwich and water. From the looks that Madge was sneaking her, she knew she wasn't succeeding. Peeta, however, seemed to fit in with the table group immediately, hopping into the conversation and giving his input and opinions to whatever topic was brought up. Katniss couldn't help but admire his silver tongue, glad she'd gotten that part right about him, too.
Just as she was becoming comfortable with his presence beside her- right where he was supposed to be, in her mind-, she let out a small squeal of surprise when someone wrapped their arms around her from behind and rested their chin on her shoulder. "Mind if I sit here as well?"
As Katniss turned her head, she recognized the form of Delly Cartwright pressed against her back. "Uh, sure."
Squealing in excitement, Delly practically pushed Ry away from Katniss to take a seat between them. As Delly got comfortable, Katniss found herself pushed into Peeta's side, his arm wrapping around her as she falls back into his chest.
Katniss sputtered apologies as she tried to regain her balance on the seat, Peeta smiling down at her as he gave her more room to scoot over for Delly. When they were all seated comfortably, Katniss' arm burned from the constant contact it has with Peeta's while she tried to avoid getting hit as Delly greeted everyone at the table and hops into the conversation with wild hand gestures.
After telling Delly about the world in her head, the blonde girl acted a bit differently. For the first week, she acted pretty much the same, if not a little more reserved. While listening to the story, she never interrupted once, taking in all the information like a sponge. The pained smile she gave Katniss after the story was finished confused Katniss to no end. But the girl acted bright and cheerful, claiming she had to go home before her family worried and hugged her tightly before she left, so Katniss didn't think it was anything too big.
As time went on, Delly's demeanor changed and she began being more open with her affectionate actions towards Katniss. Hand holding and hugs were plentiful and Delly figured that kissing her on the cheek in front of others wasn't a problem. Of course there were whispers when it first started, but Katniss paid no mind to them. She saw other girls do the same with their friends, sometimes, so she figured that it was just a way for Delly to tell her how much their friendship meant. But Katniss was still slightly uncomfortable with it.
It wasn't long until Katniss finished with her lunch. She got ready to leave the table when Delly turns to her with a large grin. "Katniss, you're looking great today."
Katniss, unsure as to how to react, responded with "uh, you too."
Delly's amused giggles caused Katniss to scowl, her hands tightening over her bag strap. Was there something on her face? Did she hear something weird that Katniss hadn't heard about yet? As if sensing that Katniss would run from the table soon, Delly placed her hand on Katniss' thigh. "Would you like to walk to Choir together?"
Katniss looked down at the hand on her thigh, and back to the girl with the shining blue eyes. Katniss didn't know if she should feel uncomfortable or not, and she bit her lip in confusion. She turned to look at Peeta, who looked at Delly's hand atop of Katniss' thigh and scowled as his cheeks turned pink.
Turning back to Delly with elevating confusion, she stuttered "O-okay. Sure."
Delly grinned, grabbing her own bag and hoisting it onto her shoulder. "Ready now?"
"Uh, yeah."
Quickly, Katniss stood and gathered her things to leave with Delly. The pair said their goodbyes to the rest of the table as the bell rang, telling the students to head towards their classes. Just as she followed Delly from the lunchroom, she looked back to see the Mellark brothers share a look before Peeta quickly started to gather his things. Just as Katniss and Delly were turning the corner, Peeta called out for them to wait for him.
"I was wondering if I could come along," Peeta panted slightly, looking at Katniss hopefully.
"You aren't in our class, silly!" Delly responded for her, grabbing her hand and pulling her closer to her side.
"I'm in the same hall."
"That's fine," Katniss butted in. "Peeta, walk with us?"
His answering smile made her heart flutter.
"So Katniss," Delly began, dragging her towards their class as Peeta struggled to keep up, "how'd you become such a good singer?"
Katniss tugged back on Delly's arm so that she would slow down. "I don't know… I hadn't really thought of it."
"So you were born with it?" Delly asked. "You're so lucky!"
"My Dad's better."
Delly was about to drag her into the Choir room when Peeta caught her other hand. The sudden stare off between the blonds made Katniss feel uncomfortable, so she decided to break the silence.
"I'll meet you inside, Delly," she stated, sending the girl a smile.
Said girl reluctantly nodded and walked in ahead of her while Katniss walked across the hall to the art room.
"Is there something wrong between you two?" Katniss asked. At Peeta's surprised expression, Katniss explained, "it's just that you guys have been acting… weird?"
Peeta stuttered and shook his head, trying to find the right words to explain to her. Finally, he was able to get out a coherent sentence. "No, we're fine. We're just… working through something."
Katniss leaned against the wall beside the art room door. "So you're fighting?"
"No! I mean, yes. Well, not really. We're just-" the warning bell cut him off. "It's complicated."
She bit her lip and nodded, standing and moving slowly towards her class. "I'll… see you later, then."
At Peeta's frustrated sigh, she frowned. "Yeah," he replied, "see you."
Real or not real
Throughout class, she and Delly talked. Katniss wondered why she never thought to become Delly's friend. She's very nice and has a good sense of humor despite her initial impression. And she really seemed to enjoy listening to what Katniss had to say rather than the gossip that's been slipping around school about her.
"You know," Delly began as they were getting ready to leave their class, "they're just jealous of you."
Katniss scowled, looking down at her feet as the two walked towards the door. "Why would they be?"
They stopped just inside the doorway to wait for the bell to ring.
Delly turned to her with a serious face, her cheeks glowing a light pink. "Look at you. You're gorgeous. You've got the whole school's attention with your looks and your mystery."
By the end of Delly's explanation, her face was red and the bell had rung. The two girls stepped out into the hallway as it filled with students trying to make it to their next class on time.
"I don't understand why they'd see that," Katniss stated, shrugging her shoulders as she looked down to the tiled floors beneath their feet.
"I don't understand why they wouldn't," was Delly's reply.
Katniss bit her lip and looked up at the other girl. "I think we should get to class."
Delly nodded and smiled. She stepped closer to Katniss and planted a quick kiss on her cheek before whispering "see you tomorrow" in her ear.
Katniss fought the urge to cover her cheek with her hand and smiled. And when she turned in the direction of her next class, she found herself locked in the surprised gaze of Peeta Mellark.
Real or not real
The last school period went by in a flash. Katniss could barely understand why she was so confused. It was just a peck on the cheek. She's seen girls give their friends kisses before. But the look in Peeta's eyes when he saw it said something to her, said that it meant a little more than what Katniss thought. He'd seemed frustrated, disappointed. Mostly, she'd seen a hopelessness she hadn't seen in a long time, not since they were in the rebellion and making their way through the evacuated streets of the Capital. So by the time school had ended and she'd met Prim after school, she had a lot of questions for Peeta that were bouncing around in her head.
"Hey Katniss!"
Startling out of her thoughts as she and her sister walked through town, Katniss turned quickly to see Ry running towards the two, Peeta trailing slightly behind him. The girls waited for them to catch up before they began walking again.
"So," Ry began, slinging an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close, "Delly came on really strong, huh?"
She pushed Ry's arm off of her and cocked her head. "What?"
Ry looked to Peeta, who was shaking his head at his brother, and turned back to her. He shrugged. "Nevermind."
Katniss stopped. "No, tell me." She turned her gaze towards Peeta. "What's wrong? Why'd you act like that when Delly… kissed me?"
Ry sputtered, "she kissed you?"
Katniss looked to the older boy and glared. "It was friendly! On the cheek!"
Ry laughed and placed his hand on Katniss' shoulder. "Oh Katniss, as obtuse as always. You have so much to learn."
Katniss shook off his hand. "What do you mean? What am I not getting?"
"Katniss," Peeta began, and she turned to him. "Ry's just an idiot. Can we forget about it?"
The way Peeta looked as he begged made her soften. He looked so uncomfortable with the situation, a little dejected to say the least. She felt bad that she'd caused him to feel so out of sorts. So, she nodded her assent, biting her lip to keep the frustration from taking over her features.
Instead of continuing the conversation, Ry sparked one up with Prim, the pair walking farther ahead of them and leaving them in silence. Katniss looked towards Peeta once in a while, worrying over what she should say to him. She had so many questions, but the way he'd shut things down made her weary about reopening the conversation now that Ry was gone. However, she didn't need to be the one to start a conversation, because just as she was about to start an awkward conversation about the weather, Peeta took pity on her.
"I'm sorry about Ry. He's really just an idiot."
Katniss opened her mouth to respond, but nothing came to mind in reply. So, she just nodded her head.
"I mean," Peeta began again, seeming a bit agitated, "he has no idea what's going on. Just wants to make drama to entertain himself. It's really frustrating."
Katniss watched as he ran a hand through his curls and down the back of his neck. Recognizing this action from her dream world- and remembering how endearing she thought it was- she lifted her hand to place it on his forearm. Slowly, she brought his hand back to his side and slid her hand into his. Smiling, she replied, "it's okay."
He stared at her, stunned for a couple beats, before he answered her with a smile so bright, she couldn't stop her answering grin. His hand squeezed hers and they walked on in silence towards her home.
He walked her all the way to the front door and they stood outside her doorstep. It was silent for a few seconds, the only communication between them being the lock of their eyes.
Quietly, Katniss whispered, "I don't know if the you I dreamt up is real or not."
Peeta blinked in confusion. "What?"
She blushed and looked down, taking her hand back from his and running it along her braid. "I just… did Ry tell you… about what I dreamt while in the coma?"
Peeta just shook his head and shoved his hands in his pockets.
Honestly, Katniss was surprised that Ry could keep quiet. She fully expected him to spill the beans to Peeta. Not necessarily to make fun of her, but just because Peeta was a main character in her dreams. Hell, she'd said that they'd done… things in her dreams! Why wouldn't Ry tell him?
Katniss realized that while Ry was ostentatious and mischievous, he still knew when to stay in his boundaries. She guessed that Ry thought it best if she explained things to Peeta herself. While she appreciated this fact, she couldn't help but wish she wouldn't have to be the one to tell him. But she knew things would be so much better if she were the one to have this conversation with him. And she somehow knew that Peeta wouldn't push her away or think any less of her when she revealed what had gone on in her mind while she was unconscious for 5 years. So, when she looked back up into the boy's eyes, she decided that she would tell him.
"Peeta, I have something important to tell you."
~Chapter 5 End~
I realize I haven't written in a while. With all that has happened- break ups, graduating high school, starting college and discovering myself- I'd forgotten about this story. It's the only one that I have up, so that is something that I can be grateful for. I forgot how I wanted this story to go, but I have a new vision now that I have the time to pick it up again. I hope those that were reading this before don't feel too bad about my lack of work on this; I know I feel bad. But, I hope to update more (though I may not update on a regular schedule) every couple of weeks, maybe once or twice a month. All I know is I don't want to leave this story without an ending. So, I apologize and I hope you enjoy.
If any of you lovely readers have ideas or comments, please send me a review or PM. And I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes; this is unbeta'd and mostly unedited.
~PaintingReality