Though she's not following Uncertainty on this site, I just want to thank Luvlylexy for beta reading for me! It means the world that you've taken such an interest in this story, and I can't thank you enough!

This chapter's a bit short, but I'm sure the next Leopika chapter will be plenty to make up for it. Warnings for blood and self-destructive Kurapika.I hope you guys like it, and as always kind comments are greatly appreciated!

Sleeping for days had never looked so appealing.

It wasn't in his usual character to shut the world out in favor of a room with closed shades and the humming of white noise to keep everything else too distant to hear, but these were extenuating circumstances. He was no more than a man, he often told himself, a man who had made it through trials that most could not and still managed to stay sane. A man who had taken on too much to carry and then, after taking his one chance to be free of it all, had taken on some more. There was only so much he could do to help the ones he cared about, beyond setting broken bones and watching over their physical health. Sometimes, they didn't turn to him when they needed help. Sometimes, all he could do was step away.

It was enough to leave him feeling broken.

Once again, he'd found himself picking up the pieces of someone else's mess, not that there was blame to be thrown around. They were so far past the point of blame being helpful, and honestly he didn't care who was right or who was wrong, so long as someone made a choice about their own wellbeing and stuck with it.

He was tired of seeing his friend reach out, only to be grasping at air. He was tired of watching as the other ran, eyes always on the edge of overflowing. He was tired of being left behind to figure out what to do next, to be the responsible adult in a world of enigmatic, abandoned children.

He was just so tired.

He'd been the one to make the executive decision to bring Alluka back to the city hospital, shooting her brother a text when he failed to return and setting off immediately, despite her wishes. The doctor wasn't sure whether to be touched or horrified when she'd asked to stay and try to sort through things with Gon, who had fallen to his knees and taken her into his arms after Killua had fled. Had she not been crying so hard Leorio would have been quicker to pry him away from her, but the comfort seemed to do some good, and he was at a loss for what else to do. He didn't let it last, though; even without having the details spelled out for him he was less than willing to let Gon near her for very long. Especially after seeing Killua.

It was taking everything out of him not to think too deeply about that, to put it aside and wait until the white haired one explained the nature of their being together again, but only because he knew that he'd act rashly if he followed what his instincts had told him.

He'd grown up in a place where poverty and excess thrived in a sickening mix, where drink and women were considered pastimes to some and incarnate beauty to others. He had never been one to take either lightly, and with his good looks and kind heart he'd gotten more than his fair share of fists in the face from angry boyfriends and jealous husbands. More so, he'd seen enough of their wives and girlfriends to know what pains love could bring them- what true suffering at their hands meant- the forced closeness, the lack of eye contact, the general sense of unwillingness that surrounded them. Picking out these qualities had been a talent that stuck with him, getting him into more trouble than he'd have thought after leaving his hometown, as well as earning him his reputation.

His instincts had yet to let him down.

That had been more than enough for him to leave Gon there without a second thought, to tell him that if he valued the other's friendship at all he would not follow. If he was wrong, well, no harm no foul. If not… it was the closest thing to the right thing he could come up with.

Alluka had been mostly silent on the way back, jumping into stammered speech about how to fix things before realizing that she didn't know what to say on the subject, and falling quiet again. Leorio wished he knew what to tell her, but settled on nondescript reassurances and touches instead of trying to come up for a justification for the events of that day. He didn't have any, really. All he had was her, and his thoughts.

So it was no wonder, really, after Killua had shown up at an ungodly hour of night demanding to see the sister he had run out on, providing no information in the meantime except that he had to talk to her, that he was too overwhelmed to say anything to anyone that wasn't either Alluka or Nanika, that the doctor stormed off to the director's office and shut himself in. The bed that hid behind the double doors that held the pretense of being a closet was less than luxurious, but the room was closer to the trouble than his empty apartment and he was damned if he'd run out on his friends like they seemed keen on doing to him. No, he'd stay put, close his eyes, and deal with the monstrosity of a situation that they'd created after getting a few good hours of rest.

But hell if he didn't want to sleep forever.

It didn't last, like most things. After a few hours of sleep, there he was, eyes open and alert. He took note of the time with a heavy look before pulling himself from where he lay, not bothering to close up the bed when he slipped out the door. He took his time in wandering back down the stairs and over to the young girl's room, pacing back and forth outside of her door before gathering the nerve to act. When he finally stopped, raising a fist to the door to knock, the entryway swung wide before he had the chance to make contact.

"Shh," Alluka stood before him, raising her finger to her lips and stepping out into the hall. He managed to catch a glimpse of inside before the door was closed behind her. Killua lay curled up on the bed, breathing deep in sleep. They spoke softly and quickly, Alluka passing along that her brother would be staying with her for a couple of days while he sorted through what she had told him. She was particularly adamant in her urgings for the doctor to return home; at first he was afraid that she resented him for his actions earlier that day. After listening to her speak a bit more, though, he came to the conclusion that she was more frustrated with her own situation and genuinely concerned over his. There was no way he could deny it when her small hands closed over his, a soft look on her face as she squeezed and told him he needed his rest just like anyone else, doctor or not.

Despite not having the faintest clue as to where Gon was, Leorio stepped back and left handling Killua to the experts.

But damn, if he wasn't tired.

Alluka had made it a promise to call him either in the morning or if Killua left- whichever came first, though the doctor hoped that he'd stick around long enough for them to talk. There was so much he had to say to the boy, so much that he needed to know before locking him away with his sister. Perhaps that would be best, he mused, the heavy footfalls of his steps failing to break through his heavier thoughts as he trudged back to his apartment in the neighboring district. Perhaps what Killua needed was not what he thought, but instead what he had strove to save. He could only hope that he'd be less than eager to leave her behind again. Even so, he had his doubts.

Logic was a tool for those not yet set in their ways.

And peace was something good men never saw.

"Kurapika."

Like an iron weight crashing through his heart, Leorio was suddenly very, very awake.

The blond did not look at him, despite having sought him out. He just sat in the far corner of the doctor's tiny living area, eyes maddeningly wide but unseeing, staring past Leorio's hunched form at nothing within his immediate sight. His shoulders shook from beneath his tabard, a shock to the doctor, who hadn't seen him in it in years. But what captured his attention, what caused him to ignore the fact that the Kurta had broken into his home after weeks of absence to wait for him, was the sight of his hands.

Raw.

Red scrapes lined the surface of his palms upwards- his fingernails, short and bloodied from long ago were no doubt the culprit. There was swelling over the pink highlights and dark lowlights that he'd made, marking just how recent the damage was. They hung uselessly at his sides, fingers jumping as if he could not feel the pain that each movement must have caused.

Like a man transfixed by the spell of another, Leorio stepped into the room, the door closing behind him with a resounding thud.

"Kurapika." This time the name was no more than a breath, eased from lips of a man slowly approaching. The blond did not respond, his tenseness infectious. Leorio chose his route carefully, moving to set his briefcase down on the table next to where the Kurta sat rather than corner him immediately. He moved with quick and silent hands, unlocking the two snaps to the lid before kneeling in front of the blond to catch his eyes. They were dark, still seemingly blind to the other's presence – Leorio couldn't see the outlines of contacts, which worried him further. Without skipping a beat, the doctor slipped his hands under the other's, his intention in wrapping them. Even after the years away from the Exam, he still carried gauze and salve with him wherever he went. At times like this, it felt warranted.

"I did it." The red hands jerked, grasping the other wildly, no doubt painfully, as the blond showed the first signs of conscious awareness. Leorio's attempts at healing were paused as his wrists were dug into by the other's dull nails, drawing blood. "I killed him."

There was a second of silence in which the doctor did nothing but stare, unsure of what the other meant, why he was shaking, why he was there. He didn't wonder over it for long, the need to be of present mind more immediately important.

"Hey, Kurapika, you need to snap out of it!" He wanted to yell, like he would've during their first voyage, but the words ended up coming out just as pained as they did harsh. "What are you talking about?"

Then, suddenly, ripped raw fingers were gripping him so hard that blood began to pour from them, seeping out of the sensitive wounds that covered them. Leorio couldn't help but jump, jerking his arms back as much as he could while held in the other's grip. His whole body convulsed, doubling over before he forced himself to sit straight, eyes completely deadened.

"Leorio." The doctor stopped at the sound of his name, spoken more coherently than anything else the blond had said before. "I killed eleven with my bare hands."

And then he was pushing the doctor away, clawing at his own hands obsessively, a river of red flowing from his fingertips. Leorio struggled to stop him, slipping as sticky liquid covered them both, staining the bandages that then rolled to the floor. Almost animalistic cries sounded from the other's mouth as he flailed, bloody handprints painting the table and the white shirt the doctor was wearing, splattering artless drops wherever they landed. All the while Leorio called the Kurta's name, trying to break him of his madness by the sound of his heavy, pleading voice.

Hours later, long after the blond had passed out from exhaustion, after his self-inflicted wounds had been bandaged, and Leorio stood in his red-soaked living room, bleach and bucket in hand, did he swear to himself never to be covered in the other's blood again.

Never.

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