Chapter 16 is here! Thank you to my wonderful beta LuvlyLexy for reading through this and putting my mind at ease- I was ready to rewrite this a hundred times over until she snapped me out of it! Just an fyi: I've planned for 21 chapters in total (unless I cannot count, which is unfortunate but likely), so for those of you wondering when it'll all wrap up, there you have it!

Also a shout out to Solsicecat220 and paperhearts7 (and everyone else!) for your reviews; it means a lot to me that you commented!

Just a note: if the one you've been feeling sorry for up until this chapter is Gon- I'm afraid you're not getting the point of this story. If the one you're feeling sorry for after this chapter is Gon, well, I can't really argue with that.

Disclaimer: HxH is not mine. Shocking, isn't it?

He didn't understand how Killua could claim that it was always him leaving. If anything, this was proof that they were both guilty of it.

It had not been Leorio who had convinced him to stay behind while the others journeyed on: it had been Kurapika. The incident at the facility in the countryside hadn't been enough to deter him; though Leorio had advised against it (rather, had emphatically forbidden it- but who was he to determine Gon's course of action), the young Hunter had taken flight not long after releasing Alluka. He'd known where the other was likely to go, or at least where he was likely to show his face again once he'd gotten some space. Defying the doctor had become as easy as it had once been to listen to him, and Gon was unafraid of what he'd say if he found him standing on the corner outside of the hospital, just waiting for Killua to come out. It hadn't escaped his mind that on the off chance the former assassin's family was still interested in finding him he would be the easiest lead, but he doubted they'd show their faces for another battle like before where so many others could potentially intervene. Certainly, there were enough Hunters around to create a reasonable defense. That was good enough.

He had indeed been caught, and sooner than he'd expected at that. Leorio had sought him out the moment Killua had returned, from what Gon could gather, a mere two days after expelling him from his sister's side. He'd been sitting on a low brick wall outside of a nearby café at the time, sipping on some too-sweet drink that Killua would have preferred, when the older man sat at his side. There was nothing to preface it, no pretense of having been there accidentally, just a long, drawn out sigh before the doctor got to business.

"We're taking a trip. And Killua's coming with us." He didn't leave any room for argument, Gon staring up at him with a somewhat curious look on his face. He didn't answer right away, noticing how the lines on Leorio's face seemed so much deeper than they had just a few years ago. Hunters weren't supposed to age so visibly.

"We?" had been all he'd asked, in a voice that sounded like the childhood him. Leorio didn't respond, just stared at him with exhausted skepticism.

"Yes, Gon. We." And there he'd been, the beautiful young man who'd been absent from his life for far too long. He hadn't sensed the blond's approach, which was a surprise even despite his loss of Nen; he'd been unusually aware of other people's presences even before taking the Exam. It startled him, quite the feat. "But you have to stay behind."

The Kurta had sat down on his other side, bandaged hands in his lap, and explained to him what had led them to the land of damned souls where he had been beaten down and broken. He spoke softly of what he'd hoped to accomplish, of what he'd failed to do, of what he'd lost in trying. Gon listened quietly as his friend admitted to something that he'd never thought he'd hear, something that made the doctor snap his head up in shock, incredulity written in his very bones. Something changed in Gon when he heard Kurapika speak that he had been wrong, when he looked away and said that he regret what he'd done over the past months. It was something small, but enough that when Kurapika met his eyes, he was prepared to consider what the blond was proposing.

They needed to go away.

Of all the things explained to him, what Gon had trouble grasping the most was how his absence would play into the other's plan. He'd understood the purpose behind bringing Kurapika and Killua together, how the blond claimed he needed to atone for the mistakes he'd made. It was noble, almost, how Kurapika seemed determined to prove the other's importance to him in doing so, knowing how overlooked the former assassin had been while the world fell apart around them. But still, he'd wanted to be there, to be a part of sewing their little family back together, piece by piece.

Though Kurapika sat beside him, alive and well, he was reminded of a tragic triad, three shaking bodies held together while he watched alone from afar.

It hit him suddenly, the opportunity he was being presented with, the justice that could be achieved while the pair worked together to heal – whatever he had meant by that. Kurapika had failed his friends, sought out to destroy a member of Killua's family, one who had been a mere infant at the time of the attacks on his family. He'd had the intent to kill, no matter what the cost, that precious child, that youngest brother. It hadn't mattered that Kalluto proved stronger- he was still family. He still held a place in Killua's heart. The blond had forsaken that. But so had Gon.

Even though he'd felt justified, jealous or otherwise, Gon hadn't considered Killua's feelings for his family when he'd acted. He'd been blinded by his own, by his inability to understand that Killua had a different point of view, one far more conflicted and complex, that he was likely to be hurt by any outcome let alone one involving the letting of blood. Even he could see the change it made in his companion, the weight that he carried on his heart.

Kurapika could take him far away and apologize, but Gon could fix things.

He took his time in thinking it over once Kurapika had finished speaking, wondering at logistics and what exactly he'd say, but the decision was already made. He was a little stung by the suspicious look Leorio had given him when he'd agreed, but decided against trying to reassure him. It wouldn't have helped anyway, he was sure.

They were kind enough to give him some basic information as to what exactly they planned on doing, but the arrangements had yet to be formalized (they'd left that in Alluka's hands, as she was the one who knew Killua the best). What they did know was that wherever they ended up, they planned on staying out of trouble. Whatever happened, they'd be sitting the missions and disasters out this time around. That was fine by Gon- he'd be leaving first, anyway.

They parted ways soon thereafter, the two adults venturing back to the doctor's apartment to tend to their needs and leaving Gon behind. He didn't move at first, watching as people rushed by busily, before hopping up from his spot and taking off in the direction of the harbor. He had quite a bit of work to do.

Finding the information he needed was the hardest part of his task: certainly, he could have gone straight to the home of the source (he'd done it before) but that involved far too much risk. It was just another painful reminder of his inability to function as before, of his inherent weakness. He'd do something about that too, once everything was settled. If anything, his lack of Nen was for the best: it proved that he was of no threat. At least, that's what he hoped.

Somehow, as was usually the case, luck was on his side. Sources from his days as an active Hunter had been helpful enough to point him in the right direction. His target had a tendency to move quickly when he was required to be away, making him difficult to corner, but sightings had been recorded recently enough that Gon felt confident. His contacts had directed him to the East, luckily within the same continent, though it was still a journey. He'd managed to commission passage on a small airship, one that was located just between the Northwestern city he'd been in and the next boating town, despite his lack of pocket change. It was a strange trait, to be able to charm strangers into helping him with nothing but bright eyes and a smile.

Though it took no more than a day from the moment he stepped onto the ship, the trip seemed far too long. Exploring alone was one thing, but Gon hated traveling without friends. It made him feel further away from them than when he was static, gave him nothing to do but time to sit and think. Solo travel always left him uncomfortable, as if there were a shadow following close behind that he couldn't ever seem to find, no matter how hard he looked. It had the potential to be maddening.

Sometimes, when Killua wasn't there and he found himself alone, Gon felt disturbingly empty.

Sometimes, even when Killua was there, Gon found himself feeling the same.

The sense of relief that washed over him when his feet hit land was nothing short of groundbreaking, pulling away the darkness as he moved forward. He didn't give himself any time to rest, taking to the streets immediately, eyes set on his goal. His informant hadn't been able to be specific, but Gon was familiar enough with the type of people unfortunate enough to cross paths with the one he sought out to be able to make a guess as to where he'd be. Cities were always so full of uncouth people, there were plenty of places to look.

It was a mere eighteen hours before he'd caught up to him: in the banking sector among the sparkling towers and gold lined sidewalks. The streets were quiet as business was dying down for the day, no doubt leaving only the lower workers behind to complete tasks that should have been delegated to their higher-ups. A single, top floor window had been alight out of all of the other offices – a CEO or boss of some kind's space, no doubt. That had been all Gon needed to single it out as the target's location: few privileged businessmen would have stayed behind so late while his workforce made their way back home to their families. Certainly, it was the outlier.

He'd seen the light go off as he approached the doors to the building, some transcontinental investment firm he knew should have been familiar to him by name but wasn't. The iron double doors opened with ease, unexpected, but he didn't think about it. He knew that he'd been sensed: by the easy allowance of entry and by the lighted numbers on the elevators across the lobby which slowly descended upon him. They took their time counting down, giving him time to move across the marble floor toward them. It was a shadowy scenery, all stone and iron and obstructed sunlight, making the outside world seem not to exist.

There was a small ring and the doors opened before him.

"Zeno."

The old man looked at him pointedly before stepping out from the elevator, his brows furrowed in a displeased fashion. Gon stood rigidly as the other looked him over, like a headmaster inspecting a troublesome student. He frowned openly at the small, thoughtful noise the assassin directed at him, as if he'd interrupted something important. Surely he hadn't: the child of the woods could smell that the blood had already been spilled.

"We need to talk." The older man's eyes clearly asked what the boy could have wanted with him, but he remained silent, his stare as deadly as the rest of him. "It's about time Killua's family left him alone."

Zeno's eyebrow raised in the slightest, mild surprise perhaps. It was not the younger one's words that had caught him off guard, though. Rather, he had to question whether or not the boy knew how to value his own life. Even without Nen, he was a dangerous person indeed.

"And you sought me out because?" The sound of the assassin's gruff voice reminded Gon of falling stars, shaking the ground with their impact. He wondered if anyone else who had met the man, met him and lived to dream about it, would have been transported back to that moment. In his mind's eye, the image was no more than a blur. That, he conceded, was probably for the best.

"You're the most neutral party." There was a confidence in his words, but the Zoldyk had noticed the near nonexistent shaking of his voice. It reminded him of a child, trying to hide the importance of his words behind determination. Only Killua had spoken to him like that, when he had been much younger. "You're the only one who hasn't tried to take him away yet."

The old man turned from him, leaving a pause before taking a few slow steps around the dark haired teenager. Gon didn't move, watching him carefully as he circled round, clearly deliberating. With the other's back turned to him, the teen swallowed.

Gon was by no means a strategist.

He hadn't thought this far ahead, wasn't sure what he'd say if Zeno tried to deny him. In truth, he had no way of guaranteeing anything, no rabbits up his sleeve to ensure the result he wanted. All he could do was hold steadfast, let judgement rein, and work with the results he was given.

"I suppose you're right about that. Of the lot of them, I'm the only one who thought time apart would be good for my grandson. He's a passionate young man- one that can't be contained by values like our family's unless he reaches those conclusions on his own."

He stopped, turning on his heel to pierce Gon with a look unlike any other. For a moment, the once-was Hunter actually experienced fear, the deep, penetrating icy fear that one only gets from someone who death knows intimately, who death is willing to bend to accommodate. In that moment, Gon recognized him as the reaper himself.

"But I will not hand him over to the likes of you."

With dark shadows falling over marble floors, all sounds of the outside world silenced by walls of iron and steel, faceless statues pressed up against ancient gold flaked walls, it was no wonder that the raven haired teen believed time to have stopped.

"You are reckless." There was an anger present in his voice now, one to match his eagle eyes. "I have seen enough of what you have caused to know that, and your selfishness. I have no opposition to leaving Killua and what he possesses alone, but not with you."

Somewhere, in the part of his mind that was still able to process thought coherently, he knew that meant Alluka. The rest of him was stuck, falling as the floor was pulled out from under him, shock triumphing all else.

Then came the conflict, the desire to push back and argue that he had saved Killua, that he had been his everything and for good reason, that their friendship meant more than that bastardization of a family ever could. His fists clenched at his side, the muscles in his arms tightening as rage began to fill him from the bottom up. He was more than enough to protect Killua, to keep him safe and happy, to show him the parts of the world that his family would never have exposed him to. If anything was damaging, it was that godforsaken household: that brother who planted needles of fear and complacency while the jealous other got off on his suffering, that mother who smothered him to the point of insanity, that father who would hold his heart with false care, only to feed it to his dogs for pleasure. How could he claim that Gon was more of a liability than those who would forsake him in an instant?

Because he was.

There was nothing he could claim, in that instant, that he had done purely for the wellbeing of his friend. They'd dragged each other into dangerous situations, and though he knew it was necessary in order to fight uninhibited, he'd not been concerned over the effects it had on Killua. He'd not worried about dragging his sister into the pits of hell, not thought of how he'd aid him in a fight the other had not signed up for, not thought of the psychological toll it might take on him to tear his father into bits. He'd risked his own life making sure that Killua would stand by and protect him in the aftermath, had pushed him into confrontation after confrontation because it had been what he'd wanted. He'd stepped into his ring of lightning, stopped his own heart just to get a reaction out of him, just to watch him crumble as proof of his feelings. He'd held him down while he cried and covered him in soft kisses, ignoring his tears, deaf to his refusal. He'd pushed, and pushed, and pushed, until there was nothing left by means of resistance. He'd heard it before, selfish, reckless, but then it had only been Leorio. What did he know about what Killua really wanted? What he needed? What could he understand of all consuming obsession, of love?

The fire became ash in his mouth.

Slowly, with contrived effort almost beyond his ability, Gon's fingers uncurled from the fist he was making. He inhaled shakily, holding his breath before letting it go as calmly as he could. His shoulders trembled, the effort to keep them still failing in favor of trying to keep from breaking, from shattering violently into pieces. He tried to meet the other's eyes, but kept faltering, not able to hold his gaze.

"If I go, will you promise me they'll be left alone?"

Though his face did not change, the look in Zeno's eyes softened, as if he had not gotten the result he'd expected. The stillness in the room did not fade, both parties as unmoving as they could be as they examined each other. Under circumstances like these patience was not one of Gon's virtues and he moved to speak again, but the other shook his head, silencing him. Another moment passed before he spoke, tone even, face unreadable.

"Yes."

Gon's whole body shifted at the word, as if he'd been struck in the chest. His eyes were dull, all thought turned inward as he began to consider what he'd already said. A bead of sweat dropped from where it had been gathering on his brow, hitting the stone floor with more weight than it had. There was no other way, not that his mind could find as it raced in ambient chaos, than the one he'd proposed. Perhaps he'd known it from the beginning, perhaps it had been his reason for chasing him so forcefully once they had fallen out. He didn't want it – to be alone.

And yet, even after living for so long in delusion, he somehow understood that it was for the best. For his own good. For Killua's.

The universe then opened up, and in it he saw the truth of all that he had done.

It was maddening.

"Can I… can I say goodbye?"

Another drop hit the floor, then another, this time a tear. His body had loosened up, the shaking stopping in favor of the wetness running down his cheeks. He didn't even notice, though; he'd been blind to what was happening for so long that the addition of tears in his eyes failed to impair him any further. Zeno just watched, entirely unaffected, as the teen in front of him faded into a distraught version of himself.

"Five days. Then I'll make sure they're free of both of us."

He'd been long gone by the time Gon had realized that he was alone, the flow of tears turning from a steady stream to choking, wet sobs. He couldn't breathe, the world turning on its axis as he fell to his knees, coughing violently. It was so cold so suddenly, goosebumps rising along his arms as he held himself, the sounds of his sobs resonating in the high ceilinged lobby.

This was what he had to do, despite everything. He could still save Killua.

Digging his nails into his skull, he cried out, saline and saliva hitting the ground as he curled in on himself.

He just loved him so much.

Thanks to all of you who've been reading! Don't forget to let me know if you like what you're seeing (and if you don't, well, I'm sorry we can't pursue this relationship).

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