Lost. I am lost.
Somewhere, far away, he heard fighting. The noise raging and fading by turns. Chaos reigned around him, circling like vultures. Metal clashed against metal and he thought he heard, for one brief moment, the sound of Luna's voice.
Luna.
His goddess, his love. Why hadn't she come? He called and called but his voice got lost somewhere in the emptiness. Echos returned to him. His own screams reverberated through the infinite space and left again.
I must be insane. I am alone. So alone.
No family had answered his silent pleas, no one came. No one cared. Caught in the turmoil of his mind, Michelangelo twisted and writhed.
No, that's not right. They did come, didn't they? Serra tried to break me but...
He listened for the distant conflict again, catching the hoarse shout of his Master calling out for April.
April? And my father?
Yes, his father would never abandon him. He began to fight the darkness, concentrating on the sounds around him.
Focus, Mikey, focus.
Donatello stood nearby. He recognized the whir of his brother's staff as it swung through the air and the dull thuds as he connected with multiple targets. Donnie came. But who was he fighting? Serra? They had been alone when...
No, don't think about that now.
April. She landed somewhere beside him. He smelled her perfume and fought to open his eyes, to see her. He failed. A tug, something pulled on tender flesh and strained his bruised muscles, but the tension relented and his arms fell. He tried to move, but his body did not respond to his desperate commands.
He shuddered and moaned, but his best efforts made no difference.
An enraged bellow echoed across the emptiness. It sounded like Leonardo.
Leo came too?
But his calm, controlled brother would never utter something so angry and reckless; unless Luna was in trouble.
Luna is in danger!
The thought reverberated through the empty space, followed quickly by confusion. From what? Or who? Serra? The goddess was more than a match for her. Charon? The dangerous godling lay in wait somewhere, but the more he considered, the more he realized he wasn't seeing the bigger picture. Something, no someone else was involved.
He searched his thoughts, his memories floating by in the empty landscape around him, like multiple movies, playing simultaneously. One thing stood out as he viewed them all.
Bait. They used me as bait.
And Luna had come. The goddess heard his cries, his pleas, and she had responded. She'd come to take his pain away, but stepped neatly into their trap.
The woman he loved fought and suffered because of his weakness. Screams echoed all around.
My fault. Even April is crying. Leaning over me, seeing my guilt. My shame.
Anger flared anew. He had resisted! He had! Until the very last moment. He studied the memories as they moved faster now. He actually saw Luna appear. Recalled her reassurance as she rocketed to his side across a vast distance. Felt her rage careen out of control.
*Michelangelo, forgive me...*
Her final intelligible thought echoed through the emptiness. Fading and returning, again and again. Guilt swirled around him.
It's not her fault. It's mine. I failed the test. Lost my innocence.
Trine would take one look at his damaged soul and reject him. Without a bond, he had no purpose. His brothers and their goddess would be forced to leave him behind. He lost track of the battle again.
Are any of them still alive? I can't tell. How much time passed?
He moaned, feeling even more isolated and alone. For a moment, he was overcome with grief and disappeared into the darkness, until his body prodded his mind awake again with sharp pain, reminding him despite its unresponsive condition he was still alive.
Someone is moving me, touching me! Someone small and female.
He wanted to retch but could not move. Had Serra returned to finish what she started? No. Luna wouldn't let her. Besides, the scent was familiar. April hovered over him again. Powerful relief overwhelmed him and he began to weep.
She struggled, dragging his dead weight across the floor to a sheltered corner before standing between him and danger. His friend, his beautiful big sister, stood guard over him. She shouldn't be here.
Guarding was his role. Another failure.
stop that.
The quiet command echoed through his mind and jolted Michelangelo awake. He sat up, leaping off the infirmary table in reaction to his nightmare, clutching for weapons he wasn't wearing.
His violent movement startled Luna, who rested in a nearby chair, reading, and she swept to her feet, body igniting, as she peered around the room for danger, be it mortal or immortal.
There was nothing.
She turned softer eyes on him where he stood trembling against the closed door and extinguished her flames, not concerned in the least for his false alarm. She would answer a thousand to see his faith in her restored.
She watched him solemnly from across the room as he regained control, leaning down to put his head between his knees. He breathed in slowly, fighting the dizziness and unreasoning fear. One by one he forced his muscles to stop shaking.
When he felt more steady, he stood and met her gaze. Pain and guilt reflected in her eyes before she quickly masked it, hiding her emotions. It made him flinch. Despite her mask, he still sensed her longing. She wanted to rush to his side, to drive away the nightmare that was simply his mind trying to cope by reliving every horrible moment of the tragic escapade.
But he wasn't ready. He couldn't stand for her to be too near. Not yet.
Trine circled above him and floated down, landing briefly on his shoulder before flitting around his face, stroking his cheek with gentle tendrils of power and chirping soothingly. He closed his eyes and leaned into the caress as warmth and peace flowed from Luna to the soul to him.
don't worry. she understands.
The orange flame flared and Luna nodded, resuming her seat. Her soft moonglow returned to light the space. She would not leave him. She would not let him suffer alone, nor would she pressure him into speaking. She was his savior, the one thing that made all this ok simply by being with him.
Michelangelo sighed and debated getting some more sleep. He listened for a moment, trying to make out the time by the sounds of the lair. All was quiet. Still. It must be late, or early. Either way, no one else was stirring yet. He sighed again and sat back up on the stainless steel table forcing himself to lie down. It was the only place he could get any rest at all. Beds made him shudder in fear.
Three days.
That's how long they had been back in New York. Leonardo healed his physical wounds, the bullet hole, the cuts and scrapes, but his mental ones ran quite a bit deeper. He was trying to adjust to Trine, his bond, and an overwhelming new series of phobias all at once. It wasn't going so well.
it's going fine. Trine soothed, darting about the room to let off excess energy. It zoomed back to him, hovering next to his face.
you relived the bad, now it's time to remember the good.
Without waiting for his consent, it crashed into his head with a bright splash of light and Luna smiled.
Trine thrust him back into that awful moment. The time before his bond. The darkness before the dawn.
Despair. Overwhelming despair still froze his body. Luna remained caught in a trap of his own making. His family fought all around him against tremendous odds. Even his human friends- his sister- faced destruction trying to free him. They did not know he was no longer worth saving.
It's all my fault. No more! Please no more! He mentally cried to the emptiness surrounding him. Let me go. Save yourselves. I am worthless. Despoiled.
The answer from the wasteland was light. An orange glow, brighter than the sun embraced him. Carefree chiming laughter, like the stifled giggles of children before dawn, echoed across the landscape. A warmth and peace greater than any he had ever known suffused his being and he found himself smiling with his eyes closed.
He struggled to open them, amazed to discover this time they obeyed and stared at his surroundings. Paradise formed entirely of radiant beams unfolded before him. All he could see from horizon to horizon were ribbons of light forming a fantastic world. A playground of vast proportions. He gazed around in childlike wonder, his previous pain momentarily forgotten as his eyes adjusted to the glow.
hello.
The gentle greeting came from right next to him, and Michelangelo started, looking down into the eyes of the most adorable child he had ever seen. For one moment, the child peered intently back and he was struck by an uncanny feeling of weighing and measuring.
Then it smiled. A dazzling, charming grin, at once so full of joy and mischief Mikey couldn't tell if he should be happy or worried.
been looking for you.
"You have?"
Confusion furrowed his brow. Moments ago, he could have sworn the world was ending yet now all his fear and despair were gone; faded into nothing like ice melting on a summer's day.
"Where are we?"
The little child gazed around, a delighted grin still playing about its lips.
don't you know?
"I've never seen this place before, but it's wonderful," Mikey replied.
The child laughed and it blended perfectly with the chiming background as it reached up and took his hand in its own. One tiny set of fingers gripped his and the other patted the back of his hand gently as if recognizing he needed the reassurance.
this is your soul.
He stood stunned as the little one continued to pat his hand. This? This luminous, glorious wonderland was his soul? Impossible. He was despoiled, doomed. His soul was black, filled with a sickness he could not fight, darkness. He frowned down at his companion.
"Don't joke about such things," he said. His mood shifted abruptly and around him the sky dimmed slightly. He flinched and gazed about uncertainly. "What happened?"
doubt.
"Doubt?"
and fear. don't worry. neither can darken this place for long.
It was right. In a few seconds the bright light returned, shining stronger than ever around them.
"Who are you?"
an expert on your soul.
It was a smug response Mikey might have made himself if he had been asked. Suddenly he understood why his brothers sometimes found him irritating.
"This can't be mine," he protested. "I am no longer innocent." Despair tinged his tone and the world dimmed slightly again before rebounding.
what do you know of innocence?
"It's precious. Amazing. Worth protecting. Even dying for."
The child nodded along with him and waited with its head cocked in question when he finished.
that all?
Mikey hung his head. "I know mine is gone."
how?
"It was taken, against my will."
The child's eyes grew solemn and wise. For one brief moment, he was reminded of Hades ancient gaze. Knowledge weighed heavily in those eyes and sadness.
ah. is it such a tangible thing then, innocence, that someone relieved you of it?
"No, it's..." Mikey didn't know how to answer and the sudden shift in language confused him. Like its eyes, the child's speech had aged, undergoing a change from basic sentences to an abstract and intellectual tone. It echoed slightly in a way he thought he should recognize, but couldn't quite put his finger on.
"It's fairly complex," he said at last.
like you. innocence seems simple, but it has more layers than most imagine.
"So you're saying I only lost one?"
chastity, virginity, call it what you like. it's the one society gets hung up on.
"So there's still a chance? I mean, maybe if I have some of the other layers left, Trine might accept me."
the word innocence has so many meanings it's practically meaningless. guiltless, naive, ignorant, guileless, simple, harmless, innocuous, free from moral wrongdoing, absence of cunning, purity...
Mikey's heart fell as he failed to meet any standard on the list.
"Uh... oh. None of those apply," he said and tears began to gather in his eyes. It was hopeless after all.
why do you believe trine would only accept an innocent?
"Because it embodies innocence."
so what need would it have of more?
"um..." Mikey was stumped.
would it not search for one who values it instead? one who possess other qualities to support it?
"What kind of qualities?"
joy, intelligence, determination, courage, sensitivity, forgiveness, compassion, protectiveness, kindness, generosity, balance, harmony, selflessness.
"That's quite a list."
yet you possess them all.
Mikey raised his brows, skeptically. "I don't mean to doubt the 'expert' but how do you know?"
Once again, his memories began to appear. Hundreds of projections enclosed in small rounded rectangle like screens zipped by, constantly replaying their contents, movie-like. They spun shifting and changing as they morphed through their surroundings.
Mikey's mouth fell open as the child raised a palm and four particular ones gathered and stopped in front of them.
-000-
"Splinta?" Raph gasped. He pushed past Leo and dropped to his knees on a cushion in front of the table, stunned. Mikey whooped in joy and bounded over to Splinter, flopping bonelessly down next to him and throwing his arms lovingly around his father's waist. Splinter smiled.
"Michelangelo," he said softly, placing his paw on Mikey's head. "I have missed your exuberance."
-000-
Mikey grinned sheepishly as Raph coughed and choked through his own laughter.
"Raised in a barn?" Raph choked out, "You've, like, seen a barn twice in ya life!" He said to Mikey in disbelief. That set Casey off again, and soon all of them were laughing so hard, they almost couldn't breathe.
"God!" Mikey exclaimed, "I needed that."
-000-
Michelangelo had to admit it was fun to hang out with Sol. Even though the little guy was quiet it had an innocent sense of humor, reminding Mikey of his younger days. All it took was a little bit of slapstick and a funny voice to make Sol laugh. And what a laugh! Sol's was just like Luna's. It chimed through the tunnel and echoed back on itself so musically Mikey was almost overwhelmed with its perfection.
-000-
A little gleam came into his eye and Jacob pulled himself upright to bow to Michelangelo before falling into a basic ready stance, holding the handle like a bo staff.
Mikey's eyes widened. "You know ninjutsu?"
The boy gave a short nod and grinned, wiggling his mop exactly like Donnie had his bo when they were sparring as kids. A little impatient 'come on' motion. Mikey smiled at this unexpected diversion, bowed back, and took a defensive stance as familiar as breathing.
-000-
joy. The child said simply. you bring it wherever you go.
"Ok, I can be a pretty optimistic turtle," Mikey said, "but intelligence? That's Donnie's strong suit."
The child frowned. your solutions are often more creative. It waved again and other screens swirled in to replace the first.
-000-
"This looks like a job for... the super spy copters!" Michelangelo declared happily. "Mikey, you're a genius!" Don exclaimed. "Let's head back home. You get the copters, I'll grab my laptop, and we'll set up our own search and rescue opt. just under that alley."
-000-
sister must keep it on her. always. Sol said, concerned.
"Ok, so here's what we're gonna do. Can you make a small hole at the top of the rock?" he asked.
Sol tilted itself a little to the side, curious, then flashed an affirmative. Mikey nodded again and pulled a length of black silk cord from his belt. He held it up to Sol and released it."Put the cord through the hole and tie the ends together," he instructed. "It will be a necklace April can wear next to her skin, under her clothes. That way, she'll always have it."
-000-
Mikey's shadowy figure typed for a few more seconds, his large green fingers flying over the keyboard with practiced ease despite the lack of light in the space. If his brothers could see him now, their jaws would collectively drop.
"Shutdown sequence complete. Opening containment unit."
They say desperation is the mother of invention, and at that moment, he was desperate enough to invent a whole science fair full of projects on his own. All he really needed though was one particular flash of genius. His hand shot out and grabbed the crystal sphere from the table. He wrenched it open, dashed one half to the floor, and scooped Medes up in the remaining bowl. He snatched the amulet from the machine and bolted into the maze of boxes as the guards reached the lab.
-000-
As the projections faded, Michelangelo stared at the child. "Those things had to be done. It was nothing special," he said.
and yet, many would not have tried.
Mikey glanced at the next set of memories and his face paled. "Why are these here? I wanted to protect Luna and I failed. I should have listened when she told me to be still. Failure is not a quality Trine will be looking for."
no, but what of courage and determination against all odds?
-000-
Michelangelo watched in horror as two more of the stupefyingly scary creatures appeared over the edge of the rooftop and settled in front of Luna. She shocked him when she stood up and paced toward the wraiths, and now he was certain they could see her. His face hardened, and he shook off his fear to began easing his way towards her.
-000-
Michelangelo stirred at her moan, and struggled to lay Luna gently down at his side. "Don't worry, Sleepy Moon," he whispered, as if reading her mind. "You are the best thing that ever happened to us."
"No," she wept, "I've destroyed you."
With great effort, he summoned a smile. It was tired and filled with pain but completely genuine. He reached out to her slowly, stroked her cheek and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
"I love you, little sister. I'll always protect you. No matter what." Then, despite his mortal injuries, he struggled to his feet and limped in front of her prone form; prepared to make his last stand.
-000-
A bolt of sadness ripped through him as he thought about leaving his brothers behind. And his father, who he would never see again. Would Splinter have been proud of him? Accepted his sacrifice?
Yes.
A soothing, calm voice, a voice he would know anywhere, answered the unspoken question. Leo? Mikey was startled.
I am here, little brother. And Splinter could not be more proud of you than I am in this moment. I will never be able to thank you. Luna lives because of your courage.
-000-
Tears rolled down his face as he relived the moment. Leo had been so proud and though he had been scared, knowing he saved Luna's life made it worthwhile. But the child was moving quickly on.
you are sensitive, quick to forgive and compassionate.
-000-
With the five of them packed in so close it was getting a little claustrophobic in the infirmary and Luna was beginning to show signs of stress. Michelangelo lay quietly throughout the healing process, his gaze flicking from face to face as they all gathered about him. Raph to Luna. Leo to Raph. Leo to Luna. His sharp eyes checked the emotional temperature of each relationship. But mostly he watched the parade of feelings flowing over his sister's face. More than anything she was tired, confused, and needed some time to herself to regroup. The second he was fully healed Mikey sat up, slid off the table, and faced his brothers. Deliberately crowding his three siblings toward the door. One quick glance back at Luna's relieved expression was all the encouragement he needed to keep them moving. He forced them out into the hall and shut the door firmly behind them.
-000-
Mikey didn't hold Luna responsible for any of the events of that night but denials and justifications were not going to reach her in this state. So he gave her what she needed for relief. Permission to let it all go.
"I forgive you," Michelangelo whispered. He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look in his bright blue eyes, shining with unshed tears of his own. "I. Forgive. You." It was exactly the right thing to say. The only thing that could get through to her. He pulled her into his lap and held her close as she collapsed, burying her face in his neck and sobbing herself out.
-000-
Don was reluctant to go after Medes, Mikey realized. Not because he didn't want to save Luna, for Don obviously loved her. And not because he didn't want to be bonded, but it was clear he felt betrayed by the little soul who had never even set foot into their home.
Something had to be done.
-000-
you protect those who cannot help themselves...
-000-
"Maybe it's not too late to untangle you," Luna said. "Perhaps I could get one of my cousins to shelter me and just disappear. I couldn't bear it if any of you got hurt."
"That'd just hurt us in a different way, dudette," he replied quickly, "Maybe you're not used to it because you didn't need anyone when you were all god like, but now you're a lot more fragile. We can protect you. We want to protect you. You're our family now, Leo's mate, and we want to help you pick up the pieces."
-000-
Jacob nodded, clearly believing in the power of the 'little light'. As well he should, for it could only be the remaining piece of Luna's soul, always protecting the innocent. Michelangelo breathed a silent prayer, thanking all the gods and goddesses personally for sending him this gift, then smiled at the boy.
-000-
your kindness and generosity know no boundaries.
-000-
A smile lit Luna's face and Michelangelo basked in it. There was something truly uplifting about making Luna smile. Somehow it made him feel complete, like everything was right with the universe. He'd found himself spending more and more time with her and doing everything he could think of to make her smile appear.
-000-
Selene dropped her hand to actually touch Mikey, reaching up to stroke his forehead and face gently. Softly glowing tears formed in her eyes, and spilled over her cheeks.
"He took such pains to care for my daughter," she said, "I watched him feed her, tend to her, befriend and distract her. He did his best to make her feel welcome and happy, a part of your family. Even in so short a time, he loved her."
Don's eyes filled now. Michelangelo had always been their joy, and he had embraced Luna as family even before they had learned of Leo's bond. He was their hope when things looked darkest. What would they do without him?
-000-
"Wait," Michelangelo protested, throwing out a hand to get the child to stop. The constant parade of memories was overwhelming. He stared at the one still in front of them as it played through again, more than a little surprised to witness Luna's mother crying over his still form. "That's not my memory."
it's Donatello's.
"That's not possible."
The child shrugged. with the gods, many improbable things are possible.
Michelangelo frowned. That sounded suspiciously like a diversion. What wasn't this little child telling him? Before he could raise another question, the child waved its hand again, calling another set of memories.
you have an instinctive understanding of balance and harmony which your family depends on far more than you know.
-000-
Mikey began to pace in the darkness. "They'll drive poor Luna crazy," he muttered under his breath. He turned decisively to Don. "So, how do we get back? Without us, they'll kill each other!" Don reached out, hugged his little brother, and smiled.
-000-
Raph stuck his head in to the infirmary to see his brother was no longer laid out all stiff and unmoving, but had assumed a classic Mikey sleeping posture on the stainless steel table. He lay on his front, head turned to the side, one arm shoved up under his pillow. His knees were tucked up under him pushing his butt high in the air. The other arm was hanging off the side of the table, dangling halfway to the floor, his sheet sliding off the other. And just like that Raph's dark mood lightened. His baby brother was back. Mikey was gonna be ok. There was still hope. Life would go on, and he would learn to control this power.
-000-
Everyone needed to come together, Mikey decided. They were all holding some of the missing pieces. They just needed to start at the beginning and work their way through Luna's story one step at a time. Then they might have some hope of finishing it and finding some peace.
It was definitely time for a family meeting. He'd call one as soon as everyone was up again.
-000-
"Ya' stopped yer heart tryin' to give us time togetha' an' yer worried ya didn't give us enough?" Raph yelled at Luna, his tone sharp. Her eyes widened at his outburst. She blinked rapidly, fighting back tears.
"I'm sorry," she whispered again her eyes reflecting hurt.
"Raph! Cool it!" Michelangelo said, shoving Raphael roughly on the shoulder. "At least we know now what happened to Splinter, and we have some chance of getting him back. She gave us our father back. Don't you dare yell at her for it."
-000-
Mikey shook his head. One of those memories belonged to Raphael!
What is going on here?
"Who are you?" he demanded again of the child.
A slight mischievous smile crossed its face and two final projections, larger than the others filled his field of view.
-000-
Luna screamed, panicked, unable to escape. Mikey's head snapped around at the scream. He dodged and charged back toward her as fast as he could, leaping over her as a wraith raised its arm to strike. With no options left, he took the blow meant for her. A swipe of seven horribly long claws. He dropped to his hands and knees crouching over her body, using his larger form to shelter her. He may not be able to strike at them, but to get to her, they were literally going to have to go through him. He held his breath, and prayed he was strong enough. He closed his eyes, breathed out slowly, and relaxed. Briefly, he touched his forehead to hers, a frighteningly tender action that silently accepted his end.
"I swore," he whispered. "I swore to protect you..."
-000-
Jacob's smile lit up the room and sent Michelangelo's heart soaring. The innocent smile of a child was worth protecting. Worth fighting, suffering, and even dying for.
Luna understood. It was how all this began.
Deep in his mind a soft voice whispered its agreement.
without innocence, hope is only an illusion...
-000-
As the final vision came to an end the exact same voice continued, but now it stood right next to him.
without selflessness there can be no delight. without joy, innocence is as ash. without innocence hope is lost.
truly michelangelo, you are selfless and embody all the qualities i require.
Mikey jerked away, his eyes huge as awareness dawned. "You're Trine!"
and i would join with you. you are everything the goddess needs.
His eyes filled with tears. "You really want me?"
Trine nodded and hugged his leg before gesturing to the landscape around them.
say you'll share the beauty of this soul, your joy and harmony with the goddess. luna deserves this happiness.
He couldn't agree more. With a huge smile Michelangelo held out his hand to Trine.
"I would be honored."