A/N: Thank you guys so much for the support. I am blown away. It was suggested in a review that I do up a summary of what happened in SATC since it's been so long, and I am working on it. Alright, here's the next chapter!
Chapter 2
It's more awkward than she expects, facing him after all this time. Felicity will readily admit she wasn't sure precisely what to expect when she returned to Starling, and will grudgingly confess to following Oliver for a couple of days before finally working up the nerve to reveal herself tonight. She isn't stupid; she knew he'd sensed someone trailing him, but she just couldn't bring herself to get too close. She'd been too afraid of his reaction. Still is, really, because he hasn't actually reacted yet.
He's holding his cards close to the vest, or perhaps jacket is a more appropriate term. The tense set of his shoulders and rigid posture don't relax at the sight of her like they used to, and it hits her like a punch to the gut. Perhaps she was wrong; perhaps she underestimated just how different things would be when she returned.
She wakes to the first inklings of light creeping in the window. In the soft glow, she can just make out the peaceful, relaxed expression resting on his face in his slumber. He looks completely at ease as they lay in a tangled mess of naked limbs, and the significance of it is not lost on her. Oliver rarely finds peace these days. Warmth bubbles in her chest to see him so stripped of his guards, even in sleep. He's... beautiful. Not the best descriptor for a man, but there's no other word for him in this instant. This is how she wants to remember him.
The thought strikes her hard, a mental slap to the face. Her brain is already subconsciously choosing moments to remember and ones to push away. She's leaving. Despite what she told Oliver earlier, she knows the truth of the statement. Sara said Ra's al Ghul wants her, and Ra's al Ghul always gets what he wants. There's no way they can avoid this, and she's starting to question if it's even a good idea to keep trying. Whatever Ra's may be planning, it can't be good. Maybe going along, just to get more information on his plan, is the best course here.
And just like that, she comes to a decision.
She tells herself it's for the best as she slips out from under his arm, freezing momentarily as he shifts at the sudden loss of her weight. She tells herself he'll understand as she slips on yoga pants and a blue tank top. She doesn't want to put him through the pain of watching her walk away. She tells herself she's doing this for him when she zips her suitcase shut. She's saving him from another goodbye to add to the long list of those he's already said. She's certain of it as she tucks her arms into his grey sweater she's grown so fond of, unable to resist bringing it along. She'll need a physical reminder of him where she's going.
As she slips out the door, she steels her resolve. She's doing this for the greater good. This is the legacy her father left her, and she needs to fulfill it. Ra's al Ghul wants her and she wants to know why. That's all there is to it. It's not like she's just disappearing forever. She'll come back.
She pulls her phone from her pocket, climbing into her car and twisting the key in the ignition as she waits for her call to be answered. The voice on the other end is only vaguely fogged with sleep when she picks up.
Felicity wastes no time steering the car onto the main road before she can second guess herself. "Sara. I'm ready."
She supposes it makes sense, things being different. She isn't the same person who left last year and clearly neither is he. It was foolish of her to think otherwise.
Felicity takes a deep breath, trying to push past the tension that's been thickening between them since she revealed herself. Her words draw his attention, just as she hoped they would, but they also prompt a withdrawal. The emotion vacates his eyes almost immediately, hidden behind a wall of laser focus. Whatever personal issues are between them are pushed to the side for the moment, left to simmer under the surface. It's what she wanted, but she finds herself disappointed nonetheless.
"How?" He finally asks, eyebrows tugging together. The question is clipped and cold, the epitome of professionalism.
Felicity glances around the rooftop, her stomach crawling with unease at how exposed they are. Anyone could be listening, watching, waiting…
"Can we go somewhere less… open?" She implores, clenching her fist at her side.
Oliver doesn't reply right away, his eyes flicking over her as though sizing her up, an edge of disbelief still present. He's looking at her like he would a stranger, something she wasn't prepared for in the least. Although she should have been since she certainly feels like one.
Eventually, he nods once. "Let's go down to the foundry."
She returns the nod stiffly, replacing the wig and mask. The second she does, it's like a shield coming back down to match his. The careful, League-instilled control returns as she conceals her identity once more. She came here with a plan, a mission, and she needs to remember that. There are more important things at stake than their fractured relationship. Her focus needs to stay on finding her mother and Sara, as difficult as it is with everything warring for her attention.
Oliver turns without another word, moving to the edge of the roof before pausing and swiveling his head back to her.
"Can you…?" He trails off awkwardly, indicating the drop to the alley below.
Felicity's scoffing before she can stop herself, giving in to the instincts of her League persona. You don't survive Nanda Parbat without the correct attitude. "I spent eleven months with the League of Assassins. I can handle climbing off a roof."
She closes the distance to the edge, barely sparing Oliver a glance as she passes him on the way. There's no hesitation on her part to drop over the edge, scaling down the fire escape. Her feet hit the ground at the same time as Oliver's despite repelling being faster than her method. He must have stayed back to watch her descent.
Even though she just finished telling herself not to get distracted, Felicity can't resist a quick glance to gauge his reaction. She's thrown a lot at him in the past few minutes, from her reappearance to the news of their missing loved ones. She can't help but wonder if scaling down a fire escape is what will push him over the edge. Judging by his startled, accusatory stare, it just might be.
And then her words catch up with her. Eleven months. Dammit. She wasn't supposed to say that. Not now. She had a plan for how to tell him and it didn't involve a slip of the tongue.
"I'll explain inside," she tells him, resigned. Nothing is going according to plan, apparently.
It takes him a second to recompose himself but once he does he leads her to the back entrance. She doesn't miss the subtle shift of his body in front of the keypad, the implication another punch to the gut. He's hiding the code from her, like she couldn't crack it in about five seconds flat. Oliver doesn't trust her anymore.
A small, self-deprecating voice in the back of her mind asks why he should, given what she pulled. Trust is earned, and she broke his. There's no coming back from that, is there?
Sara greets her with a wary expression, arms crossed and eyes searching for any trace of ulterior motives.
"So…" Felicity says, trying to ease the awkward tension. "What happens now?"
"First, you tell me why the hell you're doing this," Sara responds, quirking a brow and pursing her lips.
Felicity falters. "Wh-What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. The last time we talked, you three were still looking for a way out of this. And yet here you are. In the first light of morning."
Felicity bites her lip, avoiding eye contact. "There aren't any loopholes; you know that. Besides, I want to know what Ra's has up his sleeve. Seems like the only way to learn that is to go with you."
Sara studies her for another minute, non-plussed. Felicity's skin crawls under the other woman's scrutiny.
"What?" She finally demands.
"You know I wasn't asking in general. I want to know why you're leaving like this."
She swallows thickly. "It's better this way."
"It will break his heart."
"Watching me walk away will shatter it."
The tense standoff that follows is nearly unbearable. Sara stares at Felicity and Felicity stares right back, a battle of wills Felicity is sure she won't win.
"Keep telling yourself that."
Giving herself a mental shake and forcing herself to focus, she follows Oliver down the familiar set of stairs to the basement. It's been so long since she's been down here, yet it feels like she just left yesterday. This whole night is disconcerting in the worst possible way.
"Hey, man, where were-" Digg's voice cuts off when he registers her trailing Oliver down the steps. "Sara?"
Felicity sighs, regretting her leather apparel once again. It may have been the smart choice while in the League, but it's damned inconvenient now. She isn't as nervous to reveal herself this time, though, pulling off the disguise and discarding it on the table as Oliver continues to the glass case to put his bow away. He doesn't even pause to explain the situation to Diggle or check to see what she does.
"Felicity."
"Hi John." Her voice is too small, the words too inadequate. What exactly does one say when revealing themselves to friends they haven't seen in over a year? Especially when you're such a different person than you were when you left?
John stares back in shocked silence for a full twenty seconds before finally deciding on a reaction. His stance shifts, feet spreading to shoulder-width, hands clasping in front of him respectfully. One nod, a dip of his chin to acknowledge her. "It's been… a while."
She tries not to flinch at his thinly veiled rebuke. He's hurt as well, but Diggle's hurt has never manifested as anger the way Oliver's does. No, Diggle's hurt is much worse. He's… disappointed in her, and she has no idea how to go about fixing that. At least anger gives her a place to start. At least there's emotion in anger. Disappointment is… neutral. Unbiased. Not clouded by something so close to love as hatred.
If there's one thing she knows without a doubt about John Diggle, it's that his disappointment is hard to recover from. She will have to earn his trust back just as she will have to earn Oliver's. But those are matters better left for later, when things have settled. She'll have time to make this right. For now, all she can give them is the truth. The facts as they stand right now.
"Sara and I were on our way here to ask for your help when she disappeared," she tells them, eyes roaming the foundry. The layout is different; there's a new training dummy in the corner, and a new grindstone by the workbench. What draws her attention, though, is the second glass case across from Oliver's. Her eyes linger on it curiously before movement from Oliver draws her attention. He's shifted to lean against the glass case holding his bow, arms crossed and hood down, staring but not really seeing her.
The buzzing of the overhead door interrupts them and Felicity whirls toward the unexpected sound, crouching into a defensive posture instinctively. Her hand goes for the collapsed staff holstered to her leg, but Diggle and Oliver aren't leaping into action. In fact, they seem totally unruffled by the door opening. What they do seem startled by, however, is her reaction to it.
"Hey, Digg, is Oliver back y-" A foreign, male voice cuts off at the unfamiliar blonde woman in leather. It takes him a second to place her. "Felicity? What…. What's going on?"
Felicity mirrors the shocked expression of the intruder, pretty sure her eyebrows have disappeared into her hairline as she turns to Oliver for confirmation. She almost can't believe she's seeing the young man dressed in red leather. "So you brought Roy into it after all."
Something flickers behind Oliver's eyes, just for a second, and she knows he's remembering the debates they had on the topic before she left. It's gone the next instant, though, replaced with a stony expression. "We needed a third."
She returns his stare for a few seconds, unsure what she's waiting for. When it becomes clear she won't get it, she turns back to Roy.
"So you're the woman in black," Roy surmises, his tone clearly impressed but harbouring a hint of doubt. "No offense, Blondie, but I always thought you were more into the tech side of things, not the… leather-wearing part."
She swallows, acutely aware of the tension in the room ratcheting up impossibly higher. "I a- I was. I'm not the woman in black you're referring to. That's Sara. I… spent some time away this past year. With her."
"And you came back in her costume?" He asks, confused.
"It's a long story."
"We've got time," Digg cuts in, crossing his arms and fixing her with a look.
She's about to open her mouth to respond when Oliver cuts her off. "No, we don't. Not if Sara and your mother are missing. That is why you came here, right? For our help?" She nods. "Then we should focus on finding them. Nothing else matters."
She'd be lying if she said his disinterest didn't sting.
She stares out at the city while Sara makes the last of the travel arrangements. It's really starting to hit her, what's happening. The decision was made so abruptly, and carried through in such a focused manner, that she really hasn't had time to stop and think about all it entails. She's going. Voluntarily. For a year.
"It's time." Sara's voice startles her, softer than it was before she stormed out earlier. The other woman is looking at her sympathetically when she turns back to reply, like she understands what's going through her head. "You know, when I first came back, I left without a word to my father. I told myself the same thing as you, that it would be easier on him if I didn't put him through the goodbye. I didn't realize until later on that I left the way I did because it was easier on me. I didn't want to have to say goodbye to him, didn't want to walk away from him because I wasn't sure that I could."
Felicity's breath catches. The words are hitting too close to home.
Sara reaches out, squeezing her forearm. "I'll give you a minute. Make sure you leave your phone."
Felicity's eyes drop to the device clenched in her hand. She hadn't thought of that, but nods nonetheless.
When she's alone, the voice in her head, the one she's been trying to repress ever since she slipped out of Oliver's bed a little over an hour ago, breaks through all of her excuses. Sara's right. She may be doing this to understand Ra's endgame, but leaving like this, disappearing in the dawn... It isn't for him. It's for herself. She's too cowardly to stay, to physically turn her back on him the way she's assured him she never will.
She can't do it, and so she's doing this. But she can't just leave. Not without a trace.
She's dialing before really thinking it through, hoping he's awake, praying he'll answer. He turned his phone off earlier in the night to eliminate all chances of being interrupted, but maybe...
Voicemail.
She chokes out a sob at the beep, remaining silent for a beat before leaving an, "I'm sorry," and ending the call. She can't say what she wants to in a voicemail. There's not enough time, and it's not fair of her to leave him with all those words for a year. Tears streak down her cheeks as she powers down the device, removes the battery, and leaves both items on one of the crates Sara was using as a table.
It's time.
"Oliver's right," she agrees, forcing herself back to the matter at hand. "The details aren't important right now."
She doesn't really want to get into the details anyways. Not all of them. She can hardly manage to think about everything that happened, let alone talk about it. If they knew… Deep down, she knows they won't judge her for what she's done, but she can't bear the thought of them never quite looking at her the same way again. She's already seen it starting with the way Oliver eyed her on the roof. She can't let it go any further.
"Felicity?"
Diggle's voice and a mental shake pull her back to reality before she can drown in her spiralling thoughts. Her mind's ability to get away from her has gotten worse in the past year. She misses the days it was just internal rambles about the new program she was designing or stray innuendos that escaped her lips more often than not. These days, her thoughts take decidedly dark turns, ones she isn't sure how to deal with.
She blinks. "Sorry. Where were we?"
Diggle's brows crease, arms dropping to his sides. "You were about to explain what the hell is going on."
"Right," she mutters to herself, trying to pull it together. Nothing is going according to plan. She was supposed to be calm, cool, and collected, yet she's unravelling at the seams with every passing second. Trying a new strategy, she takes a deep, calming breath and zeroes in on her computers. The familiarity of the sight centers her. No matter where she is, whether she's surrounded by peace or chaos, her computers are constant. It's easier to focus on them as she finally starts in on the story she has to tell.
"Sara and I have been on the run from the League for three months."
The silence that greets her revelation is deafening. She can feel the tension kick back up as even Roy snaps to attention. Her eyes dart to Oliver of their own accord, needing to see his reaction. He's drawn himself back to his previous rigidity, no longer leaning against the glass in a show of ease. It's his penetrating stare that captures her attention, though. His gaze locks to hers, blazing in anger, accusation, and something she can't quite place.
"Why?" He bites out, finger and thumb rubbing together anxiously.
Felicity swallows thickly before forcing the words out. "Because Ra's al Ghul wants to kill me."
A/N: And that's it for this round! Thoughts?