AN: Here is part two to the first in this series, "Nothing to do with Peanut Butter and Jelly". As I lay tossing and turning in bed last night (this morning actually) random images ran across my restless mind. I don't know if it'll turn out as awesome as it was in my mind because for some strange reason, words translate terribly onto paper! Especially when the characters in my mind were speaking Japanese! Well, let's get the show on the road.
This turned out longer than I expected. I hope you enjoy! Reviews are most definitely appreciated!
Nothing to do with Peanut Butter and Jelly Part II
Written by Clow Angel
The sun had risen fully an hour ago, and the day was slowly getting hotter. Shinpachi futilely flapped his hand at his face in an attempt to lower his body's temperature. "Why is it so hot?" he muttered lifelessly. "It's only May," he continued to complain as he ascended the stairs to the Yorozuya, greeting Otose-san when he saw her.
He slid the door open and frowned. Well, this was unusual. Gin-san's boots were laid haphazardly by the entryway. As odd as it may seem, Gin-san was always neat when it concerned his personal belongings. The Yorozuya was rarely ever in a messy state, and if it was, it was usually during Spring Cleaning or on those rare days the silver-haired man mustered up the courage to throw away his precious issues of Jump from years ago. The idol otaku teenager didn't even know where the older man hid them all, there were so many.
He took off his shoes and laid them neatly on the side, going out of his way to right Gin-san's boots while he was at it. He slid the living room's door open and blinked. Now there were clothes strewn across the floor and couches. Gin-san's haori was lying by his bedroom door. Upon closer inspection… was that a Shinsengumi jacket on the couch?!
"What's going on?" he whispered underneath his breath. He strode over and picked up the article of clothing, inspecting it. There were no rips or tears visible, so it didn't look like a fight had broken out while he was away. He held it at arm's length and studied it. Wasn't this Okita-san's jacket?
Carefully laying the jacket down on the coach, he strode over to the closet that was Kagura's room. Maybe the alien girl would know what happened. He hastily slid it open. "Kag—" She wasn't there. That was odd. Usually, the girl would sleep until someone came and woke her up.
Shinpachi slowly, oh so very slowly turned his head and eyed Gin-san's door. Who knows what the room looked like behind those doors? He also had the strangest feeling he didn't want to know what was behind those very doors. The thought of it was just mind-boggling. No no, it couldn't be. But it could be right? After all, just yesterday 'morning', that conversation took place. But he often didn't know whether to take the Shinsengumi Sadist's words seriously or not.
'What should I do?' he wondered as he stood in front of the paper doors that led to Gin-san's room. Knock first, he decided and so he lightly rapped on the frames. "Gin-san, it's time to wake up!"
A muffled groan answered him. Brown eyes grew obscenely wide. It wasn't a groan he recognized, but the voice was eerily familiar… It couldn't be.
"Gin-san?" he tried again. "It's time to wake up."
"Can you shut up?" the muffled voice growled. "We're trying to sleep."
Oh shit. It was Captain Okita! Shinpachi froze both physically and mentally. His hand flopped lifelessly to his side. He definitely did not want to open those doors now.
"I'll—uh, let you sleep more then," he stuttered and quickly dashed out of the Yorozuya, leaving a trail of billowing dust behind him.
It was a good thing the idol otaku did not open the door for he would have been scarred for life.
A few hours later, Shinpachi decided it was a good time to return to the Yorozuya. He had even found Kagura. And so, the two walked extra slowly back to the office. Shinpachi stopped her before she could open the door to the living room. He placed his ear against the rice paper and only when he heard voices did he deem it alright to slide them open.
'Or not,' he thought in despair. The two men inside were in the middle of locating their articles of clothing, or at least Gin-san was. Okita Sougo was lying on the couch dressed in a yukata a size too large which Shinpachi recognized as Gin-san's.
"Can't you help, you lazy shinsengumi officer?" Gintoki muttered, slightly annoyed. "Ah, Shinpachi and Kagura — you're back. Good. Can you make breakfast? Well, lunch." He wanted the two out of the room ASAP.
Shinpachi could only comply. He was at a loss for words anyway. He quickly tugged Kagura with him. She was clueless, and he didn't want her corrupted anymore than she already was. Sakata Gintoki wasn't exactly the ideal model for an impressionable teenage girl. Not to mention when Okita Sougo and Kagura were in the same room, good things never happened.
"I'd help danna," Sougo readjusted his position on the couch and promptly winced when his ass bumped the back of the couch, "but I'm really sore thanks to you."
Gintoki tripped as he bent down to pick up a pair of pants. "Oi! There are kids here!"
Sougo watched the man with wide innocent eyes (which were lurking with something darker if you took a closer look). "Danna?"
"What?" the older man growled as he finally gathered all the clothes in his arms.
"I'm also just a 'kid' too. Did you forget?"
…And all those clothes hit the floor.
"I am so going to jail," the older man realized, his large hand splayed across his face, dejected. He stumbled over to the unoccupied couch and plopped down.
"I won't tell anyone danna." The sadist smirked, very pleased with himself.
"How kind of you, Okita-kun." Gintoki's eye twitched.
"Danna, can you pass me the phone?"
"It's not a cordless, you idiot."
The young captain's eyes traveled to the lone desk in the room. He had completely forgotten that fact. He groaned as he sat up and winced again. "Ow…" He knew the silver-haired samurai was strong, but he didn't think he'd have such stamina. He certainly didn't get much sleep last night. Definitely worth it though. A smirk bloomed on his face. Yes, it was definitely worth it.
"Quit complaining." Here, Gintoki looked rather smug. "It's your damn fault anyway."
A pause as Sougo looked up in contemplation. "True." And he was definitely paying for it, not that he was regretting it even for a moment. He limped his way towards the desk. Halfway, Gintoki sighed and helped the younger man.
"Thanks danna." And really, he actually was grateful. He had no idea how sore he'd be after some mind-blowing sex. He had only ever read about it. He leaned against the older man as he picked up and dialed.
"Shinsengumi Hea—" the man on the other line cut himself off, probably having noticed the caller ID, "Why are you calling, Yorozuya?" the annoyed voice of one Hijikata Toushiro filtered through the receiver.
"Ah Hijikata-san," the crimson-eyed teen greeted.
"Sougo? What are you doing there and not here at work?" the other man asked, sounding even more annoyed.
"Sorry Hijikata-san. I can't come to work today or tomorrow probably. I can barely move."
A deep laughter rang from the line. "Did you get pounded by the bastard? Didn't Kondo-san tell you not to pick a fight with him?"
Gintoki muffled a choking cough. Well, the teen certainly got pounded, but not in the way the dark-haired male might be thinking.
"Hijikata-san, you pick fights with danna all the time," he reminded, now leaning his full weight onto the other man.
Gintoki absently wrapped an arm around the teen's middle as he leaned his head against his shoulder listening in on the conversation.
"Shut up! Let me talk to the bum!"
"Here danna." Sougo passed the phone.
"What'd you do to Sougo, you asshole? He can't move?! How much damage did you do?"
"Damage?" He glanced down at the man in front of him. "Only to the bottom I guess?"
"What?" He had to hand it to the Yorozuya bum. Not many people could kick Sougo's ass.
"Hmm, bruises all over too," he added as an afterthought as his eyes landed on a love bite on the teen's throat.
Now Hijikata's eyebrows were quickly making their way towards the man's hairline. "How'd this happen? Ugh, I have to report this to Kondo-san too. Fuck."
"Well let's see, we got a little drunk, and one thing led to another, and now your precious captain can barely walk." He was seriously having trouble holding back his laughter.
Sougo grabbed the phone from the older man before the older man could accidently spill the beans. "Anyway Hijikata-san, we're gonna have breakfast soon so see you in a few days."
"Breakfast? It's two in the after—
He hung up.
Gintoki watched in amusement as the teenager left his loose embrace in an attempt to get back to the couch. He shook his head and lifted the teen into his arms easily, gently sitting him down on the couch. "Okita-kun—
"Call me Sougo."
The older man ran a hand through his curly silver hair. "Fine, Sougo then. Why'd you do this? There's no merit for you is there?"
Sougo watched the other's expression carefully. "Are you bothered by me, danna?"
"Bothered? Not now, not yet, but who knows, you might be a bother in the future. Aren't all you Shinsengumi officers existing to be the bane of my existence?"
"Danna, seriously" he said, and for once the teen's expression was one of utmost seriousness. "Am I a bother to you?" he asked again.
Gintoki slumped forward. "I don't fucking know. All you kids do whatever the hell you want whether I like it or not anyway."
"Danna—
"Shut up. Stop being a girl. No, you're not a bother yet, but you know, you could do so much better," he said, wrapping an arm around the younger man. What did the younger man see in a lazy carefree guy like himself anyway?
"No I can't." It was a simple statement, and one that was completely uncharacteristic of one Okita Sougo.
"Now you're being a sap. Who are you, and what have you done with Shinsengumi's sadist of a captain Okita Sougo?"
Even Sougo had to crack a smile. "Only for you, danna."
Gintoki released the younger man when the door slid open.
"Gin-san, Okita-san, lunch is ready." Shinpachi laid the food out on the coffee table.
Kagura eyed the teen with distrust but kept any rude comments she had to herself. Gintoki had a sneaking suspicion she had been listening in on them the entire time. With how red Shinpachi's face was, the kid had most definitely eavesdropped on them too.
Lunch was one of the most awkward meals Gin had ever had the displeasure of having. Six minutes into the meal, his twitching had reached new levels. He slammed his chopsticks on top of his rice bowl. "If you have something to say, say it now or forever hold your piece you idiots!" He crossed his arms. "I can't enjoy lunch with this atmosphere!"
Sougo smirked in a most perverse manner. "I can help you enjoy lunch, danna."
Gintoki twitched and turned to the man next to him. "Aren't you still sore? What are you talking about? Do you not want to walk ever again, huh?"
"Excuse me, Gin-san. We're eating. Please stop talking about your sex life at the table," Shinpachi ground out through clenched teeth.
Kagura's face turned green. "Stop! Gin-chan's old —
"I am not old!" the silver-haired man interjected.
"— and shouldn't have a sex life! That's not normal! How did this happen?! Why that damn bastard huh?! He's joining our family? I don't want him as my mother!"
The other three exchanged looks. 'What?'
"Kagura-chan" Gintoki finally hesitantly said, hoping to call the girl back down to earth. "Sougo can't be your mother."
"And now you're calling him by name!" She was absolutely hysterical now. "I refuse to let this happen! Gin-chan is everyone's Gin-chan! That's why you were single for the series!"
Gintoki blinked, sitting back and stroking his chin. "Was that why I never got any women in the series? So it wasn't because I was unpopular then?"
"That's not the problem right now, danna. The monster girl has gone crazy."
A hand met the back of Sougo's head. "Our Kagura is not a monster girl. She's just an alien."
At the Shinsengumi Headquarters...
"Kondo-san? You in there?"
"Come in Toushi."
Slide... Shut...
"Have you found where Sougo is? I haven't seen him since yesterday afternoon." The commander of the Shinsengumi sat at his desk completing a small stack of paperwork.
"Yeah, he's at the Yorozuya. He called in earlier and said he can't come to work."
His hand stilled, halfway through completing his signature. "Eh? Why?" The Yorozuya? Can't come to work? What?
"He can barely walk."
"...?" Questioning look.
A shrug. "The bastard and Sougo got drunk and started something, I guess. Now he can barely walk. Ah, the bum also mentioned something about that sadist being bruised all over. He won't be coming to work for a few days."
Kondo blinked and promptly froze. Did he hear that right? No, he must've heard wrong. "Repeat that, Toushi. I must have heard wrong."
"Huh?" An exhale of smoke. "I said, Sougo and the bastard got drunk and started something. Now the idiot can't walk so he's skipping work for a few days. Ah, and the bruised thing too."
"..."
Blink. Another blink. "Kondo-san? Oi, Kondo-san! What's wrong?"
"Toushi, how come you're not surprised? It's Sougo and that Yorozuya bum!"
"Ha? Sougo has always liked the asshole. Even after a fight it seems."
Kondo Isao's eyes narrowed suspiciously, watching Hijikata's relaxed expression. "Toushi, Sougo can't walk. That wasn't a fight."
"Ah?"
"He's probably limping."
"Yeah, so?"
Was his vice commander always this dense? "Since when has Sougo ever been unable to walk after a fight even if he did lose? They did the naughty naughty!"
The cigarette hit the floor, Hijikata Toushiro's gaping jaw unable to hold the cancer stick to his lips. "Holy shit!"