Apparently, Midori-chan1000 and I are on the same wavelength because we thought of something similar for this one-shot. So thanks a bunch Midori-chan1000! You're awesome. And thank you to those who actually take the time to review. You've no idea how happy that makes me.

And my god, titles are hard to come up with! *groan* So from now on, the titles are gonna be really weird cuz I can't think of anything! So for the most part, ignore them and just enjoy the stories. Hahaha.

Warning(s): Tomatoes. Rating is also going up, just in case.

Tomatoes Do Not Equal to Ketchup. You Need Onions Too!

"Damn you! You sadistic bastard!" Kagura all but screamed as she charged at the other teen, more than ready to strangle him with her bare hands. She had had enough! Ever since her precious Gin-chan and the damn Super Sadist got together, she saw him almost every damn fucking day. And every damn fucking day, he'd come up with something new to get on her nerves. But for Gin-chan, she had decided to ignore him for the most part, but she couldn't take it anymore. That was the last straw.

"It was just a tomato, geez, you crazy monster chick," he replied casually as he dodged strike after strike at inhuman speeds.

"Asshole, I hate tomatoes!"

He shrugged as he ducked beneath another blow aimed at his throat. "How was I supposed to know?"

"I asked for ketchup!"

"Same thing," he blocked another blow and delivered one of his own which the Yato clanswoman flipped over with relative ease and launched a kick at his head.

"Ketchup doesn't equal tomato you dumbass!"

Somehow, Sougo managed to shrug while dodging one life-threatening blow after another.

"You need onions too," she ground out, throwing a fist at where his spleen would have been if not for his lightning fast reflexes. "Didn't you ever read the ingredient labels?!"

Maybe it was because of luck, but another quick swipe of her hand had managed to make a small cut beneath the sadist's eye. "You bitch," he said, touching his cheek and rubbing the drop of blood between his fingers. He unsheathed his sword.

"Bring it on! Gin-chan's not around to save your pathetic ass."

"Ahem, Gin-chan happens to be standing right behind the two of you. Now if you've had enough of wrecking the house, put everything back together."

She swiftly turned to face the silver-haired samurai and pointed an accusing finger at the other teen. "But Gin-chan! He smashed a tomato over my eggs!"

He slapped a hand over his face in exasperation and sighed deeply. "I don't care. Just fix the damn place." He looked over at where Shinpachi sat calmly on the couch drinking a mug of green tea. "And you, you didn't bother stopping the two from wrecking the house?"

"Gin-san, that's impossible. Once they start fighting I'm not strong enough to step in unless I want to be killed."

Gintoki shifted slightly and sighed again. "True."

"I'm glad you agree. Anyway, would you like a cup of tea Gin-san?"

"No. I would like this mess to be gone."

Shinpachi shrugged and went right back to his tea.

Three hours later, after another fight broke out between the two violent teens over which couch a cushion belonged on, the house was righted again for the fifteenth time that week.

Gintoki inspected the place with a critical eye before nodding in satisfaction. "Good job."

"Gin-chaaan, I'm hungry."

"Eat your sukonbu."

"Gin-chan," she whined.

"Before that, come here you idiot." He waved her over and she happily complied. "Getting all scraped up," he grumbled slightly annoyed. He pulled out a first aid kit and proceeded to patch up the China girl.

Okita Sougo who sat on one of the blue couches watched the scene with growing irritation, his expression spiteful as he glared death at the China girl. Completely irrational jealousy coursed through him making his blood boil. His eyebrows drew closer and closer together as the minutes ticked by. He was so lost in his dark mood, that only by the fifth call did he snap out of it.

"Oi, Sougo! Oiiii can you hear me?"

He looked up. "Ah?"

"Come here, you idiot. Why are you spacing out?" Gintoki still had the first aid kit laid on his desk.

Sougo walked over, slightly dazed. He was still halfway lost in his fit of jealousy.

"What's with that blank look, you dope?" He tugged the teen onto his lap and proceeded to disinfect and bandage the small cut on his cheek. "Did you let your guard down today or something? She actually got a hit in?"

Sougo shrugged, eyes glancing away from the man tending to his wound. He flinched when rubbing alcohol was applied to his face.

"Why do you keep on picking fights with Kagura? You two have wrecked the place over a dozen times this week."

Instead of answering, he shifted and turned to face the samurai fully. "Danna?" he said, crimson eyes peering up into red ones.

"Hm?"

"You're mine," he stated bluntly, his voice tainted with a sharp posessive tone before looping his arms around the taller man's neck and forcefully pulling him down for a deep kiss, hands wandering beneath the thin layers of clothing, shoving at the material separating him from much wanted skin to skin contact.

Gintoki pulled away gasping, hands attempting to still the roaming and groping ones wandering across his body, but failing. "Stop, stop. Not now." Not that he wasn't all in favor of taking part in some very lewd and perverse actions with the extremely delectable man sitting on his lap, but they were sitting in the living room with two witnesses!

"No." He dipped his head and his lips latched onto the older man's throat.

"Ng…Sougo. The others, the others" he reminded breathlessly.

The sadist lifted his head and tilted it to the side. "What others?"

… The other two occupants of the room had suddenly disappeared.

Gintoki blinked. "Where'd they go?"

"Do you think they really want to stick around while we fuck like bunnies, danna?" Sougo deadpanned, his hands extremely busy as he worked on undoing the belt and zipper on the black pants his Danna was wearing.

"What did I get myself into?" Gintoki wondered aloud, squirming slightly as Sougo slipped a hand under the waistband of his boxers. Giving into his urges, he quickly and efficiently undid the many buttons on the Shinsengumi jacket, shoving it off the teen roughly. Why did the damn thing have so many buttons anyway? Thankfully, he had had enough practice in the last month to get it off of the teen in record time.

"Something you're not getting out of," Sougo replied easily, fisting his Danna. His eyes glowed with something dark and more than enough lust to swallow someone whole, never breaking the gaze he held with the other man.

Gintoki tugged the teen's busy hands off of him and stood, although slightly unsteady. "Bedroom," he groaned, lifting the younger man into his arms. "You're in for a long sleepless night."

"Exactly what I was hoping for Danna," he purred against the heated skin of his Danna's throat.