AN: I'm quite surprised I don't have the next one-shot written yet. But maybe not as much as I should be because I've been busy with the epically long one shot I mentioned the other day. It's now at ten pages. I'm not even halfway done. Hell, I don't think I'm even 1/5th done. My freaking god… Maybe I should turn it into a multi-chapter fic? But then it wouldn't seem as epic anymore. ^^; Remember I told some of you it might be 20 pages? Screw that. It'll probably be 50! Yeah, like, total miscalculation on my part.

Because I've written ten pages though, I can sort of tell you what it'll be about—sort of because I haven't ironed out all the details yet and it's still the introduction (kinda turning into a novel). I'm bullshitting my way through it like usual, and it's turning out some pretty weird shit. There's like magic and shit… and people dying, and super super sadist Sougo. Even I felt bad for the person he was literally kicking around.

Anyways, on to the next one shot. I present to you…

Say My Name and Kick Some Buckets

Sougo half turned in order to face his older lover. Wine-colored eyes studied the man intently. Eventually, Gintoki had to cock an eyebrow when a full minute passed and the other man didn't say a word and only continued to stare at him. He looked up from the latest issue of Jump. "What?" he finally asked.

The teen opened his mouth and closed it with a click before opening it again mere seconds later and said quite casually, "Gintoki."

Stunned Silence.

The teenager shuddered in revulsion immediately after the name left his lips. The name was so foreign on his tongue it was almost nauseating; he felt like throwing up his breakfast. And although it shouldn't feel wrong, it did. Was it supposed to feel so odd calling your lover by his name? It really shouldn't right? He mentally tested a few other alternatives. Sakata? No, that wasn't as strange but it felt like they were worlds apart. Gin-san? His nose scrunched automatically. That was just, no, just no.

The natural perm blinked in bewilderment, speechless. After a long moment, he regained his ability to speak. "Woah, you just said my name." The man paused, rubbing his chin in contemplation, lips twisting into a frown, before drawing the conclusion that, "it sounds really wrong. I can't connect you to my name."

"And I'm never saying it again," Sougo replied immediately and shuddered again.

"Is there a scenario you can think of in which you can say my name naturally?" Gintoki asked the other man, pondering the question himself.

Sougo tilted his head in thought, brows knit together as he thought harder. Maybe if he tried to play out different scenarios in his mind?

Scenario 1: Danna Kicks the Bucket

He watched in horror as his lover fell, as if in slow motion, blood streaking the air in a wide arc of crimson splatters.

"Danna!" he choked out a scream. He raced over to the still man lying on the pavement almost tripping over himself in his haste. "Danna!" he called desperately once again.

He dropped to his knees and lifted the man's upper body in his arms, blood staining his hands and pooling beneath them. "Gin—Danna!"

He mentally burst out laughing. Okay, that didn't work.

Scenario 2: Wedding Vows

"I take you, Sakata Gin**** as my—

Screeching halt.

…He had automatically bleeped out half of the man's first name. Weird.

….

"No, I can't think of one," Sougo replied after a long stretch of silence.

"Me neither," the other man said almost automatically.

After another long stretch of silence, the lovers exchanged an amused smirk and said in unison, "We are one strange couple."