Chapter Three

Willow walked through the dark empty house, more than usually relieved that her parents were away. She shut her bedroom door behind her and let her body slump against the solid wood. Blinking blearily, she took in the cold room.

What was she supposed to do now?

Blinding moonlight shone brazenly through her patio windows. Couldn't it just leave her alone?! Willow crossed the room angrily and glared at the indifferent orb.

They had always tried to spend his last night before the full moon cycle together. Her shoulders twitched with futile effort as she attempted to ward off the flash of memories. Sitting out on her porch quietly, feeling the pull of the coming nights bearing down on them. But it had been so peaceful.

o0o

"Does it scare you?"

Oz was quiet for a moment as he continued to idly stroke her hair. Considering; as was his way. He answered slowly.

"Yes"

He pulled her slightly closer, his voice low and calm as they watched the night sky. "The wolf is such a dark place. Feeling that darkness take control—it's not fun"

He felt her squeeze their joined hands as they lay entwined across her stomach. His breath caught; his body tensing almost inperceptibly. She was so warm against him; her beautiful scent filled the air. It was almost painful to be around her just before the moon, his wolf senses were so heightened, his desire was that much harder to control. He could hear her heart beating, feel her breath. Her touch sent shivers along his skin, feeding the wolf's growl in his chest.

Oz closed his eyes and took a long breath. He wouldn't have it any other way though.

"I worry about you."

He smiled and opened his eyes at her voice.

"I know. I do too. Getting out, hurting someone. Hurting you…"

He leant his cheek against her hair; drinking in the feel of her. He could never tell her how much that fear clawed at him, haunted his nightmares, and consumed his thoughts. She was everything to him. The thought of losing her; of letting himself destroy her…

Oz was drawn from his thoughts as he felt her shift in his arms. Willow turned her head and captured his lips with her own. The kiss was gentle and loving, and Oz felt his heart pulse wildly. He combed his fingers through her hair and deepened the kiss, craving her taste. Willow pulled his other hand further round her waist and settled into his embrace. He smiled against her lips. Did she know what she did to him?

His touch was tender but insistent as he drew her closer. His Willow. Perfect freeze frame every time. The heat continued to build dangerously between them, and a small growl rumbled in his throat. Oz broke the kiss reluctantly. They pulled back and looked at each other, breathing heavily. Willow smiled warmly at him, her hand running slowly up and down his arm. Oz stared into her face, brushing soft red hair behind her ear. God, she was so beautiful. He silently thanked, for the hundredth time, whatever stars had aligned to bring Willow into his life.

"I wish there was something I could do"

Oz pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead.

"Just be here"

She smiled that dazzling smile; her eyes twinkling.

"Always."

o0o

Willow swept the curtain across harshly, blocking out the taunting moon. But it was no use. Everything around her whispered memories. All the hours they had shared together had soaked into the room; his presence still lingered.

The grieving girl moved slowly, trailing her fingers along the surfaces; as if trying to draw some strength from the faint traces of his touch. At her desk, Willow stopped. Slowly she pulled a bumpy object out from amongst the books next to her lap-top. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry as the cackling, green-skinned, crooked nose, Pez-witch grinned up at her. She ran a finger lightly over her pointy hat. Oz always gave her such quirky presents.

"Well, I think about you"

With a sharp gasp, Willow dropped the Pez as if scalded. Her chest shuddered, her mind splintering into pieces that made her body jerk as she turned and threw herself onto the bed; crushed under the grief that overwhelmed her system once more. Fresh sobs attacked her insides, making her curl up tight against the pain. She gripped the covers with white knuckles and cried her heart out.

Willow buried herself amongst the tauntingly familiar smell of Oz that lingered on the bed- clothes. She pulled them to her, trying to lose herself in the memories. When they'd stayed up all night talking, after he'd forgiven her for the 'fluke' with Xander. Where they'd fallen asleep those times after a late research session. Where she'd first heard him say it.

o0o

Willow was mumbling in her sleep.

He smirked at the sleeping red-head and slid an arm around her waist.

They'd come back to her house after patrolling with Buffy and Xander. It had been quite eventful. Buffy had taken out five vamps; Xander got a concussion for his trouble and Oz had quite an impressive bruise down his shoulder. Willow seemed to have gotten away with only scrapes and slight bruises thankfully. The daylight spell she had been working on had proved effective. Oz remembered her glowing palm as she threw a ball of pure light at the vamp that had cornered her, setting him ablaze. She'd looked so surprised. After they had helped Xander to his feet and confirmed he was ok, as indicted by his colourful grumbling, the Scoobies split up for the night. Willow was buzzing all the way back in his van. Her hands waved in emphatic gestures as she explained to him in great detail what the spell involved and, she eagerly informed him, in time it should be strong enough to incinerate the vamps on contact. He listened as she babbled adorably in her excitement, his chest warm with pride. He was glad she was gaining confidence with her magic, but he couldn't shake the persistent worry that lurked in the back of his mind. The spell had exhausted her, he could tell.

He knew her parents were out of town again. But he never presumed. After walking with her to the famaliar door, he kissed her goodnight and turned to leave. Willow held onto his hand and stopped him.

"Stay?"

He looked into her face for a long moment.

"If that's what you want"

She blushed and looked down. "It's just…well, I like sleeping next to you"

Oz cupped her face and gave his half-smile that made her stomach tingle.

"Mutual"

It had become a common habit for them. Willow crawled under the covers in her pyjama bottoms and one of his shirts that she had borrowed a while ago and he'd never asked for back. Oz slept in his clothes. Now, as he watched her sleeping beside him in the quiet night, she took his breath away all over again. Oz was convinced he had fallen for her the moment he had seen her face peeking out from that Eskimo suit at the Bronze. He could have mistaken it for infatuation, up until the moment he had seen that bullet heading in her direction. Pure instinct. That was the only way to describe it; what drove him to protect her at all costs; what he felt whenever she was close. He didn't know if it was partly the wolf or just him, but Oz knew what Willow was to him.

Something had finally clicked in his life when she and the others had come into it. Sometimes Oz couldn't believe he was a part of something so big, that he got to fight for something so important; hell, he got to help save the world. That was pretty cool.

Oz looked down at the girl dreaming so close to him. He brushed her cheek as softly as he dared, unwilling to wake her. This girl who was so full of love she even wanted to be with a werewolf. His fingers gently swept a few stray strands of hair away from her face; his lips quirked up as he remembered that day in the school courtyard.

He knew. He'd always known.

He looked into her closed eyes, felt her steady breath from her slightly parted mouth. Her warmth and smell brought his guard crashing down.

"I love you"

The whisper was low, intimate and achingly sincere.

He would never have known that Willow had stirred at his light touches. Never known she was lying contentedly half-aware, as she waited for deep sleep to sweep in again. Never have known how her heart sped at his words; how tingles trembled through her body; how her mind danced with happiness. He'd never have known; if not for the small smile that pulled at her lips.

He watched with slight trepidation as her eyes blinked open and focused on him, her green gaze shining brightly.

"I love you too, Oz" she murmured sleepily.

o0o

Eventually, Willow's tears slowed and quiet gradually returned to the room. She wiped her flushed cheeks and tried to sit up, feeling light-headed and slightly sick.

Would it ever stop hurting?

Buffy had said it got easier. But it was different for her – she got Angel back, didn't she? He could still be there for her. She never had to get over him, not really. Willow's stomach turned at the thought. She didn't want to get over Oz; didn't want to forget or get used to a life without him.

Why him?! The crippling unfairness of everything hit her like a physical blow to the heart, knocking the air out of her. The Hellmouth could only take so much from people, before they broke. It had taken Jesse; it had taken Miss Calendar; it had even taken Buffy from them for a short time. Along with countless others. How could she have been stupid enough to believe that she would get to be happy? Something was always going to tear them apart. How was it fair that those on the front lines fighting the darkness were always the first ones to be lost to it? Something up there had a hell of a lot of explaining to do. Willow had spent the last few years wanting to help Buffy fight the evil that was lurking everywhere, that she hadn't even been aware of before. It was Buffy's destiny but it was Willow's choice. She chose this. So did Xander. And Oz. Willow hadn't been lying when she had said it was a good fight and she wanted in. But, she just-- she wanted Oz more.

His face fell to ash before her...

Willow closed her eyes and shook the image out of her head. Glancing over, her gaze fell on the framed picture by her bed. The day they had gone to the pier. Picking it up, she held the photo in her hands and looked down at the smiling couple.

It had been strange hanging out with Xander and Cordelia; forget vampires and slayers - that was the weirdest hook-up Willow was sure she'd ever witness. Yet, it had still been a wonderful day. Of course those two had spent the whole time bickering and making out respectively, but it was a surprisingly fun double date. She had never seen the ice-queen she had come to know, appear so relaxed. She and Xander had been happy. A ghost of a smile flickered over Willow's face. They had been good together, in a strange-but-true kind of way. She remembered that day in the bright colours of smiles, laughter and kisses. Everything Hell-related had felt so far away from their lives. For once, they were just friends hanging out and kids in love.

Willow traced a finger over his face. His then-blonde hair caught the sun and contrasted against her blazing red. He was looking away from the camera, nuzzling into her neck with a smile on his face, his arm looped around her waist casually. Willow gazed down at the girl in the picture, as she tugged on his bowling shirt, trying to pay attention to the camera but laughing at whatever he was whispering in her ear.

"You didn't have a choice Will"

Willow swallowed hard and gripped the frame tightly. Didn't she?

No. She'd had a choice. Not a good one, but she had a choice. He'd given her one.

And she'd been tempted.

For a long moment, she had wanted to let him. Willow had wanted to surrender to the demon that had taken him away from her, and go there with him. In a heart-beat she had imagined dying in his arms, letting his blood slip down her throat and steal her soul. Just to wake up with him again. A chance to stay together.

But she just couldn't. Willow had spent too long fighting monsters, seen too much light give way to darkness. She had fought to stop the vampires from taking over the town, and so had Oz. That creature in the library wasn't her boyfriend; she had to keep telling herself. No matter how her heart ached to be with him, Willow knew that Oz wouldn't want that. He had always protected her. He fought with them to kill the demons; she couldn't turn her back on that. Even when he...she knew she couldn't let herself give in. It would have been so easy. So easy to let him drink until she couldn't feel the pain anymore. But she knew in her heart what she had to do and was resolved to give him the peace he deserved. Willow flinched at the memory.

After all, Willow had seen for herself the path that darkness would take her to. She shuddered at the thought of her doppelganger who had briefly shared this dimension with her. Willow vamped, was not a good. She was full of evil and cruelty, everything they stood against. Not to mention--kind of a slut. She couldn't let herself be turned into something so dark; lose everything that made her who she was. Not even for Oz.

With a jerk she suddenly sat up straight. She frowned, her mind whirring at dizzying speeds. Oz had told her about Vamp Willow at the Bronze. They'd spent that night together, curled up on her bed. Oz had barely let go of her since they left the club, his tight grip on her hand revealing the extent of his relief. They had talked for hours until Willow had fallen asleep in the middle of a sentence, the excitement of the evening a bit too much. But now, she remembered. She remembered what he'd said her counter-part had replied when he'd spoken to her. Hadn't she called him a 'white cap' or something? She had recognised him. That meant he existed in her reality and was a good guy there too.

Willow's heart was racing. Was it even doable? It would require some pretty intense magic. Stuff she may not be able to handle. She started to slide off the bed, aiming for her books, but stopped. Should she do it?

That was a whole other question. And Willow already knew the answer. It was stupid, risky and selfish. She had no right to go barging into another reality just because her own heart was broken. How could she leave her friends? Her future here?

A future without Oz.

Tears welled behind her eyes, her heart crunching in familiar agony. No. No, she couldn't lose him. Willow got off the bed and started pulling through her books. Looking for something. Anything. Grief burned through her, infusing her with focus and desperation.

She loved him.

o0o