Seven Things

4/7. She was so ready to slam the door in his face. In fact, she's on her way to open it just so she can do the dramatic slamming bit. Also so he can see how cross she still is at him. That's it. And then she's going back up to her room and turning The Who all the way up so she can't hear the doorbell ring again, in case; do some homework, call Mary, do practice sets—do something, anything, that doesn't involve bespectacled gits with ridiculous hair.

Turns out it's not even him on the doorstep.

It only takes a second to get over her surprise. She slackens, but leaves her hand on the edge of the door. Let's face it, Sirius Black being here isn't that much different from him being here. Sirius Black being here just deepens her annoyance.

"Did he send you?" she asks.

Sirius sighs. "Okay, seriously, don't you think you're overreacting? Both of you. I expected this sort of behaviour from him, mind, but not from you. You're both being so... me. My god."

Yeah, definitely slamming it in this one's face, too. "Tell him he sent the wrong friend," says Lily, closing the door, but Sirius pushes against it. They scuffle with it for a minute. Sirius wins.

Lily swipes a strand of hair from her face and glares at him. "I'm busy, okay?"

"No, you're not," says Sirius, who can't swipe the strand of hair off his face; his hands still on the door making sure it stays open. "And James didn't send me. I promise."

She raises an eyebrow.

"I do think you're overreacting, like, a little, but but but—oi—will you leave the door alone—but! He was a prat to you. He was stupid. I don't take orders from stupid prats."

Lily crosses her arms and regards him carefully. "Are you telling the truth?"

"I solemnly swear."

Lily rolls her eyes, distracted. "Why do you four always say that? It's not cool. Which of you nerds came up with that?"

Sirius shrugs. "I don't even remember now. But if it's lame, it's most likely James."

"Yeah, he's the nerd leader. King of the dorks."

Sirius nods. "He is."

"Arrogant toerag. I'm surprised he can walk around without falling over all the time. Head that big."

"Practice," says Sirius with a somber air of authority. "I've been around the bloke long enough to know the secret. He's a git, but a usually persistent, generally hardworking git."

"I hate him."

"Me too."

There's a smile threatening to break on Lily's lips. "Stop it."

Sirius's, on the other hand, has long since broken. "Stop what?"

Lily feels like laughing now. What a horrible band of boys, these four are. "What are you really doing here, Sirius?"

"Well, like I said, I hate Prongs. And incidentally, I don't hate you." Lily's gotten used to their strange nicknames by now, so she no longer makes any particular notice of Sirius's habitual sudden resorts to it. He reaches into his back pocket. "I have two tickets for that Tarry Bean musical at the Civic Center."

"But that's awful," says Lily slowly. "I thought you said you didn't hate me."

"The tickets are free. So."

"They're free so what?"

"So free laughter, Evans; hell, keep up, will you? Let's go poke fun at something. Let's have an intellectually stimulating conversation about how this show is not only a dishonor on the books, but also wrong on so many other levels."

She frowns at him. "I said it was awful, and I stand by that, but I wouldn't go laugh at anyone! The people behind that production still worked hard for it. It's still a dream come true to some; it's not their fault the—" She stops because Sirius looks like he's going to explode trying to keep his laughter in. "What?"

"Why is it so easy to pull your leg?" he asks, his laughter bursting out of him in breathy fits. He fans the tickets at Lily's face. "They're discount coupons for Chuckskate's. They expire tomorrow. Come on."

Lily takes them, finds that they are indeed what he said they are, and slaps Sirius's arm with them. "You know what the funniest thing about your joke is? That you think you're capable of having 'intellectually stimulating conversations'."

"Ha. Excuse you."

"Why would I go with you?"

He looks affronted. "Because we're friends!"

"You have three other friends."

He smirks. "Jealousy's never suited you, Evans. I'm here, aren't I?"

"Sirius. No. Really. Why?"

He raises a hand to count off his reasons: "Remus has check-ups, Peter's stuck at their shop, and James, who I should reiterate did not send me, doesn't feel like Chuckskate's right now. He doesn't feel like anything much except his bedroom and blasting ballads and, I dunno, making out with his guitar—all of which I can't stand, and which I will assume you don't care about at the moment. And then I hate everyone else on the planet. There."

"Hmm."

"Evans, I'm fucking starving, you hear? I want something greasy and disgusting right now. Are you coming or not?"

Lily stares at him for a beat, and then relents. "Fine. But we are not, under any circumstance, talking about a certain mate of yours."

"Again with the overreacting bit. We hate him. I've been oriented. It's all good."

"Okay. Wait here then. Let me just change my shirt."

"Oh, good, thank God. I was gonna say—"

"No one asked you, Black," she calls over her shoulder, already inside the house on the way up the stairs. "Watch the door."

Thirty minutes into their burgers ('Chuckskate's limited offer overloaded special', with which they used Sirius's discount coupons) and chips (with cheese powder and spicy mayo, as per their usual request) and milkshakes (mango-dragonfruit and strawberry-banana, don't ask)—Lily is complaining to Sirius about James, breaking her own rule. She doesn't know who started it, how the conversation swerved in that direction. Probably her. One minute they were discussing the Tarry Bean musical; the next she's trying to justify herself to Sirius. Because she knows she is being over the top about the whole not-talking-to-James thing, alright? She knows that. But she can't help it, and she's decided that she's not going to deprive herself of self-honesty just because some social standard dictates her actions as overreaction.

"Your dismissal of my feelings is exactly the point," Lily schools him. "I can't just—I can't just be nice when I don't feel like being nice to him yet. No one else but me is going to validate my feelings. And as it should be, you know? I'm the only one entitled to them, and right now what I feel is—right now, it's just—I'm—"

"Right now, you're pissed at him," says Sirius. He slurps his milkshake rather scandalously.

"Yes," says Lily, leaning back on her seat. "Right now I'm pissed at him."

Sirius considers this tirade. "All right. You've got your point across." And then, "Do you know why he was mad that day though?"

"No. But whatever it is, it still won't excuse—"

"He and Jeanne broke up."

Lily's hand freezes over their basket of soggy chips. "He really did send the wrong friend," she mutters.

"Oi."

"You do know that just makes it worse?"

They have a short staring match. This, being chiefly not physical, is the one Sirius loses. "Okay, fine, yeah, that might've been the wrong thing to say."

"It was quite a bit, yeah," says Lily. "Are you saying it's my fault? Is that why he's mad at me?"

"Are you bonkers? You're mad at him. I thought we just established that."

"Was mad at me then," she says. "Do you even know what he did? Or did he just go, 'God, I was so fucking shitty to Lily today,' and then you all went about your lives?"

Sirius looks at her funny. "That's exactly what he said," he says. "You're so freaky."

"He stood me up," she informs him. It sounds childish—feels childish—but she's still angry and sad about it. "I waited for him for two hours at the plaza. In the rain. It wasn't even a... He asked me for some stupid lecture notes for Vector's last session, because you lot missed it. We were supposed to work on the sets together, and I... I know it was stupid of me to wait for two bloody hours, I don't know what I was thinking. It's not my business if you failed Calc. I could have gone home and it still wouldn't be my fault if you flunked, you know that. I could just have given them to Remus the next day or left it at one of your lockers or something. But... he didn't text, Sirius, he didn't call, no nothing, and I was beside myself with worry. And then he just—he appears, and he walks past me, all his brooding self, and, fine, so he did look a bit pathetic, but everyone who walks in the rain without a bloody umbrella looks like a homeless sodden puppy, alright? And that didn't make standing me up and ignoring me any less unacceptable."

"Okay," says Sirius, looking thoughtful. "I didn't know about this bit. Did you say anything?"

"Yes," says Lily. "I... I don't remember what I said exactly, but I was so shocked at first that it took me a minute to speak, and then... I had to call him because he's walked away by then, and then I must have made some cheeky remark. Surely I made some cheeky remark. I was furious and I felt stupid. But he was already mad, it seemed, so whatever I said just... He looked at me like... Like he dislikes me so much."

Sirius, who was nibbling on a chip, swallows quickly to shake his head and say, "Nah, that's impossible."

"You weren't there," says Lily. Until then she thought that such thing was impossible as well. She chuckles sadly. "And here I thought I was so close to beating you to the James Potter's best pal spot."

He scoffs. "Didn't know you wanted it, but all the same: In your wildest dreams, Evans."

Sirius seems to be mulling over her revelations, and Lily lets him.

"That doesn't mean you're no longer in the running," he then says at length.

"What?"

"It doesn't mean... Look, being best mates with him doesn't mean you're immune to that. 'Cause I'm not."

"Sirius, you're doing that thing where you're only saying the last part of your train of thought out loud."

He laughs. "To that look. The one you said? Like he disliked you so much? We all get angry, even at the people we like best. Sometimes it's worse when it's the people we like best. That anger runs deeper."

Lily would have supplied some sassy commentary at this, at him being all philosophical, but she knows he's right. They both know it by experience.

He continues, "James himself rarely whips it out—"

Lily winces. "I really wish you wouldn't phrase it like that."

"Oh, get over it," he says, flicking a bit of lettuce at her. "But I get that, too. James's look of doom. Well, got it. Once. But I never imagined him... I mean, to you?"

They're quiet. (Except for Sirius's ridiculous slurping.)

"When?" asks Lily, who can't help herself. "Was he angry at you, I mean."

"We're not talking about that. It was a long time ago. We have more pressing matters at hand."

Lily rests her chin on her palm, elbow on the table. "What did you do?"

He leans over to point his straw at her. "What did you do?"

"I did not do anything. You think I'd be this offended if I know he had reason to treat me like that?"

Sirius grimaces. "You didn't, really? When it was me, I... I did something really terrible. If you didn't do anything—"

"I didn't."

"Then... Wow, okay, I should talk to him."

Lily narrows her eyes. "When you said he was a stupid prat, you didn't really mean it, did you?"

"I thought you were being mean to him for no reason, yeah," he says at once. "I came to tell you off. But apparently it's the other way around."

"So he did send you," says Lily, shaking her head. "Without even telling you what he did!"

"No, he really didn't," says Sirius, without any trace of jest. "Which is why I sent myself. He usually would, as you know. But he just—doesn't talk to any of us about it. Just broods all over the place. It's freaking me out. I had to come and scold you."

"With fantastic food at our favorite place," remarks Lily. "They don't offer parenting classes at Hogwarts too, do they? I'm asking for a friend."

"Shut up."

"I'd say give him a break."

"But he wants to talk to you really bad."

"Did he say that?"

"He doesn't have to."

Lily ignores this and reverts the talk back to her suggestion. "I meant you. As his friends. You know, let him be for now, don't try to fix it. He did just break up with his girlfriend. He didn't have the right to treat me so awfully, but he does have the right to mope about that, at least."

For some reason, Sirius looks at her incredulously.

"What?" asks Lily.

"He's not moping because of that."

"Well, what then?"

"He's moping because of you. I'm here with you, not with Jeanne, if you haven't noticed."

Now it's Lily's turn to look at him incredulously.

"Okay, maybe also a little about Jeanne—maybe a quarter or so about Jeanne," Sirius concedes. "But I bet you my drums and half my scholarship it's mostly because he feels rubbish about what happened between you two."

She ought to be flattered. Her heart does flutter a bit, she's not going to lie. But also, "That says a lot about him as a boyfriend."

Sirius backtracks at once. "No, I—Okay, yes, it's... Maybe half about Jeanne."

"Ahuh."

Sirius slumps in his seat. "I really shouldn't be speaking for him, should I?"

"Yeah, no, you really shouldn't."

"But who would if you wouldn't speak to him?" He's practically groaning.

"I don't need to."

"Yes, you do."

"I'm not his mum."

"Yeah, I am," he says. "I'm being his mum. Heavens."

Lily grins at him. "Not news to me."

He sighs. Then he subtly checks his watch, but must have found the hour okay, for he doesn't comment on it. "Listen, you can still be angry at him after, all right?" he proposes. "Just... hear him out. He's sorry, I know it. I see it. He's pathetic when he's guilty. You don't have to forgive him right away, just maybe see if... if he's worth some consideration."

Lily thinks on it. After a time, she says, with a faint smile, "I always pegged Remus as the group lawyer."

"He is," Sirius clears up. "I'm the spokesperson. I'm not defending James; he was obviously a git. I'm... I'm just speaking for him, since he can't."

Lily straightens up. "Fine, fine. I'll talk to him."

Sirius looks risibly pleased with himself. He turns around, gets someone's attention from the counter, and asks for another round of chips.

On the way home, Lily tells him, "Thanks. It was surprisingly fun."

"You don't really mean the 'surprisingly' part," he says with absolute confidence and no trace of inquiry whatsoever.

"I... Can I tell you something?"

"Shoot."

"I'm not even going to count on you promising not to tell anyone—"

"Can you maybe tell me this something without insulting me?"

Lily laughs. "Sorry. It's just something you might be dying to tell people."

His curiosity lines his forehead. "Then why risk telling me in the first place?"

"I don't know. Because it would explain why I'm so worked up about this whole thing? Because I just feel like telling you?"

"I bet it was the chips," Sirius conjectures. "We were drugged or something."

"Probably. We had, like, a sack."

"We did. I'm not eating chips for the rest of my life... Now what's this something?"

"No promises so I don't expect, but—do try your very bestest to keep this between us, yeah? And, if you must must must tell someone, just please don't let it be your best mate."

"Which one?"

She nudges his side. "You know which one; don't be difficult."

"Gotcha. Go for it then. So much suspense."

"Okay. The truth is, I may kind of, er..."

Sirius holds up a finger, silencing her. "Wait," he says, a gleam of excitement resting in the crinkle of his eye. They've arrived at Lily's house now. They stop by the gates. "You're not going to tell me you fancy James, are you?"

Lily gapes at him. "Erm," she drags out. She swallows. "No."

And then Sirius laughs, harder than he ever has since he showed up, doubling over and leaning against the nearest solid surface. "You totally were! Oh, what the hell."

"If I was—which I wasn't—what's so funny about it!"

"You were acting like it's this big secret and all, but—but everyone already knows that!"

All of Lily's insides feel like burning. What was she thinking? "What? What do you mean?"

"Well, everyone except James, because he's a stupid prat—oh, hey, I did mean that one. There you go."

But Lily has other concerns. "What do you mean everybody knows?" She thinks she's yelling. She doesn't care about it right now. She can't hear herself over her heart. It's gone completely nuts.

"Calm down, Evans, I just meant the boys of course. Me, Moony, Wormy... Wait, no, I don't know about Wormtail. Honestly, how can you have been around me for so long and still think I mean everyone when I say 'everyone'? Shame on you."

Lily has to close her eyes and take deep breaths to recompose herself. "I was going to have a heart attack, you prick."

"What are you so scared of anyway? So what if you like him?"

"He has a girlfriend."

"Had," Sirius puts out.

"It sucks when you fancy someone who doesn't feel the same way," she adds.

Sirius just stares at her. He's biting the inside of his cheek to smother his grin, or to keep his mouth shut, or both.

Lily knows what this means—what it could possibly mean—but she doesn't want to assume outright. Besides, they've both already settled the fact that he shouldn't be speaking for James about things that he really doesn't know much about.

(But doesn't he know? Sirius? Wouldn't he know about this?)

"He's a git," she says, if only out of frustration, to wrap the whole thing up.

"Now that I can't really do much about," says Sirius.

She says thanks again, and good-bye, and then she goes inside. Before Sirius disappears from sight, she calls him back to ask, "Sorry, I just want to ask—Are you okay? With me... fancying him? And whatnot?"

Sirius makes a face at her. "Why are you asking me?"

"Dunno. You're the mum. Like you said."

He rolls his eyes and says, "You really think I'd bother to show up at someone's house and take them out just so they could ramble to me about some bloke they have a crush on?"

"I don't have a crush—"

"Lily. Please. I thought you were all about emotional self-entitlement and all that crap."

"You could just have said yes like a normal person," she says, but she's smiling. "And yes, I do think you'd bother. If it's a really cute sister or something."

He's smiling, too. Okay, he isn't, but she can tell he's trying not to. "Too bad I only have a problematic brother then," he says. He waves unceremoniously, resuming on his way.

"Reg is cute!" Lily calls after him, laughing.

"Goodbye, Evans."

"See you around, Black."

She closes the door.

Gently—none of that dramatic slamming rubbish.

Disclaimer/AN (that I should have put upfront, I know, but I didn't want to get in the way so here it is instead): I tried to sorta quote some things in the books from memory on this one (from poor memory, I should add, but still). Can you believe I don't have my books with me to check at the moment? What a crime. Anyway, I might have done a terrible job with them and they might have been heavily modified, but I'm sure you recognized them when you reached them, so I should say they're from the flashbacks in OoTP, in the Snape's Worst Memory bit. Classic Jily material, that. So yeah! Everything HP-familiar isn't mine. I know this was long and a bit of a messy ramble, sorry about that, but I thought Sirius and Lily talking would best lay down what I wanted to be in this chapter. I hope you liked it, and do tell me what you think if you may! x

—Jayne