Chapter Five

If she didn't know a lot better, she might have almost thought she was standing in a pitch dark room.

Willow looked down at herself and was somewhat surprised to see her body was still there and solid, looking like she had done back in her room. She raised her hands and touched her face experimentally – yep, she was definitely solid. But she was the only thing here that was.

The space around her wasn't just dark; it felt like nothing- a deep void. She took a tentative step forward, relieved when she didn't fall into the enveloping blackness but not feeling anything under her feet either. It was a very strange sensation.

"Hello?"

She called out uncertainly to the empty space, but her words didn't make a sound in the thick black; instead she heard her voice echoing around her own head. It made her feel incredibly disoriented.

Without warning, she suddenly felt the foreign presences enter her body, whispering thoughts in her mind that weren't her own. Staggering slightly, she clutched her head.

"You risk much to call on us, mortal."

The voice brushed her mind like a faint touch. Willow felt a trail of warmth where the presence danced within her. It was quietly comforting but full of daunting power.

"I-I know." Willow felt her mouth move in sync with her voice in her head.

"Yes. We know why you have done this."

The presence pre-empted her and slipped between her thoughts; images of her and Oz flashed in front of Willow's eyes, slowing down as she re-lived watching his vamped face crumble before her. She felt a sob catch in her chest, but forced it down.

"You can not stop death."

The second presence stirred, sending a cool shiver through her body.

"I'm not asking for that."

"No. You ask for our help to cross parallel dimensions."

Willow was silent.

"You know what you risk with this request?"

She did. She'd basically bargained her life on this one chance, last hope. Willow didn't have the magic to accomplish her desire on her own. But there was nothing stronger in existence than love and death. With deadly and irrevocable power; to call on them was a suicidal fool's errand. Willow was nothing compared to what she was dealing with; but she was still here – throwing herself on their mercy.

"You mourn love and seek to defy death. The one you lost is gone."

The darker presence weaved through her mind like a cold breeze. There was no accusation or anger in their whispers; only clear and even observations.

"No! He's not lost completely!" Willow pleaded desperately inside her head. "Please, please just let me go to him. I know where he is, I can find him again."

Their touches were feather light as they moved through Willow, almost absently, considering her.

"Mortal, you grieve and love much. You ask to give up your place in one dimension for another. Your future, that will have love in it again; a chance for a life with another; friendships that will come through darkness and light, people you are connected to."

Willow shut her eyes as bursts of images, feelings, knowledge and scenes darted across her mind. She saw Buffy, Xander, Giles, Angel; scenes from a possible future with them. Laughter, betrayal, anger, heartache, acceptance, death and grief, darkness and redemption, love and friendship – all moved too fast for her to get a real grip on them. She saw an unfamiliar girl, blonde and pretty, felt surprisingly strong feelings of love and happiness. Yet there were echoes of sadness, dulled by time but ever present. A break that didn't ever really heal. A loss and regret that lingered under everything.

Willow swayed as she came back to herself.

"Are you willing to give it all up and take a new path?"

Tears welled in Willow's anguished eyes at the thought of her friends. She didn't want to leave them. God, she really didn't. But -- she knew. She'd even felt it in her vision; what she knew deep down, all along. She couldn't lose him, not while there was even a shred of hope she could be with him again.

"I love him."

The final words whispered softly in her head and seemed to filter all through her body. Quiet greeted her statement for what seemed like an eternity.

"You know the severity of your decision, mortal."

The shadowed presence seemed to trail cold fingers through her chest. Willow flinched slightly.

"If your love isn't as true as you believe it is, there is no coming back."

Willow nodded. She felt strangely at peace, resigned to whatever the outcome of her choice would be. She was ready.

The deafening scream filled her head as the two forces that had been drifting through her body and mind, suddenly plunged into her heart with a splitting agony. Memories, thoughts and feelings exploded inside Willow as the forces went even deeper, digging into her very soul. It was like re-living her life in super-crazy-fast speed. Literally. Every once-distant feeling as vivid as the moment it had first happened.

A five-year old girl sitting down to cry in the sand-pit as a twinkling dark-haired little boy ran teasingly out of reach, a smudged and worn Barbie hanging upside down by her plastic leg in his fist.

Cautious happiness as the strange gangly boy pushed his lunch tray across the table towards her awkwardly. Nine year old Jesse looked over to Harmony's bouncing yellow waves as she laughed shrilly and dropped the red-faced little girl's packed lunch into the nearest bin. He pulled a face at her back; Willow giggled quietly.

"Hi! You're Willow right? I'm Buffy." The beautiful blonde waved and gave a friendly smile. "I heard a rumour you were the person to talk to if I wanted to get caught up..."

"You're the Slayer, and we're like - the Slayerettes!"

"Speaking of 'wow' potential - there's Oz over there. What are we thinking? Any sparkage?"

She saw Oz flash through her mind a thousand times; his always changing hair; his familiar bowling shirts against her skin; the feeling of his fingers as they played with her hair. The sound of his music; his quiet smile; his secret eyes that told her how he felt more than words ever did. Her body twitched and convulsed in uncontrollable spasms. She saw herself reading to him on his wolfy nights; felt the love and concern as she watched over him in werewolf form. Every embrace, every kiss, every touch, every glance she could ever remember sharing. She saw him die right in front of her; saw her hand drive the stake into his unbeating heart. She saw herself waking from the coma, his name her first thought and word. Every time he had comforted her; listened patiently; made her laugh; calmed her down. How special he made her feel; how loved. He didn't ask anything from her, didn't need her to be anything. She was just Willow for him, and that was enough. That was everything. The realisation that she only wanted Oz after the 'fluke'; how lucky she'd felt when he'd still wanted to be with her. Every sensation she had ever experienced because of him, raged inside Willow until it was unbearable.

Heart-stopping grief burst through her. Her vital organs seemed to seize up as the deluge continued. The thought of living the rest of her life without him; the realisation that she'd lost the person she loved with her whole heart. Knowing half of her was gone. Lost. The desire and desperation to see him alive again. Feeling her heart crumble to dust along with his. Willow felt her legs give out from under her, but whatever space she was suspended in, held her up and she couldn't fall to her knees. Her body trembled as every fibre in her ached and screamed in protest.

The forces had probed into the very heart of this girl who had come before them. Using the magical ties she had invoked to bind herself into the spell, they explored the full extent of her love and grief at depths even she wasn't aware of. They delved through every memory and thought she had absorbed. Her heart was indeed broken. At the crux of her soul, there were many things. Everything that made her who she was. Love and loyalty to her friends; fierce intelligence; the desire to do good; a deeply rooted strength and kindness; defiant determination and fool-hardy stubbornness; barely tapped potential power; and a confidence that was just starting to bloom.

And there was him.

The girl was consumed with loss over this boy.

They were right when they told her she could have been happy without him; but she wouldn't have been whole. The forces withdrew and settled back amongst her mind.

It was over. Willow attempted to regain her senses as her poor heart struggled to recover from the invasive trauma. She would have taken several deep breaths if she had needed air wherever she was. She didn't realise she had been crying, until she raised a shaking hand to her face. The voices were silent but Willow knew they were there. So she waited. To her surprise, it was the darker presence she sensed in the voice that whispered through her thoughts.

"So be it."

She barely had time to react before the space around her flashed brilliant white, blinding her. She threw her arms up to shield her eyes uselessly, her face contorting with mute distress as the presences sharing her body suddenly ignited with overwhelming power. Energy rippled over her skin, and at the same moment Willow felt a familiar warmth flow through her. Her body was yanked painfully and the presences abruptly left her mind, leaving her alone in the rushing darkness.

AN The rest of the story is going to be more complicated, from a writer's perspective, but I'll do my very best, and feel free to call me up on things if you think I've missed or over-looked something. There are a lot of things to keep track of in an AU!

Coming Up: Willow enters the Wishverse, and is in for some surprises!