First of all I'd like to thank everybody's who's read this story and to the ones who've reviewed/favorited/followed this story, it really is so cool ! :)
I hope this new chapter won't disappoint you but it is quite different from the first one so I hope you'll still enjoy it and keep following it !
« – Robert, there is one last thing I have to tell you, I have to be completely honest with you, I hope you can forgive me... »
It made him suddenly worried, he imagined all kinds of scenarios and by the tone she was using, none of them were happy ones...
"- Forgive you for what Allison ?". She could tell by the tone he was using that he was worried.
"- There is something I didn't tell you about my past…" she looked hesitant and he understood it was something quite important to her and suddenly he wasn't worried about himself or his relationship, he worried about her and just wanted to help her. He extended his arms to hug her and she came to him, it was somehow reassuring to her, she relaxed and there in his arms she started thinking that maybe things were going to be alright, that they could be together.
"- Do you wanna talk about it somewhere else, more private ?" she nodded and so they started walking out of the hospital. They both got on Chase's car, he didn't want her to drive if she wasn't focussed enough on what she was doing. He could feel that she was overwhelmed with emotions. Neither of them talked, it was a quiet trip. He wanted to give her some space before she told him what she had to.
Once they arrived at the apartment, they both sat on the couch. Cameron, looking at the walls, noticed that almost nothing had changed since she had left. She was surprised and felt quite guilty because it just proved her that he must have suffered a lot from their break up just like she had.
Cameron noticed that Chase was staring at her expectantly but he didn't want to push her so he didn't say anything and waited for her to talk and she was grateful for that. After a few seconds of summoning up the courage, she started explaining :
"- When my husband died, I was a wreck. I went to med school but I didn't take care of myself. I felt sick all the time and at the moment I thought it was just because I was devastated for losing him. I couldn't handle the fact that I was never going to be able to tell him about my day or to hear him do so. I broke just to the idea that I was never gonna be able to have even the simplest conversations with him… You know when our relationship began, he would sometimes send me a text during the day to tell me about something that had happened to him. It was never a big deal, just a small thing but he always managed to make me smile and make my day better. And when I lost him, something inside of me broke and all I could think about was how much I missed him, how much I wanted to talk to him. When I started going out a bit again and something would happen to me, something very insignificant like something I had found funny, I would think "oh I have to tell him" but then I would realise that I couldn't because he wasn't there anymore. So just when I had started feeling better I broke even more because every day, every hour something reminded me of him and it became unbearable. So I started working harder than ever, telling myself that it would prevent me from thinking about him. And it did. I was working hard, earning better grades than the previous semesters. But while I was working so hard, I didn't take care of myself, I barely ate and I rarely went out, even just for a walk. So what was bound to happen happened. One day, it was 2 months after his death, during a class I passed out. The others attending this class brought me to the emergencies even though after waking up I had told them not to. My classmates and even the teacher were all worried about me, they hadn't stopped telling me to take a break and take better care of myself after what had happened. My friends had kept telling me that they didn't want to see me destroy myself. But I hadn't listened to them so there I was heading for the emergencies. When I saw the doctor, I quickly told him what had happened, not making a big deal out of it as I was sure it was nothing and I just wanted to go home. So when he took my blood pressure and thought it was quite low, he decided to take a blood sample. When he came back with the results, he asked me when I had last had sexual relations, and just with that I knew I was pregnant, which he confirmed but he told me that there was a problem with the baby. I was 4 months pregnant and since I hadn't really taken good care of myself in the past 2 months, the baby was weak and unhealthy. I felt so guilty, first for not noticing and then because I hadn't been able to take care of my baby which was almost everything I had left of him. I tried to process this but my mind wouldn't accept it. I couldn't accept that I was gonna have a baby and raise it alone. I felt angry and sad and desperate and many other things at the time. Suddenly it became all too much for me and I collapsed. I woke up later in a hospital bed. When I called for a nurse, I immediately knew something was very wrong judging by the face she was making and her sympathetic look. She called for a doctor and the one I had seen earlier entered the room a few minutes later. He told me that I had had a miscarriage. I felt more broken than ever for it felt like I had lost another part of him. He wanted to have me talk to a psychologist which I refused, I felt as if I had to go through all this on my own. After a few weeks, or more like a few months, I started feeling better and I was able to forgive myself for losing our baby. I had accepted it and I stopped blaming myself for that. As you know we had decided to froze my husband's sperm when he was diagnosed and at that time I started thinking about having a baby. So I went to the clinic and they ran some tests on me. That's where I learned that I had very few chances of ever getting pregnant and they explained to me that it was because of my miscarriage a few months before that. So I decided not to try because I knew was taking a risk and that I might waste every chance I had to get pregnant with his child and that after that I would have lost everything that connected me to him… That's why I need you to forgive me Robert… I might never be able to have any children and that's all my fault because I didn't take care of myself and it damaged me even more than I already was. That's why it's been so hard for me to even be with you, to let you in, I knew from the beginning how broken I was… But somehow you managed to "fix" me and that's why I need you so much… I'm so sorry…"
She ended her story and she was really grateful that he hadn't interrupted her because she didn't know if she could have told him the whole story if he had. At some point she had started crying and he was now shedding her tears.
"- Allison… Allison look at me" she turned her beautiful eyes to him, then he started speaking :
"- Allison I don't even know where to begin… You have been through so much… What I see right now is not a broken woman but a very strong one, you've gone through hard times and still, here you are. I know you may not believe it, but, hey, Allison, you are the strongest person I've ever had the chance to meet. And I should be the one to be sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't feel like you could tell all of this to me before, I'm sorry that I didn't make you comfortable enough for you to talk about it…"
- So does that mean that you forgive me ?" She looked expectantly at him.
"No, I don't... I don't because I don't think I have to forgive you. You did nothing wrong Allison. You were in a bad place and it was never your fault." The look of sadness that had passed upon her face when he had told her that he hadn't forgiven her was replaced by a happier one and tears, of joy this time.
She knew they still had a lot to go through together, there was much they needed to talk about but at least they would be together and it was the only reassurance she needed at the moment.
So I hope you liked it, the next chapters should be happier ones :)