Finally! What can I say but apologise profusely, and give my muse a cookie for coming through at last. I know it's been way too long, but I come bearing my longest chapter yet, so hopefully I'm forgiven? :) Big hugs to all my reviewers, you guys are awesome! And a special shout-out and thank you to all of my anonymous reviewers, since I can't reply to your reviews I just wanted you to know that every single one is read and appreciated very much! I love hearing from everyone, and knowing people are interested in my story, makes me all smiley and happy!
So without further ado; the long-overdue next installment! Enjoy!
Chapter Sixteen
Crouching down, Willow reached out and carefully smoothed the drifts of sand away. A bemused smile alighted on her features as the shape of the buried item became clearer. With a last tug, she rescued the small doll from her desert grave of the sandbox. Shifting to kneel more firmly on the grass, she looked the well-worn Barbie over with a knowing eye, re-acquainting herself with every mark and smudge that had befallen the doll under her childish care, each one a warm memory. Her bashed plastic limbs were stuck out at every awkward angle that would make a contortionist jealous. Willow smiled to herself as she absently twisted them back into a more comfortable position. A delicately painted face smiled up cheerfully at her long-lost owner, expression permanently portraying endless joy and enthusiasm, seemingly unconcerned with however long she had been lost in that pit. Willow wondered if she had missed her. If she knew how long they had been apart. If she still remembered all the adventures the little girl had dragged her along to. If she had forgiven her for the bright yellow flower she had doodled on her back with permanent marker; for the time she had dropped her in the bath; for when Mrs Lynch's labrador had snatched her up and managed to half-bury her in their neighbour's garden by the time Willow had caught up to them. Gentle fingers ran over coarse blonde hair as she attempted to smooth the tangles that she had once spent so long brushing into sleek waves.
"Hey!"
Startled at the indignant cry, Willow jerked up to see a boy clumsily running over. She watched curiously as he came to a stop just in front of her, dark and dishevelled hair fell into familiar eyes and he was somewhat red-faced with spent energy - or possibly anger. He puffed out some air and glared stubbornly at the young woman before him.
"That's not yours!" He pointed a grubby finger towards the doll that was still clutched in her hands. "You can't have it! I've got to look after it"
Willow glanced down at the innocently smiling doll before back at the little boy who was now bouncing from foot to foot with impatience, eyes anxious as they locked upon the battered Barbie. He looked close to tears, young face scrunching slightly, big brown eyes staring up into hers as he held out his hand expectantly.
"Give it back"
Torn to see the boy so upset, Willow smiled and obligingly passed the doll over. His face instantly lightened with relief as he grabbed it and pulled the toy against his chest in a small hug. Feeling a surge of affection for the child in front of her, Willow grinned indulgently.
"I'm sorry. I didn't realise it was yours"
The boy glanced up at her, an edge of embarrassment in his words. "It's not!" he corrected quickly, before his face softened as he looked back down at the doll, grasped almost tenderly in his small hands. "But I've got to keep it safe"
He stared hard at the old toy, expression slightly crumpled as if he were trying to remember something. Then the tension vanished and he looked back up to her with a bright smile of assured confidence. "She's coming back you know. I'll look after it 'til she gets back"
Willow frowned. "Who?"
But the little boy only rolled his eyes and gave her that look that children always give adults who don't understand what they talk about; like he didn't expect her to get it. Before she could open her mouth again, their brief conversation was interrupted by another shout.
"Are you coming to help me look or not?! Hurry up!"
Willow squinted into the wilderness in search of the young yet commanding voice, but the boy merely laughed in recognition and spun around to run back into the trees, to meet the invisible caller.
"Wait!" Willow stumbled to her feet, not knowing the cause of the urgency that gripped her. "What are you looking for?"
The boy paused in the long, damp grass that suddenly swam up to their knees, a mischievous sparkle in his eyes that she thought she should know.
"We can't find if we don't look"
Grinning at his own cryptic answer, he darted off into the woods again. Moving without thought, Willow sprang forward as she hurried after him. Dodging between trees and bushes with more agility than she would have normally credited herself with having, she struggled to catch a glimpse of the boy amongst the thicket of high grass and low branches. Just when she was beginning to suspect she was going in circles, she heard the sounds of childish shouts.
The grass rippled ahead of her as two small figures weaved their own paths through the dry sea. Eager yells whipped up the air around her, as Willow tried again to catch up to the children. A flash of brilliant blonde hair glinted in the sunlight as she heard the girl who ran beside him call out and draw his attention over to something.
Then they vanished.
Willow staggered to a halt. Blinking round at her surroundings, she stepped forward cautiously through the waving stems. She was meant to follow, she was sure; there was something she had to say to them. Twisting around to check behind her, she peered back the way she had come. No, she couldn't go back -- suddenly the ground disappeared beneath her searching feet, and with a yell of surprise, Willow tumbled backwards and down into the hidden rabbit-hole.
Screwing her eyes shut, she tried to get to grips with the sudden disorientation. But when she opened them again, she found she wasn't falling anymore. She knew this place. She always seemed to end up here; at the beginning of it all.
Reaching out, she pressed the tips of her fingers against the cool glass of the vending machine. Rows upon rows of Animal Cracker boxes grinned back at her teasingly. For some reason, she could swear the monkey was winking at her. Like he knew her personally and was sharing a private joke. A smile sparked on her face, the words springing unbidden to her lips as she leaned closer to the glass. "Tu me manques" she whispered back softly. Huh, since when did she know French? Willow's brow furrowed as she mulled the strange question over.
"Miss Rosenberg!"
Jumping back, the guilty student spun round to face the horribly familiar voice.
"Principle Snyder!"
The troll, as Buffy had affectionately renamed him, stood there like a smug cat that had just caught a particularly troublesome and coveted mouse. Contempt gleamed in those beady little eyes, while the smirk that lurked behind his professional glare, made it very clear she wasn't going to like what came next. Not that they ever did when it came to their loathsome Principle. Oh no, was she late for class again? That magic assignment wasn't due 'til next week she was sure, had she forgotten some other homework? That wasn't like her. Willow racked her brains, trying to remember her schedule. But wait, she had to get to the library. She had to tell Giles —
"No no, this won't do. You think you can just skip weeks of classes with no consequences? Not in my school Missy"
Willow stared at him blankly, while he regarded her with the same sense of snide enjoyment that reminded her forcibly of that doomed walk to his office when her Wicca supplies had been uncovered on school property.
"I -- what?"
He shook his head condescendingly, "A bright future all thrown away. Very disappointing but not unexpected; it's always the quiet ones. Young people today have no respect for order, for discipline. You think you can just do whatever you want?" He paused, savouring the moment, "One week detention"
Willow's eyes widened at the sentence of judgement. She hadn't meant to miss that much school, she just didn't know where all the time had gone. It was quite possibly her first detention ever. Well, at least she didn't have to worry about her parents finding out. No-one would ever have to know. She'd just been doing -- something else. Willow frowned in thought; whatever it was, it must have been important. She suddenly felt jumpy, anxious to be moving.
Snyder was looking very pleased with himself. "Ignorant teenagers have no right to change the world"
"I'm – I'm sorry?"
The greasy little man before her made a sound of impatient irritation at her no doubt deliberate obstinance. Waving a dismissive hand down the corridor, he narrowed his eyes.
"Isn't there somewhere you need to be? And I expect you to do some serious thinking about what your priorities are, Miss Rosenberg. And the answer is not 42, before you even ask." Snyder's eyes suddenly glazed and he looked almost comically thoughtful. "I don't think so anyway," he mumbled before he seemed to snap up his train of thought again. "School is no place for students," he declared before he stuck a warning finger in her face making her jerk back "And I'll have you know that vampires and cute mystery parties are not on the curriculum young lady. Make sure you tell your friends that." He stalked off, muttering something about 'troublemakers' under his breath.
Where was it she was meant to be? Willow tapped her fingers against the creaky locker door. Math class? Or was it History? She didn't want to get in anymore bother; was it worth it anyway? She should really tell the others that Snyder was on the war path.
Left facing an empty corridor, Willow nearly jumped when the disharmonious chorus of pattering feet echoed through the building towards her. They were still looking. And she still had to find them. With a determined look and ignoring Snyder's threats, Willow ran off in the opposite direction, away towards the source of disruption in the otherwise silent school. Turning a corner, she found her immediate path blocked by a narrow door. Feeling impatience curl around the edges of her mind, she reached out to yank the obstruction open. The corridor should be there on the other side, she reasoned logically. She knew this school inside out after all.
"God Willow – don't you knock!?"
Blinking like a deer caught in the headlights, the student found herself face to face with the indignant scowl of a certain cheerleader, as she spun around to face her interruption. Feet shuffled behind her, but Willow couldn't see her partner in crime through the shadows. Though, their face was at the tip of her mind. Shifting awkwardly, the embarrassed redhead glanced round them in confusion.
"But -- it's a broom closet" She pointed out quietly.
"Exactly!" Cordelia tossed long chocolate waves over her shoulder and crossed her arms. "Hello – privacy!"
Shaking her head in wide-eyed bemusement, Willow backed up a few steps and turned to head in the other hallway that had materialized to her right.
"Hey!"
She looked back to see Cordelia take a few steps down the hall in her direction as she called. A strange self-satisfied smile lay across her lips. "You could say thanks, you know"
Willow frowned. Why would she thank Cordelia? The predominantly self-centred drama queen had done nothing for most of her life but make Willow's a misery. Sure she had helped them a few times, albeit very reluctantly. But she was fairly sure she didn't own her anything.
"What for?"
She watched as the popular princess rolled her eyes, a quiet scoff forming from her glossed lips. "Gee, and people think I'm selfish"
Before Willow could question her odd reaction, with a flick of dark hair and a click of a door, both Cordelia and the closet had melted back into the walls. Eyes quickly scanning back and forth, she hastily backed away up the hall. Finally dragging her gaze back around, she tried to focus. The bell would be going soon and she had research to finish. Glancing down at her sides, she blinked in surprise. Hadn't she been carrying some books for Giles?
"Long time no see, stranger"
Spinning round at the lightly joking voice, a slow grin broke out across her face at the sight of the tall gangly boy jogging forward to meet her, a matching smile stretching ear to ear on his beaming face. Finally, someone she was happy to see.
"Come on, we're late for the test!" With a familiar cheeky wink, he grabbed up her hand in his larger one and pulled her with him through the school before Willow could draw breath in greeting. Why did he and Xander have such long legs? She grumbled to herself as she raced to keep pace, unsure why she felt a desperate ache to pull them both to a stop and memorize the eager face she had known for so long. As if this was a rare contact. How could it be when he was always there? Or was it her that was never there?
The sound of breathless laughter pulled her head round. Squinting awkwardly over her shoulder, she caught a glimpse of two small forms as they chased each other past the end of the hallway.
"This way, come on!"
The high call of their voices faded as they disappeared out of sight again. Willow felt her legs stumble as she pulled back, body jerking as she tried to turn around from their current direction. They were going the wrong way…
"No, we need to go this--"
But she couldn't drag them back the way they'd come, to follow the children. The boy who held her arm, charged on regardless to her vain attempts to stop them, to grab his attention. She could only watch helplessly as his feet led hers onwards, leaving a trail of footprints in gritty ash behind.
He shook his head but didn't look back at her, "It's not as if we had a choice Will"
"Why can't things be different?" Her voice caught quietly, her hand tightening around his. This time, he did glance back and she could see the smile that filled his voice.
"They already are." He squeezed her fingers gently, "But you can't save everyone; things don't work that way"
They were still running, familiar surroundings flew past them on both sides, but she paid them no mind. The rhythmic echo of their steps bounced off the walls, but they didn't meet another soul. Everyone must already be inside.
"Can't we slow down a bit?" she begged, feeling her legs start to strain. She didn't understand his hurry.
"But they're waiting; they can't do it without you"
"Why? I'm not important," she mumbled to her feet.
He grinned, "I think I know someone who would disagree"
Willow cast a curious glance at his head, but somehow knew that he wouldn't share anymore. He was an excellent secret-keeper. She had always been able to tell him anything and know it was safe in his holding. He knew all of her embarrassing secrets and confessions, and though he would tease her relentlessly, he would never break her trust. She wanted to tell him how thankful she was, how much she appreciated everything he had done for her, how she would never forget. But he seemed to read her mind.
"Hey, if you could spend all those hours making up a song to teach me the state capitals, not telling was the least I could do!"
That drew a knowing smile from her. He had always been so unwilling to actually study – worse than even Xander. Distracted, she suddenly noticed the black case that bumped against his back in front of her, with every stride they took.
"Jesse, since when do you play guitar?"
The boy chuckled. "I don't. Don't be silly"
"But-"
The words fell back down her throat as he suddenly stopped them in front of a classroom door. "Ready?" he asked, lightly gripping her shoulders. Willow glanced aghast at the waiting door before looking back into his smiling eyes, full of all the excitement and enthusiasm he had always carried around with him. Lost too young…
"But Jess – I haven't revised!" Willow stammered, as she felt the familiar academic panic rising. Her friend just smiled wider.
"You were always the smart one – you'll figure it out. You're our Will"
"Wait!"
But with a gentle shove to her back, Willow found herself flung through the open door…
…and falling ungracefully into the middle of a darkly lit backstage. Performers milled around her, reading out lines from the scripts in their hands, waving hands in dramatic gestures, applying dubious makeup and practising last minute adjustments to props and acts that she couldn't hazard a guess at. Too much activity surrounded her for her to focus on, just giving a general impression of unprepared chaos. Her brow scrunched. Hadn't she had this dream before? Pulling herself to her feet, she tried to shrink away from the mass of loud and bustling bodies that crowded in at all sides, bashing and tossing her about like a boat in unfriendly waters. Why wasn't someone telling her what to do? She wasn't ready! Maybe she could pretend to be sick.
"Here! Put this on"
Willow stared dumbly at the white sheet someone had just thrust into her limp hands. She was playing what? A pillowcase? She slowly pulled the cloth out, bringing the black printed letters into view; 'BOO!' Her expression one of thoroughly bewildered fear, she suddenly found herself squinting at a glaring spotlight. The curtains were wide open as she spun around to face an audience she couldn't see. Oh god no, not again - please just let the ground swallow her…
"You should be careful what you wish for little girl"
Jerking towards the nonchalant voice that had broken her paralysed terror, Willow's eyes grew round as she took in the bizarre sight that shared the stage with her. A small furry pig sat upon a table that was spread out for a lavish tea party. Three place settings were laid around the edge, while he sat on his haunches in the middle of the pristine white tablecloth, as if he were expecting visitors.
"That nearly happened to you once, after all"
"Oh, yeah" Willow agreed, still dazed as the memory came and went in a heartbeat. She walked towards the small creature, hands balling the old ghost costume up into anxious knots as she did. "I-I don't think I'm supposed to be here" she said, casting nervous glances about her. Mr Gordo tilted his fuzzy head to the side as he regarded her curiously.
"Fish of the day, my dear" he advised solemnly, giving a sage nod.
"You ever have that dream where you're in a play, and it's the middle of the play, and you really don't know your lines, and you kind of don't know the plot?"
Willow moved her head in a tiny distracted nod to the silent words that only she could hear. "All the time" she murmured with a troubled smile. A little sigh brought her attention back to the small form that sat on the table before her. Mr Gordo was gazing off into the auditorium with a sad expression somehow.
"A-Are you okay?" Willow inquired softly, edging closer.
"I will miss them; they're all just children still. The stories carry on, yet the outcomes aren't determined now." His voice became far away, "They do play such dangerous games for such little children. I worry about all this unweaving"
"Why?"
He gave her an indulgent look. He had a remarkably expressive face for a stuffed animal, she acknowledged with amazement.
"If you were made of thread, wouldn't it worry you?"
"I suppose so," she admitted with an abashed smile.
He pawed at the tablecloth with a tiny hoof, speaking down to the table. "Everything's falling back into this beginning. Even I don't know anymore."
She didn't know what to say, so she only reached out to gently stroke the warm fur behind his little pink ear comfortingly. Shiny black eyes looked up into hers thoughtfully.
"They are invaluable gifts to be given. Never forget"
"O-Okay" she hesitantly agreed, brow creased in futile confusion.
"Are you going to hide again?" he asked, gesturing with his head towards the sheet in her hands.
Willow followed his gaze before giving a sheepish smile. "Maybe, for a little while?"
Giving a lopsided smile, the stuffed toy shuffled out from under her hand. "Cracker?" he offered pleasantly, nudging a small plate towards her with his snout. Willow shook her head, slightly worried for her mental health. Willow in Wonderland indeed. "N-no, thanks," she declined politely.
"Yes! I found her! I knew we would! Come on!"
Willow's head twisted to look round, eyes narrowing as she tried to determine what direction the excited shouts had come from. Desperation pounced on her mind; she knew she was close to finding them - she had to see them. Side-stepping, she turned away towards the darkness of backstage.
"No."
She looked round to see Mr Gordo eyeing her sternly. "You can't go that way, you can only go forward" Lifting his head, he gestured out towards the blinding lights. Feeling but not understanding the truth of his words, Willow ran forward and jumped off the edge off the stage.
She fell amongst the empty desks of her old history classroom. Picking herself up awkwardly, she glanced around quickly to see she really was completely alone before holding her breath, trying to catch their voices again. Her foot touched something on the ground; looking down she saw a pale wooden stake had slipped to the floor in her stumble. Had she been carrying that the whole time? Shrugging the thought off, she picked it up. It couldn't hurt after all, she decided.
Fingers clasped tightly around the sharp stick, Willow headed out into the still deserted hallways of the school. It was dark, like someone had cut the power. Shadows leered from all sides, hiding the unnamed fears and untamed horrors within. The tinkling of girlish giggles broke through the gloom. Willow felt an ache throb in her chest at the sound of the laughs that mixed together in warm happiness and floated together through the long hallways; calling her onwards. She swallowed, her movements tense and wound tight like a spring, as she inched further into the school.
"Ring a-ring o' roses, A pocketful of posies"
She could see them in her minds-eye; a blurry and smudged image, like that of a smeared camera lens. Three united figures, tiny fingers grasped fast around each others. A bounce of long red waves, as one girl let loose a happy shriek as her friends spun themselves faster around their little ring. Hands linked in mutual support to stop them falling, they skipped round and round. Tugging and pulling one another on in their private game, relishing the completed circle they made. Broad grins flashed, hair whipped across faces and feet stumbled carelessly, before they would right themselves; never letting the others trip.
The ripples of laughter shattered to frantic screams and cries as fast as Willow could breathe. The circle had broken.
Darting into a run, she bolted as fast as her feet would let her. Not caring about the danger that stalked her anymore – she needed to get to them. Now. She had to make things better. They didn't understand what was happening. None of them did.
Rounding a sharp corner and coming to heavy stop, she finally saw them. They were alone again; lost. The boy she had followed here was huddled on the ground against the wall, which was ravaged and torn in destruction, just like the one opposite. Great slashes had ripped through the plaster in fierce and deadly swipes. The notice board to the side of his head, was hanging by a single corner, hundreds of shreds of paper were strewn across the now empty hallway. His body trembled as he hit small, balled up fists into the sides of his head, over and over again, unable to stop himself. His eyes were screwed shut, locked away in his own distress. Tears sprung to Willow's eyes at the tragic sight and it was a second before she could bring herself to look away at the other child, who stood in the middle of the floor, just ahead. Her back to Willow, she was completely unmoving as she stared off into the darkness that swallowed the end of the hallway. Seeing something Willow couldn't.
"It took her"
The voice whispered so quietly, in so much shock and pain, that it broke Willow's heart. She took a step forward just as the little girl turned around to face her. Bright eyes looked up at her, ever young, yet still full of a strength and wisdom beyond her years. Soft locks of golden hair curled around her face, as tears fell down her cheeks.
"The wolf took her"
Suddenly she lunged forward, running for Willow's embrace, who quickly dropped to her knees, reaching out and ready to catch her. She felt nothing but the helpless urge to hold her tight, to wrap both up so nothing could ever hurt them again. To whisper reassurance in their ears and tell them everything was going to be alright…
THUD
With a yelp that quickly became a groan, Willow struggled to fully open her eyes as it slowly dawned on her that she was no longer in bed. The bump of pain that had hit her head, along with the rest of her body, might be a small indication of that. Pushing herself off the floor, she grimaced and rubbed the back of her skull as she squinted round in the shadows of night that cloaked the room that wasn't her own. Kicking off the sheets that were tangled around her legs, she pulled herself to unsteady feet. Falling out of bed was definitely not the most comfortable way to wake up, but it was certainly effective.
After tossing her crinkled sheets back onto the mattress, Willow just stood quietly in the still darkness for a long moment. Her head was buzzing so loudly, it was almost painful. The residual feeling of anxious confusion weighed heavily, making her press a hand to her forehead as she tried to decrease the pressure. When she opened her eyes, she was taken aback to find them wet and blurry. Stupid dreams. She'd give anything for a peaceful night's sleep. Just one night -- was that too much to ask?!
Turning away, she moved through the darkness until she felt her fingers close around the handle of the door. Not bothering to shut it behind her, she made her way through to the kitchen.
"Willow?"
She nearly jumped out of her skin at the quietly concerned voice. Looking up from her feet, she was met with the curious gaze of Jenny. She had been so absorbed in trying not to dwell on her restless dreams that she had failed to notice the soft glow of the lamp, which illuminated the kitchen table her host now sat at.
"Miss Ca—Jenny," Willow quickly greeted, hoping she didn't sound as surprised as she felt. "What time is it?" She asked, casting a look around the still dark apartment.
"A little after one," her companion replied, looking back at the screen of her laptop that was opened on the table in front of her. Willow nodded and shifted her gaze away. As much as she liked Jenny and despite living at hers for over a week, the Sunnydale student still felt mortally embarrassed seeing her former computer teacher in her pyjamas. It was just -- weird! She pulled self-consciously at the hem of her own Snoopy T-shirt, feeling a little foolish. Why was she up at this time anyway?
"Did-did I wake you?"
Jenny looked back up from the screen, shaking the studious frown from her features, before quickly assuring, "Oh no. I've been up for a while." She smiled, leaning back and stretching slightly in the stiff wooden chair. She caught Willow's eye, and her light smile took on a shadow of worry.
"Is everything okay?"
"Uh-huh," Willow mumbled automatically, without thinking. "Just thirsty," she explained.
Jenny nodded and Willow managed a small smile, making her way over to the counter. She briefly considered having a cup of coffee. After all, there was no real chance of her falling asleep again any time soon; but she finally decided against it. It tended to make her jumpy anyway. She could feel Jenny's eyes on her back as she filled the tall glass with icy water. Downing half the glass right away, she refilled it before eventually turning off the tap. Guess she really was thirsty after all.
When she turned around, her gaze swept over the various notepads and journals that covered Jenny's half of the table, and her curiosity was piqued, in spite of herself.
"What are you looking for?" She wondered aloud, motioning towards her research. Jenny looked down at the table and sighed. She prodded half-heartedly at the papers full of her neat handwriting.
"Oh it's just," she tugged a hand through her sleep mussed hair and offered Willow a tired smile, "Just something I'm trying to help Rupert with."
Clutching her glass, Willow moved over to sit on an empty chair. "Can I help?"
Jenny hesitated, and the girl noticed that she had subtly moved her notes back together and closed the pads.
"That's okay. To be honest, I'm not too sure what I'm looking for myself at the moment"
Willow frowned and began to object, "But if something's happening--"
Jenny gave a small weary laugh. "Oh, everything's happening. But we can't afford to get too distracted."
Her answers were a lot more ambiguous than Willow was hoping for, but there was a note of finality in her tone that told her it would be fruitless to push on. Instead she watched as the young woman returned to the glow of her computer to make a few quick amendments. She observed her eyes flicker over the screen and her assured fingers tap skilfully across the keyboard, with a strange sadness. She missed her own laptop, she realised with slight surprise just as Jenny gently clicked the lid down with an apologetic smile. Of all the things she had to miss, it was an odd one. Yet it made sense in some way, when she thought about it. It was the physical symbol of a big part of her personality. Of all the hours she had spent doing homework and projects, surfing tech chat rooms, hacking into school and government secret records, researching demon myths and sharing knowledge on Wiccan sites. Sure, she had access to computers here, but they weren't hers. Willow's gaze dropped painfully; nothing here was really hers.
Feeling Jenny's gaze upon her face once more, she hastily recovered herself. Glancing up, she threw the teacher a half smile of reassurance. Jenny opened her mouth but Willow cut her off before she could even start.
"How's your arm?"
If she was surprised at the change of subject, the canny gypsy didn't show it. She only smiled slightly, absently looking over at her right shoulder, to the souvenir of the close-call during yesterday's patrol. "Bashed and bruised, but still in one piece"
'I know how that feels', Willow murmured under her breath. Jenny gave her a funny look, but the teenager didn't notice.
"It's actually almost healed. There's a healing charm that I sometimes use for low level cuts and bruises. It's by no means instant, but it does speed up the process"
"Really?" Willow perked up, keen with interest. "Is it a pure charm or do you apply it in a balm of some kind?"
"It's mainly herbs," Jenny said, smiling at the eagerness that had spread over the young girl's face. "But the magic within gains strength from the blood stream to aid the body's natural healing"
"Oh, I think I've read a spell that works in kind of the same way! Do you remember where you found it?"
A strange look passed over Jenny's face, and she glanced away. When she did answer, the casualness sounded slightly forced. "It-It's just an old... family tradition"
Willow immediately felt awkward. She kept bumping against lines she forgot existed in this reality. Jenny knew about Wiccan magic, that was clearly no secret here, but there were obviously things about her past the teacher was still unwilling to disclose. A wry smile briefly appeared on her lips. Oh boy, could Willow empathise. Kindred spirits indeed. She cast a quick glance over at the woman who was shuffling her various papers and books into a neat stack on the table next to her black laptop. Was she the only one who knew of the smart teacher's true gypsy heritage? Willow slumped back in her chair and gave a mental groan. Oh goody -- more secrets. And not even Jenny knew she knew. To be fair, she couldn't really blame her for not sharing; people hadn't exactly had a good reaction last time in Sunnydale. Though, those had been very exceptional circumstances. Willow chewed her lip in thought. Of course, she could be making a huge assumption here; who's to say she hadn't told Giles? She just may not want to tell her, not knowing that she already knew. Willow thought back to her first night in this world, to that fateful meeting in the library. If she hadn't spoken up then…
Willow was on the verge of just asking, of showing her cards and hoping for the best, when it seemed that Jenny took the same initiative.
"Difficulty sleeping wouldn't be unexpected, I imagine. Considering what you've been through," she looked over at Willow, her words careful and gentle.
The young witch felt her breathing kick up a notch, fragments of her troubled dreams skipping through her mind, before she firmly stomped them down.
"What, what do you mean?" She swallowed and tried to suppress the anxious pitch in her quiet voice. Jenny's face was full of sympathetic understanding, but somehow that made her feel worse.
"Willow, it's alright. You wouldn't be human if it weren't affecting you. You're a whole world away from your home, from everything you knew. It has to trouble you"
Willow wasn't sure if she just imagined the slight question in her words. "It, it gets -- harder, sometimes" she admitted, words barely reaching above a whisper. Breaking away from the softly probing gaze, she took big drink out of her glass and tried to get her exposed emotions under control. The effects of her dreams were so much harder to fend off during the nights. Here, when the voices of her friends seemed to call the loudest in her thoughts, when her mind ran riot in endless mazes of confusion and bitter conflict.
Forcing the last mouthful of freezing water down her dry throat, Willow felt a hand lightly squeeze her wrist that still lay across the table. Lowering the glass, she reluctantly looked back at her late-night companion. She knew the teacher was trying to offer some comfort, but it only laid another anvil over her heart, choking up her chest. She didn't want to talk about it. She knew what her restless nights were about. The hours and hours where her mind dwelt over everything she had left behind. Of all the pain she had unleashed on those she loved and now could never put right. Willow closed her eyes against the tears she could feel forming. She didn't know what she was doing. That was the bottom line. She had no great plan, no clue about the consequences her choice would have on everyone involved. She had jumped first and now she could only struggle to keep her head above water as she got swept along in the current of her own making.
"We will do everything we can, I promise. There must be a way to return you back to your own life, to your friends, and we'll find it. This isn't fair to you"
Jenny watched the effect of her words with astute curiosity as the girl's face grew pale and anxious, even as she gave a jerky nod. Releasing her wrist with a kind smile, she rearranged her papers briefly, giving the teenager a moment to collect herself. There were still questions and concerns to deal with, along with her own gradually growing suspicions, but the teacher pushed them to one side for now until she could make better sense of them.
Willow meanwhile, was busy trying to wrestle her unruly emotions into submission, desperate for some mental breathing space. She didn't have the energy for this right now. Her head felt unbearably hot, burning up with the friction of opposing thoughts grinding against each other. Absently, she brushed her fingers across her forehead before pushing some hair behind her ear. It was hard to believe that she couldn't just call them up; couldn't hear the voices that she had grown up with. She couldn't remember a time, in all her life, when she hadn't had Xander to depend on. She had never faced something this big without Buffy by her side. The loneliness was crushing.
"How..."
Raising her eyes, she saw Jenny studying her thoughtfully. She looked like she was debating with herself. Finally, she went on. "How did it happen? I mean, do you remember anything? Like what you were doing just before you were here?"
The girl's eyes widened briefly, before she glanced away with a small frown. "I-I don't remember much. It-It's kinda, hard to think about." Her words were slightly pleading as she steadfastly avoided the older woman's eye. Tense white fingers flexed around the drinking glass between her hands.
"Okay," Jenny conceded gently after a strained pause.
The redhead visibly relaxed a few knots and flashed a quick apologetic smile across the table. She knew she was going to have to deal with things sooner or later, but she only prayed for some more time to try and figure out her own thoughts more, before she had to worry about expressing them coherently for other people. Everything was still so unresolved.
Mumbling polite excuses, Willow stood up to retreat back to her bedroom and wishful hopes of uninterrupted sleep.
"Willow"
Turning around at the sound of her name, she saw a conflicted look hover over Jenny's face for a moment before she rose from the table to give the surprised girl a brief but very tight hug. Willow froze for a second at the unexpected contact, but quickly returned the embrace, albeit a little awkwardly at first. The faint aroma of Jenny's floral shampoo and lingering perfume, tickled her nose pleasantly. She suddenly realised how much she had missed this kind of closeness; the aching distance she had felt ever since she'd left her own world. Willow had always been a big hug-person, and somehow it made her friends' absence sting a little harsher. With a sad smile, the teacher pulled back to gently rest her hands over the girl's thin upper arms, trying to convey the sincerity in her soft words as she looked into Willow's lightly questioning eyes.
"I'll be here. Whenever you're ready."
There was no expectation or impatience in her tone. Not for this moment. Willow blinked, before slowly returning the kind smile with one of quiet gratitude, the two women coming to a mutual, unspoken understanding.
"Goodnight Willow" Jenny squeezed her arm lightly, before letting her go.
The girl felt a warmth linger on her skin from the fleeting touch of genuine care. She knew the night had to pass eventually; the renewing light of the next day would break in again like it always did. In the end, it came down to endurance. You just had to have the strength to wait it out, the insight to see beyond the darkness, and faith in what you were living another day for.
"Goodnight"
As her bare feet padded softly through the carpeted hall, a small shudder shook her shoulders as Willow braced herself for a further attempt at some dubious rest.
The night couldn't go on forever. Surely?
o0o
AN: I could say a lot about this chapter, but I'd rather hear what you guys think! ;) If you were curious, "Tu me manques" means "I miss you"
Writing makes me happy, reviews make me happier! :)