Chapter 4: Patience

As this is all going on, I try to think about how this could have happened to her. She seemed pretty sick throughout the day, but I didn't think it would come to this. Is it because of the flu? Is it because she fought plasmus in the cold winter rain? Is it my fault? Is it anyone's fault? A lot of things were flashing through my head at once; I honestly didn't know what to think anymore.

Robin had woken Cyborg and Raven up, and they had all gathered in her room. As I meticulously watched their every move, the terrible thoughts kept on filling my mind. I remained perched at the end of her bed, wondering what will happen.

I became aware of the dryness in my throat. I was so worked up about this, that I was now desperate for a drink. Unfortunately, my water bowl was empty; it's time for the next best thing. I went out in the hallway and into the nearest bathroom. I hovered myself over the toilet and took a few sips. Thankfully they flushed it this time, they don't always do.

When I got back, Raven was performing chest compressions. Starfire stopped shaking, but at this point, her heart was barely beating. Raven had used her healing energy, hoping it would have some effect on reviving her, but seconds pass and it didn't look like it made any improvement. She looked up at Robin. Her expression mixed with worry and exhaustion."It's no use" she said "she's not coming back to us, Robin."

"..Please Raven" I heard the leader beg "just...keep trying. I honestly don't know what else to do"

Robin was scared. He trembled as he watched Raven's attempt to revive her. He didn't take his eyes off Starfire for one second. But I knew the painful image of her lying lifeless in bed did nothing but stress him out even more. He stood up and started pacing the room, trying to calm down, but at this point, his anxiety couldn't be tamed.

Cyborg rushed to the infirmary to gather the medical equipment. Robin started to get upset because he was taking a long time…longer than he should have.

His eyes lightened when the robot finally entered the room, wheeling in the machines and portable monitors.

"What took you so long?!" the boy wonder cried out "It could have been too late!"

"Sorry about that man…" Cyborg said as he started to plug the machines into the walls. I looked over at the rack, and saw an oxygen tank, and a defibrillator.

"We got to hurry" Raven said "I can barely feel her pulse"

Things started to get more serious now, they were all surrounding her so I couldn't see what was happening, I didn't want to get in there way, so I slowly walked towards the end of the bed, and jumped on it, they didn't seem to notice me. Robin had lifted her up, wrapping the blanket tightly around her, and pulled down the top half of her shirt, Cyborg turned on the defibrillator, and clamped an oxygen mask over her gasping mouth and nose, once she was breathing at a steady pace, they laid her back down. The metal plates buzzed as Cyborg rubbed them together. Then he quickly zapped her chest. The noise was so loud that it made me jump; I couldn't bear to watch anymore. I jumped from the bed and made my way out of the room.

I don't know how much time passes, but I have been curled up in the corner of the hallway for a while, and I think I've actually fallen asleep. I just couldn't bear to see any of it anymore. It's hard to see something like that happen to someone you love. It's funny, because I never thought I would feel this way about anyone. I was created to hate all, to destroy the city along with the other ten thousand moths in the swarm. But my heart wept at the thought of losing her. Starfire is my life, my entire life.

As I sat there, the memories flash through my head. When Beast boy found me and snuck me home. When I got loose and chewed the tower up. When Starfire hid me in her room to cover up for him, and oh! Those berries she fed me! The ones that made me big! I remember when the other titans found out and made her get rid of me, and as soon as she flew home in tears, Killer Moth captured me, and forced me to attack the city. She fought me to defend her friends, but she couldn't do it, and after the pressure of persuasion, I shed my adult body, and Robin finally allowed her to keep me.

I think about this, and how our relationship mended ever since. I become scared for her life, and I start to wonder what's going to happen now. Even though something bad is happening, I'm thankful to have her by my side. My heart is no longer filled with rage in hatred, but softened with light and happiness.

After a while, I became uncomfortable and wriggled my way from out of the corner, but when I went back to Starfire's room, the bed was empty. I realized they must have moved her to the infirmary. The clock read 7:45 which means I ended up sleeping the rest of the night.

I struggled as I walked down the staircases which lead me to the titan's medical unit. I heard the commotion of their voices while I stumbled down the steps. Cyborg stood outside her room, organizing the medical equipment. I slowly crept towards the doorway, trying not to get spotted. Once I reached the doorway I looked around and dove underneath the nearest table. It was dark in the room, the only source of light coming from the lamp on the nightstand. I heard Starfire whimpering, trying to form words out of her muffled mouth. They managed to wake her up, but she sounded terrified. I looked up to get a good look at her.

She was lying in the bed with the oxygen mask still clamped over her face. Several IV's were connected to her, and her cheeks were washed with tears. Robin was sitting next to her bedside holding her hand "Shhh" He whispered "everything's going to be okay.."

My heart broke to see her in so much pain. My mind was telling me I needed to be with her. Before I could even attempt to get closer, I felt a large pair of mechanical hands lift me up from the ground. At that point I knew it was over, I was getting kicked out.

"How did you get down here?" Cyborg asked "Sorry little guy, Star's not up for any visitors right now"

He carried me out of the medical unit and placed me inside Star's room. All I wanted to do was see her. The entire situation was completely inequitable.

Sunlight was shining through the pink curtains. The big hand on the clock had just pointed to the 12 and the little hand was on the 8, if none of this had happened she would have gotten out of bed now, but I know that in her condition, it's going to be a while before she can even take care of herself again. A part of me is glad she's alright, but I really wish I could speak, so that I wouldn't have had to waste my time trying to get Robin's attention in case of emergencies like this.

The tower was so quiet today, as a matter of fact, I hardly saw any of the titans this morning. No one was there to fix my breakfast, so I tipped the trash can over, scarfed down any particle of food I could find, and retreated under the table. I know that sounds gross but I was desperate because I couldn't wait till noon. After all, it is the most important meal of the day, right?

It wasn't long before Raven walked in and discovered the mess I had made. She just looked at it and shook her head in pity.

"Nasty animal." she muttered

She really doesn't like me that much. We've never been particularly fond of each other, but we somehow have this love/hate bond. I think it's all because I've eaten a few of her books, but there have been a few times where she actually allowed me to sit in her lap as she read them but it's very rare.

She picked up the mess I made, eliminating every trace and any crumb, making it look like it never happened. As soon as she's done, I poke my head out from underneath the table as her feet approached my direction and stood there, waiting for me to come out. It's amazing, it's like she's psychic or something...oh wait, she is.

"You're such a goober" She told me "you know that?"

Whatever a goober was, I know that she was being sarcastic, and I innocently started to roll around the floor. She walks over to the wall and unhooks my leash from a coat hanger.

"Come on" She muttered "might as well take you out before I have to clean up after you again.."

I felt refreshed after Raven took me out. I wish we could have left the Tower grounds. If you live here 24/7 it gets super boring after a while. There's nothing but rocks, with water lapping over them. Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful view, but I see it every day, I'm always desperate to get out of the house.

We spent about 5 minutes walking around the terrain, she always yanked my leash, asking me to do my business so that she can resume with her life. I looked up at her growling in response, I was tempted to bite her back. She just rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Hurry up" She snapped "Just do your stupid business..stupid larva..worm..thing"

I sniffed at the ground below me and relieved myself near a bush, but then a large mud puddle adjacent from the shrubs caught my attention. I wriggled my way out of Raven's grip and dove belly first into the dirty swamp. I rolled around it, letting the smooth and relaxing dirt penetrate my skin.

"Nice…" She muttered, picking me up. I couldn't help but to shake the itchy mud off my skin, it flew everywhere, a lot of it landing on her clothes. She didn't look too pleased with me after when I had done it. Yet I was surprised that she didn't snap or strike me in the behind like she usually does when I chew her stuff up.

"Okay" She said "that was gross…"

She put me back down and I finished relieving myself, then she held me by the collar and carried me back inside. She tossed me over to Beast boy. Who was the first person in her sight, throwing me into his arms as if I was a pile of dirty laundry.

"Here" She said "it's your turn to watch him."

Beast boy noticed both of use caked with mud and tried to hide a snicker "what happened to you guys?"

"Just please, watch him for the rest of the day." She said "I need to wash up and tend to Star in a few hours."

"Okay"

"ugh, I can't stand that thing sometimes.." she said shivering. Beast boy just knelt down and let me lick his gloved fingers.

"aww did you have a good time out there, boy?" He laughed.

I really did, at least someone cares about what I did today. I reached up and licked Beast boy's face. He gave me a small smile and looked at Raven "Are you sure you guys don't need my help?" He asked "I already feel guilty about not being there last night."

It was true; he was the only titan who didn't witness what happened last night. Nobody seemed mad at him though.

"You were already a big help this morning" She said "taking on control freak without our help.."

Beast boy seemed somewhat surprised when she said that "really?" He asked

"Yeah" She said "and you'll be a bigger help if you watch over that worm…thing she loves so much."

Beast boy chuckled "well just let me know if there's anything else I could do for her"

After when they parted ways, Beast boy took me into the bathroom and rinsed me down in the shower, up until every last bit of mud was washed away from my skin. After my bath, we went into the main

room where he and Cyborg played video games for several hours. Cyborg had a strange machine plugged into him. I think he was recharging his batteries after being up all night.

Sooner or later, evening came and I was as hungry as a whale. I never realized how much Starfire puts in to take care of me, because no one has fed me all day. And even though I was able to have something in my stomach this morning from the trash can feast, they still neglected to feed me.

I never thought that household pets were lonely. It was never true for me…but without Starfire, It's too good to be true.

I roamed the tower for a little bit, and eventually found myself back in the main room. Beast boy and Raven were sitting at the table, playing a game of chess. I have watched them play several times, but never understood the purpose of the game. All I know is you win if you capture the opponent's king, whatever that means. I remember them explaining it to Starfire once but it still looks complicated.

"Have you seen Robin and Cyborg?" Beast boy asked.

"I think they're down in the infirmary" She said "Robin should be up here in a minute, I asked him to take a break."

Once they finished their game of chess, Beast boy started collecting the pieces and putting them back in the game box "Do you think we should go ahead and start dinner?" he asked

Raven sighed and threw down her hood "Let's just order pizza" she said "I'm too tired to cook tonight..."

Beast boy smiled "That sounds good to me!" He shouted "Hey, you should just order a plain cheese; I don't want to see any of that meat stuff."

If you know the titans like I do, you should know that they absolutely love pizza. They love it so much that they eat it at least once or twice a week. I guess eating pizza is a common priority for these five teenage superheroes.

Minutes pass and I smell it. My nose tells me right away and my eyes widen once I saw the boxes neatly stacked on the counter. The mouth watering smell of sauce, spicy pepperoni and melted cheese made my taste buds scream in joy. I wanted some real badly. I scampered from underneath the table and jumped on the counter.

Maybe they'll never know if I have just a taste...a nibble won't hurt anybody, right?...Once I was an inch away from touching the boxes, that's when I felt another pair of hands lift me off the counter.

"Nice try Silkie" Beast boy said as he placed me on the ground "you're not getting any tonight"

Drat! I was so close! I almost thought I would actually get away with it this time. Then again I usually can't get away with anything. I think I've been caught for almost everything I did wrong...It's a shame really; I wanted to eat some real badly.

I retreated under the table when the sound of footsteps came to life. I already knew they were Robin's because they were to light to be Cyborg's. I watched his feet walk over to the table and sit down. Raven brought the food to the table and sat next to Beast boy. I stay in my usual place, underneath the table. Desperate to taste the pizza crumbs.

Nobody said a word before they started eating. They were unusually quiet this evening. I was getting real concerned.

"Where's Cyborg?" Robin asked, finally breaking the silence.

"He went to go feed her" Raven said "so we can start without him"

Robin stood back up, fixing to leave already "aw no, he didn't have to" He protested "I could have done that..."

"It's ok Robin, he was willing to..." She said "now sit down and eat up before it gets cold"

I patiently awaited the table scraps, and within minutes Beast boy had dropped a few crust crumbs on the floor. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing. I ate them right away, tasting the sweet crunchy bread that was covered in pizza sauce. I realized that they had ordered my favorite, pepperoni with stuffed crust. I nibbled away the crumbs, but I always wanted an entire slice. I haven't had one in a long time! I could crave anything that's not the diet food.

"mmm no matter how many times I eat it, this pizza will never get old!" Beast boy shouted, breaking the silence.

"You can say that again" Robin said "It tastes even better knowing I've barely eaten today"

"Just don't push yourself Robin," Raven said "It's not good for you to not eat and lose sleep..."

"Yeah" Beast boy said "we don't want you getting sick too, man."

It's not good Robin's barely taking care of himself "Don't worry" he said "after this, I'm going to crawl into bed, and sleep till morning."

"Good" Raven said "now promise us you'll do that"

They ate in silence and I awaited more crumbs from underneath the table. A few minutes pass and I hear the familiar heavy footsteps of the largest titan of the team walking in the room. I looked up and he was walking to the counter, carrying an entire plate of food that barely looked touched.

"I tried..." He said "she wouldn't eat any of it."

She's not eating? Hearing that makes me even more worried. I heard Robin sigh in response. "Ok" He said "just put it in the fridge, I'll try to get her to eat it later."

Cyborg sets the tray on the counter, and I got a good look at it before he put it away, It held a slice of pizza that only received one bite, some cheese cubs, and a cookie, I'm amazed that she turned all this delicious food down, because it all looks so good. Starfire usually eats her food in the strangest combinations, some in which the other titans find disgusting. But her absolute favorite umm, condiment was mustard. She used to sit on the couch everyday and drink a whole container of that stuff as if it were a beverage. But she eventually stopped, because now she can't stand to look at it. Cyborg went to wash his hands, and then joined everyone else at the table. I watched as his robotic feet approached the table when he sat down next to Raven.

"Although, she guzzled down all the water" He said "she seemed to be real desperate for it"

"The fever's dehydrating her" Raven said "it may have suppressed her hunger"

"Well, at least I got her to take the pills" Cyborg said "I thought I would have to shove them down her throat, like I did with Beast boy when he had the flu."

I remember when Beast boy got sick a while back. Starfire allowed me to accompany him when he was recovering "Hey, Those pills were nasty!" He said "they tasted like dog doo-doo"

"uhhh okay" Raven said "soooo, how come you know what dog poop taste like?"

Robin and Cyborg bursts out laughing, I have to admit, that was hilarious. I mean how could you not laugh at that? Beast boy just groaned and I heard him smack himself on the forehead. I probably would've done that too, what an embarrassing thing to say!

"It was an expression.." He muttered. Raven finished eating and went to put her dishes in the sink "I was kidding" She chuckled "calm down, can't you take a joke?"

"Raven, I'm the funny one around here" He said "that, madam, was not funny"

"Are you kidding?" Cyborg said "that was hilarious! Robin, wasn't that funny?"

"I thought it was" Robin said "you just need to lighten up Beast boy."

Poor Beast boy, he's worked real hard to be the funny guy on the team, but Raven always backfires and comes up with better things.

"You guys are absolutely pitiful..."

I came over and nudged his foot. He looked down, smiled, and picked me up with his arms. "So anyway…" He said "how are things going down there?"

At that moment I knew that the cheerful moment was over. Robin sighed and ran his fingers through his messed up hair. Looking up from Beast boy's lap, I didn't realize how tired he looked. "She's not getting any better" he said "it really makes me sad to see her like this"

Cyborg quickly finished eating and started to help clean the table "We've been trying to reach Tamaran all day" he said "but we can't seem to make a connection with them"

"Is there anything else I can do for you guys?" Beast boy asked

I jumped off his lap and walked across the floor, accidently tripping over my stubby legs. Cyborg looked down at me with a smile and picked me up. "you know what?" He said "We forgot about this little guy! I bet she'd be real happy if you took care of him for her!"

"Not a bad idea" Robin said "do you think you can handle it?"

Beast boy looked at me and smiled "Come on guys!" he said "It's just Silkie! I was the one who took care of him before Star! Remember?"

"Whatever" Robin said "just make sure he stays out of trouble"

"Don't worry you guys!" He shouted, taking me in his arms "I am totally responsible!"