Dr. Feld comes out of his office and says, "Hyacinth and Richard, you can come in now." Richard reaches for Hyacinth's hand and they both take a deep breath before they follow Dr. Feld into his office. "Alright, have a seat and tell me why you're here. Usually if a couple is breathing in unison it happens at the end of a week with me."
Normally Hyacinth jumps into a conversation, but she stays quiet this time so Richard says, "Well, it's complicated. A lot has changed in the last 18 hours since I told Hyacinth I wanted to do this. We haven't been this close in years. My wife is scared of flying, so she stayed very close during our long flight. I want us to resolve all our issues from recent years and I want to be able to express my love to my wife physically and verbally. I don't want to be uncomfortable with her anymore. We were so close once not so very long ago, but when our son was born everything changed. Suddenly I was a nonperson. I had to go back to work so quickly after my son was born that I didn't really get a chance to bond with my son the way I wanted to. My wife was a stay-at home mom, which was wonderful, but I always felt like I was interfering if I took Sheridan from his when I came home?"
"Do you agree with that Hyacinth?" Dr. Feld asks the wife of his new couple. "Is that when you feel your relationship changed?"
"Yes, I agree with that. When we had our son I immersed myself in being a mother and I pulled away from my husband, not on purpose, but I think it started before that. I grew up poor and as soon as I got married and moved out of my neighbourhood I wanted to improve my social standing no matter who it hurt. I pushed my family away, especially my sisters and then my husband. I'm sure that Richard feels as if he doesn't even know our son because I wouldn't let him be as involved as he should have been. I stopped sleeping in the same bed as Richard because he was working and I never moved back. We weren't as intimate after Sheridan was born. Richard tried, but I didn't want Sheridan to see behaviour like that so I pulled away and Richard eventually stopped trying. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew I shouldn't be doing what I was doing, but when I saw my son's happy face every day it felt so worth it." Hyacinth says sadly.
Richard puts his arm around Hyacinth's shoulders. "She did a wonderful job raising our son. I know she's still trying to cope with the fact that our son recently came out to us. I know she blames herself because she didn't allow me to be a bigger part of my son's life. She feels very guilty."
"Did either of you or do either of you feel inadequate as a parent or a spouse?" Dr. Feld asks gently.
Hyacinth and Richard both immediately say, "Yes."
"It's interesting that both of you said yes. Usually I get one of the people saying yes, but it's rare to have both spouses say yes. It shoes me how much both of you care about each other. It's a good sign for your relationship. I see couples come in here and it's clear that they're looking for a way out, but I can see in the two of you that you want a way in; you want to get back to each other. It's not rare to see couples of your age coming in to fix their relationship, but it's nice to see. It's nice to see couple who are aware that somewhere along the way their relationship had gotten off track. You are one of those couples. We can fix this together if you are willing to put in the work." Dr. Feld says seriously. "You are meant to be together. I can see in your eyes, Richard, how much you care for Hyacinth. Hyacinth, I can hear in your voice and your words just how much you care for him and how difficult this has been for both of you. We can work on this and make it better. I can assume that your son is no longer living at home?"
"No, my son is at university living in a flat with a roommate. Why does that change things?" Hyacinth asks.
"Not having your son at home I going to make it easier getting a level of intimacy back into your relationship, when you go home, and it will make you more comfortable knowing you won't be caught by your son. There are going to be things I'm going to ask you to do that may make you feel awkward or uncomfortable, but stick with me and we'll get this working again." Dr. Feld says gently. "So, tell me how you two met."
Richard smiles at the memory. That night was wonderful for both of them. They spent the whole night together. "We met at a party that her friend threw at her parents' country house. My friends dragged me to the party because I was still single. I found out later that Hyacinth's friend dragged her to the party. She'd had to borrow a dress from her friend because she didn't have a party dress to wear. Hyacinth and I danced in the ballroom for a while. I spotted her the moment I entered the party. She was beautiful. She was wearing a gorgeous pale blue gown and her hair was all swept up and her eyes were sparkling. We stayed with everyone else for a while, but it was warm and we wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of the party. We went out into the garden. We sat on a swing outside and we talked for a long time. The sky was clear and as the sun went down the air started to cool quickly. Hyacinth shivered and I put my arms around her to keep her warm. I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't want to seem too forward. I felt like we had an instant connection."
"We did have an instant connection. I was comfortable with Richard right from the start. That was the first party I ever drank at. Richard and I had a glass of wine together. We stayed up really late talking. We were close right from the start. I think we fell asleep on the couch together. I remember deciding to be bold, not in my character at the time, and I kissed Richard. I fell asleep in his arms and I knew I never wanted to be anywhere else. I felt like I already knew so much about him. When I woke up the next morning Richard was gone, but he'd left me a note with his phone number saying he'd make sure to get my number from my friend before he left. I was in love right away. I felt like I was floating on air." Hyacinth sounds wistful.
"Did you know if Richard felt the same at the time?" Dr. Feld asks.
"No, I don't know if he felt the same and I certainly never said anything about my feelings until he said that he loved me. I didn't want to scare him off." Hyacinth says seriously.
"Richard, how did you feel about Hyacinth when you first met her?" Dr. Feld asks pressing the tips of his fingers together.
"I was in love from the very start. I thought she was remarkable. My friends thought I was crazy, but I knew she was the one from that very first night." Richard has tears running down his face.
Dr. Feld passes Richard a box of tissue and then turns towards Hyacinth. "How does it make you feel to hear him say that now after all these years?"
"It makes me feel as if I was right when I thought that we had a close connection. It makes me feel special. I feel honoured that Richard has been so honest with me. I know how privileged I am to have Richard in my life and how much he loves me. I can't believe that I forgot that. I've dismissed his importance in my life for far too long. I'm surprised that he didn't say something earlier about all this. This relationship hasn't been healthy for a long time. We stopped listening to each other a long time ago. I accused him of having a mid-life crisis, which he wasn't. I told him that when are having a mid-life crisis they often think of other women. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but Richard replied, "Not me, Hyacinth, for me one woman is enough." I think that is a pretty good indication of where our marriage was at the time." Hyacinth begins to cry softly.
Richard looks at his wife and his heart breaks. He pulls a tissue out of the box and turns his wife towards him. He dries her tears and runs his fingers over her face. "I didn't mean that, Hyacinth. I said that in a moment that I felt was absurd. It was meant as a jest."
"Oh Richard, don't start fibbing now. You meant exactly what you said. I don't blame you at all. There have been a few moment like that over the years which now, looking back, were opportunities to change things, and we didn't because we didn't know where that change would take us. Those moments when your guard was down was when you said how you really felt. Don't forget how well I know you." Hyacinth cups Richard's cheek and looks into his eyes.
"You're right. I was being truthful when I said that, but I didn't know you were listening! You never listen! How did I know you were listening at that precise moment in time?!" Richard asks angrily.
"Alright, this is good. We're giving a voice to our emotions. Now, I want you to think carefully before you answer this question. When was the last time you each felt truly listened to?" Dr. Feld asks gently. "Take your time."
Both Hyacinth and Richard pause and think carefully before Richard says, "The last time I really felt heard was just before Sheridan was talking in full sentences, just before he was 18 months old."
Hyacinth's eyes well up with tears. She didn't know Richard had been so lonely for so long. She thinks about the last time she felt that she was really listened to. "The last time I felt listened to was before Sheridan went to nursery school. Once I started getting busier with school events Richard stopped listening because I wasn't around as much for him. Sheridan and I were always close." Hyacinth says through tears.
"I didn't stop listening because you didn't have enough time for me. I stopped listening because we stopped having anything common except for our son. I didn't know how to reconnect with you. I wanted to talk to you about everything and be involved in my son's life." Richard desperately wants his wife to understand what he's saying.
"This is very good. I have a very important question to ask the two of you. Again think carefully before you answer. Do either of you have a happy memory during your son's first year that doesn't revolve around him?" Dr. Feld asks curiously.
Hyacinth and Richard are both quiet for a few minutes. Again Richard is the one who answers first. "It was about six months after Sheridan was born, about two weeks before Christmas. Sheridan got quite sick and Hyacinth's sister, Daisy, came to stay to help out so we could both sleep. I heard Hyacinth get up very late one night and she walked down to the kitchen. I got up and followed her downstairs. When I got down stairs into the kitchen she was sitting at the table with her hands around a glass of milk and she was crying. I went over and hugged and sat her on my lap and held her. I asked her what was wrong and why she was up at 3 a.m. and what I could do to help. She said she felt like she was failing as a mother and that Sheridan was so sick that she didn't know what to do. She was at her wit's end. She was exhausted and she didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to help her. I wanted to try and make her feel better. Sheridan was so sick and we were so emotional. We didn't know how to help each other. She was so upset about the fact that she felt as if she had failed as a mother because Sheridan got sick. It took all her strength to allow her sister to help her with our son. She was falling apart. I just held her and let her cry and vent. Our son couldn't breathe and our doctor didn't know what was wrong, in fact, my sister-in-law was the one who knew what was wrong. Hyacinth was so vulnerable, emotional, and she needed me. It felt more like when we were first married." Richard is emotional when he thinks about that moment.
"I vividly remember that night. We stayed up all night even though we didn't have to. We talked all night about how we felt we were doing as parents. The moment I remember the most was Christmas Eve that year. We decided to exchange gifts between the two of us then instead of Christmas morning with the rest of the family. We just wanted to enjoy Christmas with Sheridan, so Christmas Eve Richard and I stayed up late and sat in front of the tree. The lights on the tree were twinkling and we exchanged gifts. Richard had gotten me two family rings: one with the birthstones of my parents, my sisters and I and one with my birthstone, Richard's birthstone and Sheridan's birthstone in it. I leaned over and kissed Richard and as I pulled away from the kiss he said I was beautiful. It's the last time I remember him saying that until now. He unwrapped his gift that I'd carefully picked out and had engraved. I'd gotten him a wrist watch and it was engraved with: "To the new daddy on your son's 1st Christmas from your loving wife." Hyacinth reminisces.
"I loved that gift. I still wear that watch every single day. Look." Richard pulls the sleeve of his sweater and shirt up to show his wife.
"Oh Richard! That's so sweet! I can't believe you still wear that! That was 26 years ago!" Hyacinth leans over and hugs Richard.
"You picked a gift that was heartfelt and sweet. It was perfect for the occasion and I've always loved it because it was personal. It wasn't a gift that anyone else could have received from anyone else. I appreciated that from you so much." Richard holds Hyacinth tightly in his arms.
"This is excellent. I have a really easy question now. You both have siblings. Now, where do you fall in the birth order?" Dr. Feld asks.
"I'm the oldest." Hyacinth says. She bends forwards and pours herself a glass of water. She takes a long sip and observes Dr. Feld. He's nodding as if that makes perfect sense.
"I'm the youngest, but I'm not very close with my siblings." Richard explains.
"Now, this makes much more sense. When things changed in your relationship you reverted back to your sibling roles. It felt natural. Richard, you were used to being bossed around, so when it happened in your marriage you accepted it. Hyacinth, you were in charge all the time when you were a girl. You probably raised your youngest siblings, so you reverted to your role as mother hen with your husband. You job is going to be to get back to being partners and lovers instead of being like siblings." Dr. Feld says seriously. "Now, I want to give you a homework assignment and then you can go. I want you to spend some time tonight just touching each other. It doesn't have to be sexual. Out of curiosity when was the last time you were intimate?"
Hyacinth and Richard both sigh and say, "About twenty years ago."
"Twenty years is a long time to go without being intimate with your spouse! Did you change in front of each other during that time?" Dr. Feld asks gently.
Hyacinth nods. "We did up until about 10 years ago, but it was never fully."
"What changed ten years ago between the two of you?" Dr. Feld encourages.
"Nothing changed between us, but I gained a significant amount of weight that year. I didn't feel as confident in myself. I didn't want Richard to think any less of me." Hyacinth lowers her eyes away from Richard so she doesn't have to see the pain she knows will be in his eyes.
"Oh Hyacinth, you're beautiful. I've always thought that. My emotions have never changed because your appearance changed. I'm surprised that you thought that my love for you would change. It's not as if my appearance hasn't changed over the years and your emotions have stayed true. You're gorgeous, Hyacinth. I wish you'd believe me." Richard puts his hand under Hyacinth's chin and tilts her head up to look at him. He kisses her softly.
"I believe you now, especially after the way you looked at me this morning." Hyacinth says softly.
"Ah, so what changed this morning?" Dr. Feld asks cheekily.
"Well, Richard went into the bathroom to shower and I had to get into the bathroom to do a couple of things and so I slipped in. Richard didn't know I was there. I washed my face and just as I was drying my face Richard stepped out of the shower with his eyes closed. When I pushed a towel into his hands I think he nearly died of shock. I couldn't help but look at him which I think made him very self-conscious. I think he thought I was being critical, but I was only looking. You're very handsome, Richard, and I told you so this morning." Hyacinth covers Richard's hand with hers and gives it a squeeze.
"Richard, how did you feel when you found out Hyacinth had seen you naked?" Dr. Feld prods carefully.
"I felt embarrassed, self-conscious, vulnerable, uncomfortable, and awkward. Those were things I never wanted to feel around my wife. I hated myself in that moment for not being able to look at my wife, for not being confident in myself, for not being able to take my wife in my arms and kiss her in that moment." Richard says solemnly.
"Well, I think we all have a lot to mull over. I want you to get something to eat and relax. Do your homework assignment tonight back at your hotel. Go for a walk, maybe, and remember you don't have to go together. If you need time apart then take it. It's amazing how healing that can be. I have only one more question for you: are you still attracted to each other?" Dr. Feld says firmly.
"Oh yes," Hyacinth looks sideways at Richard and smiles.
"God yes, always," Richard says honestly.
"Good, Hyacinth, I'm going to give you in particular one other thing to do today. I want you to go to the bookstore and pick up this book. You can ask at the front desk." Dr. Feld passes Hyacinth a piece of paper.
Hyacinth eyes widen in shock when she sees the title of the book. "I can't ask for this! It's a sex book! I would feel so uncomfortable!"
"Hyacinth, do you trust me?" Hyacinth nods. "I recommend every woman who comes into this office purchase and read this book. You are no exception. This will help. I can promise no one will give you a sideways glance. You are perfectly safe in this town. No one is going to judge you. I encourage you to share what you learn from the book with Richard. Don't be uncomfortable with your desires. They should be second nature to you. One of the things you need to learn is how to ask for what you need in all facets of your life. This book will help. Have a good afternoon."