VerucaBeyotch- THANK YOU (:! Your review really made my day! I am glad, very much glad that you are enjoying this weird parody! You do not need to worry, there is much more to come, for I cannot wait until I get to Epiphany and By the Sea.
Sweeney Todd Parody
Chapter Two: The Worst Pies in London
Disclaimer: Me. No. Own. Sweeney. Todd.
(Sweeney walks all night to where he used to live; on his way there he sees many interesting things like a boy with some sort of golden ticket and Santa.)
Santa: HO HO HO! Have you been a good little boy this year?
Sweeney: I have been the best little boy! (Sweeney suddenly remembers that he has been very, very bad. Sweeney kicks Santa in the kneecaps.)
Santa: No present for you!
(Sweeney runs away from Santa, a few seconds later he arrives at where he used to live.)
Sweeney: Mrs. Lovett's Meat Pies? I'm sure everything is exactly the way that I've left it.
(Sweeney enters the shop to find out that is some sort of meat pie shop that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in fifteen years, on a counter is Mrs. Lovett-who is half asleep.)
Mrs. Lovett: Pies… Crippling debt that will one day destroy me… Meat pies….
Sweeney: O-kay… I believe I am done here…
(Sweeney starts to back up slowly out of the shop, but Mrs. Lovett hears him and slides off the counter. She pops up a second later with a dusty looking meat pie in her hand.
Mrs. Lovett: OMG! A CUSTOMER! SIT! SIT!
Sweeney: I'm sorry I disturbed you; I'll just be on my way…
Mrs. Lovett: Nonsense! Sit down and have a nice juicy meat pie!
(Mrs. Lovett forces Sweeney to sit in a chair, she then hands him the plate with a meat pie on it.)
Sweeney: Really, there's no need to feed me!
Mrs. Lovett: See that's the thing, my parents never really taught me how to be an adult, they only taught me to feed other people if they enter my home and to stuff plastic bags inside of other plastic bags. Anyways, dig in!
(Sweeney picks up the meat pie and stares at it, Mrs. Lovett stares at Sweeney with a huge smile on her face that Anthony would be proud of.)
Sweeney: if I die, you're responsible for my funeral.
Mrs. Lovett: You won't die silly! Just look at my husband Albert, he's perfectly fine… Oh wait he's dead…
Sweeney: Was that supposed to convince me to eat whatever this is?
Mrs. Lovett: Stop questioning whatever I put in this, even I don't know what's inside this, and eat it!
Sweeney: Will you leave me alone to brood if I eat this?
Mrs. Lovett: Maybe… Sexy barber…
Sweeney: What?
Mrs. Lovett: Eat it! Eat it! EAT IT! EAT IT!
Sweeney: Fine! Chanting always scares me into doing whatever the chanter wants.
Mrs. Lovett: I'll have to remember that for when we have sexy times….
(Sweeney takes a bite of the pie, ignoring Mrs. Lovett's lustful staring at his pinstriped pants and instantly spits the pie out.)
Sweeney: EW! What in God's name is this?!
Mrs. Lovett: I thought we already went over this, I don't know!
Sweeney: Are you telling me that there could be anything in this pie?
Mrs. Lovett: Sure. I think that one was made out of moths.
Sweeney: I am going to throw up forever.
Mrs. Lovett: Hey, wanna come with me into my back room and see what happens?
Sweeney: Who makes a pie out of moths?!
Mrs. Lovett: Shut up about the pie, I'm trying to flirt with you!
Sweeney: Moths! moTHS! I ATE MOTHS! ASDFGHJKLL!
Mrs. Lovett: Just shut up already and come with me.
(Mrs. Lovett yanks Sweeney out of the chair and starts to drag him over to the back room.)
Sweeney: Hey! I don't want you to take me to the room where you do the frick frack!
Mrs. Lovett: What? No, no sexy times don't come until later; I'm going to tell you a story!
Sweeney: YAY! Story time!
End of Chapter Two