Sweeney Todd Parody

Chapter Six- Wait

VerucaBeyotch- I is much, very glad that ye is enjoying the randomness of whatever this fanfiction has turned into. Just watch out for Judge Turpin, he may be gay but that doesn't mean he won't chase after pretty young girls/boys because he's your friendly neighborhood pervert.

Disclaimer: I, Supernatural Willy Wonka, do not and never will own Sweeney Todd. ):

(Sweeney is staring out of his window, brooding and sharpening a razor, that's what we call multitasking as Mrs. Lovett talks to him.)

Mrs. Lovett: This chair used to be my Albert's chair before he died, in a totally peaceful and normal way.

(Mrs. Lovett thinks back to her husband's death. Albert is sitting in his chair and trying to eat a meat pie, when his wife suddenly runs into the kitchen. Mrs. Lovett is holding a battle axe; she lets out a loud war cry as she charges and impales her husband. The baker woman then starts to laugh insanely as her husband's blood sprays all over.)

Mrs. Lovett: Sad times it was when Albert left me.

Sweeney: You are officially insane. You do realize that you said that whole thing out loud, what kind of story was that?!

Mrs. Lovett: A not very good one, I did fail my story telling class.

Sweeney: I am done with you devil woman, why hasn't The Beadle come yet?

Mrs. Lovett: It's only Tuesday, we have at least three more days until the end of the week.

Sweeney: I have the razor so I say it's Friday!

Mrs. Lovett: Time doesn't work like that love.

Sweeney: STOP CALLING ME LOVE, IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD BE CALLING ME, TODD PRINCE OF DARKNESS AND DESPAIR!

(Sweeney throws down the belt he was using to sharpen his razor and stomps away from Mrs. Lovett, to go glare in the mirror.)

Mrs. Lovett: Easy now hush, love hush, don't distress yourself what's your rush?

Sweeney: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CALLING ME LOVE?!

Mrs. Lovett: Keep your thoughts nice and lush, wait.

Sweeney: NO! I HAVE WAITED FIFTEEN YEARS TO KILL THE JUDGE! I WILL NOT WAIT A SECOND LONGER, I SHALL MARCH ON DOWN TO HIS MANSION AND SLICE HIS THROAT! THEN EVERYONE WOULD BE LIKE, "OH TODD PRINCE OF DARKNESS AND DESPAIR YOU ARE SOOO COOL, I WISH I WAS LIKE YOU!

Mrs. Lovett: Hush love hush, think it through, once it bubbles then what to do? Wait.

Sweeney: THEN ONCE EVERYONE HAS STOPPED BEING AMAZED AT MY AWESOME RAZOR SKILLS THEY'LL ALL THROW A GIANT PARADE TO CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF THE JUDGE. THERE WILL BE A DRUNKEN SANTA LIKE THE ONE I KICKED IN THE KNEECAPS ON ONE FLOAT, AND I'LL BE ON ANOTHER ONE THROWING RAZORS AT PEOPLE!

Mrs. Lovett: I've been thinking flowers, maybe daisies, to brighten up the room. Don't you think some flowers; pretty daisies might relieve the gloom?

Sweeney: Are you even listening to me woman, I am describing in great detail what I am going to do. Also DON'T YOU DARE PUT FLOWERS IN MY BARBER SHOP, I NEED IT TO LOOK DREARY AND DEPRESSING SO I CAN ANGST AND BROOD!

Mrs. Lovett: Oh wait, love wait.

Sweeney: If you call me love one more time, I shall throw you out the window onto that weird sailor boy who keeps walking back in forth in front of your pie shop. Now The Judge, when will we get to him?

(Sweeney quickly moves to the outside of the barber shop to see if The Judge has magically appeared for a shave.)

Mrs. Lovett: Can you think of nothing else, always brooding away about what happened all those fifty years ago.

Sweeney: HOW DARE YOU! First of all, I was only away for fifteen years, I've only said that about five times. Second, why must you torment my Lucy?

Mrs. Lovett: Lucy was a blonde, good for nothing piece of… I mean why don't we go back inside?

(Mrs. Lovett leads Sweeney over to his barber chair and forces him to sit in it, there isn't much of a fight for Sweeney is too focused on killing The Judge to care what Mrs. Lovett is doing to him.)

Mrs. Lovett: I could do anything I want to him, anything at all…

Sweeney: If you touch me, I'll practice on your throat.

Mrs. Lovett: Slow love slow, time's so fast; now goes quickly see what's past. Soon will come, soon will last, wait.

Sweeney: What does that even mean?

Mrs. Lovett: Shut up, I'm singing. Don't you know silly man, half the fun is too plan the plan, all good things come to those who can wait.

Sweeney: This song is really starting to bum me out, when will the frick-fracking judge come?!

Mrs. Lovett: Gillyflowers maybe, 'stead of daisies, I don't know though what do you think?

Sweeney: Both are awful, why don't we keep the room the way it is?

(Both of them suddenly hear footsteps running up the stairs, Sweeney smiles and ducks behind the door.)

Sweeney: OMG! OMG! IT'S THE FRICK-FRACKING JUDGE!

Mrs. Lovett: Remember to have fun and be yourself.

(The door swings open, crushing Sweeney as Anthony runs in like he's on fire.)

Anthony: Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd, are you in here?

Mrs. Lovett: He's behind the door love; would you like a meat pie?

Anthony: No thank you Mrs. Lovett ma'am I've been meat pie free since '63. If I may ask, why is the floor covered in pentagrams?

Mrs. Lovett: Sometimes my dear, things happen that even the wisest cannot explain.

Anthony: That sounds like something Gandalf would say, do you think I should see if Mr. Todd is okay?

Mrs. Lovett: Sure.

(Mrs. Lovett takes out a spell book and some black candles as Anthony carefully opens the door, Sweeney falls to the floor out cold.)

Anthony: Oh noes! I knocked Mr. Todd out!

Mrs. Lovett: Eh, he'll be fine. Do you want to try and summon Satan with me?

Anthony: I don't have to be anywhere until four, so why not!

(The two sit in a pentagram and start to chant a weird spell that oddly sounds like, "Never gonna give you up" by Rick Astley.)

End of-a Chapter Six-a!