((Note from BeyondSeptember12: I would just like to reiterate that I do not own Death Note or My Immortal, although now that I think about it the only thing this really has in common with DN is the character names, and sometimes not even that. Also, I am not holding this story hostage, I just feel like this parody would be incomplete without Tara's incoherent author's notes. So, without further ado, here is the chapter that contains the two worst puns I have ever made, in the same sentence.))
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!
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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a whitr miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with grey skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were white. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with white.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky red hair. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have goggles anymore and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Ed Sheeran. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm asexual so I didn't get one you sicko.
"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.
"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.
"My name's Mail Jeevas, although most people call me Matt these days." he grumbled.
"Why?" I exclaimed.
"Because I don't deliver and I let people walk all over me." he giggled.
"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.
"Really?" he whimpered.
"Yeah." I roared.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Mello came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.