Disclaimer: Arrow does not belong me. All rights belong to DC Comics, The CW, and those persons associated in the creation of the show and comics.

A/N: *gasp!* Could it be a new update!? It is! My muse ran with this because ever since I started this fic, this chapter had always been in my mind. I guess you can call it a personal headcanon. It's my angsty chapter, and I hope I did it justice. This fic is not beta-ed, so all mistakes are mine. I hope you all enjoy!

4.

Felicity stared blankly at nothing as she leaned against the rough, rocky wall in the hallway outside of Oliver's room. She failed. Their attempt to escape Nanda Parbat fell through just as Malcolm had said, and she was going to lose Oliver forever. There wasn't a single thing that she regretted about the night they shared, but you can't blame a girl for feeling a little put out. Finally getting the man of your dreams, the man you've been in love with for sometime now, and have it all taken away in the blink of an eye. No, life wasn't fair, but couldn't it be every once in a while?

Her solemn musings were broken by the squeak of hinges as Oliver stepped out of his room. The dour expression on his face surely matched hers. For a beat neither spoke as the door returned to its closed position and he took the few steps to stand by her side. Attempting to mask the gloom of the situation, the corners of Oliver's mouth ticked up in the semblance of a smile, but there was no stopping the inevitable. He finally broke the silence.

"It's time to meet up with the others."

Afraid to speak, because who knew what that would open up, Felicity simply nodded and turned to start their trek to the temple's entrance. Oliver quickly fell in step beside her. For as much as he wanted to grab her hand and lace their fingers together, and she wanted to wrap her arm around his waist and lean into him, neither made the move to do so. They wished desperately to prolong that connection they created only a few hours before, but why make the ache of saying goodbye even more painful?

So with foot of space in between them, Oliver and Felicity continued on, silent and somber, to meet up with their friends.

.o.0.o.

Trudging away from Oliver, Felicity kept her hands fisted at her sides, deliberately stopping her fingertips from skimming across her still tingling lips. She refused to think about it, refused to acknowledge the crunch of her footsteps as she walked away from the man who had her heart. Because the second she accepted that they just said goodbye – without actually saying goodbye – everything would become real, and the tight hold on her emotions would vanish. Felicity managed to keep the floodgates closed since the failed escape attempt; if Oliver could be strong, so could she.

With every step closer to the plane, the more numb Felicity felt. Digg was waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs leading up into the aircraft. He noticed the stoic, blank look on her face, but didn't say anything, just made sure Felicity got on board safely, so they could get back to Starling as soon as possible. The group sat in the back for take off. There was more room, and Thea would be able to relax and rest once they reached proper altitude. For the most part they all traveled in silence. Malcolm kept an eye on Thea, Diggle kept a closer eye on Malcolm, and everyone seemed to be on the same page with letting Felicity have this time to herself.

The second the seatbelt sign was turned off Felicity was up and out of her seat, moving towards the front of the plane. She needed to be alone. Choosing the seat Oliver occupied on the way to Nanda Parbat, she slumped down into the leather and stared into the black abyss outside the small window. With the hum of the plane engine as her only companion, Felicity was left with nothing but her thoughts to pass the time. But those thoughts were dangerous territory right now. Hoping to remain in her numb state, she decided she needed something to occupy her mind until they touched down in Starling.

Walking to the on-board hold, she grabbed the emergency duffle she packed in order to find her tablet. A few episodes of Buffy were in order. Unzipping the bag, Felicity prepared to search for her electronic baby when she discovered soft, grey fabric impeding her way. She didn't remember packing anything grey. Curiosity getting the better of her, she pulled out the item and found herself face to face with a large, grey zip-up hoodie. Oliver's large, grey zip-up hoodie. That's when the bottom dropped out.

He knew. Even before the plane took off from Starling City, he knew he wouldn't be returning from this trip. This was his goodbye. As much as they both didn't want this separation to be final, there were no guarantees. Any hold Felicity had on her emotions disintegrated the second she recognized what she was holding in her hands. Her face crumbled and tears poured down her cheeks as she clutched the fabric to her chest like it was her last lifeline to Oliver.

Moving quickly back to her seat, she collapsed into the chair and buried her face in the fabric. It still smell like him, warm and musky with the faintest hint of leather, just like when he finished an intense workout. It smelled like the Foundry; it smelled like home. Ra's started this by driving his sword through Thea's chest, and ended it by driving a metaphorical one through Felicity's heart.

Heaving a deep breath through one of her sobs, Felicity managed to uncurl herself and slip the hoodie on. She zipped the jacket up to the neck, and threw the hood up covering her whole head. Encompassed by Oliver's hoodie, Felicity breathed deep his scent and buried herself in the warmth it offered. Letting it sooth her, tears continued to streak down her face, but the sobbing calmed. She imagined the soft fabric to be Oliver wrapping her up in his arms, like he had done just the night before. Her heart ached; last night felt like a lifetime ago.

Consumed by the smell of him, Felicity let the memories wash over her. The love they shared was neither slow nor fast, hard nor soft. It was a connecting. A coming together that filled voids caused by past pains. Felicity couldn't remember a time she felt so free, so light. It was beautiful, passionate, and loving all in one. As they lay together entwined in each other arms, skin cooling in the evening air, Felicity's heart felt whole, complete, sated. She closed her eyes and wished to never wake from that perfect dream.

But the dream shattered. It became nothing more than a precious memory with the dull clunk of metallic cups. Felicity had no desire to sleep, but she was exhausted. Cloaked in the comfort of Oliver's parting gift, she let sleep take over. Restless, but deep, nothing woke her until they touched down in Starling.

.o.0.o.

As everyone began to disembark from the plane, Diggle quietly made him way up to the front seats. Finding Felicity curled up in a ball, and fast asleep beneath a large grey sweatshirt, his heart went out to her. He and Thea might have lost a brother, but Felicity lost something more than just a close friend. With a sigh, Diggle gently roused her, never mentioning the new addition to her ensemble or the thick red rim around her eyes. Guiding her out of the aircraft, he led her over to one of the two cars that pulled up just as they began to taxi in along the runway. He made sure that she was comfortable in the passenger seat and their belongings stowed in the truck before heading to the driver's side door. Glancing over toward the other car, he caught Malcolm's eye and the pair shared a silent conversation via penetrating stares. This was far from over.

They then proceeded to enter their respective cars and head off into the cool Starling evening – Malcolm taking Thea back to the loft, and Diggle dropping Felicity off at her townhome. Diggle and Felicity drove in silence, the former not knowing quite what to say and the latter too lost in her thoughts. When they arrived, Diggle turned the car off and the quiet surrounding them became even more deafening. Turning to face her when she made no move to get out, he opened his mouth to speak, but Felicity beat him to the punch.

"Digg, just… don't."

He sighed in resignation, but accepted her request. "Ok, but are you going to be okay on your own tonight? You're more than welcome to come stay with Lyla and me."

Felicity didn't know how to answer his question, because neither seemed to be the preferred option. However, she ended up shaking her head. "I'm just tired and want to go to bed. I'll be fine."

Diggle wasn't sure if he believed her, but trusted her to know herself and what she needed. "Alright, but if you need anything don't hesitate to call."

Helping with her bags, he said goodnight with the promise of discussion and planning tomorrow. Felicity entered her apartment and felt… nothing. Once again she was numb, having worn herself out on the plane ride back home. Dropping her bag where she stood, she headed straight for her bedroom, her mind and body suddenly on autopilot. She headed straight for her dresser and pulled out her comfiest pajamas, and placed them on her bed. Reverently, Oliver's hoodie was taken off and placed next to her sleepwear before she stalked to her bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face.

Her nightly routine was the only thing keeping Felicity grounded, keeping her mind focused on something other than the pain. Next she moved into her closet, stripped off her clothes, dirty and smelling of temple's strange mixture of sweat and incense, and threw them in her hamper without much thought. Clad in only her underwear, she walked back towards her bed, ready to shut off her mind and fall into a deep, deep sleep. That was until she came face to face with that grey hoodie lying on her bed, right were she left it.

Staring at his hoodie, the emotions that quickly surfaced felt like a punch to the gut. Everything Felicity dealt with earlier came back with a vengeance and for the first time in a very long time her world felt like it was unraveling. The Foundry was gone. Roy was forced to leave Starling City. And Oliver joined the League of Assassins. Of course she wasn't completely alone, she still had Diggle, Lyla, Laurel, and Thea, but the family was fractured. Things were missing.

Walking slowly over to her bed, Felicity picked up the jacket and slipped it back on, ignoring the pajamas she had set out. She zipped it up slowly, relishing in the connection to Oliver and the comfort it gave. His warmth, smell, and safety surrounded her once more. It relaxed her as much as pulled at her heartstrings. Tears began to form in the corner of her eyes as she crawled into bed. Taking a deep breath that wavered as she held back the heavy sobs, Felicity closed her eyes and allowed the memories to slip back in. Tomorrow she could be sad, or angry, or defeated. Tomorrow she would deal with the fallout and what it all meant. But tonight, tonight she would remember her Oliver, hold him close in the only way she could, and sleep.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you enjoyed the story, I'd love to hear what you think. Until next time!

-RedPens&GreenArrows