Chapter 11: A Tale of Two Kittens

Hi everyone!

My apologies for taking so long, I started a training program that does a graveyard shift, so my afternoons are primarily spent sleeping.

Seeing as I don't want to spoil the main pairing just yet, I'll leave it to your imagination for the moment to try and figure out who Harry/Arius will be with.

The known pairings as they stand are: Rangiku/Gin Ichigo/Orihime Rukia/Renji (Rukia/Renji is now going to appear. It will make more sense in the chapter. Thankfully there was actually chemistry between the two.)

Potential pairings: Hermione/? Luna/? Ikkaku/? Yumichika/? I am unsure what to do about these four, but I really wanted to have a pairing for Hermi at the very least. Tell me who you think these guys should be with or if you think they should stay solo. But give a good reason also! Mindless pairings are a no-no for me. Tell me in a review, as I won't be doing another poll for a while yet, if ever.

Warning: Mild laugh inducers

Enjoy! ^_^

The Unknown Captain: A Tale of Two Kittens

The next day was aggravating for Arius as he had to stay in bed to recover from the overexertion of his powers the previous night, and the house elves were quite adamant that he not move. He, of course, scoffed at them, until he fell flat on his face and found he couldn't move that is.

And so, stuck in his bedchamber, he took to reading up on what happened while he was dead. Looking at the newspaper in his hand, he couldn't help the scowl that appeared on his face. It seemed that Fudge, even though he had been fired, had managed to get his old position back after the murder of Minister Scrimgeour and the attempted murder of Minister-Hopeful Amelia Bones that resulted in her going into a magical coma with no signs of recovering any time soon. The man even had the nerve to reinstate Umbridge, despite the public outcry that occurred after it hit the press. They still remembered the blood quill used on their children it seemed. Although why they re-elected the man anyway is beyond him.

Snape had been awarded for killing Peter Pettigrew, who, it seemed, had survived all this time and was the actual perpetrator in the crime that got Sirius locked away with no trial. Arius was quite sure that the man was ordered to get rid of him by his true master and that he took great joy in ending the rat's life.

Not that it mattered to him, he had long since put aside that grudge. Having three-hundred years to brood on a subject will do that to a person. Now the reason he didn't get over Ron's betrayal as well as Dumbledore's, Mrs. Weasley's and Ginny's was because they were doing it the entire time and kept saying it was for the best and that he needed to go along with it. Needless to say he wasn't anymore.

Those three had done everything in their power to keep him under their thumb, and, he was ashamed to admit, they had succeeded for a time. But no more. No more would he bow to their wishes or believe their sugar-coated lies. He refused to lower himself to such a level again after all this time.

It wasn't until the next day that things began to get a little more... interesting, yes that's the word.

For when the doors to the Great Hall opened while everyone was having breakfast, in walked... a black cat?

But it seemed that Professor McGonagall had a different opinion on the matter. People were confused as to how the cat opened the door, but, when considering that it was a school of magic, shrugged it off and went back to eating.

Minerva for some reason felt that there was something inherently wrong with the dark-furred feline, and her hackles were raised much like if she were in her Animagus form. Her eyes became slits, much to Snape's and Slughorn's shock. It was a lesser known ability among Animagus, that when you have unlocked your inner animal and can transform with ease, that you can make certain body parts resemble that of your animagus form. And one of the parts you can change are, of course, the eyes. Thankfully the butt cannot be changed otherwise the fair few who have the ability to turn into skunks would overrun the world. Even Professor Dumbledore fears what would happen if they had such an ability, which was why 700 years ago every single child born to a wizard was forced to be put through a ritual that made such changes impossible. A rather ingenious idea set forth by William Wallace of all people. It seemed he was a rather accomplished battlemage who was tired of facing off against the Skunk mages and everyone else who had faced them agreed. They were few in number, true, but what they lacked in bodies they made up for with smell.

Back to the Great Hall, the esteemed professor leapt onto the staff table transforming as she did so, scattering her food as she jumped. She ran down the length of the hall and stopped in front of the cat who seemed to be holding back a laugh. But of course everyone knows cats can't laugh.

But with McGonagall pulling her transformation, she drew all eyes onto herself and the cat before her.

She began yowling angrily at the black feline for a little while before the cat released the laugh it had been holding in.

"Hahahahaha!"

The hall was stunned into silence at the sound of the surprisingly deep voice that issued from the intruder.

"That has got to be the best joke I've heard in a long time! Thanks for that. But seriously, just change back, it'll make talking easier wouldn't you agree?"

Minerva was actually stunned out of her feline form as her concentration was shattered. Dumbledore's glasses slipped off his nose and clattered onto the table, cracking as they did so. Snape's reaction was probably the most amusing, as his mouth was dropped so low a fly actually flew into it, whereupon he actually started choking and when he passed out the fly left the greasy-haired man's throat buzzing loudly as it did so.

If one could speak fly this is what they would have heard:

"That man's throat was so greasy I wonder how he gets anything down it! *Buzz buzz* I mean really! The guy's poop is probably greasy! And I swore never to try greasy stuff again after that redneck in America decided to see what would happen if he poured bacon grease on his! I guess it's Ireland next."

Meanwhile, while looking at the cat that could talk, Muggleborns were reminded of a certain feline from a television show that worked with a bottle-cap collector and a female with a ridiculous amount of red hair.

The feline looked up at the old witch and smirked, "How nice to see you as a human. But seriously, I didn't come to chat with you. Toshiro!" 'he' barked, "Get your skinny little ass over here, now!"

Mumbling about short jokes and stupid catwomen, he stood up as directed and walked over sulkily, and stared down at the creature with a look that promised pain if they persisted with the height comments.

"I'm here, Shihoin, now what do you want?"

"This place is too open, so unless you want me to do it and and make everyone pass out from bloodloss we will have to relocate to a more secluded setting."

And with that they left the dining hall and walked into an unused classroom that likely hadn't seen use in centuries given that spiderwebs covered everything.

Clearing a table of the stuff with a wave of his hand, he sat down in a chair that he forgot to clean as well and heard a distant *crunch* once he was situated. Shihoin cackled at the look on the small captain's face.

Laughing hard, the black cat was suddenly surrounded by a cloud of smoke, which, upon dispelling, revealed a naked slender and dark-skinned woman of average height with golden-colored eyes and long purple hair that stretched down her back. (A/N: taken from Bleach Wikia)

Toshiro, having seen it before and not wishing to look foolish with blood dripping down his nose, turned his body away so as to not tempt fate. He quickly pulled off his outer robe, re-sized it and handed it to her so she could have something to cover herself with. Once she was, he turned around and groaned, because she had left the top undone slightly revealing the tops of her breasts.

She giggled perversely at his unease, "Oh, Toshi, you really need to lighten up. Otherwise you'll get wrinkles in your old age."

A vein ticked on his forehead, "Who are you calling old, you old hag?"

Shihoin's face darkened and suddenly Hitsugaya wished he hadn't said that. After all, if there was one thing to be said about talking with a female Shinigami it was don't bring up their age if you wanted to live to see tomorrow.

Backtracking quickly, he said in his most flattering voice, (which he never used before so it really only made her want to laugh) "And you look absolutely beautiful despite that!" He was sweating internally as he hoped she wouldn't kill him for bringing up the tabooed subject around the temperamental former Captain of the Second Division.

When she simply smiled, he knew he was free and clear, as only her regular regular smiles boded trouble.

She looked at Toshiro closely, a frown appearing on her face, "You know, the only reason I am even here is because Kisuke told me he was getting strange readings from England, and tracked it here. But now that I am, I can't narrow in on it. It's almost like it just disappeared entirely overnight. Do you know what would have caused such a thing?"

The old/young Shinigami started to sweat. He had a pretty good idea what she was talking about. It had to have been Arius before the Horcrux was removed two nights ago and he had a pretty good idea what she would do if she found him. Unfortunately for Toshiro, while he was trying to think of a way to get her to leave without appearing anxious, the former commander of the Onmitsukido was watching him closely. So closely in fact, that when he finally came up with something he found himself staring right into her eyes.

Giving a high-pitched shriek, he leapt backwards into the table, his eyes wide. "What's wrong with you?"

She gave an evil chuckle, "Many things, but that's not the point. You were trying to get rid of me (he sputtered his denials which she ignored) and thought you could pull one over this poor women and not expect me to see right through it? How stupid do you think I am? Don't answer that," she added when she saw his mouth open to no doubt give a biting answer.

He sighed, "I guess I have no choice ("Darn right you don't," she said smirking) so I'll tell you." He took a deep breath and dove in, knowing full well what her reaction would be. "My new subordinate had a soul fragment attached to his forehead since his birth and ever since he was returned to his body his Spiritual Pressure increased dramatically. It wasn't until two nights ago that, upon leaving his body, he discovered his little passenger and destroyed it as when he left his body it followed, seeing as it was anchored to his soul."

She looked at him quizzically for a moment before bursting into full-on laughter. It wasn't until she caught sight of his face that she knew he wasn't joking, however ridiculous the story may have seemed.

"Hm, that is quite the tale, but I haven't known you to lie about things like this so I suppose I will have to take your word for it." She noticed he sighed in relief. "Now, where is this 'Arius'? I haven't met him before, and I am pretty sure I would know about someone that powerful."

Hitsugaya shifted nervously, "Well... You see... The thing is..." before he could even get close to finishing the door burst open to reveal the very man they had been talking about. And he looked right peeved.

"Captain Hitsugaya, I expected better from you. I don't care if you know who it is, you don't walk away with it without a proper escort. You never know if it could be a spy or an assassin taking a friend's form." It was at that moment that he noticed the other occupant in the room, and her state of dress, or rather, lack of. He peered at her warily, doing all he could to avoid staring at her chest, "As much as I admire you for running off to meet with naked women, Hitsugaya, this is very unprofessional." Toshiro's forehead grew a tick as realized what his fellow captain was saying.

Yoruichi grinned widely, and, swinging her hips in a slightly hypnotic fashion, sauntered up to the Shinigami and ran her hand down his arm. He tried to hold it in, but a light dusting of pink appeared on his cheeks as shivers went down his spine.

"Hello stud, my name's Yoruichi Shihoin, but you can call me Yoru." Needless to say she was cackling madly inside at the emotions she could see in the new captain's eyes.

Stuttering, he quickly pulled his arm away and made a good-sized gap between the two. When he managed to regain control of himself, he coughed into his hand and said in as serious a voice as he could muster, "Very well, Ms. Shihoin (she visibly pouted at this, and Arius gulped mentally at the sight) as it seems you now have knowledge that you shouldn't have, seeing as I know clearance wasn't granted for such a thing," he said that last part with a glare at his tiny superior who only sighed in response.

"If you must know, Pelagios, Yoruichi has been granted a pass that allows her to help in any mission she deems fit, regardless of whether or not others want her there." He looked crossly at the dark-skinned rebel who merely shrugged.

"The big boys in charge decided that since I would have done it anyway that they would just make it official." When she saw the probing look that Arius was sending her she smiled innocently and fluttered her eyelashes at him, which had him shuddering and taking a nervous step backwards. At which point she noticed the look Toshiro was sending her where she chuckled, "Okay, I might have asked them to give me one. ("Might? More like nagged." He couldn't say anything else as he had a fist rammed into his skull) Ignoring that, they gave me it and now I am basically a freelance agent. Ain't that great, sweetie?"

After viciously suppressing another shudder, he looked her straight in the eye and said, "Be that as it may, you aren't free to do as you wish, we have an already established chain of command and I won't have you subvert it for your own ends. Are we clear, Ms. Shihoin?"

The room was getting hot as they stared each other down. Hitsugaya, deciding that he didn't want to get stuck between the two, left quietly, closing the door behind him, although neither noticed.

Arius looked her angrily in the eye as she did the same, although neither were aware of the others' thoughts, which were as thus:

By Kami this lady has seriously big boobs! I mean, come on! I've only seen knockers this big on Orihime. And I can attribute that to a lack of mental faculties. After all, that mass had to go somewhere cause it clearly wasn't upstairs. And when will she put on some clothes? That robe isn't covering anywhere near enough.

This guy is going to be a goldmine of laughs. He might come across as serious but that comment earlier proves he at least has a sense of humor. I'll have so much fun playing with him.

The glint that appeared in her eyes scared Arius deeply, and it showed in his eyes and his body as he took a step backward, "What are you thinking about?" he asked nervously.

Light reflected off her eyes and she let out a disturbing laugh that sounded like she was queen of the world. She walked forward with a speed he didn't expect and she kissed his cheek, resulting in a light blush on his cheeks once more, and whispered in his ear, "You'll find out soon enough, stud."

And with that she was gone to who knows where, and just in time, as Hermione and Neville burst into the room at the same time and saw him standing alone, Hermione was the one who asked, "Harry, who were you talking to in here? We heard raised voices."

Turning around, he looked at the pair coldly, sending shivers down their spines at the harshness it held, "What happened in here was of a confidential nature, and I expect that anything that was said in here stays in here, am I clear?"

At their fast nods, he nodded also and left the room, leaving the two to wonder, What happened that got him so flustered?

Well, I finally sat down and finished the tweaking of this chapter. And yes, even if the edited areas were small, it was still necessary due to me changing Harry's pairing. And yes, I did just turn Yoruichi into a troll, but then again, she was one in the series too. :)

Don't worry, there will be more (cat)fights between McGonagall and Yoruichi in the future. Most likely real ones, as this one ended in a burst of laughter.

Please tell me what you think. I hope you liked it. And no flames. If you don't like what I'm doing, stop reading, it's that simple.

Thanks for reading and a Merry Christmas to all! ^_^