Maria lay dozing in the warm sunshine wrapped in a blanket and her husband's arms, watching clouds racing across the sky, listening to the sounds of the birds singing and the breeze rustling through the long grass. She silently thanked God for all the blessings he had bestowed on her. One of her greatest sources of joy in the last eight months had been seeing how Georg and his children had been re-forging unbreakable bonds of love. He had been working hard to make up for the lost years as he called them, and they had been more than happy to meet him half way. The children's birthdays had become one such source of building these loving bonds. Maria smiled thinking of their special birthday activities and the joy on their faces.
It was Maria who had initially come up with the idea when Georg had asked her advice on what to give Louisa for her birthday. She had thought long and hard about what to give his most serious and reserved child, and kept coming back to the fact that the thing each child treasured most was individual time with their father. So she suggested that Louisa be allowed to choose an activity to do with her father in the hours before breakfast on her birthday.
Louisa had been delighted, opting to go horse riding at dawn. Basking in her father's love and attention, she had blossomed. When she came back, this usually solemn child, so rare to smile, was seen laughing happily as Georg walked in with his arm around her telling her of his boyhood horse-riding mishaps. That precious hour was more special to her than the expensive painting set that her parents had given her. With the other children enviously observing her special time with their father, they had asked if they too could have this choice, and so a new family tradition had been born. On their birthday each child could spend the early morning hours with their father in whatever activity they wished.
When Gretl's turn came she chose to have a tea party in the nursery with her father. Maria had peeked in to see Georg sitting solemnly at the little table between a wide-eyed porcelain doll and a bedraggled teddy bear, eating imaginary birthday cake as Gretl poured him invisible tea with her tea-set. Just when Maria thought she could not possibly love her husband more, she found her heart swelling just that much more with tenderness. He looked up at her as she sneaked a peek and he gave her a self-conscious smile and self-deprecating shrug in the same way that he had done after singing Edelweiss.
Even though Marta's birthday had already passed she was given her chance too. She chose to go for an early morning drive in the car with her father. But being unused to his individual attention, she had become so overwhelmed with shyness and happiness she could not speak a word during the whole time. Unlike with Gretl who had kept up a constant stream of chatter, it was Georg who spoke gently and patiently with his shy little daughter for the full hour. When she came back, carried by her father, her face buried in his neck, she had run to Maria. To Georg's amused disbelief the little girl had found her voice again, cuddled up in Maria's lap telling her where they had been, what they had seen and what her father had said. Marta later confided in her that next year she would not be so shy.
Brigitta, whose birthday was close to Christmas, had chosen to hire a horse and carriage festooned with Christmas decorations to ride through the streets of Salzburg with her father. Wrapped in blankets they had arrived back with snowflakes dusting their clothes and their eyelashes, exhilaration in Brigitta's eyes as she hugged him closely, not wanting the moment to end ever.
Kurt opted to go fishing even though it was the dead of winter and bitterly cold on the lake. Georg did not protest and so the two set off in the dark morning light, bundled up in clothes and blankets so that Georg could teach his younger son to fish. When they came back, their faces were red from the biting cold, and in Kurt's case also excitement as he showed off three small lake fish. He nearly burst with pride when Georg instructed the cook to fry them up with butter and lemon for the morning breakfast so that everyone could have a small piece.
Friedrich's birthday fortunately was in the warmer months so his choice to learn how to sail a small boat had been more easily accomplished. Borrowing a small sailing skiff from neighbours Georg had taught his older son how to ease and trim a sail as well as basic jibe and tacking maneuvers. From the happy and boyish smile on her husband's face Maria could tell he had enjoyed the early morning sail almost as much as Friedrich.
Liesl's birthday was still to come and she was still undecided on what to do, both helped and hindered by a constant stream of advice from her siblings, on what had now become one of the family's most cherished traditions.
Maria felt Georg stirring beside her, his eyes opening drowsily, blinking in the sunshine. After a moment of confusion, memories came back of their blissful afternoon. He spent several long moments tenderly kissing her. "We need to get back to the chalet darling."
Georg lit the lanterns inside the chalet. They cast pools of warm soft golden light around the wooden interior, shadows flickering and dancing. He also lit the fireplace since even in the summer the nights could have distinctly chilly bite. As they ate their dinner Maria enjoyed having a relaxed informal meal with her husband for once, rejoicing in the freedom to kiss him and touch him whenever she wanted. During dessert she sat on his lap, his arms around her slender waist as she fed him the tiny sweet wild strawberries they had discovered on their trek back, laughing as he kissed and nibbled her fingers.
Inevitably their conversation turned the children. "I wonder how the children are," she mused.
"No doubt running rings around Max while he spoils them rotten with ice cream for dinner and midnight bedtimes," he responded dryly.
"I hope Louisa is alright. She is so sensitive these days. It's such a difficult age." Before they left Louisa had gone out of her way to pick a fight with Kurt and then turned on Brigitta when she intervened. Friedrich, ever the peace-maker, had also faced her wrath before she stormed upstairs to her bedroom with a loud slam of the door.
"Hmph," Georg snorted, finding his second daughter's tantrums inexplicable and irritating. "She is so moody and bad tempered - I don't know where she gets it from."
Maria nearly laughed as she said with a certain amount of irony "Yes it's a complete mystery."
He heard the laughter in her voice and saw the suppressed mirth in her eyes. "Ah, so you think she gets it from me do you?" he asked with mock indignation.
"Well darling, in some ways she is like you and in others she is not. She does tend to brood about things and she feels things very deeply. She is slow to trust but when you earn her respect she is fiercely loyal. You know, out of all the children I think she was the most upset about this trip. She buries her feelings deeply but they come out in other ways. Underneath I think she is terrified that although we are so happy as a family now it will all go terribly wrong and she will be alone and bereft again. She is testing us all the time to see whether we will keep loving her. I hurt her terribly when I ran away to the Abbey without saying goodbye and she has not forgotten that." Maria sighed regretfully, "I need to make it up to her and earn her trust again, but I think it will take some time."
Georg rubbed his mouth with two fingers, listening thoughtfully, gaining fresh insights into his most puzzling and difficult child. "How did you get to be so wise, Fraulein?" he asked. Both of them smiled, remembering how he had asked her that same question long before they were engaged and at that time she had felt confused and secretly elated by the warmth in his eyes. She had made some flustered response about not being wise and then fled, her heart racing, confused and distracted for the rest of the evening, both craving to spend more time with him and to run away from him.
"Now Friedrich on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He is always helpful and always doing his best for the family. Such a sweet sunny nature – I assume he gets that from his mother?" Maria teased him.
"Yes, he is a lot like her. He was always Agathe's favourite, though she hid it well from the other children. He was her golden boy and she adored him."
Maria remembered how helpful Friedrich had been the previous weekend on their family hike when the two little girls had inevitably become tearful with exhaustion, their legs aching. Georg had put Gretl on his shoulders but was unable to help Marta. Without prompting Friedrich had volunteered to piggy back Marta. Even though Maria knew that of all his sisters, he had the softest spot for Marta, it could not have been easy for a boy of 15 to manage her weight over the uneven terrain. When his father had squeezed his shoulder and quietly said to him "Thank you son, I know I can always rely on you," Friedrich had flushed with pride and pleasure at the praise and seemed to grow another two inches taller. He carried Marta so cheerfully and playfully that she started giggling again as they headed down the mountain to the train station.
Maria smiled - Friedrich was certainly turning into a fine young man, always trying to emulate his father. Though he had been confused and disappointed when he had suggested to Georg that he go to a military academy and Georg had firmly discouraged him.
"Why don't you want Friedrich to follow in your footsteps? I thought all fathers wanted to have their sons follow them?" Maria asked.
"Because he is only suggesting it because he thinks that's what I want. I joined the naval academy at 14 and it was a horrid brutal place. And although I loved being on the seas in peacetime and had wonderful adventures visiting far flung exotic place, during wartime it was hell on earth. I don't want either of my boys to bear witness to the things I have seen in wartime. So many young men cut down in their prime - I could not bear it if something happened to them. I'll talk to Friedrich again and explain better. He is doing well in sciences, maybe that would be a better path for him."
There was a pause as Maria tried to think about how to broach the subject their eldest child. "And, darling, I need to talk to you about Liesl," Maria began cautiously.
"Oh? That sounds serious…?" A thought occurred to him, igniting his temper. "Is this about that wretched telegram boy? Is Liesl trying to get you to persuade me to let him see her? Well it is absolutely out of the question!"
"No darling…" Maria tried to interrupt but it was too late – his temper was well and truly erupting. From previous experience she knew she would just have to wait out the storm.
He continued furiously - "You and Liesl are very naïve when it comes to young men but I am not. I know what they are like and what they want. I'm sure that the two of you harbor some ridiculous romantic notions that their situation is like our own love story but it is not. That damn boy did not even have the decency to ask permission to see my daughter, instead sneaking around behind my back. I would not have given my permission but at least I would have respected his courage and integrity in asking for it."
He scraped back his chair angrily and started pacing, the fingers on one hand wiggling in his agitation as he continued. "If she wants to come out as a debutante in a year or so then she cannot have the slightest smudge on her reputation. I don´t know how far things went but if he has acted dishonorably I will wring his neck," he said with gritted teeth.
Maria decided not to tell him that Liesl had confided in her about her first kiss. Georg was enraged enough. Instead she said "She hasn't seen him since that time you ordered him off the property."
Georg snorted with derision, "I should have thrown him in the damn lake when he gave me the Nazi salute."
Maria walked up to him and hugged him to stop his pacing, but his body remained rigid in her arms, still enveloped in his rage. She kissed his angry mouth but it remained set in a grim terse line. She spoke to him softly. "It was wrong of Rolf to see her behind your back. I don't think it went far and it is all over now. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about. It's related in a way but nothing to do with Rolf. I need you to listen to me though."
He gave a curt nod to indicate he was listening, and she noticed his body was relaxing from its angry state in her arms. She led him to the sofa facing the fireplace, the soft golden glow and the dancing flickering flames helping to sooth him.
She waited until he was settled and then began. "It's not really surprising that she thought she was in love with him. He was the first and only boy she has ever met. She has not had a chance to meet people her own age. And by believing she was in love with Rolf maybe it helped her to escape from her burdens and responsibilities for awhile, and dream like any young person. She has been a little mother to her siblings for the last four years, helping them with their problems, comforting them, guiding them. That is a huge responsibility for one so young. Even now, when the children know that we are there to help them, they often still turn to her, and it is simply too much pressure for her. She needs a chance to breathe, to have romantic dreams, to sulk and throw tantrums like Louisa if she wants to, to be free from responsibilities, to be a carefree young lady."
Georg was silent, leaning forward staring at the flames, his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. The silence drew on endlessly.
"Darling?" she asked into the silence. "Georg?" Still no response. She knelt in front of him so she could cradle his face and look into his eyes. What she saw made her heart ache. Gone was the anger, replaced by something far worse - bitter regrets and self-condemnation.
"Oh sweetheart I didn't mean this as a way to criticize you. You have made it up to the children for those years when you were lost in grief and despair."
He shook his head slowly, "I know you didn't, but it still remains that I failed her and all the other children too. She was just twelve years old when she lost her mother. Not only did I fail to help ease her pain but my neglect meant she took on the responsibility of being a little mother to the others." He shook his head in disbelief. "Just twelve years old," he repeated. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead wearily.
Maria felt annoyed with herself for hurting him, reminding him of his lost years. She should have found a more tactful way of explaining about Liesl. "Georg, the children understand about what happened. They see it as a tribute to how much you loved and honored their mother. They know that that depth of love is precious and rare. And now they have you back and they couldn't be happier. The girls adore you and the boys hero-worship you. They have forgiven and forgotten."
"They may be generous with their forgiveness, but I will regret it to my last breath. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to them," he vowed quietly. "And yes you are right about Liesl. She does need to spend time with young people her own age and without her siblings. I will see what I can arrange with various friends with children the same age."
Maria led him down beside the fireplace. He stretched out fully on the soft rug, his head in her lap, as she stroked his head and hair, caressing his face, until at last the lines of strain started to ease around his mouth. She told him amusing and sweet stories about the children until the ghost of a smile turned into chuckles and laughter.
"It's getting late, we should get ready for bed" she said, yawning.
He opened his eyes a slit to look up at her. She could see a distinct gleam in them despite the flickering flames from the fireplace. "As it happens, a number of my illicit dreams when you were our governess involved you lying on a luxurious rug beside a fire," he murmured with a smile.