Lucy's p o v

Bitch people said this word like it was a negative thing but I viewed it as a positive. To me they were just jealous they were scared because they could never be as pretty as me or as smart, talented. Some would say I was cocky but I called it confidence.

I knew what I wanted I had set my mind to it all night I wanted Brett my eyes landed on him as he came rolling into school on his blades with Simon, Richie, Malcolm and Eddie tossing a football as they cruised around laughing, did he just slap that girls butt? Oh hell no!

So Brett wanted normal huh? What did he view as normal? What did any boy view as normal? Glancing around from my locker I watched his eyes take in girls like Demi Aveeno she was tall even taller than me 5'10. She had amazing black hair that just seemed to cascade around her perfectly heart shaped face as she swayed. She didn't walk into a room she floated in. Demi was around 100 lbs, than there was Erin Johnson with her neon red hair her skin that reminded me of a perfect peach yeah she was around 102 lbs. Pilling open my locker I glanced in the mirror fat checks baby fat checks uh why did I have such gigantic facial features? Why couldn't I look like my mom she's gorgeous or my older sister Sarah? They both weigh like 90 lbs they have the most amazing sunken in checks they don't look sick but damn they look sick! I could see them in my mind their blond hair cut to their shoulders their green/ blue eyes they wear the most amazing clothes mom won't buy anything if it's not straight off the designer racks. I have the same clothes yet I can never measure up.

Brett just hugged Molly Sanders she's short with a pixie blond haircut she's on the cheerleading team but she's not one of us why would he hug her? Oh yeah she weighs less than I do. I heard her I tried to push her back but the voice inside my head became to powerful Ana was talking she demanded I listen.

Ana: "You can be as beautiful as an angel Lucy smart as a genius but you'll never be thin enough your a cow! A fat obese pathetic cow!" "You always screw it up Lucy you can't even stay thin why would he want to be with you! Look at them Lucy their winners your a loser!" My chest felt tight as I watched him dance with Megan McAllister she's a year younger than us but he had no problem with that he was laughing with her as they danced to some song. "Megan's thin she's a dancer she knows discipline Lucy she's not weak like you" She's beautiful she's happy she has Brett's eyes" "Listen to me!"

No No I couldn't she wasn't right breathe Lucy fucking breath what did your therapist tell you? Think Lucy think listen to Laura's voice calm yourself. Ana isn't real she's just your insecurities don't listen to her rules her suggestions they will hurt you. You are strong you are beautiful you can win Brett on your own.

Breathe Lucy I felt calmer when I looked up than I saw Brett hug Kendra as Megan squealed out

Megan: "Oh my god Kendra you look ah-mazing! I told you losing that weight would be the push you needed damn girl you can have any guy you want right Brett?" She nudged Brett who eyed Kendra my stomach started to rise was she serious? Was he serious? Ana: "You should tremble Lucy she knows the secret she has you beat? She's smarter she's thinner she's the winner" "You'll always be second best and second is the first to lose"

Ana:"Feel you thighs Lucy feel the fat do you really think any guy would want to hold that? They want boobs not flabby fat feel your stomach Lucy they want flat they want firm they want their kisses to trail down and cause you to squeal they don't want to feel fat and have them squeal in disgust"

Ana: "Your gross your fat your a cow your a loser guys like Brett they want winners like them that will never be you not as long as you fight me! Listen to me I know the secret the one Megan and Kendra know, I'll share it with you listen to me Lucy!"

"Stop!" Stop it leave me alone"

I felt Charlotte, Molly grab my arms they were calling to me but I couldn't hear them all I heard was her, she was driving me crazy. I felt my whole body become so tight I knew I grabbed my head. I felt dizzy, sick why wouldn't she leave me alone? I saw Molly exchange a look with Charlotte I heard them but I couldn't answer. I just fell to my knees gasping why wouldn't she leave me alone?

Megan: "I'm so glad you dumped that crazy bitch uh Lucy is so self centered and god she's fat you can do so much better right Kendra?"

Ana: "See She knows Lucy she knows who's right listen to her your a fat loser"

"I'll make you thin we have a lot of work to do once your there you will be worthy of a demi god like Brett" "Listen to your mom she's right without Brett you're nothing there's no point in being here in existing your worthless you're stupid you're fat, ugly, you're not pretty you're not brave you're friends won't love you look at Kendra she's suppose to be your best friend that bitch flaked as soon as Brett looked her way" You'll never be loved who wants to love a fat flab like you?" NO ONE!

"Stop it! Stop haunting me stop taunting me!"

Cassie: "Lucy sweetie stop she can't control you stop look at me"

I felt her grab my shoulders but I couldn't see the tears were blinding me. I felt them hugging me but why Ana was right they don't love me they couldn't. I was fat I was a loser I was never going to be pretty enough or thin enough.

Molly: What should we do Cass?" Should I get Mrs. Steffi?"

Ana: "Stop crying it won't get you anywhere but I will lose this fat you obese bitch get off this fat ass and work bitch work for him! Make a list of all the foods you can never eat again, watch fat people eat see how disgusting they are you don't want to be like that do you you goddamn cow!

If you fail I swear I will make your life hell I will haunt you, I will come to you in your sleep! You can't escape me Lucy! I am you but the better you the thinner you. I am the winner you will be just listen to me not them, they are not your friends, put that rubber band on when you think about food pull it let it go let the pain remind you of your fat that will consume you"

Don't wear a blanket let the cold soak your bones the colder you are the thinner you are getting the thinner is the winner"

When you do have to eat count the calories no more than 500. Water water water tons of water take your pills get that fat ass up every morning at three. I want you running no less than 12 miles every morning don't whine about it just do it! Weigh yourself every day morning noon and night vomit bitch vomit that fat away"

Charlotte: "Lucy look at me I will help you look at me babe I promise I will help get you there were in this together I brought the carrots, I have our notebooks, your not alone let me hold you up"

Charlotte's arms were wrapped around me as she pulled me up I was still shaking but I could smell her perfume her strength seeped into me, she was so warm. She smelled delicious like warm apple pie, I was so dizzy but now I had a shoulder to lay my head down on.

Charlotte: Let me be your shoulders let me be your voice Ana isn't right but she isn't wrong you are beautiful Lucy your not fat but I will help you watch so you don't become fat, there's beauty in pain Lucy to get to the beautiful the thin we have to suffer the pain but we won't suffer alone"

Slowly my eyes adjusted my breathing eased the tears were wiped away I saw Charlotte's smiling face in front of me. Together just two best friends with our secrets together we can do this. I felt her lips kiss my checks. As my eyes cleared I saw she was walking us to class, Molly, Kendra, Cassie were behind us whispering. I knew who my true friends were.

Thanks Charlotte.

A/N Thank you to all who favored who reviewed updates are slow sorry for the wait but I love the feedback. I promise I will update asap.