Stefan

I look down at the amazing girl cuddled on my chest, her eyes closed, her breathing even against my chest. I absentmindedly run my fingers through her hair, thinking about how when I woke up this morning all I wanted to do was drown myself in drugs but now all I want to do is talk to this girl right in front of me. I can't believe we had so many things in common, not just interests but our beliefs, the way we think. We were even born in the same state, California, it is a small world after all.

I sigh a little and close my eyes, pulling her closer, I almost never want to let her go, but I know she has to leave soon.

I'm sorry I can't open up to you, I think as I look down at her.

But, I feel like I can, I know you won't judge me now, we're like the same person, you and I, I'm feeling things I haven't felt in awhile, not just happiness but an understanding.

I wonder how long it will take me to fuck it all up?

I'm not stupid, happy endings don't exist.

She's not yours, I remind myself as I feel my spirits get lowered.

I sigh again and pull my arms away, getting out of bed, I grab the wool blanket from the floor and cover her up.

I run my fingers through my messy hair, climbing up to the roof, once I'm up there I pull out a cigarette, memories of Elena and I flash through my head, they didn't even happen less then 24 hours ago.

I put the cigarette to my lips and grab the lighter from my back pocket, lighting it up.

I inhale the smoke and look out at the city again, the wind rushes past me, reminding me that I'm alive.

I should of never told Damon about Elena, but still, he had no right to act like that, judge me like he did. He reminded me of our father in that moment, his blue eyes we're always stern in my direction, only.

He'd push me, he pushed me towards following in his foot steps.

Father was always very critical of me, when I had told him I wanted to be a doctor after high school he told me don't dream such silly things.

So, I put a needle in that discussion and stopped talking about medical school with him, I knew he wasn't going to pay for me, and I barely had the money to afford the damn place myself.

I used to be good, such a good boy to my father, following every little order he said, not daring to question his authority.

I felt so much pressure, that I turned to something that I thought wouldn't let me down.

Drugs, they helped me out more then once, gave me an unbelievable high, and then left me crashing down, I was constantly looking for my next fix.

Drugs always make me feel like I'm the best, like no can compare, first, it started as a pick-me-up. A couple joints here and there just to relax as I took my bar exams, I wasn't the only lawyer in training getting my relaxation from drugs.
I didn't think what I was doing was bad, because they always said they preferred cocaine.

I tried cocaine after I failed my first bar exam, it was the most amazing experience of my life.

Eventually, I turned towards heroin, then my best friend died from an overdose and I stopped using that, the death was my fault anyways, I clearly remember hanging out in his basement with some of the other dealers, doing our needles and just when I was starting to get high, he told me that he was getting tired, and we all laughed it off, like you can't fall asleep, man!

Eventually, we did a couple more needles and I remember laying down on his green couch, all the guy's laughing as we played some fucking game on the Nintendo, I think it was Mario.

My friend started coughing and we weren't paying attention, I remember getting up and being like somebody help him! But my friends just got louder and my vision was blurred as I watched his face turn a violet blue, choking on his own vomit. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get that image out of my head, every time someone mentioned heroin.

Some people told me it wasn't my fault, others wanted to beat the living shit of me.

I would of let them too, I was feeling so much pain at the point, and still dealing in my free time.

Nothing was feeling right in California, so I moved here, to boring Mystic Falls, where nothing bad ever happens, I'm sure that was the town's motto.

I roll my eyes as how corny it is, as I take another drag of my cigarette, I look down at my watch and see I'm supposed to wake Elena up in ten minutes.

My heart sinks a little as I realize that I don't know when the next time I'll see her.

I head back downstairs, trying not to think of my fucked up life as I sit down on the red couch, looking down at her.

She really is so beautiful, even though she is 5 years older then me. But, really what is age? That shit don't matter to me as it does to the media, I preferred older women, I wonder if she could teach me some things.

I grin slyly.

I stare down at her again, studying her face, she has the most perfect olive complexion and beautiful doe brown eyes, making her seem innocent, but then when she talks, she sounds tough, like she could kick the shit out of me, and I'd let her.

Her body is like a goddess, I watch as her chest rise and falls, I've only seen certain parts and it just makes me want her even more.

And it's not just her looks, her personality isn't like every one that lives here, it seems like she'd be a ride or die, and I respect that.

Her husband is so lucky to have her, I hope he kisses her every night and reminds her how beautiful she is, she seems like she doesn't take compliments that well, and I don't like that.

She had to know how special she was.

I look down at my watch again, lost in my thoughts of her as I see it's time to wake her up.

I gently lean down and kiss her cheek, she doesn't stir.

I look down at her pink lips and think dirty thoughts about other ways I could go about waking her up, but I stop thinking like that as I remind myself that this was probably be over soon. At least she wasn't using me to get to her husband, I believed she actually liked me, actually was interested in my life, although I didn't let her see much she still stayed with me and she was patient, and that meant a lot.

I brush my nose over her cheek and press my lips to hers, she stirs a little, opening her mouth and that's when I know she's awake.

I slip my tongue into her mouth, feeling her body heat pressed against mine.

She kisses me back, pulling my head closer with her hands, I close my eyes and feel shivers up my spine as her tongue plays with mine, it doesn't last long, and it surley makes me want her more, as she pulls back, breathless.

She mouth turns upwards into a grin.

"Hi." She whispers.

I brush my nose against her's again.

"Hi." I whisper back.

"Is it really time to go?" She whispers, running her thumb along my lips.

I nod, a sad smile on my face.

"Yes." I say, and she frowns a little as well, we both don't move, looking into each others eyes for a second.

I'm first to move back as I sit back on the couch, fiddling with my hands.

She sits next to me, her eyes staring straight forward.

"I don't want to go, is that selfish?" She whispers, not looking at me.

I gently reach out and puts my hands on her tense shoulders.

"No, of course, not." I say, rubbing her shoulders to relax her.

She closes her eyes, her body melting from my touch, I can feel it.

"I never act on my desires." She says in a low voice, as I knead her shoulders with my hand.

"That's not good, I feel like you should every once in awhile." I whisper against her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss on it.

"That's what my friend says." She replies, sighing a little.

I continue to rub her shoulders as we're silent, both scared to admit that this was either going to end in burning flames or paradise.

"Well, I'm glad I did." She finally whispers, and I stop rubbing her shoulders.

She stands up and I stand up with her.

"Text me?" She asks, with a cute smile it reminds me of a teenage girl after her first date.

"Of course." I say, walking with her to the door.

She turns around and pokes my chest with her finger.

"I hope to see you again, tomorrow." She smiles, and I grab her wrist gently with my hand.

"You will." I promise with my best fake smile.

But I can tell she sees right through me because she gently pulls away from my grasp, running her fingers down the back of my head.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks, looking at her, her brown eyes filled with concern.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, as long as I see you again." I whisper, as I cup her cheeks with my hand, their red against my thumb.

She looks up into my eyes and smiles lightly.

"Okay." She finally whispers and I look down at her, smiling, it's true, I wasn't happy, but at least I had her make me feel better.

I didn't know when things would ever be alright, but as long as she sticks by me I know I will have more good then bad.

I lean down and kiss her forehead gently, pulling back.

"Bye." She whispers, as she turns out of my embrace and I watch her go, my heart sinking in my chest slightly.

After she leaves, I sink back onto the couch, wondering how I was going to survive without her?