Lucy
Friday night finally I took a deep breath as we stepped into the field at half time it had taken a lot of time and dedication over the last week, I was nervous as hell but it was now or never. Looking around I was pleased at how hot the team looked.
The crowd was pumped screaming stomping their feet as we went into our routine Charlotte nailed the scorpion thank god the poor girl couldn't handle another fall she was so bruised it took an hour last night icing all her body parts.
Looking around I saw the boys were just coming out of the locker room they looked pretty beat up. I mean they were losing 23-0 okay this was why we were here to cheer our team to victory or defeat which ever we just had to cheer them up.
My eyes of course landed on the only boy I cared about Brett he was barely looking up. I know how hard he was taking this first game of the season he's the captain and an under class-man he had so much on his shoulders. I spotted his parents in the crowd his mom Christina waved at me offering me a brilliant smile as I gave her one back.
The truth is there are a million reasons I should give up on us. When I am with him I don't ever feel beautiful, I always feel like I need to be better, thiner, prettier, smarter, funnier, sexier. He never compliments me anymore. When was the last time he brought me roses just because? When did he kiss me like he meant it not just because he thought he would get some? Taking another deep breath as the girls finished their flips. I should of eaten but I was glad I didn't I was so sick to my stomach right now, checking the Mic attached to me I let out that breath. Why was I so nervous? I preformed for thousands before this should be no sweat.
Even with all these reasons I couldn't let him go I mean I know Brett I've known him my whole life he was the naughty boy who would chase me around in the sandbox trying to pull down my pampers. Damn he was a pig even than but he was adorable. The boy who when we were Eleven would pick flowers from neighbors yard to give it to me. He swatted away bees so I wouldn't get stung even though he's allergic. He would wipe away my tears hold me when Ana scolded me he would tell me I was beautiful. Looking at him now I saw how hopeless he looked his eyes tore through mine.
The music changed as I raised my hand counting down for the girls on cue they changed it up breaking into our new routine. I stayed still as they danced, flipped around me while I opened my mouth and started to sing.
You got me sippin' on something
I can't compare to nothing
I've ever known, I'm hoping
That after this fever I'll survive
I know I'm acting a bit crazy
Strung out, a little bit hazy
Hand over heart, I'm praying
That I'm gonna make it out alive
The bed's getting cold and you're not here
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The moves started out slow for me my eyes focused on his reaction which didn't change at first so I stepped up my moves. Swinging my hips, making sure my chest isolations were slow sexy and eye popping. As I sung memories flooded me how we first kissed when he was trying to hook up with Kendra, the football games when I jumped extra high so he could get a sneak peek the hikes to the mountains where I fell and he carried me. How we made love on top of the mountains how loud I screamed just so he could feel like a man. Backstage at vogue when I felt too fat and had a break down how he kissed every part of me telling me it was beautiful. How he held my hair back when I was vomiting from nervous. The school dances where we were crowned king, queen how he made me feel like his queen. His arm around me all night. Petting panda's in China going site seeing in Africa, Pairs, visiting clubs in London, Japan, how we sneaked inside La's hottest club after hours drinking the most expensive champagne. Dancing till we were breathless on top of the bar making love on top of it Stealing his dad's car when we were fourteen going for a joy ride as I stood up arms out of the sun roof he was so nervous he almost crashed. He floored it to 150 I laughed and laughed.
My chest ached for all those memories as I sang…
You got me scattered in pieces
Shining like stars and screaming
Lighting me up like Venus
But then you disappear and make me wait
And every seconds like torture
Hell over trip, no more so
Finding a way to let go
Baby, baby, no I can't escape
Than I remembered all the fights catching him with Kendra, Daisy, Laura, Kendra again I remembered being so exhausted from a long shoot to see him in my bed with another girl. I remember the glass shattering as I threw a vase at him, I remember the blood, tears the feeling of never being good enough.
The bed's getting cold and you're not here
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The pills I popped never feeling thin enough, pretty enough blaming myself for not being a good girl. For being weak. I remember the insane amount of alcohol I drank to forget so I wouldn't have to feel. He would beg me to stop but I knew he didn't give a damn why would he? So we would fight and fight sometimes it got physical. He would never hurt me on purpose but it would happen anyway.
This is a modern fairy tale
No happy endings
No wind in our sails
But I can't imagine a life without
Breathless moments
Breaking me down, down, down, down
The bed's getting cold and you're not here
The future that we hold is so unclear
But I'm not alive until you call
And I I'll bet the odds against it all
Save your advice 'cause I won't hear
You might be right but I don't care
There's a million reasons why I should give you up
But the heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
The heart wants what it wants
I would shut myself out for weeks increasing my excise routine decreasing my calories. He would date other girls flaunt them in my face, he thought I would get jealous and it worked but not in the ways he wanted. I didn't run to him I took it out on myself. I internalized my pain my anger. I became my own worst enemy me and Ana.
Breathless moments breaking me down each memory a new tear escaped as the crowd hushed their screams slowly singing along. By the time I was done I was outwardly crying so was most of the crowd including his parents. Suddenly Brett was in front of me on his knees I was speechless as he took my hand.
K..I..S..S
The crowd chanted but I shut them out looking only into his eyes. His face was full of pure anxiety he was nervous what was he going to say? Would he forgive me take me back?
Lucy
Words will never fully express how sorry I am, but I truly hope that it is a good start:
I'm sorry.
I regret nothing more than what I said to you. It was wrong, stupid and immature and you do not deserve any of the grief and anger I have caused you.
I can't bear to see you unhappy because of my actions. When we started dating again, I promised myself that I would make you happy. I failed. I failed both of us. I know that you are the girl I want to be with you baby you make me happy all over. I have done nothing but think about what I said why I said it. I promise if you give me another chance I will make it up to you. You will never go a day without knowing how much I love you treasure you.
I want to make amends. I truly do. You're too important of a person to lose and I hate myself for realizing that my actions caused you pain.
I think the whole crowd gasped as I did when Brett pulled out a small box opened with a beautiful diamond ring inside tears poured out as he took it out getting up slipping it on my shaking fingers.
Brett: "Lucy I know we are young but I know what my heart wants and it wants you only you would you please forgive me and say yes to being not only my girl but someday my future wife?"
Lucy: "Yes Brett yes a thousand times yes!"
Brett jumped up like he just won the states throwing his arms around me spinning me around dipping me and kissing me with so much passion, he left me with yet another breathless moment.