Dinner is over in a flash and Tom says he's going to arrange a club meeting next time, Stefan thanks them and they hug, promising to keep in touch, until next time.
After, Tom leaves, Stefan turns to me grinning.
"Ready to go?" He asks, handing me the motorcycle helmet.
I take it from him, and we walk out to his bike, I put it on my head to hide the angry expression.
We get back to the loft late, we walk in and Stefan turns the lights back on, acting like everything is fine between us, and I'm not very angry at him, because I am, but I am also sad, sad he won't open up to me.
So, we lay in bed, both facing the ceiling and Stefan is shirtless, but I'm too mad to care or even gaze at his beautiful body.
"Are you mad at me or something?" He asks in the dark, not turning towards me.
"No." I lie, and he turns towards me, I can see his green eyes in the dark.
He moves closer to me, kissing my lips lightly, and slowly I feel the anger melt away to passion as we continue to make out on the bed, he rolls me over so I'm on top, and I look down at him, my gaze is filled with lust, as my eyes rake over his body, I had only seen him shirtless once, but damn, he was too sexy.
I move the hair out of my face and lower my lips so their below mine, he reaches up to kiss me, and I let him, gently rubbing his abs with my fingertips, he groans low, running his hands down my back, and under my dress, lightly rubbing my ass in a circular motion, I almost want to moan, but I don't give him the satisfaction, I'm still very angry at him.
He pulls away, and we're both panting in the dark.
I lean down and kiss his neck, with my open mouth, he groans low, as I nibble at his jaw line.
"I..am...very..mad at you." I mumble, rolling my hips to tease him a little.
I see his eyes closed in the dark, his hands drop from my butt as I suck on his sweet spot, I almost wonder if he heard me.
Why?" He asks, dropping his hands completely.
I get off him and lay back down and he looks at me awkwardly, I look up at the ceiling.
"I know that I'm older but I thought you'd know how to read the signs if I was mad." I ask in calm tone, watching as he fiddles with his thumbs.
"Well, I don't know you." He says, putting his hands over his hand.
"And I don't know you." I say, my voice rising.
"What are we even doing here?" I add on, watching as his arms tense up over his head.
"I don't know." He says quietly and I look at him, shaking my head. He doesn't meet my stare.
"Well, that's all I needed to know." I say in a icy tone as I start to get up, my heart sinking from disappointment
His hand gently grabs my wrist, pulling me back.
"Let go of me!" I say, my voice rising in anger.
I'm was so blind to believe that things could be different with him.
"But I do know that you make me happy and I enjoy your company, and I feel very very very attracted to you." He whispers, gently pulling me closer to him at each word.
I feel my heart flutter a little, as I lean back against him.
"I know those things." He says, moving my hair aside and his touch sends electricity down my spine.
"What do you know?" He whispers against my ear.
"I know...that you make me happy, too. But I want to know more about you, Stefan. I can tell you're not alright and it makes me sad. You're too young." I say, touching his cheek. I feel his heart rate pick up against my back. I'm not sure if it picks up in fear or anger.
"I don't want you to worry about me." He says, his voice cold.
"I want to.." I trail off, my voice sad.
"I'm afraid.. if you find out what I've done you'll run away, I just got you, I don't want to lose you.." He whispers, running his hand along my arm.
"You won't." I whisper but his face is twisted in pain and confusion and disbelief.
"Stefan, you won't." I say, my voice firm as I pull his head towards me with my hands, I press a gentle kiss to his soft lips.
I feel his relax in my touch.
I pull away from the kiss and he gently rubs my cheek with his thumb.
"Let me in." I whisper, watching his face slowly change from anger to confusion to pain and now it was something I couldn't read, he stares at me, licking his lips slowly, trying to form what he's thinking into words.
I stare at him, his heart thudding against me, his eyes are still closed and I smooth back his hair, waiting patiently for him.
"I need air." He mumbles, getting up slowly, I watch him go, as my hands shake slightly, why was it so hard to open up? Was it really that bad? That he ignored people that cared about him, he refused to talk about himself out of fear of saying the wrong thing, why was he so careful? Had he opened up to someone before and they ended up disappointing him to the point where he can no longer express himself?
I lay down in defeat, running my hands along my hair.
Didn't he know I didn't care?
I didn't care about his past, what he did, I wanted him to let me in, not push me out, like he just did. What do I have to do to show him I care, at least he said he doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to lose him, lose him to this sadness, watch it eat away at his soul, as I stand helpless.
I get up and tie my hair in a messy bun, tip toeing out of his bedroom, quietly.
"Stefan?" I whisper, looking around for his body shape in the moonlight, it was dark and he couldn't have gone far.
"Stefan?" I say a little bit louder, and then I conclude he must be on the roof, because he said he needed some air.
I walk up to the roof, feeling my heart beat in my ears as I open the roof door.
There I see Stefan, in a hoodie, staring out at the horizon, a bar holding him back from the edge, I notice his fingers are gripping it, I rush to him quietly.
"I'm sorry." I whisper, standing next to him.
He barely glances at me, his breathing even, as he looks out at the city.
"Hey, Stefan." I say as I gently touch his back, I watch him close his green eyes for a brief second, as if he's losing himself in my touch.
"I'm sorry." I say louder, gulping slightly, the wind blows to us, and I sigh deeply in it, my hand still on his back.
"It's not your fault." He says, finally speaking up, he turns towards me, his eyes staring deep into mine, it sends shivers down my spine.
It's almost like he's being honest with me, clean cut.
"I shouldn't of pushed you.." I whisper, rubbing his back with my hand in comfort.
"I shouldn't of acted like that.. Elena, I'm stupid." He says, his shoulders sinking in defeat as he closes his eyes.
"You're not, you just.. you're so damaged, Stefan." I whisper, gently moving my hand from his back to his face.
"You torture yourself because you think you deserve it, but you don't. You don't have to hide, I'm here.. if you want me to be." I whisper, and he looks into my eyes, his green eyes filled with a lot of pain.
I stare at him, my eyes vulnerable against his pain, wind rushes past us and blows little strands of hair out of my bun.
He reaches down, and takes a few strands, tucking them behind my ear, gently.
I smile a little at him, his eyes on me, and we sit there for what seems like an eternity.
"I appreciate you being here for me.." He slowly says, studying my eyes.
I nod my head, knowing that he wasn't going to talk at all tonight, and I didn't want to push him so, I grab his hand, enjoying the warm flesh against mine.
"Come back to bed, then." I whisper, tugging him from the edge, he kind of strays a little but then agrees, walking with me down the stairs and back to the loft.
We get into the bed, and I lay down, he wraps his arms around me, pulling me close, his breath is slow in my ear as I lean back, the stubble from his chin, scratching at my shoulder.
"Thank you." He whispers into the dark and I see him smile, I smile back, gently rubbing his hand with my thumb.
Eventually, we fall asleep, wrapped into each other, his arms around me, as I sleep peacefully, but suddenly I feel his shudder next to me, his grip tightens on my arm, waking me up, I stare blindly as he rolls away, not facing me.
I shrug a little, yawning and figure he just might be having one of those dreams where you jump in them.
My heavy eyelids close for a second, until he starts thrashing around in bed, I bolt up in bed, staring blindly, haven just woken up, at his behavior. He's thrashing around and whispering something gently.
"Stefan!" I cry out, putting my hands on his shoulders but he's too strong, he pushes me back, and I land on my butt next to him, he almost knocked the wind out of me, his body still thrashing under the sheets.
"Tom, get a fucking ambulance!" He yells, and I sit up again, shaking him with all my might, his hoodie is soaked through and he tries to push me away, but I block his advances.
"Stefan, wake up!" I yell, shaking him with all my might, he shudders, and I realize he's awake, when he bolts up.
"Are you okay?" I ask, running my fingers down his sweaty cheek.
"You.. you said something about Tom?" I question, but he ignores all my questions and leans his head against my shoulder, breathing heavily.
I run my fingers down his hair, biting my lip, as I stroke his hair, in a soothing manner, sweat drips from his forehead on top my shoulder, and I close my eyes.
"Shh, it's okay." I mumble, as he breaths heavily against my shoulder.
"You're okay." I say, again, and bit by bit his breathing returns normal.
He pulls his head back, his voice low.
"I killed someone." He whispers, tears in his eyes.