Charlotte

Six weeks had passed so fast I couldn't believe it but we were already in late October and life was so busy every weekend we had football games on Fridays, competition either dance or cheer Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes both, This weekend was no exception.

We were in Virginia for Cheer Extreme. In Elite Cheer leading we have around twenty Regional competitions that are considered local which take place in gymnasiums, schools, or local venues. Than we have nationals which are hosted in big venues all around the U.S. with national champions. There's about ten of them five of them offer bids to Worlds which take place in Orlando, Florida we compete on a level five senior team our object is to get a full bid to worlds. We've been to worlds five times so far since being on level five. In dance we are Senior Elite Dance team and we have around thirty Regional, Nationals competitions from January to July. Right now we were doing per-compeitions like show cases and workshops which we were still judged on.

Laying at the hotel Saturday night we had music blasting we were laying on our hotel beds the five of us were sharing a room, which right now looked like a hurricane had gone through it. Molly was dancing with Kendra who was sucking down a giant sized soda and popcorn. Molly was half naked as she twerking making us laugh white girl could not twrek.

Lucy and I were on the bed in only booty shorts and our bra's moaning I was in so much damn pain, we had upped our routine now that we were in competition season. Every morning Lucy and I did 400 crunches, ran for six miles, 300 jumping jacks, 200 straddles stretches, 200 butterfly stretches, twenty minutes of yoga, barre stretches, 400 Quadriceps stretches, than 200 upper leg ones, we did 300 pull-ups, 200 shoulder rolls. Plus we stretched before and after cheer and dance. Needless to say every part of me was on fucking fire, worst of all I felt sick to my stomach. It's been happening everyday since I was raped, every morning I wake up if I can sleep at all, throwing up. I usually have to throw up twice during the day and every night I've been sick. In truth I was starting to get very worried. Maybe it was stress between Max, school, cheer, dance and this damn secret I knew Brett had kissed Patrice I had it on video and yet I never told Lucy it would be so easy to blow them up but she cared for him and her mom had her under surveillance if they broke up she'd blame Lucy. I couldn't do that to her.

Molly: "Omg Charlotte so how was skinny dipping with Eddie?"

Groaning I rolled over to my side staring at Molly but my glare seemed to go through her.

Molly: "He seemed totally into you he was flirting smiling complimenting you the dude can't keep his eyes of you"

Kendra: "Well she does have a beautiful ass"

Molly: "Yea but you better watch Charlotte you seem to be gaining weight you have a little midsection going on"

My whole face flushed as my hands flew over my stomach, Lucy sat up glaring at Molly. Was she right was I really getting fatter? Of course I was I could recite what Billie would say I didn't need her to tell me the truth I was a pig a horrible fat messed up pig! My chest started getting tighter, I couldn't breathe what was I suppose to do? How could I change it? I was barely eating I was throwing up every damn day multiple times not even by choice my exercise routine was on point.

Lucy: "Molly who the hell are you to call Charlotte out on her weight she's thin as a rail she works her ass off every damn day you barely put in the work you eat whatever you want do whatever you want show up whenever you feel like it.

Char and I are the ones busting our asses off for eight to ten hours every day not you so don't you ever call her fat again I swear I will bust your lip wide open"

My hands fell across my abdomen, slowly going across my hips, pelvis, thighs fat fat fatty fat fat, tears welled up. I felt Lucy hug me leaning her chin on my shoulder. Kendra shoved Molly down on the bed.

Kendra: "Were sisters Moll were suppose to support each other not make our sister feel like crap your not perfect either Molly"

Molly: "Whoa bitch relax it was just a joke touchy much"

Cassie:" You don't joke about someone's weight Molly ever it's not cool"

Molly: "Sorry but it's only Charlotte she's at least normal she's not messed up in her brain like Lucy"

Kendra: "That's so wrong Molly she has an eating disorder it's not funny and it's not something to make fun of her for besides you don't know what someone is struggling with stop being a jealous bitch already Charlotte won for Best Dance Soloist today stop hating because she out scored you support her she always supports you"

Molly rolled her eyes stretching out on the bed letting out her breath muttering whatever she wasn't that good. I felt my confidence take a nose dive. I was so happy today when I got awarded for best dance soloist at the cheer competition. I had worked my ass off to nail this floor routine. I was in shock when my name was called. Now she made me doubt myself maybe I didn't do as well as I thought maybe they gave it to me cause they felt sorry for me maybe they saw what a loser I was a pig who couldn't stop eating. That made no sense why reward my gluttony?

Billie: "You're fat", "You're disgusting" "You don't deserve to eat", "You're worthless the judges saw it to they only gave it to you because they can't stand to look at your nasty fat ass shaking all that shame out on the floor. Why don't you take it as a clue you dumb bitch are worthless, unlovable, fat, ugly, disgusting, hopeless, theworld would be better off without you,you deserve to die. You need to lose weight you fat pig how many damn times do I have to remind you that your weak get your ass in there and throw up!"

3:30 AM: Get up go to the gym. Run 7. 50 miles burn 600 calories you lard!

4:30 AM: Do 800 Situps400 is not enough now do you get it!. Doupper / lower body strengthtraining.

5:30 AM: 600 jumping jacks, 400 straddles stretches, 300 butterfly stretches, Sixty minutes of yoga, barre stretches, 600 Quadriceps stretches, than 400 upper leg ones, we did 400 pull-ups, 400 shoulder rolls. Change your whole routine you lazy fat ass!

6:30 Get to school you dumb ass learn some shit but don't stop working out do leg lifts in class no less than 60, suck your stomach in image what it will be like when your thin!

Lucy: "Charlotte are you okay? Charlotte talk to me!"

Billie: "Don't listen to her she's a fake she doesn't give a damn listen to me you need to get rid of this it's making you fatter throw up throw up throw up!"

Lucy squeaked as I jumped up from the bed running into the bathroom. All the girls seemed shocked as I covered my mouth. Slamming the door falling to my knees emptying myself. I heard them banging I heard them calling my name but I couldn't stop myself. Everything came up, why couldn't I breathe? Why was my body shaking so uncontrollably? Slowly I came out all of them stood wide eyed as I held my stomach, Kendra was crying openly as Lucy threw her arms around me.

Cassie: "Look what you made her do you stupid bitch!"

I have never seen Cassie so mad before but she hit Molly punching her arms Molly tried to defend herself but Kendra shoved her down on the floor. Lucy was whispering in my ear telling me to cover it up.

Lucy: "Knock it off all of you were sisters stop fighting Charlotte baby what happened"

They all looked at me as Lucy lead me to the bed I was still shaking as she placed her hand on my forehead god I just blew it soon they would all know I was as messed up as Lucy. What was I going to say? Think Charlotte think fast. Kendra was the first to come by my side holding my hand. Cassie and Molly stood across the room from each other glaring.

Charlotte: "I'm sorry I scared all of you I haven't been feeling well lately it's just…

Tears Charlotte pour out the tears sniffling I worked myself up Kendra squeezed my hand as Cassie and Molly rushed to me sitting on the edge of the bed.

Cassie: "Charlotte sweetie talk to us were here for you"

Molly: "I'm so sorry girlie I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to ...Your beautiful you don't need to do that it's hurtful your super thin"

Billie: "Liar see you have the power to make them all fear you see how she changed her mind now she's impressed you had the willpower to do what she's too lazy to do now cover yourself you were stupid to let them all see you"

Charlotte: "I think I've been putting too much pressure on myself you don't understand how it is for us to you girls this is a hobby to Lucy and I this is life we want to go to college to study dance/ cheer we need to score big, I just I can't ….I've been working so hard I don't sleep at night I can't hold food down...I'm just really sensitive I want this so badly it hurts….I think I just made myself sick I just need you to be patient with me please"

Kendra threw her arms around me crying Molly looked scared as she came closer I swallowed allowing her to hug me. I saw Lucy behind them her eyes smiled at me I had done it I lied and they believed me. Our secret was safe. All of them promised me they would help me. No one saw through our games
I knew the right words to say thanks to Lucy. For the moment, I'm happy.

Cassie: "Oh my god I have to pee so bad!"

She took off to the bathroom as I laid down Lucy curled by my side.

Lucy: "Okay bitches lets get this shit started turn off the music pick a movie and grab some food we need a girls night in Kendra your choice tonight"

After several moments they had settled on 13 going on 30 Molly had ordered some room service as Cassie came back out looking panicked.

Cassie: "Oh my god I hate my life!"

Lucy: "What's going on?" Are you okay?"

Cassie: "I got my period and I don't have a tampon does anyone have any?"

Lucy and I looked at each other all of us girls usually get it at the same time but Lucy hasn't had hers in almost a year no one knows it though they still believe she's doing well. Kendra and Molly went through their bags as I reached for mine barely moving Kendra rolled her eyes throwing it at me.

Charlotte: "Shit I don't have one sorry"

Cassie: "You don't need one yet girl you are always so regular your the first one of us to get it"

My face burned as Kendra found one handing it to Cassie who kissed her check thanking her running back inside. Molly and Kendra turned to me questions in their eyes.

Kendra: "Charlotte have you gotten yours?" When was the last time you got it?"

I started to feel nervous I had gotten it last month hadn't I?Dear god what now? Before I could stop her Kendra grabbed my purse I yelped trying to sit up but my body was so damn sore I couldn't move fast enough. She whipped out my calender searching through her face paled as she stared at me.

Kendra: "Charlotte you haven't had your period in two months oh my god are you anorexic?"

I was sweating now as I stared at Lucy who rolled her eyes getting on her knees attacking Kendra. Telling her she was a rude cow for going through my personal belongings and making up some lie about me being stressed which caused me to miss my periods. She seemed to buy it but I didn't no matter how stressed I am in life I always get my damn period hard. I've always hated it to me it was a reminder of how fat I was how ugly it is to be a woman. Now however I wished so hard for it to be here, if it was it would mean there was no chance of me being pregnant.

Everyone settled down as the movie came on popcorn was passed around spinach and cheese puffs, salads, mozzarella sticks, I felt sick again so I passed thankfully it was so dark no one saw that Lucy and I didn't eat a bite. We just laid there in total darkness shaking holding one another. I couldn't laugh I wanted to cry what if I was pregnant how would I handle it? I felt so alone so sick I wanted to die right there and than. How would I support this baby? Would I have to drop out of school?

Give up my dreams? What would my parents think? They would never believe it was Max they would think I was a slut. They would throw me out. Where would I live? It wouldn't be fair to except Lucy to care for me. She was so sweet as it was having me stay with her every night. She would lie to my parents tell them she was afraid of being alone at night she wouldn't be able to fight Ana she needed me. They believed her of course, than there was the fact we were exhausted after practices and her house was closer so it made sense I stay with her. My parents bought it but she didn't have to do all of that for me. I couldn't ask her to put up with a baby to. How would people look at me?

I couldn't sleep so many worries ran through my head, I threw up three times. The last time I came out I saw Lucy was missing, strange I wondered if she went to use the bathroom of one of our team mates so I got back in bed sent her a text laid down closing my eyes. Nightmares plagued me I saw him...I felt him...I heard cries... I saw myself alone in an apartment with a crying baby who's eyes looked hollow my baby was staring at me asking me why I was so selfish why I couldn't feed it...I heard Billie yelling...The cries filled my head I shot up sweating almost sick again..I couldn't breathe tears streamed down.

"Charlotte"

I looked up seeing Lucy's eyes staring into mine she reached out taking my hand I followed so upset I couldn't voice any questions she lead me into the bathroom locked the door and turned on the lights. I saw she was dressed in sweat pants and a hoodie holding a plastic bag. She read my mind asking her what it was why she was dressed why she wasn't asleep the questions I was too confused and scared to ask because she opened the bag pulling out three pregnancy tests.

I could barely hold the damn tests but she was so sweet talking to me calming me down tears poured down as I tried to pee on three little sticks.

Pacing back and forth Lucy finally got tired of it took my hands pulled me to her and held me. Together we cried softly. She kept telling me it would alright no matter what. How would it be though? How would anything be alright if I was pregnant? I was only sixteen I had no money no job I was in school, how would I raise a baby? Wouldn't I just screw this kid up so badly it would wish it was dead?

Twenty minutes passed before we were calm enough brave enough to walk to the counter she held my shaking body as I peered over the counter. Please be negative please dear god I am too young for this I have my whole life ahead of me. I have dreams, I have plans. I didn't do this I was a good girl I didn't chose to have sex. Don't punish me please be ….

Positive

The tests all three of them were pos….

"Charlotte!"

Lucy's cries echoed as everything went black.