Round 'n Round We Go
~Part Five~
Cas paces. Up and down the hall and through the kitchen.
Dean should be home by now.
Cas crumples his hand into a tight fist and has to fight the desire to punch a hole through something. He doesn't know why, but he feels almost queasy. Dean said he'd be back by now. His Omega hadn't been lying, had he? No, Dean wouldn't do that. Except the voice in the back of Castiel's mind won't not give him peace.
'He thinks you're unreliable, Castiel.' The voice whispers, spreading its doubt and latching onto the seed that has already sprouted in his mind. 'He's gone to find another Alpha, a better Alpha who's stronger and will take better care of him.'
He tries to shut the voice out, but it continues to sneak back in through the crevasses and cracks in his brain. He thought he was over this. Two days ago, his doubt would have been brushed aside, pushed down into its box, labelled 'Castiel's Deepest, Darkest Fear', but it's all he can do to now keep it from overwhelming him. He tries to remind himself that Dean has promised him his love one-thousand times over, he tries to remind himself that, if Dean didn't love him, if he wasn't truly committed, he wouldn't be carrying Cas' child. It's just really hard to remind himself of these things when Dean is late home by over an hour and all he's managing to do is stalk up and down the hall, impuissant and chained with twisted worry. They've made up, kind of, but the ground underneath them hasn't become any steadier and when Dean does return, Cas' plans to sort everything out. He will. No more of this 'running-away-to-deal-with-problems' crap that Dean's still got going on. He needs Dean to open up for him, to tell him what's wrong, because Castiel cannot help him if he's constantly being barricaded against.
He loves Dean, but the doubt of whether or not Dean feels the same way is crushing Castiel, even against all logic and reason. His husband's reticent behaviour only brings his bubbling concern closer to the surface; he's hardly good enough for Dean, he'll be the first to admit it.
Without warning, the shrill sound of the phone ringing causes Cas to jump nearly a foot in the air. After giving himself a second to calm, he hurries to the phone and picks it up, hoping desperately to hear Dean's reassuring voice.
"Cas!"
His stomach sinks into his gut at the voice on the other end of the line.
"Sam," he forces out, trying to ignore the way his voice cracks with disappointment. "If you're calling for Dean, he isn't back yet―"
"Cas!" The other Alpha bellows, silencing Castiel, immediately forcing him to recognise the hysteria in Sam's tone. He's heard Sam hysterical before, but only once. "Dean… he's in the hospital. Car crash." Sam chokes.
Cas' knees nearly give out right then and there.
He must have misheard Sam, but before he can question again, Sam is telling him which hospital and giving him the address.
"Saint Marks. Forty-two, Saint Marks road. It's opposite Wisteria place."
Then, as suddenly as the phone had started to ring, Sam hangs up on him.
Cas slams the home phone into its cradle and hurries back to the sink, knowing he won't make it to the toilet before he vomits.