Elena

I walk back to my neighborhood, the meadows make it easy for me to see

which house is mine, my legs feel like jelly as I walk to my door and take

out the key from my back pocket, I wince slightly as my hand grazes the

bruises on the back of my legs. I can't believe Stefan hit me that many

times, I knew he was angry at me but I never thought he'd hit me. The worst

part is I liked it, in a twisted way. he was in control and he made me

tremble after, I feel a blush erupt into my cheeks as I turn the door and

slip in quietly, my heart racing as I pray that Matt and Jackson are in

bed. I decide to take a shower to get Stefan's scent off me, before I get

into bed with my husband.

I take off my clothes, being extra careful with my shorts as I wince as the

fabric touches the bruises. I groan softly and turn on the shower to the

hottest setting, I step in and almost sigh in relief, as I begin to wash

Stefan away from me my heart aches and it's broken to what I have lost.

I feel tears down my cheeks as I slide down the wall, holding myself, this

is the time to let it all out, you have to become plastic, pretend nothing

is wrong. Everything is perfect in the morning. So, cry Elena. Cry your

pitiful heart out until you can't breathe. I tell myself as my sobs are

muffled by the shower water hitting the marble floor. Tears blur my vision

as I run my hands through my wet hair. My breathing becomes high and I

realize it must be a panic attack. I was having a panic attack.

I manage to calm myself down, eventually, as I take deep breaths, my throat

hurts from the broken sobs.

I grab a towel from the rack and put it over my shaking body, chills run

down my spine as I squeeze out my wet hair, I sigh deep and step out of the

shower, throwing on my nightgown, I tie my hair into a bun and walk out to

our bedroom, the carpet feels warm under my feet as I slip into bed, seeing

Matt on the other side, snoring lightly. I lay down facing the other way and

try to close my eyes but I can't stop shaking.

Twenty minutes go by and I am sleepless and shaking, I feel like crying but

I hold it in when Mat's large arm wraps around my middle, I sigh lightly

as I stop shaking from the warmth, my heart is still heavy.

My eyelids slowly close and I drift off sleep.

I'm standing at the door of Stefan's loft dressed in a plaid shirt and

leggings, my combat boots scrape against the floor.

"Stefannn open up." I yell, knocking on the door

Suddenly the metal door opens and I peep inside to see it's completely empty

except. All of things are gone, like he never really existed, I feel a

strong tug in my heart as I sit down on the floor, cradled in his shirt.

Suddenly I hear a knocking coming from the upstairs.

The attic.

I frantically get up, eager to see if it's him, as I approach the attic and

pull down the stairs, the banging gets louder.

I grab the wooden stairs and lift myself up until I'm at the top.

"Hello?" I wonder as I finally get to the top, I step over and look around,

it's dark but there's a little light at the end of the way.

"Stefan?" I question, but all I hear is another bang coming from the end.

My heart races as I creep towards the noise, my skin prickled with

goosebumps.

I gasp lightly when the light shows me his shadow on the wall, he's curled

up into a ball in the dark, shaking, like he's having a seizure.

"Stefan!" I cry out and get to him, I move him over to the light with all

my strength to see his mouth is open and there's drool running down his

cheeks, his eyes are open but they don't look responsive.

I wipe the drool from his mouth, tears prick my eyes as he won't stop

shaking.

"Stefan, oh god..." I whisper as the first set of tears make their way down

my cheek.

He must of just overdosed.

"Stefan, wake up!" I yell at him, but he looks straight ahead as if I'm not

even there.

"Oh God, you're gonna be okay." I cry, with shaky hands as I try to reach

for my phone but for some reason I can't get to it and I cry out in

frustration as I watch as his green eyes land on mine, his mouth curls up

into a smile and I wonder how he has the strength to do this.

"It's okay, Elena. Don't cry. I'm going to be fine." He whispers as his

finger lightly traces my cheek to wipe the tear.

I close my eyes and put a hand on his wrist, not wanting to let go, his

heartbeat is non existent as I press my fingers into his wrist.

"Stefan, don't leave..." I whisper as he wipes away more tears from my

eyes.

"It's okay, it's going to be okay. This world doesn't need me.. you don't

need me, Elena." He whispers again and I shake my head, gritting my teeth

in anger.

"I need you, Stefan! More then you know." I lightly cover my mouth with my

hand as a sob escapes my lips.

"No. No No." I say, as I watch him close his eyes and lean back, he grunts

as if it's his final breath and the drugs are finally tricking him into a

peaceful death.

"You gotta tell... Damon..." He whispers, fighting for his last breath, his

chest heaving.

"T-tell him... I love him." He gets out and I watch as his head falls for

the last night, every ounce of life drained from his body.

I wake up fast, holding my heart as sobs escape my lips.

"S-stefan." I mumble, and look up to see I'm alone in my bed, my eyes hurt, Matt must of took Jackson to school, I sigh in relief, as I wipe the harsh tears from my eyes, that dream felt too real, the way Stefan said it was okay, and how he wanted to die. Panic floods through my body what if he really wanted to die? And I didn't know, and something bad happened to him?

I run a hand through my wet hair, and lay back, looking at the ceiling for answers, answers that I will probably never get. Stefan will never give me.

I get up from my bed, and pull my robe tighter as I get to the cabinet in the bathroom.

I take two pills from the container and dry swallow them, they go down my throat so easily, I wonder if I could take more, just to forget about this day. I know I can't, I'm expected to return to my original form, plastic and transparent.

I fake smile in the mirror, as I observe myself, my neck still red from tossing and turning last night, but my eyes seem okay, my skin is a bit pale, but it will return to it's color soon enough, I run a hand along my face, as flashes of Stefan whipping my ass with his hand invade my mind, I move back my long brown hair to the side of my neck, teeth marks are still indented in my skin, and I shiver slightly, picturing his green eyes staring into mine that night, when he took me for what I was: A whore.

I lightly trace the marks, watching as my reflection does the same, he must of bit really hard for it to still be there, I quickly open up the mirror and take out my concealer, I grab the fluffy brush and dip it in the container, a certain sadness washes over me, as I think about how I adverted my gaze that night, I couldn't even look him in the eyes while we fucked, because that what it was, it wasn't making love, it was fucking, he was fucking me to get back at me, showing me the pain I put him through by lying. I wince lightly as I touch the concealer brush there, wiping gently as I watch the bite marks fade into my skin tone.

I was ashamed, ashamed I let him treat like like this, but also, I wasn't.. I was sad, sad that things we're over, sad that I would never see him again, somewhere in the back of my mind a little hope springs up as I wonder if he kept the picture, if he still looks at it, and thinks of me.

And somewhere in the way back of my mind, I wonder if he still loves me..

I look in the mirror and see the same plastic person I was before I met Stefan. She smiles fake and bright back at me, showing the world that she has no problems. I touch my hair to fix it in the mirror and calm my shaking hands as I grip them on the sink.
You can do this, Elena. You've been doing it your whole life, before you met him. Remember you're not meant to have feelings, fake it 'till you make it. The ongoing role of a trophy wife.
I exit the bathroom and decide to head to Caroline's house. I hadn't seen her since she held me as I slowly crumbled in her arms. I knock on the door and smile brightly, ready to prove to her that I'm fine, and I wasn't drowning in my misery as I stood there.
She opens up the door and immediately hugs me, in which I eternally roll my eyes at her.
"Oh my god, are you okay?" She asks, studying me with her blue eyes, once she's pulled back.
"I'm fine, Care." I smile like the fake person I' m meant to be at walk into her house, I finally feel the effect of my drugs kick in as I sit down on her couch, she joins me.
But she crosses her arms over her chest and gives me a skeptical look, I feel my heart ache but I keep the pleasant smile on my face.
"You and I know that's not how you feel right now." She says.
I shrug lightly, looking at her, I simply didn't want to talk about it because it hurt too much.
"Elena-"
But I cut her off, gritting my teeth.
"I said I'm fine. Look things don't work out and we move on." I say in a firm tone, telling her that I don't want to talk about this right now.
"Okay." She finally says in defeat as she sighs and runs a hand through her hair.
I'm grateful for her silence as I feel my heart sink slightly.
Stefan wasn't coming back and I didn't know where he was and I'm scared for him.
For all I know he could be out there, like in my dream overdosing and there's nothing I could do about it, because I burned him so bad that he couldn't even look at me. And that caused me so much pain, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It made me hate myself that I was just another person on his list of traitors at this point.
Caroline and I spend he rest of the day talking, about random things mostly, small talk, which I loathed.
I contribute though because I know that's the only thing that's keeping her from asking about Stefan.
When I stand up to leave because I have to get Jackson off the bus, she says something to me that makes me smile slightly.
"I'm proud of you." I hear her sweet voice say, as she looks at me, I whip around my eyebrows furrowed at her sentence.
"Proud of me?" I ask, looking at her in confusion.
"Yeah, you acted on your desires and you fell in love with a great guy for you and sure it didn't work out but you still did it. And I'm proud of you." She states with a certainty in her tone of voice.

I suppose she was right. I had done thing I vowed I'd never do. And I did, I did fall in love with this low down drug dealer that could make my toes curl at one look. I suppose I ought to be proud of myself, too.
"Thanks Care." I say as I pull her into a small hug, she hugs me back, rubbing my back and I close my eyes. But I don't allow myself to cry as she holds me, knowing I should save the tears for the shower.
We bid our goodbyes and I feel myself smiling for the first time in days.
I walk home and get into my doorway where I hear my son crying, his hoarse voice over by the stairs. I rush to him to ask him what's wrong but he shakes me off, slowly I look up and see Matt standing at the top of the stairs, tears in his blue eyes as he holds something in his hand, I can't quite make out what is it but he comes to me, his steps heavy.
"Elena? What the fuck is this?" He asks and I smell the whiskey on his breath, as he thrusts the thing in his hand in my face, my breath hitches in my throat as I look at it, it's the Polaroid Stefan had taken awhile ago, it almost feels a lifetime ago, when things we're good and I wasn't worried because I knew I'd always have him.
I feel tears well up in my eyes as I look at it, the carefree laugh on my face as Stefan snapped the photo that day, like nothing in this world could touch me, make me sad again.
I'm so shocked from the memories that all I can do is stare at it.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" He yells louder, and I see Jackson cower in the corner, and suddenly I feel sick to my stomach as I realize that he knows that his father and I were not on great terms.
"It.. it's.." I start to feel dizzy as I feel my tongue turn to sandpaper, before I know it, I'm falling on the floor, while Matt screams at me, but all I can hear is Jackson's whimpers and sobs in the corner, I close my eyes and wish this is all a nightmare, that my life wasn't falling apart in front of me right now.
I can barely see in front of me, the wooden floor a blur and I realize I must be going into some type of shock as I feel the world fading before me, before I pass out I hear Jackson whimper something that breaks my heart into a billion pieces.
"You lied to me, mom. You lied."