"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Ol Ep ata Yevir! Kerfka kerfka!"
It was Frindel, that tiny little white ball of winged fluff known as a streel. His shrill voice jolted me out of my sleep and I remembered that I was in a sleeping bag on the barn floor with Nosedive, his feathery arms wrapped around me. He grumbled, no more ready to get up than I was.
"What's Frindel saying?" I asked sleepily. Loki came and started licking my nose.
"He's ready for an adventure," Nosedive replied. "He wants us to hurry and get up."
"I wish I had his energy." Reluctantly, I unzipped the sleeping bag and got up to stretch. Everyone else was already awake, being good guests by straightening up. Wildwing was particularly working hard, while Rory and Dirk took care of little Snow.
"Ready to see Anaheim?" Wildwing asked.
I grinned and nodded, suddenly feeling more awake. The farthest from home I'd ever been was New Mexico, which was quite an adventure, and now I was going to see California!
"You guys are going to have to teach me your language," I said.
"We can," said Loki, "on the way."
"I think Mallory and the others are already on their way to Anaheim," said Wildwing, "so we need to hurry."
As soon as we got the barn straightened up, we walked to the house so I could say my goodbyes to my family. Loki hurriedly went to the loft to say bye to Amber and the puppies and kittens.
Mom and Grandma made Wildwing swear on his life that he would take care of me, which he did.
"And remember," Grandma said to Nosedive, "you're the man in Penelope's life. You have to protect her as the weaker vessel."
I crossed my arms.
"She's tougher than you think," said Nosedive, and I smiled.
"Besides," I said, "Who says me and him are an item?" I was still hesitant to talk to my family about the whole relationship thing because I didn't want them to think I was giving in and becoming "normal." I felt guilty when Nosedive gave me a hurt look.
"Item or not," said Mom, "you should take these." She handed me some condoms right there in front of everybody, in addition to some money to buy food and souvenirs with. I'm not usually the blushing type, but I guarantee I turned tomato red.
"On that note," I said, "Bye everyone, I love you." I gave Mom and Grandma hugs. Granddaddy was asleep in the recliner with a newspaper over his face, but I hugged him too. Then we went to Canard's ship because Mallory and the others had the Aerowing. This time Wildwing had the role of copilot, so Nosedive had more freedom to focus on me.
Every time I rode in a space ship I had a flashback to one of the first dreams I had ever had about the Mighty Ducks, before I had even met them. I lost my stomach as we took off, much like on a roller coaster.
"So," I said. "Your language."
"Yeah?" asked Nosedive. "What do you want to lean first?"
"Well, I know 'Puckworld' is Peeravara and I take it Cieko means 'love.' Tell me how to cuss."
Nosedive laughed and looked over at Canard, who was flying the ship. "Canard'll love that!" he said. "Well, for starters, a Yask Warkis is a pig fucker. At least, our version of a pig fucker."
I laughed, but Canard gave Nosedive a disapproving look. Frindel came, sat in my lap and giggled. He weighed no more than a quarter.
Nosedive continued, "And a Wivek Warkis is a mother fucker. But "fuck" by itself isn't a bad word. It's only an insult if you're accused of fucking family or you know, another species."
"Like a human?" I asked, though I was nowhere near ready to have sex with Nosedive.
He shrugged. "I don't see any shame in becoming a human warkis one day."
"Kallis!" spat Canard.
"He says 'enough,'" Nosedive explained with a laugh. "He's got a rak up his drext."
"A what?" I inquired.
"A hockey stick up his ass."
Frindel and I both laughed until we each snorted like a Yask.
Suddenly Nosedive's mom spoke up. "Lon drext lirnn suh kardokar."
"'And ass germs for brains,'" Nosedive translated. "Mom can be just as offensive as me."
I smiled and laughed, thinking of my own sometimes crude mom.
As we flew, Nosedive continued to teach me more Puckworld vulgarity and the names of several types of food from his home planet. It was very interesting, but overwhelming. The only things that were easy to remember were the cuss words. He assured me that I'd learn it all eventually. We also made an effort to teach English to the others. It was a great way to pass time during the long flight.
Finally, we arrived at the Pond. Mallory had already landed the Aerowing in the hangar inside, so we landed behind the building and went inside through the back entrance. I was overtaken with excitement and couldn't stop screaming, "The POND! We're at the POND!"
"I can't wait to show you around!" said Dive. The ducks led us down to the Ready Room and I looked upon Drake One in amazement. Everything looked just like it did in the show, only real! It was a dream come true!
Mallory, Duke, Tanya, and Grin were already there. Duke had some jazz playing on the CD player, and he was sipping some scotch.
"Good choice of music," Loki commented.
"We're glad you're here safe," said Grin.
Tanya nodded.
"Glad Canard finally gets to see the place," said Duke.
Mallory said nothing.
"This'll be my stomping grounds now!" said Loki. "I'm a Mighty Duck!" He started mark his territory by lifting his leg on the wall, but then remembered that he was actually a duck, not a dog. He laughed sheepishly, embarrassed.
Shortly after our arrival, Phil came in, voice raised. "About time you got here! You guys need to start practicing! Like yesterday!"
"I don't even have any equipment yet," said Loki.
"You're a dog," said Phil. "They don't make hockey equipment for dogs."
"I can shapeshift," said Loki. "But I'd rather not do that right now. I don't think you want to see a naked drake."
Phil wasn't fazed. He'd seen many things since the Ducks came to Earth. "You can go in the locker room and Wildwing can get your measurements."
Wildwing looked down nervously, for fear that Canard wouldn't like that too much.
"I'll, uh, try to get my own measurements," said Loki.
"You gotta come check out my room!" said Nosedive.
"We don't have time for all that!" Phil whined. "I won't have my team sucking this season and losing money for the franchise!"
"Hey," said Dive, "We've got all of tomorrow to prepare for the hockey season. I'm showing my girl around."
"This is serious!" said Phil.
"We'll bring you back some Chinese," Nosedive insisted.
"Ooh! OK!" Phil licked his lips in a way I had seen Loki do many times when he smelled people food.
"Phil's easy to deal with," Nosedive whispered to me. "You just have to know how."
I smirked.
"Come check everything out," said Nosedive enthusiastically. "Then we'll go visit Dave."
"Alright!" I followed Nosedive to his room, which was full of comic books and metal posters. There was a bunk bed that he and his brother shared.
"Now that Canard's back," Nosedive explained, "Wildwing's gonna be sleeping with him. So that means we get this room to ourselves! We can stay up as late as we want."
In spite of myself, I got a little physically excited at the thought of staying in Nosedive's room. I tried to picture myself in a cold shower. Sexual feelings were weird. I wasn't ready for them.
Nosedive went through his comic books and found all the ones with Wolverine. "Here's a berserker for ya," he said. "He's a total badass. You can probably relate to the Hulk, too." He got more comics and piled them into my arms. "I don't usually let people borrow these, but you're special." He winked at me and I thought I would melt.
Next thing I knew, I'd set the comics down and was wrapping my arms around Nosedive. I found myself kissing him. When I realized what I was doing, I backed away and said, "Show me the rest."
He gave me a pouty look. "But!"
"But nothing, I got a little too carried away."
"Aw, alright…"
He went on to show me the kitchen, the infirmary, Tanya's work area, and all the other parts of the Ducks' secret headquarters. We ended the tour back in the kitchen, where Nosedive got me a soda. "Ready to meet Dave?" he asked me.
"Sure!" I'd been dying to meet the guy behind the animated series.