Link didn't drink much. He only got smashed once a year, on the anniversary of the battle with Ganon. So he always kept a few bottles hidden around the house, to tell himself that he wouldn't do it the next year, but being ready just in case.
Dark rummaged under the dresser until he felt cold glass on his fingertips.
"Why does he do that?" asked Oni, appearing behind Dark.
The shadow looked up at him from the floor.
"Because he loves being ridiculous when it comes to himself," he said, and strained to reach the bottle. The bottle rolled just beyond Dark's reach. "Are you doing that with your weird god magic? Stop. I'm not letting you burn this one. It's mine, you hear me?"
"I could consider sharing it if you answer my question."
"Don't think so, Mr. moon walker," grunted Dark.
Oni stepped on Dark's back. "I could also consider crushing you under my foot."
"I don't think Link would appreciate that, you know?" laughed Dark, despite the sharp terror that flared in his chest. He was still bickering with a divine being, and wasn't sure of his powers.
"He would not. But neither of you would die, so I could inconvenience him a little."
"W-what?" cried Dark, feeling Oni press his boot down harder on his back.
"As long as you both are separated, he cannot die. Nor can you. I told him the other day. Neither of you can leave this world without the other."
A silence fell between them for a couple moments, as Dark pondered this new information. And more importantly, the fact that he hadn't noticed this new bit of knowledge lying around Link's mind, which meant that he had actively kept it away from him.
Oni stepped on Dark's head. "Speak, Shadow," he ordered.
Dark yelped, holding his nose. "Stop that you asshole!" he yelled, and tried to stand up, but Oni stepped down on him again and he fell back on the floor. "What is it now?!"
"I am finding this very funny," said Oni with the same emotionless tone he had used to explain their technical immortality.
Dark rolled on his back to glare up at him. "I'm starting to see why your godly pals decided to put you in mask jail. A thousand years of mask dungeon for being a fucking jerk."
Oni lifted an elegant gray eyebrow. It was the first expression Dark had seen on him. "They did not imprison me for being what you would consider a 'jerk'," he said.
"Then why?" asked Dark.
"Because I stole the moon."
Dark opened and closed his mouth a couple time. He tried to say something, and was torn between 'Whaaaat?' and 'How the fuck did you do that?' but the words wouldn't come, so he just stared at him in awe. Because he believed him. He knew he had, because he had seen Link's memories of the battle on the moon, and he had seen the absolute whiteness of his temple.
Oni nudged him with the tip of his boot. "If you answer my question, I will tell you how I did it," he said, and Dark could sense a tone of arrogant pride in the deity's voice.
"Well, fuck me running, I think that-" started Dark, trying to get up, but Oni stepped on his chest, pushing him against the floor again.
"Silence," ordered the Deity. "It's Nayru."
"What?" whined Dark, until he felt it.
There was a bright presence outside the house, and someone knocked the door.
"Link? Can I come in?" called Princess Zelda. Dark knew her voice better than he knew his own.
"Shit no, let's stay here and pretend nobody's home," whispered Dark.
"If she comes inside and sees me, Nayru will know I'm free, and I will have to fight her. Make sure she doesn't find me."
Dark scrambled to get up. "Make sure she doesn't find you? Hell, I don't want her to find me," he cried, taking off his black tunic and picking up a green one from the dresser. He tied back his hair and tried to stuff it into a green cap. He looked all over himself, checking for more black clothing items, and noticed his gray skin.
A blink, and he was as pale as any Hylian, and his bangs shone golden just like Link's. He took a quick look at the cracked mirror near the door, and saw that he was a perfect copy of Link. This was what he had been made for.
He opened the door, and Zelda jumped up to hug him. "You're here, thank the goddesses," she said.
Her skin was burning hot, and Dark could feel her breathing, and it was all so repulsive he could barely stop himself from pushing her away.
"A-are you alright?" he asked, stepping backwards so Zelda would get the hint and let go of him.
She did let go of him with a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, I'm just so happy you're here. You're almost never home and we need to talk," she said, stepping into the house, followed by Nabooru, who seemed to be trying her best to not giggle.
"Uhm, I'm...getting a bit sick," said Dark, looking anywhere but at them. "Can we talk later? I...I would like to rest."
"Sorry kiddo, but we have to talk now," said Nabooru, shaking her head.
"I really don't feel well," said Dark.
Zelda took off her right glove and pressed her hand to Dark's forehead. "You're freezing!"
Dark recoiled away from her. He couldn't stand the touch of her bare hand. Anger flared up in him. "I'm fine! I just...need some rest. That's all."
Zelda seemed frozen by the harshness of his words, and Dark realized that Link would never have talked to her like that.
"I'm sorry Zelda, I...I really don't feel well...," he said, trying for his best sad apologetic tone. "Maybe I should go to a healer. I was trying to avoid it..."
"Link, you're always pushing yourself too much." she said, caressing the side of his face, the same way she had done many other times. "You're too cold. We need to take you to a healer right away."
Dark focused on Link's memories of the times they had spent together. After all, Link had been in love with her, hadn't he?
No, he hadn't.
They had both been looking for someone else in each other. Zelda had looked for a strong hero of time who knew what to do in every situation, and Link had been looking for...Sheik.
Dark made a vague noise of agreement and held her hand in his own. He looked at Zelda's blue eyes and smiled, which made her smile in turn.
He was a perfect copy. Perfect. Who said he couldn't stay like this forever? Link could be free to stay with Sheik, and Dark would be free to pretend to be the hero of time and marry the princess. Link hated the idea of being a hero, but Dark loved to pretend to be things he wasn't. And he could even have the perfect pretend life like this.
There was a crackling in the air, and Dark felt a burning sensation all over him. Electricity sparked between him and Zelda, making her yelp and jump backwards. Nabooru reached out to steady her, and Dark cried out as the sparks turned to the scratching of claws over him.
Zelda screamed, and when Dark opened his eyes he realized the illusion was off, and he was back to looking like a shadow. He growled deep in his throat. He felt like he had been woken up from a dream. This was what dreaming felt. Being shown the thing you wanted the most just to open your eyes, and-
Oni came down the stairs, and Dark felt like he looked taller and more imposing than ever.
"Leave," he commanded, and his voice felt like a surge of energy through their bodies, sharp and cold, booming in their heads.
Zelda paled in terror and screamed, but Nabooru held on to her, and they both vanished in a flash of orange light.
Dark blinked a few times, his mind trying to piece together what had just happened.
"Get up, we have to go look for the Hero," said Oni, and his voice had lost the booming, electric quality it had.
"W-what?" mumbled Dark. "Wait, what the fuck happened? Why did the illusion break? I had her!"
Oni turned around to glare at him, and Dark could feel the strength of his anger as if it was a tangible thing, like a physical cold that clawed at him.
"No! She had you!" he yelled at him. "That was Nayru, you fool!"
"So that wasn't Zelda?"
Oni sighed. The rage faded and he went back to his usual cold neutrality. "You do not understand. Nayru was acting through Zelda. She made you believe that you could in fact become a replacement for the Hero. I broke the illusion when you started falling into her trap."
Dark felt cold. Colder than he had ever felt. Colder than when Link had almost killed him.
"So Nayru was telling me that I could replace Link? That Link could be happy with Sheik and I could be happy with Zelda?" he asked. There was something heavy in his chest. Something heavy that didn't let him breathe, and his eyes itched.
"She was lying," hissed Oni.
"But maybe she wasn't lying!" said Dark, remembering how perfect the vision had been. How, if he just tried a little, he could get used to the warmth of Zelda's hand on his. "Maybe she was offering us-"
Oni grabbed Dark's face, forcing him to look straight at the deity's white eyes. "She wasn't. She just wanted to take you away from me. She wanted you to go with her just to drive you away from me."
"That's crazy, why would she want to do that? She could have just told Zelda that I was Link's shadow. You're not making any sense, and they just found out about us both!"
Oni growled and turned away. "Get changed, we have to go find the Hero now."
Dark gritted his teeth. "No. If we're going to go, let's go right now."